PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 65
🕑 Added 2023-02-21 18:50:47 +0000 UTCBack at work! 🎂🎂🎂
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Also, thanks to Aaron, Hearthawk, and TheMerchant for being little Goblins and helping me tinker with this chapter.
Chapter 65 - Kitchen Floor
“And that is why women are cruel.”
Quintus and Tiberius exchange looks as we knead some dough at Happy Bakery.
“I’m not sure what that has to do with the alveoli forming inside the bread, Chef,” Tiberius says in a tame voice.
“Oh,” I scratch my nose with the sleeve of my uniform. Yeah, we are still using the top-notch uniforms I had Fulvia make for us. I’ll also need to get another one for each of us so that we can swap them out when one is at the [Cleaners].
Wait, do [Cleaners] actually exist?
To be honest, I would need someone to take a mop and use some acid to scrub the image of Lucinda flirting with that big hunk of a [Mage] back at the Watch from my mind. Well, I suppose he was a [Mage]. Wouldn’t make sense otherwise, would it? If she wasn’t interested in magic, wouldn’t she run after after the Italian stallion? Is it because his chin is larger and squarer? Could be. But is it? I don’t think so, buddy.
Plus, I mean, I stop practicing magic for a few days, and this is the world’s response? Where’s the reward for being a responsible human being, huh? Where’s the ‘oh, you know what, you are actually a decent person trying to do decent stuff; there’s a good woman with big breasts for you’? Huh, where is it?
Where?!
“He sometimes zones out,” Raissa explains to Tiberius and Quintus.
Right, Raissa is now a part of my A-team.
She has gotten a massive bonus and a gigantic raise too.
And guess who else is here?
“He is smitten with the greatest magical talent in Amorium, possibly in the region,” Flaminia sighs. “After seeing what he can do with a cake, though, who knows. He might have a chance. Maybe you two have even better advice for him.”
Tiberius and Quintus shirk into their own uniforms, embarrassed to be put on the spot by the bakery’s most renowned [Chef].
[Chef], though, not chef.
See, Flaminia has decided that she needs to learn how to bake—for real, this time. After her breakdown, she decided to learn by my side. It will take time to heal, sure, but it’s definitely better than the alternative… complete destruction.
Again, don’t blame her. It’s the equivalent of the Middle Ages here. I am not surprised they can’t do much. And from what I understand on how levels and skill work, you ‘fill them.’ That means that two people at the same level can be wildly different in terms of power and capabilities.
Sure, for these people, it’s still unheard of that someone without a level teaches someone with thirty levels on them.
But that’s because they had never had Joey-Luciani-experience.
Nothing that can’t be remedied with swift, personalized courses, though.
Which is what Amorium is going to get.
Soon.
“Is he doing it again?” I hear Quintus scoff.
“Yes,” Raissa sighs. “He says he monologues in his head.”
“Hey,” I quip, “have some respect for the hierarchies. I am now the top dog; I’ll have you know.”
Both Quintus and Tiberius surreptitiously look at Flaminia, who just sighs from the side.
“He’s an idiot. But he isreally good.”
“Thanks, Flam,” I launch a wink at her. “And I’m sure all of you will be, at some point, as good as me. If not even better. This world has apparently decided to nerf me because I’m too good.”
“Nerf?” Tiberius looks confused.
“It means to make you weaker on purpose or something like that,” Raissa chimes in. “I’ve been listening to him for a while now. He uses many weird words.”
“Like chocolate,” Flaminia shakes her head. “My ears should fall off, I swear. Pigfeed in recipes? What’s he going to do next, grow leaves and branches from his hair?”
Now, how can I be the weird one when these Elves have all these forest-related sayings, huh? And aren’t all their [Druids] extinct? So far, I have yet to see anything that points to the Elves in Amorium being anywhere close to forest Elves.
Wait.
Was that racist?
Am I racially profiling them?
And is that what racial profiling is?
Who knows.
“Joey,” Raissa coughs gently—her courage still not completely there. “Why did you have Melina fired, by the way?”
Everyone goes a bit quieter around us, and many even stop kneading their dough.
“What do you mean ‘why?’ I look at the diminutive Elf. “She said that if Violante got fired, she would quit. It seemed kind enough to get them both out the door. [Oven Master]? Tsk. Clodia got all worked up for nothing. Just goddamn look at the oven. Stay by it. Smell the bread, do some proper work. And we’ve still got the only other guy here; what’s his name?”
“Raul?” Raissa says.
“Yep. The [Blacksmith] guy.”
