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The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 16
🕑 Added 2022-07-28 13:20:07 +0000 UTCOTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST
”Hey, bro!” called John as he stuck his head through the door of our hotel bathroom. “We need to talk, dude.” I was standing in the bathroom, wearing nothing but the necklace Kayla had given me, my dark blue satin bra and matching panties and blue pantyhose trying to put on my make-up.
I continued to apply my mascara as I asked, “What’s up, John? You know I can’t help you move tonight.” John and Fritz had finally found an apartment they were going to share. Things were really changing fast. First, we were living away from Dad since he’s toiling away back home, and now for the first time, John won’t be around all the time.
While he can be a real butt at times, it’s sad that family members are going their separate ways. And now Mom has changed her idea of what kind of house we’re going to get now that it’s just “us girls.” “Why are you doing this?” asked John. I put my mascara down and looked at John with a puzzled expression. “Doing what? Putting on make-up?” Frowning, John stepped into the small bathroom, “That’s a good question, too. But my question is why are you going on a date?
Are you gay?” It was my turn to frown, “That’s two questions. I’m going out because Tommy asked me and no, I’m not gay. You already know that.” I went back to applying mascara. “You’re right!” exclaimed John as he threw up his hands. “How could I possibly be confused about that while I’m talking to my brother who is wearing a bra, and putting on make-up to get ready for a date with a guy? And an actor, no less.” I didn’t have an answer for him.
I’d wrestled with this problem all day. I hadn’t lied to Mom when I’d admitted to having a crush on Tommy and that I thought he was cute. At the time, I was feeling especially girlie. And now, I was so excited about going on a date that I was about to burst. I put my mascara down again and turned to face John, “I really don’t know what to tell you.
I can’t explain my feelings. It’s very frustrating to me because no matter what I do, I’ll never be fully male, and neither can I be fully female. It’s like I’m in a sexual purgatory.” John bristled, “How many times do I have to apologize? You always have to rub my nose in it.” I started to say something, but he raised his hand to signal me to be quiet. “Look,” John said, swallowing audibly, “I know it’s my fault that you’re standing there, looking like this.
It’s my fault that you didn’t develop male characteristics. We asked you to be the girl in my band, and that was a direct result of the accident. And I’ll admit we wouldn’t have been a success without you. And I even understand, even though I don’t care for it, how it’s better for you at least for now, to continue pretending to be a girl in private instead of switching back and forth. But fuck man, how can you date a guy?
And, and like, kiss?”John made a face as if he’d just tasted something ghastly. “Jeez, man. You’re not being very fair. You’ve got your pick of girls, especially now that you’re getting famous. Am I just supposed to sit at home and watch television? Am I not going to be allowed to date?” I glanced at my watch. Tommy was going to be here in about forty-five minutes, and I wasn’t done with my make-up yet.
John said, “You have plenty of girl fans. Date one of them.” I frowned and said, “Most of my female fans are around twelve and thirteen. And yeah, that’s sorta in my age group, but as a girl, I shouldn’t be dating other girls.” John looked puzzled and said, “Just pretend you’re a lesbian. Nobody’ll care about that.” I shook my head, “The moms of those fans would care.”I grunted a laugh and continued, “and that’s funny.
You don’t have a problem with me pretending to be gay.” Smiling weakly, John said, “Well, because it’d be basically boy-girl. I was thinking…” Interrupting, I said with a twinge of impatience in my voice, “John, I have a little over half an hour to finish getting ready. We can talk about this problem you have later. Since I’ve gone back to being Michelle full time and probably thanks to Kayla, I’ve discovered I’m very comfortable as a girl. At least for now. And as a girl, I don’t have a problem with going on a date with a boy. I could be wrong since I’m not a shrink and I don’t play one on T.V., and I don’t have so much as a clue as to what it all means.
