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⛥June Q&A
🕑 Added 2020-06-30 21:24:16 +0000 UTCGood evening my fellow pandemic survivors! I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourselves. I'm having a pretty good productive day today. What constitutes a good day? My neighbors are reasonably well behaved and I didn't wake up hypersensitive like I did yesterday and subsequently did not require 7 hours of mental preparation to feel barely functional. I am admittedly envious of everyone who can take this level of functionality for granted and still struggle with feeling like I'm not doing enough, despite doing everything I am physically and mentally able to. Caffeine helps but some days just the effort it would take to make coffee in the morning seems like too much. Dealing with these raw nerves and the sensations of sandpaper-like air and painfully cold water (when I get like this anything that's not core temperature feels freezing) just from washing the moka pot... It honestly depends on the state of my nervous system whether or not I am able to handle it. That's why, on good productive days like this blessed Tuesday, I want to do everything that I wanted to do yesterday (or the past week or month) and couldn't manage for unforeseen reasons. Can anybody relate to this? Cause I spent my whole life around people who denied this reality and insisted I was fine and I'm only now learning to really take things for what they are and recognizing what I struggle with and that is a huge thing. For the longest time I truly believed that if I, too, denied that I had any issues, that I could pretend I'm a normal person and therefore be worthy of basic respect and human decency. It never works that way, does it? Rather than trying (and failing) to force myself to function like a normal human which does nothing but lead to a complete shut-down sooner or later, I now aim to be as healthy as I can be for my situation. Progress? I think so. Look at me practicing what I preach. lol
As I am riding the wave of productivity I'd like to bring about some timely accomplishments in the form of the last post of the month - answering your questions. You know I always look forward to these as I find it much easier to come up with cohesive sentences in written form. I'm smart, I promise. It just doesn't translate well into interpersonal communication.
How often do you and Jack get to see each other? Once or twice a year. Needless to say I miss him a lot. Even though we're married, we will still have to content ourselves with a few weeks a year until either the lovely people of the US elect somebody who is not blatantly racist and anti-immigrant so I can actually get a visa and enter the country or we get unexpectedly rich to the point where Jack can afford to take more time off work to spend with me. Having him near me is so good for my mental health I can't even begin to explain it. He makes me infinitely more stable just by existing. I want nothing more than to finally be with him for good. I just need the rest of the world to cooperate a little
How often do you dye your hair? It depends. I like to make sure my hair has a nice color in it at all times so of course that requires maintenance. Since I'm only using semi-permanent hair dye, it fades rather quickly and I have to reapply some color after every other wash with my conditioner. Now, I know what you're thinking. At this point, wouldn't it be easier to use permanent dye? I can see how it would seem that way, but actually, no. Because I promise you, the second I permanently dye my hair one color, I'm gonna hate it a week later and want to change it. Truthfully, I see my hair as an aesthetic feature, like jewelry or an accessory. It has to fit my vibe and it has to match my style and my makeup has to match it and everything. If my hair is off, everything is off. On average, I change the color/hue/shade about 4 times a year. That is also easier to do with semi-permanent dye because I can wait for it to fade, maybe go to the pool once or twice and that'll bleach my hair enough that I can put a different color in. I'm not even joking. I go in as a redhead and come out as a blonde. It's like those color changing mermaid barbie dolls. I also bleach my roots about once a year just so they can be the same texture as the rest of it. Bleaching the hair actually swells the shaft so it looks more voluminous. And that's always what I'm going for. I want hair as big as my appetite during PMS week.
You mentioned in the last Q&A that you didn't use to think dark humor was funny until one fateful night. If you feel comfortable sharing, what (when) was that night and what changed? Integration. I'm still not over the humor thing. Everything else I was able to arrange myself with because I could explain it to myself. Feeling differently about people (the people didn't take it too well), having different priorities, no longer liking certain clothing items - all good. Even my entire life plan changing very quickly, couldn't be happier for it. But just waking up one day and laughing at things that never used to be funny? I don't even remember who I used to be, don't recognize myself in old photos and yet it still seems so surreal. Maybe the human brain isn't meant to comprehend such things. But when I genuinely laugh at dark jokes it brings it all back and lets me know it happened and it was real. I like who I am now a lot more and certainly live a more aligned and authentic life. I just still don't fully grasp it if that makes sense.
Well those were the questions you posted today - thank you so much for your interest and kindness and gentleness when it comes to personal things. The next Q&A question collector will be available some time this week. I hope you enjoyed this read and I'm looking forward to more questions from you :)
Comments
The Cat Pictures
Hi Ally, thanks for the post - good to see you. I have this song for V I am working on. I am trying all the sounds, all the scales, all the chords, but I have to erase all of them; it just doesn't meet my standards of sound-gooding. It's not V's fault, her part is fine, I am just trying to make it epic. Wish me luck, and sleep well :)
Thankyou for your kind answers Ally good night and Sleep tight ❤️
