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Undying Empire: B1 — 40: The System

🕑 Added 2020-06-20 08:15:02 +0000 UTC

Comments

Martynas Samsonas

Well the whole chapter does feel like a big Info dump so i could see some people disliking it since it can feel sort of mind numbing to read all of it. That said i doubt much can be done about it at least on patraeon since i dont think theres any way to seperate info stuff into different colours or stuff like that. Maybe adding some sort of comment or interaction would help people not feel like its just a pile of info. But personaly i dont mind it as is since i am interested in the info and the story :)

SME

One of the problems with that is that I can't find an option to do that on Patreon. Bullets are the best I've got. D=

Denis Dube

The real issue with bullet points is that they scream "I'm an info dump". It's great for packing in dense amount of info in a technical setting, I certainly love them in wikis and changelist descriptions, but it's far from ideal in a story. What I see authors doing on Royal Road is putting things in big blue tables. They also complain about what a pain it is to format though. If you went the table route, you'd need to break it up, since a page per table should be a good guideline for size.

SME

Is there anything you think I should put more detail in or shift the format around?

SME

Thanks for the thoughts; I need them with this type of chapter. Let me know if any of you find anything confusing! This is a work in progress. I'll look at some of the things you mentioned, and if you think the bulletin points are too distracting, then I can try something else. Honestly >.> the bullet points are kind of annoying since I can't make paragraphs. Although, it does help me try to condense things to not be so big...

Denis Dube

It's nice to finally get Elinor's stats listed out. Unfortunately, the top-half of this chapter was an unwanted text dump to me. Also, I know it's the same system as in Oscillation, but the triple variables to mark progress in individual skills is confusing at best. It wouldn't be so bad if there were lots of examples, but in neither story do we see these stats brought up much at all, so they're just there and it's unclear how they rise and what effect they actually have. If I was trapped in this world, my inner min-maxer would have a stroke. Things to look over: * "It grants me a ten-percent reduction of Death Energy over my pool’s cap", seems like a disadvantage rather a perk? * Raise Skeleton / Intelligent & Unintelligent costs: ** Duration: is a cost? It would make more sense to split this into an initial cost and maintenance cost ** I wish there was more explanation of what the initial cost is. As it reads right now an intelligent undead costs 25DE + butterfly (which is apparently 25DE itself) and then needs 2DE daily * 2 * grade, so a max of 400 daily. However we know Iris cost significantly more than this initially. ** Unintelligent costs currently have duplication issues and make even less sense to me

Martynas Samsonas

Thanks for the chapter. And it seems this is way more indepth compared to TO one, that said i guess a royal minion would know more about things compared to figuring stuff out themselfs in TO :D.


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