sonderlust posts
Posts: 136
Files: 123
black out days
Have had this on repeat recently. Another that I’ve known forever but for some reason recently it just landed fully. This mix fucking goesssss——————Black Out Days (Future Islands Remix) — Phantogram, Future Islands Voices, 2013 (original mix)2017 (this mix)https://open.spotify.com/track/3kxkjirben9RVm9N...
honest
We never did get to have that talk Add it to the list of things you said to me that I have to pretend don’t matter I swear I don’t need you I didn’t find salvation and then shatter My mind hasn’t fractured Under the weight of your presence Please believe me when I say I can survive another lesson And I don’t ...
sticky
I’ve been wearing the same lipstick for 10 years Wearing the same perfume for close to 20 My hair gets tied up in a bun with the same twists and turns every timeI still chew the same flavor of gum I always have I’ve never deleted my text messagesI’ve saved years of voicemails from those I loveI still have all of ...
puppet
I’ve learned that there is power in accepting you are powerless in a situationIt’s helpful to know you are helpless Trying to be in control makes me feel controlled Not in the way I like I am not the author of my storyDespite how nice the instagram text posts make that sound I am but a lifesized puppet Animated by ...
home
The tshirt I wore the last time I saw you had been in my drawer sinceUntil 2 weeks ago I had surgery and I wore it thereIt made me feel strongBecause you think I amI was wearing it the last time you hugged meSo I let it hug me when I needed youIt’s the closest I could getI can’t remember now how your lips felt on m...
a note
just wanted to say I’m sorry for being inactive on here. I have been having a really hard time and it’s been difficult to access the part of me that is okay with being seen in this way. thanks for still being here, I’m trying to feel better <3
lost
You said we lost each other in translationIt might be the saddest thing anyone has ever said to meIt wouldn’t be if it weren’t trueYou said things can always be retranslatedIt just doesn’t feel that way to me anymoreI have lost my ability to speak
destruction
The container I once resided in suddenly feels too vast to feel the sides and top and bottomI’ve realized you have broken it completely Created space for parts of me that were hidden awayQuieted and shunnedIt’s beyond snapping me out of something that once felt inevitableIt’s a revelation of things I kept away fr...
reckoner
Reckoner — Radiohead In Rainbows, 2007 https://open.spotify.com/track/02ppMPbg1OtEdHgoPqoqju?si=cRdX8neZTfq1zYM4eUwVUQ&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A5vkqYmiPBYLaalcmjujWxKReckonerYou can't take it with youDancing for your pleasureYou are not to blame forBittersweet distractorDare not speak its nameDedicated to all hu...
are we having fun yet
You don’t address me directlyAt least not in front of meIt’s always in the third personIt’s tellingIn a way that you telling me wouldn’t beSo tell meWhat the fuck is the point of all thisA point and a killA swing and a missSo now break me apart sweetlyDon’t take your eyes off meWhile I disappear completely
don’t
What’s the opposite of placation Of platitudes or acquiescence Of patronizationAppeasement Niceties Pacification That is what I want Disturb me Make me take it Tear me apart cell by cell But carefully MethodicallyLike you’re untangling the most precious and mangled ball of jewelry One that you happen to wear so wel...
sacred mask
Doing my makeup is a sacred act. I started when I was 8 years old, something most people probably can’t say. Most of the dance moms did their daughters’ stage makeup before dress rehearsals and shows — I did my own. And not because my mom wasn’t there or wasn’t supportive, she was in some ways the most suppor...
in the tub with you
I am in the shower at 1amI am laying down in the tub letting the water cascade down and hit my body and fall awayLooking up at the tiled ceiling and wallsIt feels pitiful and beautifulJust like meI’ve lived here for 2 years and never noticed that the tile is not a random speckle of two different shades of light blueI...
reckoning
You told me I’m dangerousIn a moment when that was trueBut I think it’s actually because I make you feel safeEntertain the things about you that you hateAccurate mirrors can be disorientingWhen you’re used to your reflection distortedIt’s a kind of reckoningOne that violently rips away what we thought we knewI...
wanted this one to stand on its own <3
shot on fujifilm x100vi
new camera test shots :)
shot on fujifilm x100vi
guilty
I feel guilty for things I shouldn’t feel guilty forI don’t feel guilty for things I shouldI think maybe I’m a bad personIn the body of someone goodDamnation and salvation aren’t so differentIf they were, then why would they rhymeTrapped in this existence togetherSlowly doing our time
summer in the park
bryant park, new york city — shot on 35mm film
entombed
One of my favorite Deftones songs, hard to put into more words than that.——————Entombed — DeftonesKoi No Yokan, 2012https://open.spotify.com/track/4bLCPfBLKlqiONo6TALTh5?si=LnRo_GEVT8q2CrSr7cV4Kw&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A4PIVdqvL1Rc7T7Vfsr8n8QFromthe day you arrivedI've remained by your sideIn chains...
8.2.24
I wore my hair in a half up bun today It’s one of the things I like most about having a shorter haircut than normalThat doesn’t make sense without more context I don’t feel like explaining I wondered what the point was todayFelt tiredThe kind you feel when sleep is a long way awayA settling inThe kind you do when...
sabrina (i am a party)
This has been one of my top songs of the past few years. Fred again is altogether amazing but this one is on a different level for me. I recommend listening to the song but also checking out the full piece that the song was sampled from. It’s gorgeous, and uncomfortable to watch. I’m linking the song, the Instagram...
absolutes
I don’t like to speak in absolutesBut I absolutely cannot speakI know nothing at allIt’s been proven to me over and overAnd I liedI love to speak in absolutesHiding behind hyperboleIt entertains meLike the way you ruined everythingChanged me Saved meFrom something I didn’t want to be saved fromI’ll never stop l...
patterns
You’re in the place we re-fell in loveI don’t know how to feel about thatI never fell outI don’t know how to feel about that eitherPatterns in the skyWater the color of my eyesHours disappearedWe probably looked so weirdYou reapplied sunscreen all over my faceas I laid with my head in your lap Outside of myselfYo...
