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Never Fade Away: You're Like a Ghost How You're Everywhere (ch. 11)
🕑 Added 2022-12-12 14:52:49 +0000 UTC“You talk to him?” David asked her, their butts parked on the couch in his and Lucy's penthouse and Rebecca really couldn’t get over how swanky the place was. It seemed like just yesterday that David was an adorable punk who didn’t know the first thing about edgerunning beyond that having a Sandy was one hell of a cheat code. Now he was living it up in a high-rise apartment with his cold, distant, and nerdy girlfriend. It was less than a year ago too.
So little time and so much had changed. If it wasn’t for the haircut and the jacket, there were times Rebecca thought she wouldn’t even recognize David anymore.
“Something like that,” Rebecca answered, taking a long swig of her beer, the carbonation making her throat tingle on the way down. “L’s crazy. Not a cyberpsycho. Just plain ol’ crazy. Called me in for a job, but I didn't even get to shoot anyone! And now he’s planning to hit a Militech convoy and is gonna use Arasaka as a distraction. Oh, and he’s buddying up with a ‘Saka ninja.” David, the gonk, looked mildly impressed.
There was even a slight smile on his face that Rebecca wanted to smack off. Just a little bit. “Sounds like he’s taken well to Night City,” David remarked.
Too well. “We didn’t know how bad it was,” Rebecca started, finishing off her beer before lining it up with the other three that she polished off. She rested her head on the couch, gazing up at the ceiling. “The past doesn't matter, but can’t say that it doesn’t shape you. And it sure as shit shaped L, David.” It was normal to let sleeping dogs lie when it came to dealing with a merc’s past. No one got into edgerunning because they had a plethora of options or because they were entirely mentally sound.
Everyone had a sob story and a fucked up past. Everyone. So, it was basic manners to leave it alone.
But, Rebecca had heard it in L’s voice when he dragged that woman out of bed. The rage. The hate. L wanted to murder that woman more than life itself. And he did murder her, in cold blood -- she had it coming, but there was a fine line between killing and murder. L’s hate made him step over it. She knew that kind of hate. Felt it for her gonk brother more than once before he got his head popped off by some cyberpsycho with his dick flapping in the wind. She heard what was said between them and it dawned on her the scope of what L grew up with.
Teaching him every dirty word under the sun was incredibly amusing. Taking advantage of his innocent ignorance was absolutely hilarious. Even now, a month later, he was still asking the cutest questions that seemed so out of place with the look he was rockin’. Even when he flatlined fools and hauled their bodies to Maelstorm to get chopped up, in her head, Rebecca saw a sheltered kid that was staring at the world with wide eyes filled with wonder. That was her impression of him in a word -- sheltered.
“I figured something like what happened to L was going on,” Rebecca admitted. Like any day now, she was expecting Arasaka to get busted for building a shit ton of WMDS or something. And her reaction would be -- ‘damn, that sucks, but I totally called it.’ It wasn’t a shock. It was never confirmed, but if it was, it wasn’t like the world would be shocked by the revelation. She felt that way about L -- it wasn’t at all a surprise to learn that megacorporations were kidnapping kids to experiment on them.
Honestly, the only thing shocking about that was that word hadn’t gotten out sooner.
“But?” David prompted, making a face when he took a sip of his own beer. Still couldn’t stand carbonated drinks but no one liked a teetotaller. Rebbeca reached her arm down and popped another with a titanium thumb.
“It was bad, David. Real bad,” Rebecca admitted. L was carrying a lot of weight from his past. A lot of pain. “He’s hurling himself at a couple of unmovable objects called Arasaka and Militech. He’s going to get himself flatlined if he’s not careful.” Megacorporations were here to stay. Rebecca wasn’t under the impression of anything different. If it was possible to beat them, then that day had long since passed and it was a matter of fact that megacorporations were finger fucking the world.
Even if you knocked Arasaka and Militech down? Another would just take their place. They were like the hydra -- cut off one head and a bunch more would grow. Anything short of killing every single corpo and potential corpo off at the same time wouldn't really do anything. Going against the corps was a hopeless fight that would only ever have a single victor.
