Chuck Tingle
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The Butt Files: The Case Of Bigfoot's Weiner - (Classic Tingler Revisted)
🕑 Added 2023-01-09 19:35:29 +0000 UTCtoday is exciting day as new audiobook for TWIN CHEEKS: AGENT BOOBER GETS ME OFF is out and as usual chuck went to post this tingler online then had amazing discovery, it is recent enough to have ALREADY APPEARED ON THIS PATREON WAY. dang that must mean we have been trotting together for a long time in this online way and for that i have found myself feeling very sentimental and happy. would like to take a moment and say THANK YOU BUDS for proving love to me in this way and supporting me. i am so grateful we have made this connection and cant wait to trot forward on this timeline
ANYWAY first things first, original post of TWIN CHEEKS on here was for true buckaroo tier patreons only and it is now open to ALL BUDS so you can do search and go back and find that now.
NEXT lets talk about THE BUTT FILES. to chuck these two shows always seemed parallel in their ways, appearing on this timeline in similar positions. there are many things that make them different but also many important things that make them similar. both are about FBI AGENTS ON THE CASE, and both were shot in PACIFIC NORTHWEST. really what connections them both the most in mind of chuck is the INDESCRIBABLE VIBES which connect these shows like a string.
in that spirit i thought i would celebrate by posting THE BUTT FULES: THE CASE OF BIGFOOT'S WEINER for everyone to enjoy. LOVE IS REAL
Sculder and Mully are two FBI agents assigned to The Butt Files, a division of the FBI dealing exclusively with cases that are too arousing to solve. Together they’ve managed to crack plenty of unexplained cases, but their new assignment is the most mysterious one yet.
When a troubled bigfoot contacts Sculder about his television set that won’t turn on, the handsome agent jumps at the chance to get to the bottom of this technological paranormal occurrence. It’s only when the agent’s arrive that they discover the TV wasn’t plugged in, but soon the plug itself comes into play. Looking mysteriously like an anal probe, this paranormal plug sends Sculder on a journey to find the truth… deep within his own ass.
This erotic tale is 4,100 words of sizzling human on handsome bigfoot action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies, and paranormal investigation love.
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THE BUTT FILES: THE CASE OF BIGFOOT'S WEINER
By Chuck Tingle
You’d think joining the FBI would bring about some tiny shred of respect from the people around you, and for most folks that’s exactly the case. Unfortunately, when your specific department is located in the bureau’s basement, locked away in a cluttered mess of files and folders, you start to get a different kind of reputation.
It didn’t take long for the name “Spooky” Mully to start getting tossed around in the halls, but at the end of the day, I didn’t join the FBI to make friends. I joined to find the truth.
My partner, Sculder, and me are the only two agents assigned to The Butt Files, a collection of mysterious cases that have been specifically deemed too arousing for the rest of the bureau. These files are paranormal in nature, usually featuring a butt or weiner involved in circumstances that defy scientific explanation.
I’m kicked back in my chair, tossing sharpened pencils into the ceiling as I lounge behind my cluttered desk, when Sculder comes walking through the doorway of our small basement office.
“Television… what is it?” I question mysteriously.
Sculder stops in his tracks, a handsome redhead who is my complete opposite: skeptical and wise but unwilling to open himself up to the possibilities of the paranormal. He’s also the only man in this whole damn place that I actually trust. We’ve been through a lot together, and it’s brought us closer than I ever would’ve imagined possible.
“Well, are you talking about the actual TV set? Or the cable signal that comes out of your wall?” Sculder asks me for clarity. “Because I can explain either of them to you.”
I roll my eyes. “Always with the explanations. There doesn’t have to be a scientific answer for everything.”
Sculder nods. “No, but in this case we know exactly how television works. It’s not unexplained. Are you trying to tell me that this is a butt file?”
I sit up straight in my desk and extend a manila folder towards Sculder, who takes it, opens it up, and begins to read. He’s slowly scanning through my documents, trying to understand the cascade of information that I’ve painstakingly prepared.
“These are just photographs of an old television set,” Sculder finally tells me. “I don’t get it, Mully.”
“Not just any television set,” I offer. “One that doesn’t work.”
Sculder narrows his eyes. “Is it turned off?”
“Ah, one would think,” I reply, standing up from my desk and walking around it to stand next to Sculder. I point at the nob on the front of the television set, which is clearly turned to the on position. “Look here, though.”
“Huh,” my skeptical partner says, clearly a little impressed. “That is strange.”
