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The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 17
🕑 Added 2022-08-03 13:39:49 +0000 UTCOTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST
I was also thrilled that such a cute guy found me desirable in that way. I was offended that Tommy would try to have sex with me knowing my age and that this was supposed to be
an innocent and reconciliatory date to make up for past behavior. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs to put my shoes back on. Tommy caught up with me and again reached out for my arm.
I jerked my arm away and turned towards him and said, “Please take me home.” Between the moon and the lights from the restaurant, I could see tears welling up in Tommy’s eyes. It’s a trick, I thought. Don’t fall for it. I turned to climb up the stairs. Tommy hurriedly stepped into his shoes. He called out to me, “Michelle! I don’t want to lose you! Please! I promise it won’t happen again.” From halfway, up the stairs, I turned and looked down at Tommy. I said, “I’m tired. I want to go home.” The ride back to my hotel was in stony silence.
Tommy kept looking over at me and it was obvious he kept wanting to say something. I just stared straight ahead with my hands folded in my lap. After Tommy parked the car by the curb, a couple of spaces from the front door, he looked down at his crotch.
It was probably mostly dry by now, but there was an obvious stain down the front of his pants along with sand that had stuck there when it was wet. In an embarrassed voice, he said, “You’ll forgive me for not escorting you back to the room?” “I’ll think about it,” I said as I got out of the BMW and slammed the door, making sure I smudged the finish with both hands as I did so.
I hoped I didn’t look as bad as I felt, with my hair in a mess and full of sand and my dress wrinkled and dirty. I stalked off towards the doorway, heels clicking loudly on the concrete. From his car, Tommy called, “Hey! I’ll call you, okay?” I didn’t look around. I hurried through the lobby towards the elevator doors as tears began to flow uncontrollably. There were a few people in the lobby and I’m sure they were all staring at me as I made my way to the elevators.
There’s just something about a crying girl with disheveled hair and dress running through a room that just seems to attract attention. I punched the elevator button and as I waited for the elevator to arrive, my body shook with sobs. I was so angry. Angry to be crying like a stupid girl for one thing. Angry for allowing myself to almost be discovered.
Angry with Tommy for trying to have sex with me. Angry with myself for rejecting him. Angry and ashamed that at least a part of me was thrilled that he desired me in that way. I was a complete emotional wreck. The elevator doors finally slid open and I hurriedly slipped inside. As soon as I had punched the button for my floor, I collapsed in a heap on the elevator floor and cried harder than I ever had in my life.
I was still in a crumpled heap sobbing my eyes out on the elevator floor when the doors slid open. Three people, two adults, and what appeared to be a twelve-year-old boy stood hesitantly at the elevator’s threshold. I looked up and noticed that it wasn’t on my floor yet. I glared at them with a look that probably said something like ‘Get the hell off my planet!’ I’m sure I looked like a complete mess and I continued to glower at the group in stony silence.
The woman asked, “Honey, are you all right?” “No! I’m not!”I snarled. I reached up and slapped the door close button. As the doors began to slide closed, the man said, “Let’s just wait for the next elevator, Hon.” The boy suddenly pointed and shouted, “Mom! Dad! Look, it’s Miche… “ The rest of what he said was lost as the elevator doors closed shut. There were no more stops before arriving at my floor. The doors slid open and thankfully, there wasn’t anyone waiting.
I continued to lie on the floor and cry for a few more moments. The doors stood open a few seconds, and then started to close. I quickly stuck my hand between the doors and the sensor popped the doors back open again. If the doors close, I’ll be on my way back down, probably back to that same family. I slowly stood up and wobbled on my heels a moment. I was crying so hard and was so upset I seemed to have little motor control over the muscles in my legs. Shaking and crying, I walked slowly down the hall to our suite.
