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Power Corrupts: Training Montage (ch. 59)
🕑 Added 2021-01-02 15:58:50 +0000 UTC"You have survived the Thu'um?" Paarthurnax questioned as we began. I had no clue if the Graybeards had any idea I was here. Probably not since Paarthurnax didn't take students regularly and the dragon was rarely seen for centuries at a time. I was seated at the base of the Word Wall, which helped with the chill.
"Twice. The times that I was hit were both Fus, but I've gone toe to toe with a Deathlord that used Su. The first one nearly tore right through me but the second time I was hit with Fus, I just got knocked on my ass," I explained, feeling a thrill of excitement. I was learning the Thu'um from an ancient dragon. This is why I picked Skyrim. This shit was so cool.
Paarthurnax seemed to mull that over, a humming sound rumbling from his chest. From the sheer size of him, I could feel the vibrations travel through the ground like a bass system turned up too high back in my old life. "This must be the power of a Familia, of which I have heard about. Before you, it was a rare mortal that could survive even the weakest of Shouts." He sounded like an old man muttering about how much had changed since his day, but given that the dragon was probably only a few short days younger than the dawn of time…
He made a noise that I couldn’t identify. I wasn’t so familiar with dragon body language and the like. “You have come here. I suspect you have a point of where you wish to start,” he said. It wasn’t a question. There were a lot of words that I wanted to learn, but I had to prioritize.
“The Shout Dragonrend. Joor Zah Frul,” I said, and Paarthurnax noticeably shifted when I sounded out the Shout. It was easy enough to guess why. It was a Shout made by man, three words crafted to bring down the dragons, fueled by their hate and rage and grief. It never really hit me before. How badly would you have to hate someone that when you shouted a few words that reality itself bent itself to your will?
Paarthurnax let out a breath that sounded suspiciously like a sigh, “That is not a Shout that I can teach you. It was made by mortals, for mortals, to drag down my kind. To land us, to make us vulnerable… to kill us.” He seemed a little unnerved by the Shout. I knew that he knew that the Shout existed, but he didn’t know it. I guess in the game, there never was a proper moment to react to the meaning of the Shout.
Still, that got my attention. “It’s more than just a way to stop a dragon from flying off when they realize they’re losing?” I asked with a frown. That’s how it was used in the game, at least.
“It is. Dova, my kind, are immortal. Timeless because we are our father’s children made in his image. That Shout robs that from us. We would become time-bound. It would rob us our flight, take away our imperviousness from sword and bow. Perhaps not for long, yet it would not need to be for long. With that Shout, Alduin, the first and most powerful of my kind, was rendered helpless…” Yeah, it was pretty easy to see that he didn’t care for the Shout. Maybe because it could also be used on him.
I looked out at the view, my back facing the wall of power. I’m sure it would be a fantastic view, but all I could see were a bunch of clouds. “Would it only affect dragons?” I questioned, thinking about the words. Mortal, Finite, Temporary. None of them applied specifically to dragons.
“No. The Thu’um is not something so limited by words,” Paarthurnax responded, shifting from his spot across from me. Snow fell in clumps, having gathered up over time. “It is more… art. A desire. The Dragonrend, at its heart, is a Shout to bring down an enemy. To strip them of their power and defenses, so they are laid bare before you, at your mercy. It was crafted to bring down the Dova, but any such enemy would be affected by it.”
Huh. That was some pretty useful information.
“Ulfric -- he was a Graybeard recruit for a bit, but he left before he could take his vows -- said that you have to become the word,” I paraphrased and saw that Paarthurnax offered a small nod.
He shifted again, more snow falling off of him. “In a sense, he is not wrong. The words of a Shout are not simple words, of the like we are speaking now. They are forces of nature that make reality submit when they are spoken. You can say Fus, or Su, or Joor Zah Frul as many times as you like. You can scream them at the world until your lungs run out, but you would accomplish nothing. For without understanding, the words are simply that -- words.”