“He has a reason to. If it's as bad as you’re making it out to be, he’s not going to leave the people he grew up with behind,” David pointed out, taking a slow swig of his beer. Rebecca could understand that. From the sound of it, L grew up in hell -- sliced open, treated like an animal, spending every day wondering if it was his turn to die? That’d fuck with anyone, and not in the fun way. Leaving people behind to suffer that?
Rebecca imagined that it’d be tough to party when you knew that one of your chooms was getting cut open cock to clavicle so some corpo scientist could shove shit inside of them, uncaring if they died or not.
“Where is he now?” David asked, polishing off his beer and setting it on the table. His gaze darted up to the bedroom, but Rebecca knew better than to hope it was a pass. David was frustratingly monogamous. Lucy too, for that matter. Didn’t they get that a third wheel was a tricycle, which was way more stable and reliable than a run of the mill bicycle?
“Clobbering together some thingy in his garage is my bet. He’s gonna be lying low because of V,” Rebecca pointed out. Proving that L did have something resembling gray matter between his ears. Even if he decided to ignore what it had to say. “It’s for the mission. I’m going on it. Don’t care what you have to say about that. Or L.”
“Heh,” David chuckled, standing up. His hand trembled ever so slightly and he didn’t hide it by clasping his hands together fast enough. “I’ll talk to him. Let him know that I’m signing on too.” Rebecca felt a rush of affection for David at that moment, and it was only matched by the relief she felt. As well as the apprehension.
“We’ll be brushin’ up against ‘Saka and Militech with this one. We’ve never come after ‘em like this before,” Rebecca felt compelled to point out. This was something big. This was stealing something from right underneath their noses that both megacorporations were willing to come to blows over. L didn’t get that. He couldn’t. Rebecca wasn’t sure if he knew the first thing about the corpo wars but everyone lost when there was one.
And L was trying to make them fight to save a single girl he’s never even met. What an absolute gonk. She had to help him.
David was silent for a moment but he nodded his head all the same. “I know,” he answered, his tone telling her that he fully understood the implications. It was one thing to step on Arasaka’s toes in Night City. A lot of people did it. It was part of the game because Arasaka stepped on people right back. It was a very different thing to bloody their nose with a punch to the face. That's not something they would ever be willing to forgive. Same for Militech. “I’ll talk to Lucy. Get her on board. Falco will be in. The only wildcard would be Kiwi.”
The old hag. Way too cautious for her own good. If Kiwi wasn’t careful, she’d end up dying of old age. In Night City. Rebecca couldn’t tell if the thought of it was impressive or incredibly sad.
“I’ll give the old bag a ring too. She was impressed with L,” Rebecca remarked, standing up and stretching out for a moment before gazing out at the city from a highrise. No matter how many times she saw it, Night City never disappointed with a view. All the same, Rebecca preferred looking at the city from the streets. That's what Night City was -- grime, dust, piss, and blood. From this high up, you were in danger of forgetting that. “That doesn’t happen often. Last one was Lucy.”
David nodded, “They were working on a project. Kiwi seemed impressed with it.”
“I’ll catch you later, David. Don’t forget to talk to L,” Rebecca remarked, waving goodbye as she headed for the door. And hopefully, L wouldn’t forget to talk to David. They could have their kumbaya and sort their shit out. As Rebecca headed out of the apartment, she cast one glance at the bedroom where ice queen was taking an ice bath while surfing the net.
Maybe the two of them could help Lucy sort her shit out too while they were at it.
…
What Becca said rang in David's ears like a bell. He was almost at a loss on how to describe what he felt, but he could only compare it to that moment in that shitty abandoned building, standing by Maine. Not when he was barking taunts to show that he wasn't scared to die. It was the moment that stretched on and on for an eternity.
It was the moment that he realized that he couldn't help Maine. The moment that he realized that… that as special as he was, he hadn't lived up to his potential and because of it, he couldn't save Maine.
David sat on the couch, his leg bouncing in place as he looked out the window. You couldn't get a view in this city without being able to see Arasaka tower. That feeling was amplified because it wasn't a moment. Rebecca said that the deadline was a week from now. Enough time to do something, but not enough to actually be able to make any preparations. Not enough that would make a difference.
The little skin that he had left broke out in a cold sweat -- anxious and nervous. L wasn't just picking a fight with Arasaka, he was picking one with Militech at the same time. As far as elaborate suicides went, that had to take the cake. Dragging a hand down his face, he sighed into his hand, his mind racing a mile a minute. Could he talk L out of it?
