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Chapter 301 - Dangerous idea

🕑 Added 2021-08-25 13:00:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

Perizou

Thanks for the corrections! Yeah, I like making the dwarves and other races say things in odd ways from time to time. Just as a reminder that they are different. Also changed the last line to "Hera wanted nothing more than to help her friend return to her glory days." Both our versions felt a bit off XD

Aldous Russell

Thanks! I think "put all the ingredients" might be better as "assembled" or "mixed". I think "would think they were part" should be "it was". I think "But you will have to" might be better as "would". "end of the day. Me going" should be a comma. "Ogryin" should be "Ogryn" (x2). "on the living room" should be "in". I think "looking away deep in thought" would be better with a comma ("away, deep"). "Helenas" should be "Helena's". I think "Only when trying to replicate" would be better as "It was only when she tried to". I think "If now, I'll just be dead weight" would be better as "If I went now, I would". "time between messages" is missing a full stop. I think "on the way to Risli" might be better as "Risli's". I think "giving poison" would be better as "giving them poison". I think "May I give a suggestion" might be better as "make" (or it could be part of his accent). "we currently had" should be "have". "I wanted to leave here" should be "want". I'm not sure you need "having". "nothing more than Hera wanted than to" should be "nothing Hera wanted more than to".


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