Mom had been watching television, and the moment I entered the hotel room, her expression switched to one of deep concern as she rushed over to me, “Michelle! Honey, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you all right?” I looked at Mom and I just didn’t want to deal with anything at the moment. I know I was being too harsh, but I snapped, “No! I’m not!” I stormed past her and hurried into my bedroom and slammed the door.
I threw myself on the bed and balled up the pillow and started crying into it. The doorknob jiggled for a moment. Then, there was a knock on the door and Mom said, slightly muffled through the door, “Michelle. Please. Let me in.” “Go away!” I shouted. “Michelle. Please. What happened? Let’s talk about it,” said a slightly muffled Mom. “Leave me alone!” I shouted at the door. “I don’t want to talk about it!” I buried my face back into the pillow.
I lay there for several minutes, crying uncontrollably. I just couldn’t seem to stop. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself how ridiculous I was for being so upset. And then I thought how it’s stupid to be upset at myself, when it was Tommy who tried to take advantage of me.
That creep Tommy! Who did he think he was, huh? I thought he actually cared about me and then he acted like I was just another conquest. And why do I care if Tommy cares about me or not? I’m a guy for chrissakes! I shouldn’t even have gone out with a boy in the first place. My crying started to slow down. Guys don’t cry. I’m fourteen after all. I’m almost a man.
I looked up at the mirror in my room. I tugged at my disheveled hair and wanted to cry again. My face was a disaster with black rings around my eyes and my make-up smeared. I looked down and saw the stain on my dress and instantly felt dirty again. I jumped up and removed the dress as quickly as I could and tossed it into one corner of the room. ‘Why did I ever go on a date with Tommy in the first place,’ I asked myself as I stood there in the middle of my room in just my bra and panties. It’s not like I have a major crush on him or anything.
I slipped a nightgown on before opening the door to my room. I looked out and there was Mom, sitting patiently on the couch, looking worried. She didn’t say anything as I slowly walked out. As I got closer, I felt the tears start to well up again. Mom stood up and approached me, “Honey, are you all right?” I threw myself into Mom’s extended arms and hugged her tightly. I buried my face into her blouse and cried, “Oh, Mom! It was awful! He… he…”My voice dissolved into heaving sobs. Mom led me over to the couch and directed for me to sit down. Stroking my hair, Mom said, “It’s okay, Honey. You’re home now.
It’s all right.”She stroked my hair while I continued to cry for a few more minutes. “Can you tell me what happened?” I tried to stop crying and gulped some air before attempting to say anything. Finally, I managed to say, “Mom, he… he… he, tried to have sex with me! I don’t understand, he was being so wonderful, so nice. Everything was so nice. We… we took a walk on the beach and… and it was so beautiful and then… and then we started kissing.
He… he got on top of me and …and he…” I started crying again at the thought. “He tried to pull my dress up. I stopped him, Mom. I stopped him… but… he… Mom… he was actually going to do it… he was going to do it… with me!” I buried my head in Mom’s blouse again and started crying again. Mom hugged me tightly as she said indignantly, “That Tommy!
Who does he think he is?!” Then more soothingly to me, she said, “It’s over. You’re home now.”She rocked her body back and forth, the way she used to do when I was upset as a child. She continued to coo and make soothing sounds to me until I finally stopped crying and relaxed. I sat up and rested my head on Mom’s shoulder. She held my hand. Stroking my hair, Mom finally said, “Honey? You need to tell me exactly what happened, the best that you can remember. From the time you left until you got home.
I know thinking about it is upsetting, but it’s important.” I nodded and sniffled, I told Mom about how Tommy had picked me up in his fancy car and everything that followed. After I had finished, tears flowed again, but not as bad as a few minutes before. I continued to hug Mom as she silently digested what I’d told her.
After a minute or two, I looked up at Mom and asked, “Why Mom? Why did Tommy act that way? I mean, we were holding hands and kissing on the beach, and it was just so romantic. It was just… just so wonderful! And then he goes and ruins everything!” I shuddered. “I don’t get it, Mom,” I continued. “I just don’t get it.” I began to frown as I said, “I hate him, Mom! I hate him. I never want to see him again!” “Now, now,” Mom said. “Let’s don’t go overboard here.
