PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 67
🕑 Added 2023-02-23 19:50:29 +0000 UTCAgostina proposed what?! 👰👰👰
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4/4 chapters, no extras this week. I'll see you on the 27th!
Chapter 67 – Dealings
“The circumstances that scare us, o’ Lucillus, are more numerous than those that oppress us, and we suffer more often for our imagination than for concrete reality.”
“What?” Lucillus looks at me with a confused expression as we walk back to my apartment complex, closely followed by Tiberius and Quintus at our back. I finally got my bodyguard situation sorted out, you know. After my trip to the Pratus with Tiberius and Quintus, Lucillus and Antoninus reached us. They explained that from now on, they would be at a [Runner]’s call away from me. Every time I need to go somewhere, they will come as swiftly as they can. Night-time hours will cost more, but Clodia’s funding all of this, so…
“It’s Seneca, an [Author], [Philosopher], and [Stoic]. Perhaps, a [Stoic Philosopher], who knows,” I say with a laugh. “He might have never gotten his class consolidation considering how much he loved money. But anyway, sometimes my head works for a brief period of time, and I can fish out a quote or two from my favorite authors.”
“You don’t look concerned,” Antoninus says. “You had to get [Guards], Joey. Shouldn’t you be scared for your life or something? I wouldn’t be sleeping soundly knowing I needed [Guards] to walk around safely.”
“And that, my dear Antoninus, is why we are so different. So what if I had to get [Guards]? If anything, that means I’m safer than ever. Two [Guards] and two [Baker-Soldiers] right behind. Who can do anything to me, huh? I work with Clodia, who can punch through rocks, and I sleep at Agostina’s apartment, who—well, I’m pretty sure that old lady can do much worse things than what Clodia’s capable of.”
“It is a beautiful day,” I hear Tiberius say from behind. “Shall we make distributing the bread in the morning a routine?”
“Why not,” I say with a genuine smile on my face. It’s nice feeling the sun rays bathing my skin with the warmth of a nice morning. And tell you what, I get the feeling that my life in Amorium is finally about to turn around.
This might be the single best moment since I have come to Amorium.
I have good employees and friends, a secured job to help me make money for the homeless, and...
Huh.
I scratch my nose.
“Lucillus, do you know who the guy talking to Lucinda back at the Watch was?”
“Augustus?”
“Who?”
Antoninus rubs his beard and starts explaining. “Augustus is a childhood friend of hers who’s helping to get her an apprenticeship under an [Archmage]. He works for [Archmage] Titus.”
“Damn,” I swear. “The childhood friend route! That’s a terrible adversary. Isn’t the childhood friend the one who usually gets the chick in mangas? Dammit.”
“How do you know about it?” Lucillus asks Antoninus with a frown.
“Caught some gossip from my sister’s friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them got the [Gossip], or worse, the [Spy] class.”
“Oh, you have a sister?” I perk up at hearing that.
“She has a boyfriend,” Lucillus tells me from the side.
“And she is an Adventurer, like our mother,” Antoninus sighs. “She has got a few screws loose in her head.”
“How’s your mother, though?” Lucillus asks, appearing slightly concerned. “Did she participate in the raid on the [Necromancers]?”
“Yeah. She killed a lot of Undead and a few of those bastards. She’s yet to get back—they still have to find the main cult of the [Necromancers]. It’s a Mauser one again. But they called a bunch of Named Adventurers this time. The [Necromancers] are probably some high-level freaks trying to unleash some Undead horde on the continent.”
“Huh?” I look at both men, trying to understand what they are saying.
Surprisingly enough, it’s Quintus who starts explaining.
“[Necromancers] were nesting up North. The Royal Guard called upon Adventurers for help with the mission because many inside the Adventurers Guild have experience with killing the Undead.”
“But they only called those that are Gold-rank and up,” Tiberius whispered, looking at Antoninus.
“My sister is Silver—she’s on another mission. My mother is Gold-rank, and her team is made of twelve people.”
“Wait, what’s the team’s name?” Quintus asks, suddenly interested.
How do ex-homeless people know so much about this? Do they have newspapers or something like that here?
“The Aurum Leaves,” Antoninus says, scratching his head.
Both Tiberius and Quintus’s eyes go wide.
“Really?! Your mother is one of the Leaves?!”
While Antoninus starts explaining to the two ex-[Soldiers], I turn the other way.
“Am I missing something here?” I ask Lucillus.
“Antoninus’s mother is almost a Named adventurer. This last mission gave the team a big push for the spot. Everybody in her group is reportedly around level 40. If they had done this on their own, they would have already earned the title. Now, they have qualified for Named teammissions. But many of them returned very hurt from the raid. As soon as they recuperate, though, they are going to go for it.”