So please, let me just finish getting ready, okay?” John frowned and raised both hands up in a gesture of surrender, “Okay, man. I’ll back off. Just don’t kiss your boyfriends in front of me, okay?” Before I could say anything, he turned around and left the bathroom. I just stood there a moment staring at myself in the mirror. A sudden burst of anger welled up inside me. I leaned closer to the mirror and said to myself, ‘Mike, just what the hell are you doing?
Have you lost your mind? I mean, look at you! Look at that girly mane of hair cascading off your shoulders that you spent most of the afternoon in a salon having fixed. Look at your perfect make-up and painted nails. What are you doing to yourself? And to top it off, you’re going to go out with a boy. You have lost your freakin’ mind!?’ I had a sudden thought about Kayla. A profound sense of loss swept over me. In the past few weeks, I’d probably never been closer to her in my whole life, and at the same time, I couldn’t have been more distant.
I felt tears start to well up, and I fought them back so I wouldn’t ruin my make-up. I twirled the small, cross-shaped pendant on the necklace as I stared into the mirror. Mom answered the phone. She talked briefly and then announced, “That was the front desk. They say there’s a young gentleman downstairs waiting for Miss Grayson.” I was suddenly all nervous again. I asked, “How do I look?” Smiling broadly, Mom said, “Beautiful! Absolutely lovely.” I was wearing a dark blue satin dress that Brooklyn had bought for me a few months ago.
The hemline was quite short, but the neckline looped around my neck hiding the fact that I have no cleavage. I guess a fourteen-year-old girl probably shouldn’t be showing much cleavage anyway, but sadly, I had none to show regardless. The skirt fitted tightly around my legs. Since I thought it improved my legs and matched my dress, I was wearing blue pantyhose. I was also wearing a pair of dangly fake diamond earrings. Completing the look was a pair of matching dark blue strappy sandals with three-inch heels.
I also had a small clutch purse into which I put a compact, lipstick, and a few other essentials. I showed my teeth to Mom and asked, “I don’t have lipstick on my teeth, do I?” Mom shook her head and said, “No, they’re fine. You’re gorgeous and he’s waiting.” I smiled nervously, “Okay. I’m ready, but Mom, why am I so jittery? It’s not like I haven’t been out with him before in some way.” “Because then, you didn’t care if he liked you. Now you do.” “I didn’t think about that.
I think you’re right, Mom.” Mom sighed and said, “And I’m still not sure if this is a good idea or not.” Feeling frustrated, I said, “It’s a little late for that discussion, isn’t it? We can talk about what all this means some other time. I have to go!” Mom gave me a hug and a little kiss on the cheek, “Have fun and be careful.” “I’ll be a good girl; don’t worry.” I could see Mom’s eyes getting watery as she said, “My little girl is all grown up!” I think Mom needs a shrink more than I do.
“Bye Mom!” I said as I disengaged myself and headed for the door. As the door closed, I heard Mom call out, “Don’t forget to tell him you have to be home by eleven!” I walked confidently down the hall towards the elevator, my mind a complete blank. As the elevator door closed and my descent began, my confidence began to erode. I still couldn’t give myself a rational answer to John’s question about why I’m going on a date with a guy.
Tommy’s advances used to annoy the crud out of me, and the thought of being kissed by him made me want to hurl. As the prospects of being kissed by Tommy passed through my thoughts, a warmness enveloped me, making me feel all gooey inside. I pushed the feeling aside. I was almost to the ground floor. I felt a sudden panic as I thought Mom was right. I’m fooling Tommy by going out. Am I fooling myself as well? My giddiness evaporated as this whole adventure suddenly felt so wrong.