I don’t like how Tommy acted, but I honestly don’t think he was trying to force you to have sex. I think he just got carried away. He stopped when you asked him to.” I pulled away from Mom, incredulous. “Are you taking his side?” Mom shook her head and said, “No, no, honey. Not at all. You’re right to be upset with him, and what he did was wrong. I could be wrong, but I just don’t think he’s evil. I think he’s a teenage boy who just got carried away.” “I don’t understand! Just because we were kissing, why does he think he can have sex with me?
It makes me so mad because I…” An icy bolt shot down my spine with the realization of what I was about to say. “… I… uh… I really liked him.”My voice trailed away. Mom pulled me into a hug again and softly said, “I know honey. And I know it’s hard to understand why boys act the way they do. At his age, a boy is just a bunch of raging hormones, and sometimes they’re overwhelmed by them.
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t excuse Tommy’s behavior.” I sat up slowly and folded my arms. “Well, I’m done with him. It was stupid of me to go out with him anyway. I’m not even a girl. I must have lost my mind, Mom. I’m through with Tommy, and I’m definitely through with boys!” Mom leaned back into the couch and said, “Well, if Tommy can’t control himself any better than that, you probably shouldn’t see him anymore.
At your age, you probably shouldn’t settle down to one boy anyway.” “Mom. Weren’t you listening?”I asked. “I told you. I’m through dating boys. Period. I doubt the band will still be around a year from now and I can go back to being Mike.” Mom studied me for a moment before saying, “You’d turn your back on a lucrative singing career?” I shrugged and said, “Well, if I kept singing, I’d just about have to get the sex change Mr. Winters was talking about.
I don’t want to be a girl for the rest of my life! Can you imagine me being a girl forever?” Mom briefly took on a faraway look. “Hello?” said a very sleepy voice. “Kayla, it’s me!”I said into the phone. I was in my nightie, sitting up in bed with the lights turned off. “Who?... Michelle?” said Kayla. “Girl, do you realize it’s after three in the morning?” “Oh. I forgot about the time difference,”I said, a little surprised I’d forgotten that Kayla was a couple of time zones away. “I had a date with Tommy tonight, and I needed someone to talk to.” Her voice sounding more alert, Kayla said, “Really? You went out with Tommy again?”
“Yeah, it was a real date. We got dressed up and went to a fancy restaurant on the beach where we took a moonlit stroll.” “That’s so romantic, Michelle!” squealed Kayla. “It must have been like totally dreamy! You have to tell me everything!” “It certainly started dreamily,” I said, feeling my emotions starting to build up again. “I was in heaven.”
I then related the story to Kayla, sparing no detail. There was silence on the other end for a moment after I finished telling of running through the hotel lobby. “I just can’t believe that!” breathed Kayla. “I mean, I can’t believe Tommy would do that! Like, come on! He loves you!” Even though she couldn’t see it, I still scowled as I said, “What do you mean?
How would you know?” “It’s obvious,” Kayla said matter-of-factly. “The way he was acting before he took things too far, the stuff he’s been saying about you in all the teen magazines. Oh, he’s got the hots for you. Bad.” “He sure has a strange way to show it.” “Guys don’t think the way we do. I’m sure he didn’t even think twice about what he was doing until you told him to stop.” “What do you mean ‘the way we do?”
I asked. “I’m not a girl.” “You’re certainly acting like one!” Kayla paused a moment then asked, “You want me to tell you what I think?” “I’m afraid to ask, but okay.
Go ahead.” I said. “I think Tommy is in love with you. And not only that, I really do believe you love Tommy.” “You’re out of freakin’ your mind!”I almost screamed, completely appalled by the idea. “From the way you said you were kissing him there on the beach, I’m sure Tommy felt that you wanted him as much as he wanted you,” Kayla said excitedly.