That also fell in line with what Lydia had said. The skill had been created by saying the words, by trying to Shout, but I hadn’t made any progress yet.
“The Shouts one uses offer much insight into who they are. For you, I believe Unrelenting Force would be a suitable place to start,” Paarthurnax remarked, and I fought off a small frown when I remember something else that Ulfric said.
“Because it’s the easiest to learn?” I questioned and I received a rumbling chuckle in response.
“Because it suits mortals best. Fus, Ro, Dah -- Force, Balance, Push,” Paarthurnax adopted a lecturing tone. “Despite all that have opposed you, it is mortals that rule over this land. You threw off your oppressors -- whether they be dragons or fellow mortals. You refuse to be led by anyone that you do not choose, even if that means death. You disrupt the balance, you force it to change in your favor. Constantly and eternally. That fact of your kind shall never change.”
He continued, looking at me with blue eyes with a cat-like pupil. “You, Jericho, already embody that force of change. Here you sit, in face of a prophecy that was written long before you existed because you willed to be. Against a foe that was destined to devour this world. Who cares not what the gods decree or what they have decided -- you have resolved yourself to do what you see fit, no matter what others have said or done.”
I blinked, never really thinking about it like that. To me, it was just… I don’t know… something that I should do? Getting involved with the plot of a story to change it for the better, and so on. That kind of thing. I never really considered how my actions would look like to an outsider.
“It is that you must internalize. To understand. Your will is a force of nature, unbowing and unbreaking and unrelenting. Mountains shall move, the oceans shall yield and the sky shall obey. For nothing can stop you,” He continued, and I tried to do what he said. Trying to perceive myself as that unrelenting force. It was a little difficult. Or, rather, very difficult. My time in Skyrim, it felt like I had hit roadblock after roadblock. In Danmachi, I was forced to tiptoe around giants. In my old life, I was a total nobody that only managed to live because of party snacks.
“Sounds like a dangerous way to perceive yourself,” I remarked. That really explained some things with Ulfric. I had the theory, but hearing that from Paarthurnax really sealed the deal. That, and how he talked about what shouts you used offered insight into you? In the game, Ulfric knew Unrelenting Force and Disarm.
The will to take over and the ability to strip you of your means to.
To that, Paarthurnax nodded, “Extremely so. That is why the Graybeards exist. To temper the power they wield with meditation and self-control. To understand, but to not be controlled by that knowledge. It is an admirable order, even if some have more success than others.” And at the cost of ignorance and apathy to what happens in the world around them.
The more I learned, the more I understood why Arngeir had said what he did. About his willingness to let the world end and be reborn, even if it meant that everyone had to die, including him. When you cut yourself off like that, it can be difficult to get a perspective of just how huge the world really was. I’ve spent the last three weeks running across Skyrim and I hadn’t seen half of everything yet.
“Now, close your eyes,” Paarthurnax ordered and I hesitated a second before obeying. “Picture what it means to have absolute power. Where your will is what dictates what is and isn’t.”
My first thought strayed to sex. Having Hestia, Tiona, Aela, or any of the other girls do what I wanted in bed -- powerful warriors and gods alike. But that was a little hard to imagine beyond that feeling of power, and it didn’t fit what Paarthurnax was asking for. So, I searched my imagination for a moment before I found a scene from a story.
A king commanding the ocean waves to stop, only for the waves to ignore him. Only this time, when I put myself in the shoes and crown of the king, when I commanded the ocean to stop, the ocean obeyed. The waves went still, waiting for my command to allow them to continue. I nodded, showing that I had a picture, and relayed what it was when Paarthurnax questioned what it was.
I heard him let out a rumbling laugh, clearly amused with my choice. I thought it was a good one. Or maybe he knew that I was lying about my first choice.
"That is what you must embody. An unrelenting force that will reshape reality because you wish to. To destroy whatever stands before you because nothing can withstand you," Paarthurnax continued as I took a deep breath, and it was only then that I became aware that snow had gathered on my shoulders as I sat. "The word Fus means Force. A blow exchanged, pressure applied -- it is something that changes the world around it in some way every time that it is used. That change is not made with gentle means. It is made through force. Through will."