Maybe I should press a button for a floor before I get to the bottom so I can go back up and call it all off? My finger lingered over the second-floor button. I closed my eyes and screamed inside my head, ‘Oh God! What do I do? What, what?!’ A chime sounded and the elevator door slid open. Tommy was standing there by the elevators, looking handsome in his jacket and tie. He smiled broadly when he saw me. My God, he’s gorgeous! “Hello, Tommy,” I cooed. Smiling, he shook his head, “I would never thought it possible, but you’re more beautiful than ever! It’s so good to see you again, Michelle.” He leaned forward and put his arms around me. As he kissed me lightly on the cheek, he whispered, “I really missed you,” and then he stepped back.
At his all too brief touch, all my doubts dissolved. I felt I was about to turn into a puddle. I was in a swirl of emotions. I couldn’t hardly breathe. After a pause of several heartbeats, in a half whisper, I said, “I missed you too, Tommy.”Then in a louder voice, I added, smiling, “You look very handsome tonight, Tommy.” Beaming, Tommy said, “Thank you. Are you ready?” He extended his arm out for me to hold. He’s quite a gentleman.
Taking his arm, Tommy led me through the hotel entrance. Parked by the curb, right in front of the hotel was a BMW Z4 with the top down. We walked straight for it. Tommy opened the passenger door and held it open for me. “Wow. Nice car!” I said, honestly impressed. I ran my hand down the sleek finish along the door. And then, as gracefully as I could in high heels, I slid into the passenger seat. “Thanks!” said Tommy.
“I just got my license, so I thought it’d make a good starter car.” Starter car my butt! Tommy deftly removed a small cloth from his pocket and quickly wiped the door where I’d put my hand. Tommy slid into the driver’s seat. He looked me up and down and said as he cranked the engine over, “That is a very lovely dress.” Considering his comment about his ‘starter’ car, I was tempted to say something like ‘What? This old thing?’
Instead, I just smiled and said, “Thank you!”
Tommy exited the freeway at Santa Monica. During the drive we were mostly quiet, just engaging in small talk. As he took the exit, he said, “I hope you like this place we’re going. It’s not a celeb hangout and not real expensive, but it has high ceilings and large windows overlooking the ocean.” A little bit more driving and we finally arrived at the restaurant. It was practically right on the beach. Tommy held my hand as he led me through the entrance.
It was very nice inside and Tommy had reserved a table overlooking the ocean. The waiter seated us and as he handed us our menus, he took our drink orders. Cokes for each of us since we’re both still kids. Tommy looked briefly over his menu, and then stared back at me, “You’re very beautiful tonight, Michelle.” I laughed and said, “Tommy, that’s about the fifth time you’ve said that.” Smiling back at me, he said, “I don’t think I could say it often enough. I mean, you’re a beautiful girl anyway, but tonight, tonight you’re glowing or something.
It’s amazing.” “Thank you,” I said smiling. “I think tonight I’m truly happy. I can’t even remember the last time I felt this happy.” I looked out at the ocean, the late evening sun dancing on the waves. “This has been an incredible year for me.
I’ve done things in the past few months I never even dreamed of doing.” I turned back to look at Tommy. He took my hands in his. I said, “I have successful records out, both with the band and solo, I do T.V. commercials and model, and… and I’m on a date with a movie star that every girl wants to be with. This has all been just so awesome!”
Tommy let go of one hand and clasped my other hand with both of his. He gently rubbed my fingers. I looked at my soft hand, nails polished, disappearing in Tommy’s larger hands. At the back of my mind, a thought rose up. How did you get here, Mike? How did events move to place you here, now, from a completely crazy idea to joining John’s band to be on the brink of fame as a female entertainer? What a wild ride.
And it ain’t over yet. Tommy looked at me sideways and said, “What are you thinking about?”
I suddenly realized I hadn’t said anything in a minute or two while I just stared at my hand. With an embarrassed laugh, I said, “Sorry, I was just thinking about the journey from being a nobody till now. I still can’t believe it.” “I can understand your feelings,” said Tommy earnestly. “But you deserve it all. You’re beautiful, and you have a beautiful voice. And, I bet you could make it in movies, too.” I laughed and said, “I can’t act.” Taking a drink from his Coke first, Tommy said seriously, “I think you can.