“[Apprentice Blacksmith],” Flaminia clarifies.
“Doesn’t make him less of anything,” I smile at her with a bit of foxiness in my eyes. “Does it?”
“Sorry,” she goes a bit redder and bites her bottom lip.
“It’s fine, no trouble. Everyone must learn their lesson. I am sure classes are useful, but let’s stop judging people only by their class. Are they working hard? Are they producing real value in the work environment? Take Violante, for example. Have you noticed that everyone she taught had the bad habit of not tasting their mixes? And Violante was the one to exaggerate with sugar too. Now, if you want to switch to making more refined pastries instead of tons of bread only – and trust me, I’ve got plans – then you need skilled employees. You need good practices to propagate. Not idiocy. That’s exactly what we need for the future.”
“And that’s why I’m here to learn,” Flaminia says with a very serious face, looking straight at me. “I know I fucked up, Joey. I owe you for a few levels too.”
I look at Tiberius, Quintus, and Raissa, now tensed up.
I clear my voice and crank down the stupid in my voice. It’s time to be a bit frank.
“You are talented. The problem with this bakery is not the lack of levels. It’s the lack of processes and protocols. Do you want to become a great baker? You need a process in place. We’ll learn together, Flam. I need levels, and you need real experience with a master. Each of us has something the other needs. And about your levels – if I never get the class, at least one of us will be the highest level [Baker] in the world.”
“Joey, that’s… Very sweet,” Flaminia says with a pinch of guilt and shimmering eyes.
“Well, one of us can be the highest level [Baker] in the world, while the other can just be the best Baker in the world,” I say cheekily, elbowing the Elf’s side.
She sighs, actually giggling at that.
“Your brain is full of mold. Even without levels, I don’t see myself catching up in a short amount of time.”
“Well, I still have levels in [Light Mage]. What? Don’t look at me like that. Light Magic is cool, alright? Do you know I can shape a phallus out of [Light]? Want to see?”
“He materialized a giant one in our apartment,” Quintus scowled.
“Giant? What? That was a 1:1 ratio, Quintus.”
Flaminia throws some flour in my face, and I almost choke on it.
…
“Flam,” I sigh after a while, “are you sure you want to be always here, though? Clodia threw a fit when you said you wouldn’t be taking custom orders in the foreseeable future. She threatened me. She thinks I told you to do so. You could, you know, take, like, a few hours to learn with me and spend the rest of the time on the cakes.”
The pink-haired [Chef] laughs in response.
“I can’t be baking my cakes after seeing what you did with cheese and Pigfeed, Joey. I’d rather renounce my class than embarrass myself that way. I’m here so we can speed up the regular procedures. I want to learn all you have to teach.”
I scratch my nose with my wrist again, flattered.
“[Tenfold Kneading - Enhanced Gluten Formation]!” Flaminia says right after, with her hand speeding up insanely. In a matter of seconds, a huge ball of dough rests in front of her, as big as her torso. “See? I can also use my skills to help on the kitchen floor. And there’s more I need to show you. The cakes, for all they guaranteed quite a bit of money for me… I can bake them at any time. And after I master all that you have to teach me, we’ll definitely make up for the lost income.”
After a small pause, Flaminia continues.
“But we should come up with something soon so that Clodia doesn’t rip our heads off. Do you think you could show me how to make that... what is it called again—the thing you made for our competition?”
“Cassata Siciliana,” I speak the words in Italian. “It’s a dish from the homeland of my parents. You can just say Cassata, honestly. And yes, I can teach you that and how to decorate it.”
I see both Quintus and Tiberius sneaking glances at me, and I immediately realize why.
“Everyone here can learn how to do that. Clodia is securing the cocoa supply as we speak. I plan on making the bakery a lot of money with chocolate. Honestly, it’s going to be so easy.”
“You should just reassure her again that no one will poach you. She said she’ll take your head if you go back on your word.”
“Heh, my word is as good as it gets, Flam. Don’t worry.”
After a short lull, a question comes my way. My two new assistants have been tremendously curious about everything. They are more than eager to earn their place here, and I can only commend them for it.
“Chef, can you explain chocolate again?”
“What about it, Tiberius?” I ask with a smile on my face.
“How come no one has made some before? Pigfeed is widely used among [Farmers], and it’s just weird that a Human would be the one discovering such a thing.”
“The process of making chocolate is notstraightforward, my friend.”
I hear his leg clicking on the floor as he moves from one foot to another in excitement.
“But you? How... how don’t you have levels already?”