I heard the massive dragon slink closer a half step, "That feeling of absolute power, of that relentless will -- Fus is the embodiment of both… now, stand and say the word." He ordered and I found myself standing before I realized I had moved. I cracked my eyes open and took a deep breath. Bitterly cold air filled my lungs, expanding in my chest as I kept that picture in my mind. As I tried to embody that feeling.
I imagined myself being unstoppable. Unbeatable. Untouchable. Everything that I wanted to do would be done because there was nothing in this universe that could stop me from doing it.
Then, I spoke.
"FUS!" I shouted, my voice echoing across the mountain. But there was no explosive force that tore through the air. Just a loud shout. My disappointment was immense and my day was ruined. It must have shown on my face because the dragon seemed to chuckle at my expense.
"Patience. You are not Dovahkiin. This will take time," he encouraged while I frowned, feeling a little stupid. I brushed snow off of my shoulders, wondering what I had done wrong. Of all my attempts so far, I thought I had that one. I mean, maybe it was a bit arrogant of me to assume that I would get it first try, but I thought I would after all that and the fact I had a teacher now.
Swallowing a sigh, I pulled up my Skill list and looked at the Thu'um section.
Unrelenting Force (1/100): Your Voice is raw power, pushing aside anything - or anyone - who stands in your path.
Okay, so maybe I wasn't just shouting into the wind. I made a point of progress -- less than what I was hoping for, but it was better than weeks of muttering the shout to myself as I ran. It was undeniable proof that I was making progress. And given the nature of the Shout, trying to make it happen would work in my favor.
So, I took in another deep breath and found that feeling again. The feeling of pure power. Then I associated it with something else -- the War Game when I ripped Zanis' spine out. Markarth, when I stood at the top of a mountain of corpses. Both times I overcame incredible odds and emerged victorious.
"FUS!" I shouted again, only to receive the same result as before. And another progress point. Barely any progress was still progress. Paarthurnax watched me in silence, either waiting for me to succeed or to give up. But the latter would kind of defeat the point.
I took in another deep breath, finding that feeling again, and dragging it up. Letting it fill me. I imagined an unseen force that had nearly killed me twice, willing it to appear. That it would slam into the rock outcropping before me and shatter it into a billion pieces. That my success was guaranteed.
"FUS!" Another failure. Another point.
I tried again. This time thinking about my Hell Week back in Danmachi. How I had tirelessly sparred against Ryuu and Tiona. Until my body was too battered to continue, only to get up and do it again a few minutes later. Of constantly pushing myself to my absolute limit, only to go a little further beyond. Of repeating that cycle over and over and over, each time pushing the bar a little higher.
"FUS!" This time I got two points. But the next ten times I got none. Then I reflected on everything that Paarthurnax had said and I got another point. Then I got none for a hundred tries. Only to get another when I thought about what Ulfric said.
The sun began to drift across the sky towards the horizon. Paarthurnax offered no other nugget of wisdom, content to let me go at my own pace. My throat started to hurt, but I ignored it. Snow began to cover my legs from me standing perfectly still. My annoyance grew with every failed attempt, but I harnessed the frustration and let it fuel my desire to make reality my bitch.
I failed about another thousand times to do that. Each time I failed, I increased the intensity of my shout. When I shouted myself hoarse, only then did I get another point.
As the sun dipped towards the horizon, finally setting after a long day of failure, I swallowed thickly and dug deep. I thought about who I am. Who I was going to be. I compacted all of those memories, all of those thoughts, all of those desires into a few words.
Nothing can stop me.
And then I tried again.
"FUS!" I Shouted and everything seemed to click into place. There weren't words to describe the feeling that filled me. If they did exist, then I certainly didn't know them. The closest one I could find was… an epiphany.