Doubtful.
David wasn't sure if he would anyway, but this… this felt like taking a step off a precipice. Something that you couldn't come back from and there was only the hope that he stuck the landing. Worse, he wasn't sure if he should involve the others. There wasn't a prize to be won or a pot to split. This was a rescue op and, from the sounds of it, pulling it off would put their names at the top of every corpo shitlist in the city.
"David?" Lucy questioned, snapping him out of his head to look over at her. She was wearing a pair of tight fitted shorts and a crop top, her flesh showing signs that she just got out of an ice bath. It felt like she was running the Net every day now. Ever since L showed up and David could guess the correlation. "What's the matter?" She crossed the room to take a seat by him.
What was wrong? "It's a job. For L. It's… I don't see it going well," David admitted. There was so much wrong and the feeling wasn't going away. That feeling in his gut was like his guts were tying themselves into knots. The feeling of inadequacy was a close second because even with a body that was more metal than flesh, he knew the truth. A truth so stark he couldn't possibly believe anything else -- he wasn't special enough to survive spitting in the eyes of Militech and Arasaka. "Lucy. I know that you have your own thing going on but… I need you on this one."
He reached out, gripping her hand and Lucy winced. At first, his heart sank because he thought he gripped her hand too hard. Then he realized that his limiters were on. That's not why she was flinching.
A pit opened up in David's gut, looking at Lucy and feeling… alone. That was the best way to describe it. She wasn't the same after Maine's death and he didn't blame her. He wasn't the same either. But even though they lived together, and he loved her… deep in his heart, David couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness.
Lucy looked away from him, seeing the hurt on his face. "I don't think that I can-" she started, and David let go of her hand, feeling this Gulf open up between them. "What I'm working on- David, it's… it's not something that I can put off, or leave alone. It's… it's been…" she trailed off, not looking at him and he found himself unable to look at her.
"I don't even know what you're working on," David muttered, his tone more bitter than he intended. There was a long beat of silence as they both looked out the window, side by side, but David felt like they were a million miles away. The early morning sky was covered by smog clouds that looked like they were carrying acid rain. It was always like this around this time of year. Because of it, Night City hadn't seen the naked sun or moon for a month and wouldn't see it for another two.
Poor L.
"And I don't know what the job is," Lucy responded after a very long pause, placing a hand on his and it was only then that he saw that Maine's arm was trembling again. "Will you tell me about it?"
David did. He relayed what Rebecca told him and gave how own thoughts -- that L was gearing up for a suicide run and he wouldn't be convinced to abandon it. Not just because he couldn't fully understand the fight that he was picking, but his patience reached its limit. And from the sound of it, the decision was entirely fueled by survivors' guilt. Because he was the one that got out -- the one that lived.
David was very familiar with the feeling.
"L's a tough kid," David decided. David felt like he was drowning under the weight of Maine and Lucy's dream. L was shouldering dreams and lives.
"No one's that tough," Lucy responded, holding onto his hand. "David- I… the data that we got from Tanaka's head," Lucy blurted out, but her tone was so very soft. It was impossible to mistake the name. That job was seared into his mind until he saw it every time he closed his eyes. Tanaka was the gonk that had Arasaka plans in his head and Faraday wanted them on behalf of a client. The job got botched, Trauma Team came… then the police… then Max-Tac. "Arasaka has been paying Netrunners to decrypt the data that I encrypted for the past year. As far as I can tell, they have almost all of the data back, but they're getting desperate to decrypt the last piece."
Decrypt? That didn't sound right.
"What's so important about the last piece?" David questioned but Lucy shook her head, her grip on his hand tightening until her knuckles were white.
"It's- Arasaka has plans for something called a Cyberskeleton. It's a piece of prototype tech. A new body for Adam Smasher. A lot of it was jargon that I didn’t understand at the time but with L…" Lucy said, side stepping the question entirely, but David's attention zeroed in on the name. Adam Smasher. Arasaka's Legend killer. "It's an exo-suit that utilizes Element Zero offensively. It was in development trials because they were still figuring out how to combine the two. I think they might already have, but they're waiting for two things as far as I can tell -- more information on something called a biotic… and a test subject that could handle the strain. The data that was encrypted… it was a potential user for the Cyberskeleton, David. It was…"
You.
