Patrick Laplante
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PtM Book 17 - Bonus Chapter—Yama vs Angels vs Devils (Corporate Style)
🕑 Added 2023-02-25 17:29:27 +0000 UTCAnnouncement to follow.
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Myth had it that Yama was invincible. It was tough verify the claim, since beings of this level were nigh impossible to kill, but whenever asked who their least-favorite matchup was, famous cultivators inevitably answered: Yama.
One would therefore think that fabled invincibility would give Yama an edge in corporate meetings. Alas, engineers and city planners were difficult to convince when it was their solution and their project at stake. It was therefore upsetting that the day had barely started, and Yama already had a headache.
“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why the best course of action is to clear out residential area C4 instead of C5 through C6.” The speaker was a man in a well-tailored Hades suit. His voice was as smooth as soul silk, complementing the “evil businessman” look the man was going for. “Not only is C4’s population density lower, thereby minimizing the cost per square foot, but its elevation is also three spatial inches lower on average, maximizing flooding capacity for the unit area.”
“Would it kill you to use metric?” said one of the participants.
“I see no need to do so since converting is easy,” said the speaker.
It was a bad start to a terrible meeting.
Excluding Yama, there were four other individuals in the room. Yama’s role was strictly nontechnical. All he had to do was keep the peace and look threatening, and the rest would resolve itself.
“I, for one, have never heard a viler regurgitation of twisted ideas, Melfor,” said one of the four. Unlike Melfor, her style of dress was simple and straight to the point. A holy and caring aura practically radiated from her white suit skirt, naturally clashing with Melfor’s much darker aura.
The woman was an angel. The man who’d spoken was a devil. There was one more angel and one more devil in the room, making the group perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
“Vile how, Exendia?” Melfor said. “Be specific, and don’t be a bleeding heart.”
“Tone it down, Melfor,” Yama warned.
Melfor inclined his head. “I overstepped myself, Exendia. Please accept my apologies and state your objections.”
“You and I both know that the only reason you’re looking to clear out C4 is because you own real estate in C4 and C5,” Exendia said. “You specifically snatched up these properties before coming to this meeting.”
“Yes,” Melfor said. “I admit it. I have publicly disclosed these investment interests, as per company policy. But let it be known that my profiteering is irrelevant to the current argument. I bought those properties because I knew exactly what the lay of the land was, knowing full well that I did not have full authority to make decisions as to their fate. I knew before buying them that I would need to gain your approval to proceed with the project.”
Angels and devils. They gave Yama horrendous headaches. And at the same time, they were some of the best employees one could hope for. Not only did they have strong souls that could resist the yin aura that pervaded the Underworld, they were hyper-competitive and extremely passionate about their work.
Yama did not like to generalize, but by and large, angels tended to put the good of the company and the good of the people above their personal welfare. They looked out for the bottom line, since doing otherwise would be unethical. They were passionate, hardworking, but unfortunately not very pragmatic.
Devils, on the other hand, tended to pursue their personal welfare. They were experts in doing so in ways that put the company’s values and interests on a pedestal. And like angels, they were very keen on cutting through red tape when doing so suited them.
All-devil teams and all-angel teams were a recipe for disaster. The best way to organize them, Yama found, was using strategies of mutual restraint and augmentation.
For example, this meeting. There were exactly two devils and two angels in the meeting, and one neutral minder. The minder’s role was to moderate the meeting and ensure that any decisions made had the approval of at least three of four group members.
It also fell to the neutral minder to enforce a decision if a consensus could not be reached in a reasonable time frame. And that decision would be specifically suboptimal for all parties involved, no matter how terrible that decision was from a technical or political perspective.
“Look, Exendia,” Melfor said, “this proposal is based purely on the costs involved.”
“Yes, I’m fully aware that C4’s income is well below median and that destroying their residences would be far less costly,” Exendia answered dryly. “This is the worst form of gentrification. I won’t have it.”
“But the costs will be thirty percent lower if we do it this way,” Melfor said. “Think of the company’s bottom line. This will also free up many additional funds, which we could use to temporarily house the residents elsewhere, and even rebuild their homes! They’ll be winning out in the exchange!”