“You gave him the wrong signals, and Tommy, being a guy, could only think of one thing at that point sex.” “Oh, so now it’s my fault I was almost raped!”I yelled angrily into the phone. “Michelle! Get real! I wouldn’t say that!” Kayla yelled angrily as well. “I’m just trying to tell you what I think is going on. I don’t think what Tommy did was right, but I’d be willing to bet that he was just reacting to you. I know you love him.” “What?!” I gasped.
“You can’t seriously believe for one moment that I’m in love with Tommy!” Kayla just laughed, “Why deny it, girl? Why else would you give Tommy a second chance? Why would you get all dressed up for a big date?
Why would you kiss him passionately on a moon-lit beach? If not in love, you certainly have a huge crush on him.” “Kayla, I’m not in love with Tommy,” I asserted. “In fact, I’m pretty pissed at him!” “I would be too if the guy I was in love with treated me that way,” Kayla said seriously. “Any girl would.” “I’m not a girl, Kayla,” I said, growing angry again. “And I don’t have a crush on Tommy.”
Sounding frustrated, Kayla asked, “Why do you deny you’re a girl, Michelle?” “It’s real easy to prove. All I have to do is take my clothes off!” “Did you cry when Tommy violated your trust?” asked Kayla. “Did you search through your wardrobe several times looking for just the right dress for your date? Did you fuss over your hair and make-up?
Did you start to feel dreamy while walking on the beach under the moonlight? Did you melt at Tommy’s kiss? Did you do any of these things? Did you, huh? Did you?” “Yes! I did all those things!”I almost shouted. “It just means I’m insane, not a girl!” In a quiet voice, Kayla said, “It means, that deep down in your soul, you’re a girl.
Denying it doesn’t mean you’re not.” Frustrated, I said, “And asserting it doesn’t make it true! Kayla, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been seduced by the dark side and have let myself get carried away in my own desire to be noticed and liked, but wearing the clothes and even having the crushes, doesn’t make you a girl.
Why are you so insistent that I’m a girl?” There was silence on the other end of the line for a few moments. Sounding far away, Kayla said, “In the last couple of months, I’ve gotten to know Michelle real well. She’s a real sweet girl and a friend I can trust. I know I can tell her anything. “I also think I know Mike pretty well. He was a good friend when we were little but he drifted away when he got older. But you know what?
I think that between the two, Michelle is the real person.” “Why would you say that?” I asked, my anger oddly subsiding. “Well think about it. Playing video games was about the only thing you had in common with the other boys. Michelle, we’ve talked about this before. I’ll be totally honest here. You’ve never really seemed all that comfortable as a boy.
But when you became Michelle, you… well, you just blossomed! The girls at school noticed a change in you even though you came to school as a boy.” “What? Did they think I was a sissy or something?” “No,” Kayla said flatly. “They thought of you as an equal.” Coughing a humorless laugh, I said, “Well that certainly sucks!” Sounding offended, Kayla said, “Why? Are girls beneath you?”
“That’s not what I meant!” I lied. “It means that none of them would want to date me.” Kayla let out a muffled, aggravated scream, “I’m hanging up now. You just don’t get it.” “Kayla, wait!” I pleaded. I didn’t want her to hang up mad at me. “Michelle, you are so much better as a girl. You know, we were talking about you today. Gina, Holly, and the others still don’t realize you’re Michelle Grayson. You know what Gina said about you?” asked Kayla. “I don’t have a clue. What?”
Kayla paused a moment, then said, “She said that during the last couple of months of school, it almost seemed like you were pretending to be a boy. The slumber party pretty much completed it. When they were talking about you, they even said ‘she’. “Really?” “Yes, really,” said Kayla. “Michael just doesn’t seem like the real you anymore. And now, it’s late and I’m going back to sleep. Call me tomorrow. Tah…”And with a click in the receiver, she was gone.