“Now get this,” I continue. “I called the cable company myself, and apparently they’re still sending signal to this house.”
“Really?” Sculder questions. “But, Mully, that’s scientifically impossible. I don’t see how this could be happening.”
“Well, we’re gonna have to go find out for ourselves,” I tell my partner, pulling two plane tickets from my coat pocket. “Pack your jacket, because we’re headed to the woods.”
“Where?” Sculder continues, curiously.
“The Pacific Northwest,” I explain. “The home this TV belongs to is way out in the forest. A lone bigfoot lives there. We’ve talked on the phone a few times and he’s just as curious about his TV as we are.”
“Something tells me this bigfoot might knw more than he’s letting on,” Sculder murmurs, furrowing his brow.
There’s plenty of forest in Virginia, where the FBI headquarters is located, but here in Washington State the trees are something else entirely. The woods around us are thick and overwhelming, but also beautiful in a way that is undeniable. Looking up into the green canopy above creates a sense of awe and wonder, as though just existing under the shade of these wooden giants is something worth celebrating.
“Right over there,” Sculder offers, pointing up into a long dirt drive that veers off into the lush green forest.
I slow the car down and make my turn, slowly cruising up into a rugged driveway that jostles our vehicle this way and that. Eventually, we arrive at a beautiful, two story home, immaculately designed in a way that is both elegant and old school. Whoever lives here must be making quite a bit of cash.
We park the car and climb out, surveying our surroundings.
Suddenly, the front door of the home before us opens up and massive bigfoot steps out, smiling and waving.
“Hey there! How was the trip?” the bigfoot calls over.
“Good, good,” I tell him. “A little hard to find the place. You’re pretty far out here.”
“Not all of us bigfeet are happy about migrating to the cities,” he explains. “Some of us like to live on the fringe still, reminds us of the good old days.”
“Fair enough,” I tell him, approaching the front porch now with Sculder by my side.
“This is my partner, Sculder,” I offer, and then turn. “Sculder, this is Mr. Lurp Shivins.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Sculder says, stepping forward and giving Mr. Lurp a firm handshake. “We hear you’ve got a rather mysterious television set on your hands.”
The bigfoot nods, a deep sincerity in his eyes. “Yes sir. I’ve never seen anything like it.”
“Mind if we take a look,” I interject.
Lurp nods and then holds open the front door, waving us inside.
The second that Sculder and I enter, I’m hit with a strange sense of foreboding. The interior of the house is absolutely gorgeous, clean and well maintained, but there’s an unspoken, unnatural tension in the air that seems to hang over everything. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s definitely there.
“The TV is over here in the living room,” the handsome bigfoot offers, leading the way.
When I finally see the mysterious appliance, a second wave of this powerful supernatural force washes over me. I walk over to the television and kneel down before it, inspecting every inch of the strange box that I’ve become so acquainted with through photograph. It’s truly amazing finally getting to see this thing in person, to feel its presence up close.
I reach out and turn the power nob, clicking it back and forth between on and off as I the television refuses to react.
“Wow. Incredible,” I gush.
Sculder walks around to the back of the TV, then bends down and picks something up off of the ground.
“It’s not plugged in,” Sculder informs me, holding the plug in her hand. I stare at it, noticing now that the plug is unlike anything I have ever seen. Instead of the two metallic prongs that I’m accustomed to, this cord ends when it reaches a large, metallic cylinder, about two inches wide and seven inches long.
“Oh yeah, my bad,” the bigfoot says. “This is a newer model, you don’t plug it into the wall.
The handsome sasquatch walks over and takes the plug, then pulls down his pants. He reaches back behind himself and then slowly, carefully, pushes the metallic cylinder up into his asshole. Once the plug is fully inserted, the bigfoot starts to beat himself off, moaning quietly as he works his massive hairy fist across the length of his cock.
Finally, the handsome bigfoot gives up. “See,” he says. “Nothing.”
I let out a long sigh and then stand. “Something strange is definitely going on here. We’re gonna need to stay and monitor this television set.”
“I’ve got guest rooms upstairs if you’d like to sleep here,” offers Lurp.
“That would be wonderful,” I tell him.
I wake with a start, sitting up in bed as the cool, blue moonlight streams in through the window and washes across my face. My night has been restless so far, the tension of the house simply too much for me to bear as I toss and turn.
At long last I’d finally drifted off, but something has awakened me.
