E.M. Dash Web Novels
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Chapter 023 The Goblin Joke That Made a Girl Cry
🕑 Added 2025-07-25 17:00:10 +0000 UTCDay 3. Saturday 12:30pm.
As Jack finished a second fireball scroll, his mom returned to the kitchen with the now-clean Zia. He didn’t recognise her without the layer of dirt. The little orphan girl had striking silver hair, long enough to brush the woollen dress his younger sister once wore. Gone were her brown-stained shoes; they’d been replaced by a pair of sandals.
Zia offered a shy smile as she entered the kitchen.
Jack grinned. “You look human… I thought maybe there was a goblin under all that dirt.” He laughed at his own joke.
To his dismay, Zia began to cry, and his mother gave him a look of disappointment.
“I’m sorry, it was meant as a joke…” he backtracked. “You don’t look anything like an ugly goblin. You’re pretty like a… human girl?”
It did not help. The girl cried even louder as his mom picked her up and hugged her. “There, there, dear,” patting her on the back while the child sobbed into her shoulder. “He’s an idiot with no brains.” Then she shot Jack a look that suggested he should have known better.
Jack was clueless. What did I do wrong? Guilt gnawed at him. What did I do?
“Everything’s going to be all right, dear. Those nasty creatures can’t hurt you here. We’re safe.” His mom continued to pat the sobbing child. “We’re safe in Lundun. Powerful royal knights are protecting us. You’ve seen the big flying ships and the towers? Nothing bad can get into the city, sweetie. You’re safe now. I promise.”
Zia dug herself deeper into the hug like she’d never been held before.
Was she attacked by goblins? Jack was confused. She must have been attacked at some point. How was I meant to know that?
“Are you hungry, dear?” his mom asked. “Would you like something hot to eat?”
Jack considered answering, ‘Yes, please,’ but stayed silent.
Zia calmed down and nodded.
Jack struggled to stifle a chuckle. Of course, food would help calm her down.
His mom sat Zia down while giving Jack a scathing look that, to him, sounded like, ‘Keep your big fat mouth shut about goblins, you uncaring idiot’. Then she began to prepare something to eat.
She zipped around the kitchen, grabbing ingredients. Before long, both Jack and Zia were straining their necks to see what was being made.
Jack licked his lips. “Is that bacon you’re frying?” He knew it was and wanted to ask for some. Instead, he gave what he believed were subtle hints, “Smells delicious, Mom… like everything you cook.” He wasn’t exaggerating; everything she made was delicious. “Really smells tasty. Mmm…”
His mother laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m making enough for all of us.”
Jack returned her laugh. “Be right back,” he said as he gathered his scribe supplies. He rushed back after storing them in his room.
A short while later, Jack, Zia, and his mom sat at the table, plates piled high with steaming food. Bacon, eggs, fried bread, and tomatoes.
“Thanks, Mom,” Jack said as he cut into his bacon and dipped it in runny egg yolk.
Zia watched him eat, then looked to Jack’s mother for permission to eat.
She patted the girl on the head. “It’s okay, you can eat. It’s all yours.” Then she turned to her own meal.
Zia offered a shy smile. “Th-thank you, Mo…” she trailed off, her smile fading.
Jack moaned at the taste. “Hmm, so good.” He licked his lips. I can’t believe I used to take this for granted. He swallowed the mouthful of food. “This is a slice of heaven on a plate, Mom.” He took another forkful of bacon, eggs, and tomatoes.
With cheeks stuffed full, like an overzealous hamster, the little girl nodded in agreement. “Hmm, so good,” she mumbled through her food, echoing Jack.
His mom chuckled.
While eating, Jack planned the rest of his day. I’ll walk the girl, Zee, back into the city and find somewhere to practise with my new bow, he mused, smiling at the thought of practising without a scarred arm. After that, I’ll create some more spell scrolls.
Having purchased a dagger and a bow, he had no immediate need for coin. Still, he enjoyed using his scribe skills and would need armour and a lot of gold to prepare to assassinate Greaves a few years from now.