“Heh,” I sigh, “I’m as curious as you are. I would like to make cakes float and stuff, but Lady Luck doesn’t seem very inclined to fulfill my wishes, huh?
“Anyway,” I continue, “I don’t find it weird that many recipes have not yet been discovered. I come from a very... remote place. Far, far away from here. And where I come from, baking is very advanced. Clodia even said that my not getting levels could be because of that—no big challenge on my path, and that means I gotta do stuff that’s super hard to level up. A bug in the system, essentially.”
“A bug?” Raissa almost jumps.
“Not literally,” I sigh. “It’s a... whatever. Chocolate! Let’s not go on another tangent. Making chocolate is a lengthy process. The version you all tasted is far from perfect and requires a whole chain of production—which is why I should be kissing Clodia’s chiseled face for taking care of that.”
“Her mother is visiting at the end of the shift,” Flaminia makes a face as she says that. “Good luck.”
“I’m good with old women, Flam. Don’t worry about me. And you know what, I could easily seduce—”
“Hello!”
Suddenly, a booming voice echoes throughout Happy Bakery’s kitchen.
Everyone stops and turns toward a fast-pacing blonde Elf followed very closely by Clodia.
Everyone erupts into a whisper since, behind the two of them, there’s Violante, the [Chef] I personally got fired.
The cherry-blonde, short Elf – pretty much Raissa-sized – walks up to our table, ignoring everyone else.
“So, this is the great Human I keep hearing about?” She comes to rest right in front of me and sizes me from top to bottom.
“Pleasure to meet you,” she says, grabbing my flour-covered hand. “The name’s Camilla Saturnia. Why don’t I offer you a hearty breakfast this morning? Come swing by The Three Roses, and I will give you a private tour of the place.”
“What?” I am completely caught by surprise by her upfront manners.
“My [Talent Sense] tells me you are the real deal. I have heard about the shameful conditions you were put into by this second-rate bakery. I say that I can probably make you [A Shared Dream You Can’t Unsee].”
I feel a strong gravitational pull toward Camilla, but I just shrug my shoulders, and suddenly, it’s gone as fast as it came.
There’s clear shock on her face as she tries to articulate another sentence.
“Why don’t you—”
Clodia literally picks up the short blonde off the floor and starts walking back to her office, followed by the ex-employee of Happy Bakery, Violante.
“Shut up, you [Witch],” she growls.
“Hey! Put me down, you brute! Put me down!”
Violante gives us a cursory glance before following them to the back.
“What was that?” I say, confused.
“Clodia’s worst nightmare,” Flaminia shakes her head. “Camilla. She’s the youngest of the three Saturnia sisters. She’s their best [Baker] and [Manager]. Flavia, the second, is a specialized [Manager]. Amelia, the oldest, is a [Baker]. Camilla has an uncanny talent for both, and, even though she’s less specialized, she’s widely considered the second best [Baker] in Amorium.”
I look at Flaminia with a brow raised.
“That firecracker? Wow. She looks like she drinks energy drinks to sleep.”
Everyone gives me another long look before completely ignoring the ‘energy drink’ part.
“Camilla has poached more than one [Baker] from us. The Three Roses rivals Happy in size and have probably been surpassing us in revenue until recently. Also, congratulations on resisting her skill, Joey. Her level in both classes is most likely as high as mine.”
She gives me a long, personal look now.
“Oh, I see,” I say, nodding, “Clodia’s afraid the blonde will steal me away.”
“You gave her your word,” Flaminia says seriously. “And trust me, Clodia would most likely pummel your head before seeking legal arbitrage.”
“I’m Happy Bakery through and through,” I say with a custom wink-with-click. “I have gone to the Three Roses, and I’m not interested in their products. They use too much rose water. A theme like that is not my jam. But tell you what, I could make some rose-shaped, big party cakes to make our competitors angry.”
Flaminia looks at me with a stare that goes through my soul and comes back through my throat.
“You tell that to Clodia, Joey, and she might ditch women for you.”
Huh.
That’s an interesting proposition.
Comments
Fowl
I don’t think so
Mario Nunez
That reasoning for why Joey might not have any levels makes no sense when you consider the fact that Flam got a ton of levels and a special skill from being shown something incredibly easy by Joey. I still think he hasn't gotten a Baker class because you need to hit a milestone like say level 10 in the previous class before you can get a new one. So that people don't spam pick up every single class.
Sam
Was that a "[Maid] to Kill" reference I saw?
Connor
Please please tone down the winking I know it’s your favorite thing But it feels like he’s winking three times a conversation it’s borderline psychopathic