You’re very natural in your commercials. It may be a commercial, but you’re still reading lines, babe. I’d love to see you try it.” “I don’t know, Tommy” “Come on. Promise me you’ll audition at least once. There’s a casting call next month for my new movie.” I knew he wouldn’t stop asking until I said I’d at least audition, “Okay, okay. I’ll audition. It'll suck, but I’ll audition just to make you happy.
There.” “Thanks. I don’t think you’ll suck,” Tommy smiled and looked at the table for a few seconds. There was an extended awkward silence for a moment. Finally, Tommy broke the quiet. “So tell me, if you don’t mind my asking, how did you manage to get into a rock band anyway?” I laughed and said, “Well, the short story is that another girl named Michelle was in the band at first. In fact, she was Sammy’s girlfriend.
They broke up just before the band was going to record their demo CD. They needed a new girl quick. I just happened to be visiting and they asked me to fill in. And the rest, as they say, is history.” Before Tommy could say anything, the waiter came up and took our orders. A few moments after the waiter left, Tommy said, “That’s weird how one arbitrary decision led to you being here with me tonight as well as making you rich and famous. “It’s kind of the same for me,” he continued. “If it wasn’t for my parent's divorce, I wouldn’t be here and you’d be dating someone else.” Wow. I didn’t know his parents had divorced.
His publicist had managed to keep that out of the press. I said sincerely, “I’m very sorry to hear that. That must have been very hard for you.” Nodding, he said, “Yeah, it was. At first, I lived with my mom. My dad’s job moved him to L.A. Nothing against my mom, but I really wanted to be with my dad. She didn’t want to at first, but Mom finally agreed.
One summer about three years ago, I thought it’d be fun to try out for a play. A talent scout ‘discovered’ me and got me into some commercials and guest appearances on some T.V. show and” he paused a second and smiled at me. He continued, “and... the rest, as they say, is history.”
I laughed and he picked up my hand and gently kissed it. If I got any more warm and gooey inside, you could pour me into a bottle. Dinner arrived and was absolutely wonderful. Tommy was charming to a fault throughout the evening. He was full of humorous anecdotes about some of the movies he was in. And I admit, just like the old joke, if he’d been sitting there reading the phone book, I would have loved every second just the same. The meal was over and there was a pause in the conversation.
It had gotten dark outside and I hadn’t noticed. I looked out the window. “Oh! That’s so beautiful!” It wasn’t quite a full moon, but the light sparkled on the water like diamonds. Tommy didn’t look out the window from what I could tell, but said as he looked into my eyes, “Yes, it is.” He paused a moment, and then said, “Before it gets too late, would you like to take a little walk on the beach?”
He started to make a motion to get up from the table. I said, “I’d love to!” Then a sudden thought struck me, I probably should take my pantyhose off if I’m going to be walking on the wet sand. I said, “Let me run to the little girls’ room first. I’ll be right back.” He just nodded and smiled as I scurried off to the restroom. A few minutes later I returned sans pantyhose.
“Let’s go!” I said. I followed Tommy around the side of the restaurant to some wooden stairs descending down an embankment to the beach. When we reached the landing at the bottom of the stairs, I paused once again to slip out of each sandal. Tommy turned around and saw me shoeless and so he pulled off his dress shoes and socks. The beach must have been somewhat secluded as there were few people around.
The western sky over the ocean still had the dying glow of the setting sun while the rising moon vied for dominance of the sky. Tommy took my hand as we walked slowly across the sand. A cool breeze from the ocean swirled around my legs. We walked to the edge of the shore and let the water splash around our ankles.
We walked on a little further through the wet sand, neither one of us saying a word. Tommy finally stopped walking and slowly sat down on the sand, pulling me down with him. Putting his arm around my waist after I had sat down in the sand next to him, drawing my legs up under me, Tommy said as he looked out towards the ocean, “Well, what do you think?” I looked around at the bright, moonlit beach and watched the water rush to the shore for a moment, the waves the only sound. As far as I could tell, we were alone.