A few minutes later, after finishing his meal and patting his stomach, Jack said, “Thanks, Mom. That was delicious.”
Zia nodded in agreement as she continued her meal, her mouth stuffed full of fried bread soaked in tomato juice.
Waiting for the orphan girl to finish, Jack announced, “I plan to go practise with my new bow after I return… Zee to the city.”
His mother stopped eating and set her cutlery on the plate. She looked at him with disappointed eyes. “You plan to do what?” she snarled.
Jack flinched. “I understand you don’t like weapons in the house, but I have to get fit…”
He was interrupted by his mother before he could continue. She stood, anger flashing through her eyes. “Who cares about the damn stupid weapons? You plan to return poor, little Zee back into the city. Alone?!” She crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.
With wide puppy-dog eyes, Zia looked first at Jack and then up at his mother.
Jack, not sure what was going on, nodded. “Erm… yeah?”
His mother paced. “You are not putting poor, sweet, innocent, little Zee back on those dangerous streets filled with thugs and who knows what else.” Then she stopped pacing and regarded Jack as if she didn’t recognise the boy she’d raised for sixteen years. “What sort of books have you been reading to believe that is acceptable behaviour from an upstanding member of our great Kingdom? I thought we’d raised you better than this!”
‘Poor, sweet, innocent little Zee’ glanced between Jack and his mother, the little girl’s mouth still mechanically chewing.
Jack blinked at his mom’s tirade. Have we been living in different Kingdoms? He thought. The streets of this ‘great Kingdom’ are filled with orphans no one cares about. He took a deep breath, struggling to form an acceptable answer. ‘Erm… yeah’ appeared to be the wrong answer. With no better reply, he asked, “Where else should I take her?”
His mother’s shoulders slumped in exasperation. “Zee is going nowhere. She’s staying with us, of course.” She patted the little girl on the head. “Ignore that fool. Men don’t have feelings any deeper than their appetites.” Then she sat back down and resumed her meal.
The decision was made, Zia was moving in! Zia looked at Jack and then his mom, tears forming in her eyes. She went back to eating with a small smile and a lot of hope in her heart.
Jack sat in silence, regretting the moment he ever met ‘poor, sweet, innocent little Zee’, the orphan girl, who tried to steal his coin purse. Oh, shit, if she ever tells Mom I held a dagger to her throat, I’m a dead man… again! He looked at the little girl. Is she likely to blab?
A short while later, as Jack contemplated his imminent demise at his mother’s hands, his mom cleared the plates with Zia’s help.
After a few minutes of watching the pair clean up, in a nervous voice, he asked, “Is it all right if I go out and play with my bow?” He felt embarrassed. He’d reverted to acting like a child. By the Gods, I’m a forty-one-year-old man. What is going on? How did she do that?
His mother left Zia to finish cleaning the plates. “And where do you plan to play with your dangerous bow?”
His first thought was the family courtyard, but he soon shot that idea down. He could already imagine his mother arguing that it was too dangerous, that she didn’t want to deal with stray arrows impaling the neighbours. He stifled a chuckle at the funny image. “I was thinking of finding a safe spot close to the city to practise,” he explained, “somewhere I wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
His mother grunted. “You’re an adult now, Jack; you have to make your own choices.” She tapped her chin in thought. “We’ll be discussing this later with your father.” Then turning back to the dishes, she said, “You’re doing a good job there, Zee,” patting the girl on the head. “It’s nice to have a useful child around the house.” She glanced back at Jack.
Little Richard started to cry.
“He needs a feed,” his mother said, glancing at the time. “I’m so behind on everything now.” She gave Jack another disappointed look.
Jack felt guilty. “Do you need any help from me?”
His mom chuckled. “Do you think you can feed the baby?”
Jack shook his head; he lacked the necessary class skills.
She laughed as she picked up the baby, and Jack took that as a cue that he could leave to ‘play’ with his bow.
