PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 121
🕑 Added 2023-06-01 18:48:02 +0000 UTCRead-y Link (Mobile Optimized Reader)
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Chapter 121 – Romantic Advice
The breakroom at Happy Bakery smelled of food and scrubbed wood. I don’t know how to explain that smell—if you have ever worked with wood, imagine scratching it and letting it soak in water for a little. Don’t get me wrong; it’s actually a very nice smell. It reminds me of the few times I went to the cabin in the mountains.
That’s one of the things I have never understood about some people—the obsession with taking hikes in the mountains and risking their life meeting some wild animal—like a big cat that doesn’t give a damn about your Patagonia gear.
But the only puma I’m worried about now has two pointy ears and a very nice smile. However, I think I did something that – perhaps in Elven culture – was inappropriate.
“So, Lucillus, let’s run through this again,” I tell the man. “Is there any particular custom I disrespected… and she might have found insulting?”
The tall [Guard] looks at me and sighs.
“Joey, are you sure you don’t want to go over what happened yesterday?”
Oh, right, I already worked the night shift after putting to sleep the two idiotic [Soldiers].
“You said they don’t have legal recourse against me. If they try it again, or harder, I’ll be down to play, Lucillus,” I say with a serious tone, looking into my friend’s eyes. “I am done playing, ok?”
Lucillus sighs and nods.
“At least you are taking it seriously. Not everyone could have done what you did.”
“Is that a compliment?” I laugh.
But as he digs up the fresh memories, I get a twinge of anger in my chest.
“Joey, you put out of commission two trained [Soldiers]. They might be green behind their ears, but that is not something just any [Mage] could do.”
Maybe I’m not just any [Mage], I find myself thinking, feeling the same fury I had felt during the short-lived fight course through my arms.
I start stretching, hoping that it will get it out of my system.
“Anyway, back to this?” I point at the piece of paper in front of me: I’m taking notes on Elven culture.
“Alright,” he nods. “If she has tight ties with her family, she might be worried about bringing you home. You shouldn’t be angry about that.”
“I’m not,” I frown. “I’m just surprised she would get so upset at the restaurant after saying that she liked me—that’s all.”
“You are taking woman advice from my cousin?” I hear an extremely unfamiliar laugh.
I raise my eyes to meet Clodia, bent over, actually laughing her ass off.
“Yo,” I widen my eyes, “is this the first time I hear you laugh like that?”
“Rotten roots,” she says, holding her stomach, still between fits of laughter. “Joey, I’m sorry, but you are trying to shake the wrong tree there.”
“Cousin,” Lucillus says in a stiff tone, “do you mind? I know more about our history and culture than you.”
“Oh, for sure, cousin,” Clodia says, taking a chair and sitting in front of me. Then, against all expectations that she was already blowing away, she put her hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. “Joey, I was coming to ask if you needed more [Guards] around you. This thing with the [Soldiers] is likely to degenerate further, you know? We might need to talk with the [Captain] too.”
“If [Captain] Drusillus doesn’t already know about this, I’ll go graze grass out the walls, Clodia,” Lucillus scoffs.
Clodia waves to his face.
“Luciani,” she speaks my name with a softness I’ve never heard, “what do you think? Do you feel like you need more security? I can arrange it. We can more than afford it, and it will be Happy Bakery paying for it.”
I look at the soft hands of the woman, and then I look at her strong build.
Oh, I understand.
“Clodia,” I say, putting my other hand above hers, “it’s fine. Thank you so much for this. But really, it’s fine. I put them both to sleep, and if they try again, I won’t go soft on them. If they try some sneaky stuff with blades at night, I’ll have to ask for your help to hide the corpses, though.
“You know,” I add, “No one messes with Happy Bakery,” I add my custom wink at the end.
“No one will,” she nods with a smile. “Now, though, what about this girl? I can help you out with that.”
I look at the disgruntled [Guard] at my side and then at my boss. Well, I suppose Clodia might actually have more experience than Lucillus.
I briefly recount what happened at the restaurant, and she nods to herself.
“She’s afraid people will judge her and isolate her for it. You are a Human. Many molded brains out there are not happy that you are in Amorium. She might lose friends over it—family, maybe. Especially if some of her family is in the military, Joey.”
“Hm,” I grunt.
“The way I see it, there are two things you can do. I don’t think talking about it with her is going to do much other than make her feel guilty. You either take it silently until she learns to deal with the fact that your ears are very flat and round, or you dump her.”
“That’s some advice,” Lucillus scoffs.
“It’s the advice he needs,” Clodia rebuffs. “Joey,” she stares right into my eyes, giving my hands another squeeze, “some people are just not ready for some relationships. I know a lot about it, trust me. It’s up to you to decide whether you can wait for her to shed some dry branches from her life or not—and be careful, because she might need to lose some important bonds in her life to be with you. It’s ugly, but that’s what happens when you are in a relationship that differs from the norm. Women—they think about kids and family more than men. And not only could it break her family, if you ever decide to have kids…”
She lets her words linger, and I have to straighten up and take a deep breath.
Damn.
Clodia dropped some truth bombs on me.
“This…” I take my hands from hers and rub my face. “This is what I needed, thanks.”
“You are welcome.”