Like in those questionnaires, or when you had to describe yourself in a few words -- I had always scrambled because I had no clue what to say. What words could capture who I was? What word could describe me? Kind? Caring? Compassionate? Maybe to some. How about asshole, horny, and confident? It wasn't a simple task.
Now I knew one word that could.
Unstoppable.
In response to my Shout, reality bent to my will. A shimmering invisible force raced from my mouth, a force that expanded outwards until it slammed into the stone outcropping. Then through it. Stone shattered in an explosion of force, sending up dust and snow flurries. It sounded like a clap of thunder, nearly drowning out the word of power, but I still heard it.
My chest heaved and I suddenly felt… tired. My health and stamina bars were still topped up, and it could just be that I stood in place for half a day shouting, but it felt like the Shout had taken a toll on me. So, it wasn't something that I could spam. A little disappointing, but hardly unexpected.
"You are not Dovahkiin, but it would seem you are something else," Paarthurnax remarked as I reached into my inventory to grab health and stamina potions. The first to soothe my throat, and it kinda tasted good in a bubblegum medicine kind of way. The stamina potion didn't help with whatever that Shout had done to me, but I felt better.
Tossing the empty vials back in my inventory, I sighed as I inspected the damage with more than a little eagerness. It was like someone took a sledgehammer to a rock. It wasn't the billions of pieces that I wanted, but it was one hell of a start. "I'm a quick learner," I responded.
Though, this did pose a problem. Force was something easy to imagine. Imagining the power it would take to make reality submit was also fairly easy. Balance came next. That one would be more difficult, but beyond that, there was another issue.
Mortal, Finite, Temporary. I didn't even know where to start with learning that shout. In the end, the dragons weren't my arch enemy. I hadn't suffered their tyranny for millennia. I had no attachment to them at all beyond the desire to kill Alduin, but even that wasn't anything personal. It was just a conflict of interests -- he wanted the world to end. I wanted it to not end.
It was too early to give up. I had a good teacher and I had a willingness to learn. So, tentatively, the plan was for me to learn Dragonrend… and find the Dragonborn. Just in case. Maybe grab that Elder Scroll, drag them here to experience the memory that would teach them the Shout.
"You are," Paarthurnax agreed. "Do you require rest?" He asked as the skies darkened to reveal countless stars.
I shook my head, "I don't need to sleep." I answered, "So I can go as long as you can."
"Doubtful and not what I meant. Mortals often experience a form of exhaustion after Shouting. Do you as well?" Paarthurnax corrected me, and I offered a hesitant nod. "That is temporary. It is like a muscle -- the more you use the Thu'um, the more often you can as your endurance improves." So it was something I could work on? Good to know. "Rest, gather yourself. If you wish to continue, then we shall."
Taking the suggestion, I backed up a few feet and leaned against the Word Wall. The stone was cold, but several layers made up the difference and it felt better since I was out of the wind. To take my mind off of the cold, I looked at Paarthurnax. The dragon seemed to watch me as well with curious eyes.
"So, do you just hang out here all day? For thousands of years?" I asked and it was only when the words left my mouth that I realized I was trying to make small talk with a dragon.
"This is where I wait for the day of Alduin's return, yes," Paarthurnax responded, laying down. His tail circled around his body, reminding me of a cat. "Though I do fly when the sky is filled with clouds to hide my existence. The world does not welcome dragons as it once did." Then he gave me a sideways look, "A fact that does not seem to surprise you."
Probably because I knew what to expect when I arrived, "I don't have any reason to fear you, right?" I questioned. Though, as I spoke, I recalled an old theory about Paarthurnax. "You did some pretty fucked things in the past, but you also gave humanity the power of the Thu'um."
Paarthurnax blinked, "You know much of my history… you speak truth, Outsider. You have nothing to fear from me. Through meditation and self-reflection, I have overcome my true nature."
"Is it better to be born good or to become good by overcoming your own evil nature?" The irony was not lost on me. I was using a quote by the dragon that had said that quote. "I don't think that question has an answer. And I don't think it really matters. Even if you were playing the long, long, long game of bumping Alduin off to replace him at the top(,) then the gods descending sure put a wrench in that plan."