My eyes drift across the darkness of the guestroom, eventually coming to rest on the smooth glass of the nearby window. There, crafted in white masking tape, a beautiful round butt has been artistically rendered on the outside of the pane.
I stand up, creeping over to the window and then peering out into the yard. At first, I don’t see anything unusual, but as my eyes continue to scan the dimly lit scene they eventually come to rest on a dark shape in a long black trench coat, standing on the edge of the tree line. I make eye contact with the figure, and he nods at me.
“Deep Butt,” I murmur under my breath, immediately recognizing my long time informant.
I quickly pull on my clothes and then creep out of the darkened house, making my way across the yard until eventually I find myself face to face with Deep Butt.
The figure removes his wide brimmed hat, revealing the handsome face of a gorgeous T-Rex.
“Mully,” the dinosaur whispers. “You’re on the right track. This is an important case, much more important than you realize.”
“I know,” I tell him, “but I’m coming up blank. I need help with this one, Deep Butt.”
“That’s why I’m here,” continues the handsome dinosaur. “This case has implications that reach deep into the layers of reality. Using the technology that powers this television set, we could move from timeline to timeline at will.”
“That information doesn’t help me get the TV working, though,” I counter.
The T-Rex hesitates for a moment, giving a deep weight to his voice now. “I’m sure you can get to the bottom of it,” Deep Butt tells me.
“I don’t understand,” I counter, detecting a hidden meaning but not quite able to decipher it.
“I’m sure you can get to the bottom of it,” Deep Butt repeats.
Suddenly, the handsome dinosaur glances up over my shoulder, towards the house.
I turn my head to see that the living room light has come on. When I turn back around to face Deep Butt he’s vanished without a trace, disappearing into the deep, dark forest.
The dinosaur’s words still echoing through my head, I stroll back towards the house. There’s something right in front of me, an idea just hanging in the air and waiting for me to reach out and grab it, but the fully connected picture remains elusive.
I open up the front door and head inside, stopping in my track when I find Lurp waiting for me. He’s sitting on the living room couch, his eyes full of stress and sorrow as they nearly bubble over with salty sasquatch tears.
“What is it?” I ask the bigfoot.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Lurp stammers. “Of all the bigfeet in the world, why do I have to be the one with a TV set that won’t turn on.”
“It’s a mystery,” I tell him, bluntly. “We don’t know, but we’re working on it.”
“I just feel like I’m not good enough,” Lurp continues. “Like my own butthole isn’t even good enough to power a damn TV set. How sad is that?”
Suddenly, a light bulb turns on in my head. I stand in complete shock, amazed that I hadn’t seen what Deep Butt was talking about sooner. If Lurp can’t get to the bottom of this, then maybe I can. Maybe we both can... together.
“After you put the plug up your ass, have you ever actually had sex with someone?” I suddenly blurt. “Or do you just jerk off?”
“Jerk off,” the handsome bigfoot informs me, sending a jolt of adrenalin down my spine. Finally, we’re on to something.
“I have an idea,” I inform Lurp.
I walk over to the television set and take the cord in my hand, then stroll back over to the handsome bigfoot and give it to him. “Put it up your ass,” I say.
Lurp gladly follows my instructions, reaching back behind him and pushing the massive metal plug into his butthole. He lets out a soft moan, his eyes shut tight until the entire plug has been fully inserted. Now, nothing more than a long, black power cable hangs out from his rear, snaking down and coiling across the carpet below until it eventually reached the TV set from which it came.
The bigfoot reaches his hand down, grabbing his enormous cock, but I stop him.
“Wait!” I cry, reaching out and taking ahold of the handsome bigfoot’s rod myself. “Let me help you with that.”
I slowly begin to pump my hand up and down across Lurp’s length, taking my time with his enormous shaft. I slowly drop down to the ground before him, until eventually I’m on my knees staring upward. With my other hand, I reach out and begin to cradle the bigfoot’s balls, working him skillfully as he continues to groan with pleasure.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice something happening with the television set, the once completely vacant screen now flickering ever so slightly. Tiny bursts of static make their way across the frame, nothing too substantial, but enough to tell me that I’m on the right track.
Strangely, however, solving this case isn’t the only thing on my mind right now. While getting to the bottom of this mystery had once been my only motivation, I can’t help but find myself incredibly attracted to this muscular bigfoot as he stands over me. The creature is absolutely toned to perfection, massive and imposing but also warm and welcome.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” I gush, the words tumbling out of my lips before I can stop them.
“Likewise,” Lurp tells me with playful smile.