You know what? I’m feeling less angry now. Sure, what Clodia said has some nasty implications, but it’s clear she must have gone through something similar.
I might not have my mother anymore, I think to myself, but I definitely have people who care about me here too.
“Clodia!” We all turn to see Raissa and Tiberius trying to stop Quintus from storming to the break room.
“What the hell are you going to do about what happened?!”
Oh, right.
Flaminia follows the trio in tow.
“Clodia,” the pink-haired [Chef] looks at the boss and shrugs, pointing at the angry ex-[Soldier].
“Quintus,” Clodia says, getting up, “I just talked with Joey about the security risks and asked him if he wanted more [Guards].”
“Good,” the man with one eye huffs, shrugging off Tiberius and Raissa. “So, what is going to happen next?”
“Quintus,” I clear my voice. “I took care of the problem. I don’t need more [Guards]. I can’t always be going around with twenty [Guards]. If there’s twenty of them, [Soldiers] might just come with double the numbers. We don’t want to cause a civil war over me.”
“WHAT?!”
“What I just said,” I say, getting up as well. “I am working hard to take care of myself. Arminius is relatively high-level, right? He went down with the weakest spell I have. If anyone else tries, I’ll put them through a wall, trust me.”
“Joey,” the man blisters in anger, “do you know how dangerous this is? What if they try to assassinate you? What are you going to do when a [Rogue] stabs you in the dark?!”
“Quintus! Rotten roots,” Tiberius steps forward and pushes his friend, “this won’t happen! Stop!”
“How do you know it won’t, Tiberius?! How?! It happened to people stronger than Joey!”
Oh.
Did someone close to him…
“Joey’s the one deciding,” Clodia says, now reverting to her usual tone, “you can try to convince him, and I’ll hire more [Guards].”
“Why do you have to convince him? He doesn’t know how those people are! Do you realize what they would do to him if they could?! Or do you only care about the money Joey is making, and you can’t wait for him to fucking die and leave everything to this bakery?!”
“Quintus!” I raise my voice. “What the hell?! Clodia came here to ask me if I needed more guards herself!”
“And I’m sure she was only happy to know you won’t cost her any more money!” Quintus snarled back.
Clodia stiffens a little, but she puts a hand in her bag of holding and fishes out a truth-stone.
“I care about Joey. I care more about him and the money he makes,” she says, holding up the truth-stone.
Green. Green.
“And not only would I have a [Soldier]’s skull for him myself, but I will also make sure to notify my mother about this. She knows how to take care of these issues.”
Green. Green.
Now, Quintus looks a bit stumped.
“Clodia, Quintus is just worried,” Flaminia says, stepping forward. “What happened upset all of us. I think he should go home and rest. We are all climbing a bit too high on this tree.”
“I would take her advice, Quintus,” Clodia says, stepping dangerously close to the man. “I will let this slide because I feel angry about it too. But if you threaten any violence inside my bakery again, it’s your skull that might get caved in.”
Green. Green.
Damn.
Quintus looks at his boss with an open mouth.
“Quintus, let’s go,” Tiberius starts dragging him out. And this time, he manages to.
As soon as the pair leaves, Raissa exhales loudly. The diminutive Elf takes a seat at the table.
“He means well,” she says somewhat timidly. “We are all worried about you, Joey.”
“I know, I know.”
Clodia walks out, probably returning to her office, and the room relaxes as we start talking about other things.
“So, how’s the house search going?” I ask Raissa.
“Prices are up,” Raissa explains. “We are looking, but it’s hard.”
“I can put in a good word for you,” Flaminia says, giving a pat on Raissa’s shoulder. “I’ll tell them that a lovely young couple is looking.”
“Thanks,” Raissa says dispiritedly.
“Joey, what’s that?” Flaminia points at the piece of paper in front of me.
“Oh, this? Nothing. I was just doing some research on Elves and their customs to see if I had done anything wrong on my date. Taking notes to be a better boyfriend, basically.”
“Huh?”
“He went on a date that didn’t turn out that well, and he wants to make sure he did everything right,” Lucillus explains. “Even though he liked Clodia’s advice more than mine.”
“Come on, don’t be like that,” I give Lucillus’s arm a small punch. “I love learning about this stuff. And I have to write it down since my memory is absolutely terrible.”
“Wait, you are doing research because your date went bad? Why don’t you find a better date instead?” Flaminia says, looking confused.
“The girl I’m dating at the moment is a very nice one, Flam. I want to make sure I’m up to par, that’s all. When it gets hard, it’s time to go harder.”
“That is… very thoughtful,” Flaminia says with a frown. “I wonder if any guy ever did that for me.”
There’s some bitterness in her voice.
“Come on, I’m sure they did, Flam,” I smile.
“Yeah, whatever,” she keeps her frown. “You know what? I’m tired; I’m going home. I’ll see you all tonight.”
Flaminia gets up and leaves, kind of in a hurry.
“What the hell just happened?” I say, looking at the silhouette of the pink-haired [Chef] disappear.
“She might be jealous of a woman who gets all that attention,” Raissa says. “She was complaining about a man before. I don’t know. She said it—she wants someone who puts in the same amount of effort for her.”
“I’m sure they will.”
