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#1137 I Think, Therefore I Am
🕑 Added 2025-03-17 17:37:49 +0000 UTCIt’s begun.
Settlers vs. Farm Monsters.
Chiki-Chiki Intelligence Showdown! Which Side’s the Real Lower Lifeform?!
“UOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!”
They’re fired up.
Is there any battle in the world they’re more desperate not to lose than this?
But seriously, they’re just competing to see who’s smarter, right?
Sure, they’ll figure out a clear winner for this one challenge, but does that really decide everything about being human…?!
“Humans versus beasts! It all comes down to whether you’ve got intellect!”
“Because we have intellect, we humans are at the top of the primate chain! Let’s show these monster chumps what that means!!!”
“Trying to bamboozle us with your half-baked knowledge? Not a chance! We’ll put you in their place!!!”
I-In any case, they really love talking down to the orcs and goblins.
Do they really want to feel superior that badly?
There’s a famous thinker who said “Heaven doesn’t create one person above another,” you know?
Well, we’ll find out who’s actually smarter soon enough.
All right, my orcs and goblins, are you ready?
Got plenty of brainpower to send them packing?
“Leave it to us, My Lord.”
“We shall prove ourselves worthy of your trust.”
Excellent. I knew I could count on you.
Such a humble attitude, yet it only makes their intellect shine all the more.
Now, on to the first question!
The earlier quick-buzzer round was just testing raw knowledge. This time, it’s a battle of wits.
Knowledge is memory; intellect is the power of thought.
So here’s the question… drumroll:
—Little Hiroshi has 1,000 yen.
—He goes to the produce stand and buys two apples for 200 yen each, and three tangerines for 100 yen each.
—How much money does he have left?
“Me! I’ve got this!!!”
One of the settlers is the first to raise his hand.
Okay, go for it!
“Before I answer… just how old is this ‘Hiroshi,’ anyway?”
Huh?
“If you’re calling him ‘little,’ we can guess he’s a little boy. If he’s, say, four or five, isn’t it dangerous to entrust that much money to a toddler? A kid who doesn’t even understand money yet could grow up with a totally skewed sense of finances!”
“Right! And the pricing is weird too! Apples at 200, tangerines at 100?! That market’s in chaos!”
“And what’s this ‘yen’ unit anyway? Gold coins, silver coins? The appropriate amount to give a child, or whether these prices even make sense, would depend entirely on that!”
These people!!
They’re the type to get so hung up on random details in a math word problem that they never see the bigger picture!
It doesn’t matter how the story is set up!
As long as you realize it’s just 1000 – (200×2) – (100×3) = ? it doesn’t matter if Hiroshi’s thirty-something, or if inflation and deflation are running wild, or if the currency’s in free fall, whatever!!!
“Me.”
A goblin from our team raises his hand.
All right, let’s hear it.
“Three hundred yen?”
“Correct!!!”
And with that, the farm monsters pull another step ahead!
Right on cue, the settlers erupt in boos.
“That’s dirty! You confused us with all those random details in an otherwise simple arithmetic problem!”
Shut up.
Ignoring irrelevant info and finding the answer is exactly the point!
…No, wait, you guys stumbled before we even got to that part, which is basically math 101!
Next question.
Drumroll:
— “There’s a golden statue here.”
—“How can you check if it’s pure gold without damaging it?”
It’s a fairly famous puzzle, but I wonder if people from another world know it.
The correct answer is to dunk it in water, but let’s see how the settlers react.
“I’ve got it!!!”
One of them thrusts his hand in the air.
“Bust it open! If it’s only gold plating, you’ll find lead inside! There’s your proof!”
“Didn’t the question specifically say not to damage it?!”
Learn to listen, would you?!
“Uh, well… in that case, you prepare a piece of pure gold of the exact same weight.”
Once again, our goblin nails it with the ideal solution.
“If it’s fake, its density will be different, so the volume won’t match. When you dunk both in water, they’ll displace different amounts. That way, you’ll know if it’s real or not without so much as a scratch...”
“You idiot!”
And now they’re complaining again.
“Who can just produce a chunk of pure gold on command?! Do you realize how hard it is to get gold? It’s precious! One little nugget can feed you for days!”
“Exactly! Do you know how much effort gold panners put in to collect a palm-sized piece of gold?! Have some sympathy before you start telling us to gather matching lumps of gold!!!”
“Smashing it open to see what’s inside is way easier in the real world!!!”
Ugh, their arguments come at me like machine-gun fire, and I can’t repel them.
It’s looking like the day we finally understand each other is a long way off.
***
And so, the Intelligence Showdown ended in a landslide victory for our farm monsters.
Now that our orcs and goblins have proven they can match or surpass mankind in intellect, will the settlers finally recognize them as equals?
“Grrr… this can’t be happening…!”
“We refuse! Monsters are meant to be subjugated!”
They’re still not giving in…?!
What’ll it take for them to accept us?
“It can’t be helped. Everyone holds fast to the worldview they’ve built. Whether they can accept something outside that worldview is the true measure of their intellect, don’t you think?”
Huh? Who said that?
I turn around to see none other than Zoth Syra the mermaid.
Why is she here?
“Fool. I’ve obviously come to fetch my beloved husband. I wrapped up my duties as Prime Minister early, so we can finally have some family time.”
With that, Zoth Syra holds up her newborn baby.
It’s the child she and Orkubo recently brought into the world.
“Honestly, teaching keeps me busy, so moments when our whole family can gather are rare. Could you not drag my dear husband out for your games at a time like this?”
Now there’s Carp, a teacher at Mermaid Witch Academia.
She’s Gobukichi’s wife, and of course she’s brought their daughter along, too.
“We’re about to have a nice family dinner, just the three of us. Don’t go tying up our precious husbands in your trivial matters.”
Uh, right…
Sorry…!
“I’m taking Sir Gobukichi home. I made bonito-broth soup for supper!”
“Isn’t that just a simple broth?”
And so Orkubo and Gobukichi leave, each escorted by wife and child, with a few polite remarks.
We all just stand there dumbfounded, watching them go, including those stubborn settlers who refused to acknowledge the orcs and goblins as equals until just now.
“WE’VE LOST!!!”
Huh?!
Where’d that come from?
They were just making excuses a second ago, claiming the game wasn’t over unless they gave up!
“They’ve got beautiful wives and kids, a cozy home life, there’s no way we can beat that!”
“They’re living more ‘human’ lives than we do! Talk about a harsh reality check!”
“For us who are single to this day, that’s too depressing to handle!!!”
Ohhh, I see.
So, for them, the ultimate proof of someone’s ‘humanity’ isn’t really about intellect, it’s about having a family.
It’s true that Orkubo and Gobukichi have gone through plenty of struggles to become proper husbands and fathers.
Meanwhile, the settles are all footloose and single, which is how they can attempt big adventures in uncharted lands…
So sure, studying is important, but maybe building a family matters, too…!