Suddenly overwhelmed with arousal, I open my mouth wide and take the bigfoot’s giant shaft between my lips. I bob my head up and down across his length, slowly at first and then gaining speed along with the subtle movements of Lurp’s hips.
Eventually, I’m slamming my face down onto the bigfoot’s rod with frantic enthusiasm, belligerently servicing him with everything that I’ve got. In a moment of erotic inspiration, I push my head down as far as I can, retching slightly as the head of Lurp’s massive cock comes up against the limits of my gag reflex.
I pull back and release Lurp from my mouth, struggling to collect myself. “One more try,” I offer. “I’ve got this.”
“I know you do,” the handsome bigfoot tells me.
I open wide and try again, taking Lurp’s shaft into my neck once more in a second deep throat attempt. The sasquatch dick slides further and further down into me, only this time I somehow manage to relax, allowing him passage into my depths. The next thing I know, I’ve found my face pressed up hard against the creature’s muscular abs, his rod completely consumed.
The handsome bigfoot holds me here for as long as I can take, his large hands planted firmly against the back of my hand. He clearly enjoys taking control, and I’m happy to give it to him.
Eventually, however, I run out of air and am forced to pull back, coming up in a sputtering mess as saliva hangs glistening from my wet lips. I gaze up at Lurp with a fire in my eyes, completely belligerent with lust for this incredible bigfoot.
“Fuck me,” I command. “I need you inside of this tight asshole.”
I stand abruptly and march over to the television set, which is now flickering spastically with erotic power, stripping off my clothes as I go. Once I’m down to absolutely nothing, I lean myself over the TV and pop my ass out towards Lurp, wiggling it playfully from side to side and then reaching back with one hand to give my cheek a loud slap.
“What are you waiting for?” I coo. “Get over here and investigate this butt.”
Lurp does as he’s told, saddling into position behind me and aligning his massive bigfoot cock with the tightly puckered rim of my ass. Instead of pushing forward, however, Lurp hesitates, teasing me with his enormous dick.
“Do it!” I cry out. “I need to be fucked! The truth is in my butthole and there’s only one way to get it out of there!”
Lurp moves the head of his dick forward a bit and then pulls back once more, sending a tremor or arousal through my body. This handsome bigfoot is taking control, dominating the situation in a way that makes me supernaturally ache. My entire body is trembling, quaking for his touch.
“Please!” I beg. “Fuck me, Lurp!”
Suddenly, the majestic sasquatch gives in to my pleading, thrusting forward in a firm, confident swoop. I let out a started yelp, not entirely prepared to take the bigfoot’s enormous size. While I’d had a reasonable time maneuvering Lurp’s rod between my lips, taking him within my asshole is another story entirely. His thickness is out of this world, stretching my anal passageway to its absolute limits.
“Oh my god, you’re so fucking big!” I groan, my eyes rolling back in my head as I brace myself against the TV below.
Lurp begins to slowly pump in and out of me, taking his time as my body struggles to adjust to his incredible shaft. To be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure I can take it. My body is flooded with sensations of discomfort and confusion, but I do my best to press onward, to relax my sphincter and consume Lurp’s manhood.
“You can do this,” I say to myself under my breath. “You’ve had harder cases than this before, just focus.”
“Mully!” a familiar voice suddenly shouts from behind me.
I glance back over my shoulder to see my partner, Sculder, standing behind us, a look of pride on his face.
“You’ve got this, Mully,” the man announces, egging me on. “I believe in you.”
“I believe in you, too,” the bigfoot planted firmly within my asshole adds, piling on the encouragement.
Mully pulls out his cock and starts beating himself off, watching the scene unfold with rapt, lustful enthusiasm.
Suddenly, another sharp pang of discomfort surges through me, drawing my attention back to the matter at hand. If I’m going to take a cock this big and crack the case, then I’m gonna need to focus.
I close my eyes, doing my best to relax and allow Lurp’s bigfoot dick to spread me open.
Fortunately, the handsome sasquatch is a fantastic lover, taking his time with me and allowing my body to adjust to his mammoth size. Lurp starts deep, but slow, gradually speeding up until he finds a confident rhythm.
Amazingly, by the time the bigfoot hits his stride, all of the pain has drifted away, replaced instead by a pleasant and powerful ache. The pit of my stomach begins filling with warmth, the pleasant sensation pulsing out across my body in waves.
Suddenly, the television below us turns on fully, displaying a rerun of the classic television sitcom, The Friend.