There was no real reaction to my words. Given that Paarthurnax was several thousand years old, he had plenty of time to practice his poker face. "It's the age of the gods. Again. And the age of familias." With the familias that were being formed, even if the dragons returned, they wouldn't be the threat they would have been. The gods wouldn't allow the dragons to ruin their fun.
"Then it is good that I harbor no such ambition," Paarthurnax responded calmly. "I am here to see my brother stopped. Forever, this time." He sounded tired, which led me to believe that he was being honest. It would be a lie to say that I trusted the dragon, but I didn't need to trust him to learn from him. "Alduin turned away from his chosen purpose in favor of becoming a tyrant. This is why I betrayed him."
I considered that. "So do you want the world to end?" I asked, wondering exactly what he wanted if it wasn't to replace Alduin.
"My desires are that of my father's. Alduin is a question of whether this world should be wiped away and started anew. The Last Dovahkiin is a question of whether this world should continue until it's own natural end. Each is a piece of my father Akatosh, a debate with himself. Whoever shall triumph is what he decides." Paarthurnax answered, but that wasn't exactly a satisfying one. I wanted to know what he wanted, not his father.
"Speaking of your father, do you have, like, a direct line of communication with him? Can you talk to him?" I questioned, making Paarthurnax shift to look at me. "I need a favor from him. Could he tell all the other gods to show up at the Moot in a couple of months? We're going to hash out the ground rules there for the gods -- stuff like what happens when they die, who answers to who, and stuff like that. I just don't want any gods complaining about the rules when they didn't show up. It's gotta be something that everyone can… well, asking them all to agree is probably a bit much, but accept."
Paarthurnax offered a shallow nod, "This I can do. I must ask, why do you not simply offer a prayer?"
"I didn't want mine getting lost in the mail?" I shrugged. "I've never really prayed before, so I wasn't sure how to do it. Since this is kinda important, I figured I should try it with a priority message." Then a thought struck me as I looked at the dragon. A frown tugged at my lips, mulling it over.
If the Dragonborn was an extension of Akatosh, then did that mean he could tell me where to find them?
"Could he also point me in the right direction to find the Dragonborn?" I requested, crossing my fingers and my toes. Since the original introduction was screwed, and I was planning on spawn camping Alduin, if I could find the Dragonborn ahead of time then that would be all the better.
"You have usurped a role already, why not ask to become the Dovakin?" Paarthurnax questioned, earning a slow blink from me. That was… what?
"He can do that?" I questioned, wondering if I should ask or not. "He can just make me…?" I don't know why that caught me so off guard. "Would he?"
Paarthurnax did what I'm pretty sure was the dragon equivalent to a shrug, "He has done so before to those that have proven themselves worthy, or to those that were needed to fulfill a certain role." That got me thinking.
I wanted to do it. It would take care of my problems of learning Shouts. But…
I don't think I should. A major perk of being the Dragonborn was the ability to eat dragon souls for power. My plan was to put Alduin down before he had a chance to resurrect any dragons. So, the biggest benefit of being the Dragonborn would be lost to me. I would be able to learn Shouts with ease, which was very tempting…
But I could learn FUS in a day. I could learn the others in time. Meaning, it wasn't a learn it instantly or learn it never. It was learn it instantly or learn it slower. My biggest issue was that I had absolutely no idea what Akatosh tinkering around with my soul would do to my gamer abilities. Would I lose them when Akatosh switched out my soul for a dragon one? I had the option to become the Dragonborn, but I had no clue what topped what. And if I was wrong about the system beating Akatosh, then I could end up stuck in Skyrim forever.
For each pro, there was a con. And there was another con to think about. A lesson that I had learned -- something like saving the world was too big of a task for one person. I needed allies. And having the Dragonborn join my familia would be one hell of an ally.