David heard it even if she didn't say it and it was a punch to the gut. That’s why Tanaka knew him.
"Why-" David started, cutting himself off. Why didn't she say anything? Why did she leave him in the dark about this for a year? Why was he marked as a potential pilot for the Cyberskeleton? There were so many questions that raced through his head like a lightning bolt and while he didn't have the answer to all of them, he had an answer for one. That day was seared into memory. Every single second of it.
How Maine was acting. The short conversation with Tanaka himself. Then the Trauma Team came. Then the cops. Then Max-Tac.
Encrypt.
Lucy… she said that there had been no data.
It felt like David's heart froze over and dropped through his stomach. "You botched the job. For me," David spoke, his voice small and soft.
Lucy was quiet, holding onto his hand with a death grip, but she said nothing. Her silence was good enough as an answer. Lucy botched the job for him. To hide him from Arasaka's eyes. Only it had ramifications. The alert to Trauma Team managed to leak out, bringing them to the building. Which put them in conflict with Maine, who was going cyberpsycho. Dorio died. The worst day in his life since his mom died and… at the root of it… it was his fault.
Just like his mom's death was on him. He didn't pull the trigger -- those goongangs did that. But if he hadn't bought that spiked system from Doc, then they never would have been on that road in the first place. His stupidity got his mom killed. Her blood was on his hands, no matter what anyone said otherwise. Now he learned that the one good thing to come if it -- learning that he was special -- is what got Maine and Dorio killed.
"I'm so sorry, David," Lucy said, tears welling in her eyes, a sob lodged in her throat. “I didn’t know how to tell you, so I lied. And I kept lying. And I… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry David,” she wept and David responded on instinct, bringing Lucy in for a hug as she buried her face into his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, closing his eyes for a moment as guilt of all kinds washed over him. Guilt for not noticing the burden that she was carrying sooner. Guilt for feeling lonely when she was trying to keep him safe.
“It’s not your fault, Lucy,” David reassured her before she reached up, placing a hand on his cheek.
“It’s not yours either, David,” Lucy told him and those words were a lot easier to say and a whole lot harder to accept. “I know you’ve struggled with Maine’s death, but that wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I reacted. I didn’t think. I thought if I buried the secret deep enough then it would stay buried and we…” She trailed off, caressing his cheek.
He laid a hand on top of hers, finding that it was so much smaller now. “Could go to the moon,” he finished for her, earning a wane smile.
“You remembered,” she voiced as if there had been any doubt. Of course he did. If he hadn't fallen in love with her as she rode his hospital bed in the street, weaving in and out of traffic, then he fell in love with her when they walked on the moon. Honestly, he never stood a chance in hell. It was almost unfair.
“I’m going to do everything that I can to keep that promise,” David swore to her, knowing that she needed to hear it. “But I want to help L.”
“I know. I do to,” Lucy admitted, leaning into him. “I’ve… been avoiding him,” she acknowledged. “It’s hard looking at someone that came from the same roots as you and turned out so different. I hate this city. This planet. It feels like I traded one cage for another. And he’s fighting tooth and nail to drag everyone out of the cage that he left into this one.”
In the end, it was an impossible task. David knew it. And deep down, he suspected that L knew it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice it all to save one person he didn’t even know. He was doing it because he could save someone at the very least. David knew that feeling all too well too.
“You’ll help?” David questioned and he felt a nod against his chest.
“I will. And… about Maine…” Lucy started, shifting the topic back to one that David was more than willing to let lie. The truth made so many things about that night click into place -- Tanaka’s sudden death was the domino that set it all in motion and everyone reacted to his short circuit with the knowledge that they had. Only was that the truth?
David shook his head, “Maine was already fallin’ apart.” David respected the man. Admired him. Maine had been everything that David had ever wanted to be since he first stepped foot into the world of Edgerunning. However, despite what others thought, he wasn’t completely blinded by rose-tinted glasses. Maine was falling apart. He had been since Pillar’s death. The Tanaka job proved too much. As much as Lucy could blame herself for killing Tanaka, the moment things fell apart was when Maine hospitalized Kiwi.
“But, I’m not like Maine,” David continued.