I look at him and then at the three at our backs, talking as excitedly about this as someone would about the Superbowl.
Huh.
Adventurers.
I keep walking straight, wondering how I should feel about that.
I can see someone in my position shooting straight for the job of an adventurer as soon as they get a book that can teach them crazy magic.
But let me be honest, fudge that stuff. I would much rather sip on some hot chocolate and get myself some early-onset type 2 diabetes as I cuddle my generously-breasted wife.
As any other person with some salt in their head, I do respect the military and the people risking their lives to keep us safe. But let me tell you, I’d probably be the first person shooting their own foot if I ever got levied, you know?
Shoot my foot, flirt with the nurses.
That’s the plan.
And keep baking, obviously.
...
I wave at my [Guards], who stopped at the end of the apartment complex, and they tell me they’ll be doing their guarding thing. Apparently, Lucillus and Antoninus will follow me pretty much at all times. I thought it would be a back-and-forth-from-work kind of thing, but Clodia’s mother almost slapped the bejizzle out of her when she heard that.
Now, my security detail amounts to almost one gold per day. For any other person, that would be more than their entire salary, apparently.
I’ll be honest, I have not gotten a good grasp on prices and stuff, okay? I could be wrong. I’m not an [Accountant], and I’m happy not to be one.
But as I’m about to get into my apartment, Agostina suddenly appears in front of me.
“Luciani. My apartment.”
That’s what she says before turning and walking back to where she came from.
Huh?
...
I sit with a hot cup of tea in my hands, not yet having received a single word from Agostina as she sits across from me and squints her eyes.
“I have heard about what happened at that rascal’s place. You are better than that maneater at baking.”
Holy.
Ouch.
“I don’t think Flaminia is a man—”
“Do you have any romantic engagements at the moment?” She looks straight at me, boring a hole through my soul.
“What? Miss Agostina, you are beautiful, but I—”
The old woman actually snorts the tea through her nose and starts choking on it.
“Damn, child—you—how do you—”
She takes a few deep breaths and keeps coughing with an actual smile on her face.
“I am not interested in you for myself. Just answer my question.”
“Well, I’m currently pretty open to applications for the position of wife,” I smile and sip the tea.
“Marry my niece,” Agostina states bluntly. “I will teach you all the magic I know as a dowry. Her mother and father will contribute favors from the Adventurers Guild, among other things. If you behave well enough after, I will include you and her in my will as long as you are doing business with me. I have a couple of ideas, and I am sure you could use a [Green Mage] for your projects.”
I blink.
I blink again.
I blink thrice.
“What?”
“I heard that old bag Marcella put twenty-five dead royals on you. My niece is a beautiful, beautiful young woman, Luciani. And my magic is beyond any price. You clearly have some talent, and you are still relatively young for a [Mage]. If you get enough levels, you will unlock a class that will put the supply and demand of Amorium’s baked goods in a deadlock. Rotten roots, can you also cook normal things? I am sure we could do even better than that.”
I take a long sip and process her words before replying.
“How do you know all of this?” I ask.
“I’ve got ties, Luciani. I know my [Merchants]. So, what’s your answer?” She says.
“Are you telling me you are offering me your niecebecause I am a good baker? You know I have no [Baker] class, right?”
Agostina actually laughs at that.
“You humiliated a [Baker] with thirty levels while you have none. That alone would have made it interesting. But if that old bag is putting down twenty-five dead royals on you, I will not waste another second. Aureamanus, Amorium’s Wealth Weaver, put down so much money on you after one meeting. I want you in my family, Luciani. Tell me when we can schedule a meeting with my niece. I’ll let her family know about it.”
Is she actually serious?
And most of all, how hot is her niece?
“Miss Agostina,” I address her respectfully, afraid of offending such a powerful [Green Mage], “I am flattered, but this seems a bit too much for me at the moment.”
“You don’t like my niece, Luciani? Is that what you are saying? You think she’s not pretty just because you have an ugly old woman in front of you?”
WHAT?
“No, no. I’d even marry you, miss Agostina,” I say with a smile, “but love is not that easy, is it? I’d be delighted to have a chat with your niece. But please, let’s not just jump to conclusions, ok?”
Also, what is up with all these old women making bold moves? First, Marcella, now, Agostina. Is there an Elder Gazette that is gossiping about me? What’s next, some girl will tear her clothes off in front of me and ask me to make her mine?
I scratch my chin at the thought, and a very important question surfaces in my consciousness.
What’s the Elven position on multiple wives again?
Comments
Fowl
Yes.
Is a dead royal slang for a thousand golds? A bit confused :/
Fortunis
Hahahah. Baker Harem Get!