“It’s working!” Sculder calls out from behind us.
This gives Lurp the final push that he needs, and before I know it the bigfoot is hammering away at my asshole with everything he’s got. The sensation is incredible; Lurp’s cock angled just the right way so that it massages my prostate deep within.
“Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!” I begin to scream, repeating the mantra over and over again in a blissed out trance. I reach down between my legs and start beat myself off, frantically stroking my cock in time with the hammering dick up my backside.
The pleasant sensations continue to build within me, a massive orgasmic wave that rises higher and higher yet refuses to crest. I’m shaking hard, my entire body feeling as though it’s about to explode.
Suddenly, it does, the tension within me releasing as I’m overwhelmed with glorious orgasmic pleasure. I throw my head back and let out a passionate howl as jizz ejects hard for the head of my rod. Below, my cum blasts out across the screen of the humming television set, painting the appliance with a beautiful, pearly splatter.
Apparently, Lurp is on a similar timeline, because the next thing I know he’s driving deep into my asshole, holding tight and ejecting a massive payload of cum. The jizz continues to pulse out within me, filling me up until there’s just no room left and the semen comes spilling from the edges of my tightly packed ass.
Behind us, Agent Mully lets out an orgasmic cry, blowing his load onto the living room carpet below with the help of his own hand.
Utterly exhausted, Lurp pulls out of my butthole and then staggers away, collapsing down onto the nearby couch.
“That was incredible,” I tell him. “And look, the TV is working!”
I step back and take a look at the flickering television before me, watching the characters of The Friend interact through my jizz as it slowly drips down the screen.
Suddenly, the legs that support this appliance push outward, propelling the screen upward to the height of an average human being. The stand begins to unfold itself, adjusting robotically until it becomes a full on humanoid figure with a massive screen for a head.
“Greetings Earthlings,” comes a mysterious voice from within the box, the image quickly changing over to that of a grey alien face with huge black eyes that stare out as us like dark pools.
“Hello!” I stammer in surprise.
“I have been stranded here for a very long time,” the TV continues. “According to my internal clock, I have been powered down for over one thousand and twenty seven days.”
“Where are you from?” I question, in utter shock.
“The outer rim of your galaxy,” the alien television set continues. “We were sent here to observe your species, to determine if you’re more prone to love or hate. Hateful species will be terminated, while species of a loving nature will be helped with their ascent to the stars.”
I swallow hard. “Well… where to we stand?”
The mechanical, television-faced alien breathes deep. “It’s very close, to be honest, but after seeing the way that you and Lurp worked together to bring me back and power me up, I know that love is real here on Earth.”
A wave of relief washes over me. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” the alien counters. “If it wasn’t for your help, I might’ve been powered down for centuries, maybe even forever.”
The living television set reaches back into it’s own head, rattling around for a moment before pulling forth a small black box. The alien being hands the tiny rectangle over to me.
“What’s this?” I ask, inspecting the device. There is a large red button on one side of it, while every other surface is completely blank.
“This is The Big Red Button,” the strange being explains. “It is the most powerful technological achievement in our entire universe, and in the next. It has to power to take you through timelines, to move deeper into The Tingleverse at will.”
“The Tingleverse?” I question.
The living television set nods his flickering head. “We exist on one layer of The Tingleverse, but there are many others. In fact, there are infinite layers. At the top, there’s the layer of the reader, otherwise known as reality.”
“We’re not real?” I interject.
“Kindof real,” the TV explains. “We’re characters in a short story, so in that sense we exist, but once the story ends we’ll blink out.”
Mully steps forward to interject. “This has absolutely no basis in science.”
“It doesn’t have to,” continues the alien. “Each layer has it’s own set of rules. Believe it or not, on other timelines you’re a woman,” the TV tells Mully.
“Really?” I question, fascinated.
The alien nods. “And on some of those layers of reality, The Butt Files don’t exist.”
“Then what do we investigate?” I ask.
The alien shakes his head. “No time to dwell on trivial things like that. This story is about to end.”
“But…” I stammer. “I don’t want to blink out and disappear. I want to be real!”
“Push the button then,” the alien instructs. “See what happens.”
Knowing there are only a few sentences left, I smash the big red button with the palm of my hand. Almost immediately, the world around me begins to break apart, transforming into a brand new arrangement of letters, words and paragraphs. I can feel my body shifting, transforming into a handsome bigfoot sommelier.
I take my position, waiting for the next story to begin.