“Do you blame me?” Lucy questioned, her voice soft. In response, David held her tighter, savoring the feeling of her pressed into his side. It was a sensation that he missed so dearly.
“I don’t blame you, Lucy,” he told her. It was the truth.
She wasn’t the one that he blamed.
…
L had moved out of his garage, apparently, David learned. He only learned that when he pulled up to his garage just in time to find L pulling up with a moving truck, seemingly surprised to see him. “David? What are you doing here?” He questioned, peering at him from underneath a hat -- he wore it because he still wasn’t used to natural light, even through the smog. He was just making it worse by dragging it out or only coming out at night.
“Helping you move, by the looks of things,” David remarked, looking at some rather heavy duty looking equipment when L opened the garage up. Two large pieces of equipment were on the sides of the room along with piles of batteries. From the looks of things, they were the last two items that L had to load up. “Fleeing the city?”
“Hiding from Arasaka, more like it,” L answered, his tone casual as he began disconnecting everything. “V will look for me, if only because she’s thorough. Hanging around somewhere populated like this is going to backfire since she got a look at my face. Had an organic eye,” he added, unplugging the last cable and starting to coil them up. “Found a place in Pacifica to set up shop that no one should come poking around.”
David’s eyebrows shot up, “Pacifica?” Every time he thought that L was getting used to the city, he went and said something like that. Pacifica was the worst part of the city by a wide margin. It was about as close as you could get to being an active combat zone without actually being an active combat zone. And it only made the cut by being split off from an actual combat zone.
“I’ll be fine,” L dismissed any concern or concerns that David might have had out of hand with a wave of his hand. “Help me with this, would ya’?” L asked, grabbing one of the machines before quickly discovering that it was a lot simpler if David lifted them both solo. L was rather fit, far more so than David had been at his age, but not so strong he could lift about a thousand pounds worth of metal.
Loading everything up, he nodded at David. “Thanks,” he offered, his tone sheepish for not being able to do it himself. L had a lot of pride in that regard. He’d rip out another tooth before he would ask for help with anything. From help moving to attacking the two largest megacorporations in the world.
"You'll need help unloading it, and I get to check out your new place," David said, inviting himself over as he got inside the truck. L locked the garage up and got in the driver's seat, but he chose to let the GPS guide him instead. Dangerous habit. Especially when he didn't know how to drive. They took off, leaving his previous home behind as they made their way out to Pacifica.
"What brings you by?" L questioned, a faint suspicion in his tone that told David he knew exactly why he was here. David chose to look out the window for a long moment instead of answering. He was still emotionally drained from his heart to heart with Lucy -- the first one in what felt like months. He wasn't sure he was exactly ready for another one, especially not one like this. “You talked to Becca?”
He had. Rebecca didn’t go into specifics beyond that it was bad, but if Rebecca was saying it, then it meant things were bad. “I think you’re the only one that calls her Becca,” David remarked, delaying the conversation until they were at least outside of the car.
“She said to call her Becca?” L responded as they sped their way along to Pacifica. On the outer edges of the city, the speed limit ticked up to a hundred and fifty miles an hour to avoid insane amounts of traffic, but towards Pacifica? There wasn’t a car on the road. It was almost like it was a completely different city. “Names… are important.”
David spared L a glance for a moment and after a brief terse silence, L continued. “I learned what my name was. From Dr. K. John Shepard,” he said, sounding the name out, but based on how his lips twisted into a frown, David thought he didn’t like it. “That’s what my mom named me.”
“Is that what you want to be called?” David questioned, wondering what it would feel like to be called a letter and a number your entire life, only to learn you had a real name. From a mother that you never met.
L slowly shook his head, “No. My parents… my father wasn’t listed, but my mom is dead. She died of an… overdose around the same time that I would have been taken to the orphanage.” There was a bitter edge in his tone. L clearly didn’t think it was an accident, and from the sound of it, David didn’t think it was either. “I don’t know anything about her beyond that. I don’t know who she would want me to be, but I can’t imagine it would be this. So, I’m L. Just L.”
David nodded, the words striking home. “Your mom. What was her name?” He questioned as they left the highway, slowing down from the two hundred miles an hour they were going back down to the official speed limit of eighty.
“Amelia. Amelia Shepard,” L answered, gripping the wheel with white knuckles.
