Ancilla L posts
Posts: 570
Files: 689
The Search For Meaning.
Prelude: This is a literary translation of an Urdu song/ghazal. I know you are tempted not to read it but give me a moment to convince you. It's a beautiful song and language shouldn't be a barrier to getting across its depths to as many people as possible. This is not a literal translation at all and my goal i...
Podcast E48: Pre, After and Self-Care For Particularly Intense Scenes/Play.
Aftercare is frequently discussed and generally accepted as a good practise, however, we talk less about aftercare for CNC, particularly intense scenes or longer-term play. This is that conversation.
A Penitent Season: Day 14
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 14Very little pain lingers in my body. You could cane me today and my thighs may appear swollen ...
A Penitent Season: Day 13
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag.....Day 13"It sounded like you were having nightmares all night," he said to me, a few minutes ...
A Penitent Season: Day 12
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 12I keep finding cuts and bruises on my body, ones I forgot and ones I never took note of, I can...
A Penitent Season: Day 11
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 11It feels like this began a very long time ago. My memory of the last week is nebulous, I canno...
A Penitent Season: Day 10
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 10I woke up this morning because someone was testing the speakers for their Holi party. Punjabi ...
A Penitent Season: Day 9
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 9There is festivity in the air this morning. Holi is very big where we live. It's so big tha...
A Penitent Season: Day 8
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 8I woke up with a headache. I didn't sleep very much at all. These somatic disturbances are ...
A Penitent Season: Day 7
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag......Day 7I am struggling. It's not really because of the physical assault, it's more about the...
A Penitent Season: Day 6
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 6He said he had to punish me for begging him to touch my cunt. I did do that. I am ashamed that ...
A Penitent Season: Day 5
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 5I had a little bit of a breakdown last night. He said he saw it coming a mile away but I didn&#...
A Penitent Season: Day 4
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's my our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag......Day 4.Sometimes I wonder why I insist on living my sexuality so publicly. Outside of the writer...
A Penitent Season: Day 3
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's my our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag......Day 3I am not sure if he woke me up in the middle of the night, if I woke him up in the middle ...
A Penitent Season: Day 2
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's my our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can access the entire series at this tag....Day 2. I overslept this morning. I have no idea how it happened. I woke up at four-thirty and I s...
A Penitent Season: Day 1
Note: This is a series of 14-days of erotic penance written in real-time available exclusively to my patrons. It's my our observation of a real fucked up version of Lent. You can read the prologue here and you can access the entire series at this tag.....Day 1.I stayed awake a great deal of the night. He fell aslee...
A Penitent Season: Prologue.
Note: This is the (publicly-posted) prologue to a series of writings that span a 14-day period of erotic penance. I will post one every day and it will only be available to Patreons who subscribe to my writing. You can access all the writing in this series at this tag.........PrologueI have been following him around th...
Secret Faith.
When she was little, my sister used to go to a Gurudwara in secret on her way to school every day. We weren't raised in a particularly religious household, at least, in that we were not taught a faith-based morality and everyone was free to believe or not believe. My mother is a woman of faith but it would be hard ...
Podcast E47: An Exploration of Gaslighting.
I've been gaslit. You've been gaslit. We've all been gaslit. Now, let's scratch the surface.
A Broken Song
I woke up to the strangest sound. It had been raining heavily since midnight and the sound of the thunder which had engulfed me like a warm blanket through the night was being interrupted by a bird. Maybe it was a pigeon, maybe it was a parrot. I don't know, I don't know many birds. It wasn't an ordinary so...
A Previously Loved Toy.
He pushed his hand down on my chest, and when it scared me enough to back away and gasp, he laughed. "Who's going to stop me?" He asked, "No one's ever coming for you, my little orphan." Orphan. Hearing that word made the sides of my lower lip curve visibly downward. As if a mascara frown had ju...
Fuck A Cheating Woman.
"You are disloyal," he said to me, "A faithless fucking woman."It's not untrue. I think nothing of cheating in many ways. Now that I am in a respectful, healthy relationship, I wouldn't cheat. It's not because I don't need to, I never really needed to before now either. I wouldn't do...
Podcast E46: The Indian Identity And White People.
I have been interacting with a group of expats who have settled down in a small town in India for the purpose of their devotion and I am learning a lot about the impact of globalised racism.Do you wanna learn that too?
Why I Grew My Hair.
Mama used to brush my hair with a fine-toothed comb right after she made me dry them in the sun. I hated it so much. She didn't let me loosen the knots in my hair while they were still wet because she worried they would break and that would thin them, so when she put the comb through them, and each time it got stuc...
What She Did With My Lover.
Her shoe fell on the right side of my face. I saw it slip off her foot and fall the three-feet between my bed and the floor but I couldn't get out of its way. My neck was secured so tightly to the bed and my limbs tied so firmly to each other, there was no place to go. I could still see her foot hanging off the fra...
Podcast E45: Sexual fetishes as states of mind.
Is it really about a whip? A gag? An action? Or are we trying to curate specific states of being with the things we do? Is emotion the actual underlying fetish to everything? Oh, and what are the ethics of affairs?Find out how much I do not know by listening.
Unrecognisable.
"I'll be right back, babbear," he said to me, as he bolted out of the bedroom. I giggled at the hypocorism he often uses to address me. I remember the night he started using it, seven years ago, when in the throes of an adrenaline crash that rendered me incoherent, I became convinced that I was the human em...
A Story Made Of Invisible Ink.
While walking out of the living room she noticed that all the candles in the silver stand where not the same. The two on the right were long, white tapered candles but the one on the left was a tapered vanilla-scented candle. Not many people would have noticed the difference between the two. The curtains were not drawn...
Podcast E44: Aging: Sexually, socially and professionally.
We talk about aging in very specific settings (either health or experience as an excuse for sanctimony), but there is so much more to aging that goes undiscussed.And then there are taxes.Enjoy!
Illegitimate Children Of The Night.
'You and I, illegitimate children of the night. We know, don't we, darkness is not the opposite of light.'It was dark. The kind of darkness you cannot grow accustomed to because it never abates. It doesn't get dark like that in the city, and in the last decade it doesn't get dark like that in most m...