"No… no, I don't think I should become the Dragonborn," I said and that managed to slip underneath Paarthurnax's poker face. He looked at me sharply, his face twisting into a dragony expression of surprise. "I have my reasons, but I'm also Hestia's. Through and through."
Paarthurnax let out a breath, "I see." He responded, "I will give my father your questions. Though I do not know if he will answer." No surprise there. Still, if I could get a bead on where the Dragonborn was, that would be perfect. Because if I couldn't then it was a real possibility of me being forced to go to Ulfric.
"Thanks," I said as I settled in. That feeling of exhaustion was lessening, but it was still there. And so was that lingering sense of awe. I used the Thu'um. I shouted at reality and made it bend to my will. It was difficult to believe. I had done something I thought to be impossible only a few short months ago.
"Something you should consider, Outsider -- if you do not require rest, then that time should be spent learning. You have made commendable progress today for one that is not Dovahkiin. But it will not be enough for the task before you. Alduin is the most powerful of my kind, even weakened as he will be. I cannot hope to match him, even now." Paarthurnax spoke after a moment, cutting my marveling at my progress to an abrupt end.
When he put it like that, I couldn't argue because he was right. I glanced over at the Mark on the ground. "What do you think I should do? I don't mind burning the candlestick at both ends, but what do you think I need to do to learn as much as I can?"
"The Thu'um is a tool that requires understanding. More so than practice. You have understood the word Force, next comes Balance. Let this task guide you to understanding -- balance between the Thu'um and magic." That sounded like a bunch of vague unhelpful bullshit, but I did see his point. Balance was something that was hard to picture beyond a pencil balancing on the edge of something. Balance, the kind I needed to understand, was deeper than that. "Enlightenment can come from anywhere -- through meditation or action. You must simply understand."
That was something to consider too. Astute Student was playing a role. I could feel that much. So, I needed to plan my gains around the exp bonuses that it would give me. And hopefully, I could get an even better title if I could earn one.
"Classes happen during the day, so I'll go to the College during the day. I'll come here most nights for advice and some privacy," I decided. I saw what they all had been saying about the Thu'um. To use it, you had to have an epiphany or something. Magic, on the other hand, I just needed practice to grind up my Skill. Eventually, I could master it. Of the two, the Thu'um seemed infinitely more difficult to learn.
I had to split my focus. Balance it. It would be difficult but it was so worth doing. And I had Sheogorath to thank for that. When the gods descended, I really wasn’t expecting her to be the most helpful, but she was by a country mile.
"That sounds wise, Outsider," Paarthurnax said, pointedly closing his eyes, and I got the hint that we were done for the day. Or night, rather. I looked at him, then at the Mark, then at the shit ton of snow that was falling to the ground. I wasn't interested in camping out in this weather.
So, I stood up, shaking off the snow. But, before I left, I turned to Paarthurnax and said, "Thank you for the lesson." If the dragon heard me, he gave no sign before I stepped into the Mark.
It wasn't the first time I had teleported before. I did it once to get to and from the War Game, so I had an idea of what I was getting into when I stepped into the Mark. The transition from here to there was still jarring. One moment I was at the top of the tallest point in the world, and the next I was in the middle of a large round room, standing on top of what looked like a magical furnace.
I recognized my surroundings as the opening hall of the College of Winterhold -- the round room was surrounded by pillars, which were in turn surrounded by heavy stone. The brazier thing I stood on, where the Eye of Magnus would go in the final stages of the quest, was in the center of the room. As jarring as it was, it was so much warmer.
But, my attention was stolen by the sound of a tired yawn that echoed through the hallways and room. As I stepped off the brazier, I saw the source, just in time for them to see me out of the corner of their eye.
Lili walked alone, a stack of books on her back using a backpack used for gathering firewood in place of her usual backpack. She still wore her tattered cloak, but it seemed different. Her golden-brown eyes blinked at me as I offered her a smile -- it hadn't been long since we last saw each other, but it felt like so much longer. That was thoroughly proven when tears instantly welled up in Lili's eyes.
"Mr. Jericho!"