“Most of them are renting,” Exendia argued. “If their homes are rebuilt, they’ll be new and much more expensive.”
Melfor eyed his other angelic opponent, Jazine, then proceeded to make a counteroffer. “What if we compromised and reserved a portion of the new residential structures as government-owned low-income housing? We would add a clause that would prioritize the original residents, at rates comparable to those they are currently paying for the next five decades.”
The second devil in the room snorted.
“What? Is there a problem with my proposal, Norech?”
“No problem,” Norech said. “None at all.”
“Just spit it out, dear, it’ll be better in the long run,” Jazine said. She was the oldest of the lot by far. Yet there was twinkle of youth in her eyes that spoke of brimming vitality. She was a healer, and a very good one at that.
“I just don’t want to see him deceive you, Jazine,” Norech said. “It’s obvious that he’d already considered offering low-income housing. After all, the many businesses in the entertainment district he’s proposed to the council will require workers. Especially the casino.”
“A casino?” Exendia said angrily. “You know how much I hate those things, Melfor. How dare you plot against me!”
“What’s wrong with casinos?” Jazine said. “I love casinos!”
“They cheat people, Jazine,” Exendia said. “They latch on to their hopes and dreams and suck them dry. They’re worse than vampires. They’re worse than mosquitos.”
“I think they give people hope and provide wonderful entertainment,” Jazine shot back. “Sure, some people slip through the cracks. But I think casinos are a legitimate form of entertainment, assuming we can curb addictive tendencies.”
“Please. Focus, people,” Yama interrupted. “You have twenty more minutes to get through this entire meeting, and if you can’t come to an agreement, I will veto both your proposals and run everything through section D7 instead.”
All four of them shuddered. That was the richest neighborhood. There was nothing intrinsically wrong with flooding such a neighborhood, obviously, but the costs would be astronomical. It would blow their budget and take away maneuvering room for their other projects. Worse, it would cost them their bonuses.
“I can agree to this proposal,” Exendia said. “But only if you extend the flood zone into C3.”
“Why would we want to do that?” Jazine asked.
“Because it’s filled with foul industries that pollute the environment,” Exendia said. “If C4 gets flooded, so should C3.”
“Done!” Melfor said. “I couldn’t care less about C3.”
“I have an alternate proposal,” said Norech, who seemed to relish in the sheer chaos of these meetings. “There’s a park not far away. It is uninhabited and frankly probably the cheapest option. By destroying it, we could enact vengeance on the local goose population. The mental health benefits alone are worth considering.”
Jazine ignored Norech. “Give me a fully funded hospital and I’ll agree to it, Melfor. Ten thousand patients a day.”
“Five thousand and I’m on board,” Melfor said.
“Nine thousand,” Jazine countered.
Melfor looked to Norech. “What do you even want?”
“I take great pleasure in watching you suffer,” Norech replied. “Isn’t that enough?”
“Seven thousand and not a person more,” Melfor said to Jazine.
“Seven five.”
“No.”
“Seven four.”
“No.”
“Seven one.”
He pondered with a grimace. “Fine.”
An agreement in principle was quickly reached. They had to haggle with Jazine, who’d been sold on Norech’s anti-goose proposal, but they soon came to a consensus. Ironically, Norech didn’t seem displeased by the result of the meeting. Yama suspected that he’d been bribed in some way by Melfor to instigate at key moments, thereby shaping the tone of the conversation.
Angels and devils. They were at each other’s throats if left to their own devices, but very efficient when forced to cooperate. Not many people knew about this, and aside from himself, only Elder Zhong and Patriarch Heartforge were brave enough to make it happen.
“How many more, Lily?” Yama said once the meeting was over.
“Only forty-nine more today, superimposed,” Lily said.
“Must I?” asked Yama. “Can’t someone else do it?”
“Yes, you must,” Lily said. “You are a very intimidating presence, and quite frankly, the only reason why we’ve been able to keep the archangels and archdevils in check.”
“Very well,” Yama said, resigning himself to his fate. It was just another normal day in the Underworld, free of schemes and world-ending disasters. The Outsiders had all been cleared up, and all he had to do now was pick up the pieces.