“Don’t know anything about her, but a mother's love is about as unconditional as it gets. I wouldn’t be so quick to assume that she’d write you off just because you didn’t turn out how she thought you would,” David offered, hoping that would be the case for him as well. He liked to think that his mom would be proud of him -- he was carving his name into the city, and being someone. But he knew it wasn’t what she wanted.
Pacifica looked like a warzone. Burnt-out cars lined the streets, the road itself was pockmarked with craters from explosions ranging from a hand grenade to missile launchers to autocannon fire. The buildings were little better with sides riddled with bullets, some buildings half collapsed where they stood. The people were armed to the teeth just for a casual stroll down the road. It was Night City’s essence distilled into one district -- flashy, dangerous, and filthy.
They came to a stop in front of an abandoned building on the fringes of the district, forced to take a backroad that was barely a third of the way complete, and the third that was done was destroyed. The building itself was in the same vein -- half done and the half that was done looked like it was going to collapse at a particularly strong breeze. Though, as far as places to lay low went, it was a decent one. The truck rolled into an underground garage that was filled with burnt out cars, going down a few levels.
The parking level looked like it had been the site of a few drug dens and a few slaughters based on all of the needles, inhalers, and the old bloodstains and bullet holes in the concrete walls. L had been cleaning the mess up based on a half dozen piles and a broom. His bed was in the back of a burnt-out truck, a beat-up rack held up his clothes and there was some tinkering being done to the pipes to jury rig a shower.
What caught his eye most of all was a large ring that was being set up near the center of the garage level. Whatever it was, it was still in the early stages of being complete.
“Are you okay?” L suddenly asked David, catching him off guard because he was just about to ask L that same question now that the physical labor was done. L was giving him a frown before his gaze drifted down to Maine’s arm. It was shaking. Again. Barely the slightest tremble, but it was noticeable. Closing the hand into a fist, he reached into a pocket and injected an immunosuppressant.
“I’m fine,” David dismissed the concern with an easy smile. “Just need to get a little maintenance done.”
“That sounds like you’re lying,” L remarked as he went about hooking everything up. “I’m not a kid that you need to lie to so you can protect me from the truth.” He sounded defensive about it.
David swallowed a sigh, “Rebecca asked you to ask?” He hazard a guess, earning a nod from L. Good thing that he hadn’t learned to not rat people out. “I’m fine, L. You don’t need to worry about me. Neither does Rebecca for that matter. I’m more worried about you and the fight you’re picking with Militech and Arasaka.”
“You don’t need to be. I’m making sure that I can’t be connected to you in any way. I’m going to leak information about the convoy to Maelstrom and convince them to attack it, so they’ll take the fall,” L explained. How he spoke was a little odd. “I have some funds we can use to lay low for a bit. It should be fine.”
Then it clicked. L wasn’t expecting them to help. He really was trying to pick a fight with Militech and Arasaka and apparently Maelstrom at the same time completely solo.
“Arasaka is already gunning for me,” David informed L. He was still processing the information himself. And he was really forced to wonder if Lucy would ever have told him if a confrontation with Arasaka didn’t already look inevitable. “So, I’m helping. Rebecca will hate being left out. Lucy’s already in. The only questions are Kiwi and Falco, but I think you can rely on them.” David stated, seeing L freeze for a moment.
He swallowed thickly, “I’m not asking for your help.” There was the barest quiver in his voice.
“You don’t have to, L,” David responded and he expected a couple of reactions to the statement. L was stubborn. Almost as stubborn as he was. He thought he would dig his heels in and refuse to budge. To deny their help or state that he didn’t need it. However, David underestimated how much L was already feeling the pressure because the response that he got was completely unexpected.
L crossed the distance between them and threw his arms around him in a hug, words failing him so he used actions to convey his gratitude. David tensed up at the unexpected hug, feeling L squeeze with all of his strength.
“Everything is going to be fine, L.” David said… and deep down…
He desperately hoped that he was telling the truth.
Comments
Anonykor
I'm just now realizing that L might have a Gundam for the final fight of the Edgerunners anime. Holy shit.
Johny5
And now I'm caught up. Spent 20 bucks a month to read your stuff. I have to say it was well spent. Not sure how long I'll stick around but I hope to see Never Fade Away and Gacha God to their completion....barring complications that is.