I looked back at Tommy, seeing the shine of the moon in his eyes, and said almost in a whisper, “It’s beautiful. It is so beautiful.” Tommy brushed a windblown strand of hair from my face and said softly, “Not as beautiful as you.” He leaned in towards me, his lips starting to part. Oh, God, I thought. Here he comes. He’s going to try to kiss me. As his face neared mine, I didn’t move at first, frozen with both fear and excitement. The fear I understood; the excitement I couldn’t comprehend.
I really should run away, I thought, as I closed my eyes and leaned in to meet him. As our lips touched, I found my arms going around his neck as we pulled each other closer. Emotion exploded through my soul as we embraced and kissed each other passionately.
I felt as if a dam that had been holding in all my contempt, hatred, and self-loathing for both having to be dressed as a girl and because I would never really be a man suddenly burst and released all the emotion in a surge of hot passion as it all washed away. I felt emotionally drained and weak. Tommy started nibbling my neck and earlobe.
He placed a hand on what would have been a breast if I had had one. I pulled his hand away, and he didn’t try to put it back. His tongue was suddenly in my mouth and I pressed my tongue against him as we kissed even more deeply. I fell back on the sand with Tommy almost on top of me, kissing my lips and then my neck. Suddenly, he slid on top of me, pressing his crotch into mine. Tommy was definitely beyond being excited. He started to pull my skirt up.
“Tommy, no. Please.” I groaned. “Please don’t.” He pressed harder into me for a moment and kissed me hard. Then with a groan, he rolled off onto his back, and as I lay there staring at the moon, I could hear him breathing hard. I looked over at him and in the moonlight, I could see his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing. His eyes were closed as he lay flat on his back. I reached over and lightly touched his cheek. He took my fingers, looked over at me, and smiled.
He then kissed my fingers and said, breathless, “You’re a good kisser.” He then lifted himself up on one arm and with his free hand, he gently stroked my hair. He bent down and kissed me softly. He then rolled back on his back and continued breathing hard. I laid there a moment, looking at Tommy. I pulled some hair out of my eyes and then put my hand on my chest. I slid my hand down to make sure the skirt of my dress still had me covered when my fingers touched a damp spot on the front of my dress. I thought, ‘what the hell?
There’s just one spot that’s damp on my dress. What’s up with that?’ Then I listened to Tommy catching his breath. Then it hit me. Oh my God! I sat up, suddenly feeling unclean. I vigorously rubbed the finger that had touched the wet spot in the sand. I shivered noticeably. Tommy lifted himself up on one arm again and touched my arm as he said, “Michelle, are you okay?” I jerked my arm away and said, “Don’t touch me!”Tommy gave me a puzzled look.
“Tommy. Did, did you], ah did you?”I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Tommy cast a glance to his crotch and said, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. Well, you’re just so hot.” “You were going to have sex with me!” I exclaimed in a whispered voice. I wrapped my arms around myself and brought my legs together under me and shuddered. “I just wanted a date.
I’m not ready for sex, Tommy.”True enough, both emotionally as well as physically. I suddenly felt very cold. Sitting upright, Tommy said, “Michelle, it just happened. I didn’t bring you here for sex. You have to believe me.” “I want to go home,” I said as I stood up and began to walk back towards the stairs. I heard Tommy scuffle in the sand a moment as he stood up and began to come after me. I started walking faster. “Michelle! Please! Wait up. Honest to God, I didn’t plan this. I was just going to take you on a nice, romantic walk on the beach.”
Once again on the inside, I was a riot of emotions. I really didn’t know what to think or how I should act. I was scared that I had come so close to being discovered. I was disgusted that another guy had gotten so close to me with his DNA.
