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Be a Dragon: Punishment (ch.10)

🕑 Added 2020-04-15 14:56:33 +0000 UTC

Comments

Lightseid

I think you meant Raven. Robin is a guy.

Blair Shirley

I really like this, and it does give me hope for how you plan on using Neo to to give development to Nero, Hinata, and likely Neo herself over time. Robin and Nero's relationship has my interest, I don't think Robin sees it quite as romantic as Nero does whatsoever, but I'm sure Robin is genuinely happy to have a friend that she can't read the mind of, and in general Nero fits a lot of the stuff that Robin would be interested in for a friend. I imagine the next meeting between Nero and Robin will end up having them discuss Neo's actions ngl

Blair Shirley

Well, the whole point, from what I'm understanding, is that Nero will grow to be a Dragon, not that he already is.

DoctorTortoise

I can't seem to reply to your reply to my last comment, so I'm adding it here: I can certainly understand that, I just think it throws too much into the story too soon. Nero and Hinata has a hell of a lot on their plate as is, both in terms of personal issues and the world at large. Adding Neo isn't addressing a lack of conflict in the story, it's making things excessive (in my opinion). I feel like you'd be better off holding back on adding a character like Neo until the pair of them are in a slightly better place, and seem to be coming to a stasis before throwing Neo in to feed the flame. As for Nero's pride, I wasn't talking about just his personal pride, I was talking more about the whole premise being 'Be a Dragon.' When most people think of being a dragon, they think immense pride, wrath, and everything that comes along with it. I think Nero's mindset is coming off as too human, and personally I don't really care for that. I'd be far more interested in reading about his struggles with having a completely warped mindset than just reading about a human get over human hangups. This could just be me, but I feel like you could have made Nero's struggles far more compelling by making him deal with feeling a lack of guilt due to those he killed, rather than having him struggle with being overwhelmed with guilt.

IdeasGuy

That's pretty much the entire reason why I picked Neo -- because of how heavily her personality was going to clash with Hinata and Nero. As for Nero's personality, right now it's not in his character. He has personal pride, but he doesn't have a lot of reasons to be proud. A lot of things were just dropped into his lap without him earning any of them. That'll start to change when he makes reasons to be proud other than making girls cum their brains out.

DoctorTortoise

Honestly still not a fan of it. I just don't think Neo's character works here, too much personality clash and the conflict she provides is more annoying than engaging. I'll also say that Nero has far too little pride to 'Be a Dragon.' I feel like the story would be far better served with more flares of anger and annoyance than guilt. His guilt draws a stark contrast from the type of character Nero seems to be most of the time. I can certainly understand why he's guilty, but I'd find the character far more engaging if his pride showed through more, not just in sexual or violent situations, but in general in his day to day actions.

Lightseid

It was better than the last chapter. We'll see if Neo really will learn to restrain herself and know when to take things seriously or if she's just lying. I would be surprised if she gave a shit about her own life at this point after her POV in the last chapter.

0 Jordinio 0

Now that was a great turn around.


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