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Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Physical Manifestation Of Holiday Shopping - (Classic Tingler Revisited)
🕑 Added 2023-11-24 15:22:41 +0000 UTCaw yes, black friday the most capitalist day of the year. here we are to hear the BANG OF THE STARTING BELL TO SHOP AWAY let the dang games begin. i think most buckaroos have conflicted feelings about this season, which is okay. as we trot this earth we are struck by all kinds of things that give us conflicted feelings, 'conflicted feelings' is basically a summary of the entire human experience on some level
fortunately we have ART to process all of these ways, taking the chaos and contradiction of life and transforming them into song or poem or EVEN A PIECE OF SHORT FORM EROTICA
so that is what i did with this classic tingler POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY THE HANDSOME PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF HOLIDAY SHOPPING from way back in 2017 REMEMBER THOSE DAYS
now we can have something to read while surfing for dang deals online or trotting out to the dang mall at 3 AM for some doorbusters. i am thankful to add this tingler to the mix and hopefully give things A LITTLE balance between the art and the commerce HERE WE GO BUCKAROOS
Ferndo loves the holidays, but the overwhelming struggle to find the perfect present for everyone that he knows is starting to get him down. While Ferndo could easily just buy several paperback copies of Chuck Tingle’s latest books, a great gift that’s available now with free shipping from Amazon Prime, Ferndo heads to the mall on Black Friday instead.
Unfortunately, Ferndo is quickly swept away by the surging crowd, and nearly drowns before he’s rescued by a man in a rowboat, named Borson Reems. Eventually, Ferndo and Borson find shelter on a desert island amid this overwhelming sea of shoppers.
But Ferndo quickly learns that they’re not the only ones who inhabit this beautiful oasis at the local mall. Soon enough, he’s face to face with the handsome sentient manifestation of holiday shopping, who he’s ready to give a piece of his mind… and butt!
This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on handsome living concept of buying and selling action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies, and physically manifested holiday shopping love.
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POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY THE HANDSOME PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF HOLIDAY SHOPPING
By Chuck Tingle
The holidays are my absolute favorite time of year, but lately, I haven’t exactly been feeling the Christmas spirit.
It seems like over the last few years, the shopping season gets nothing but crazier and crazier. Every time the holidays roll around, even more is expected of me, Christmas decorations hitting the shelf at earlier and earlier dates until they’ve started competing with Halloween for everyone’s attention. I understand that people like to give gifts, light the menorah, or hang ordainments on the tree, but there’s a time and a place for it all.
The rampant commercialism of this holiday is also starting to get to me. While I once loved to get up early on the day after Thanksgiving and head out to the stores for their feverishly advertised door buster sales, the crowds have started to double and triple in size, leading to an exponential growth in utter chaos.
Last year, I was nearly trampled under the throbbing sea of shoppers as they struggled to push their way inside the local mall, the mob surging this way and that as I struggled to maintain my footing. Fortunately, I made it out of there alive, but it was later reported that several customers were badly injured in the fray.
Against my better judgment, however, I’m going to try one last time to make Black Friday work. I’m returning to the same shopping mall as before, only this time I’m prepared. I’m arriving even earlier this year (three in the morning, instead of five o’ clock), and making sure I have a good spot right by the entrance. I’ve made a list of all the important sale items, mapped out where they’re located, and worn the thickest clothing I can find to resist all of the pushing and shoving.
In an effort to make up for my disappointing Christmases years prior, I’m going all out with my gifts, getting as many as I possibly can for even the most casual acquaintances. I’ve tallied them up and planned out exactly how much I need to spend on each person to make this the best Christmas ever, and although it’s required me to take out a second mortgage on my house, I think it’ll all be worth it.
I pull into the parking lot of the mall and stop my car in an empty space, gazing out in astonishment at the mass of people who’ve already started to line up at the front doors. This can’t possibly be what I think it is, but then again, there’s no other explanation.
I climb out of the car and start walking over, completely dumbfounded as I approach the throbbing mass of adrenalin filled shoppers, each and every one of them trying to push up as close to the mall’s front entrance as they can.
When I finally reach the edge of the crowd, I tap a nearby man on his shoulder. “This is crazy! How long have you been here?”
The guy turns around and smiles. “Just arrived, but it looks like I should’ve come sooner. Apparently the folks up front have been waiting four years.”
I narrow my eyes, confused. “Wait… what?”
“Yeah, four years,” the man repeats.
“What about the previous Christmas sales?” I question.
“They skipped ‘em,” the man continues. “Didn’t want to give up their spots for this year.”
I consider this for a moment. “But… I’ve been here before and I didn’t even notice them,” I say, still trying to wrap my mind around this whole thing.
“Huh,” the man says with a shrug. “I feel like they’re kinda hard to miss. They’ve developed a whole community out here; police, fire departments, schools. It’s a real shame all that stuff is about to get trampled.”
I check my watch. “Well, it’s only three, we’ve still got a few hours, right?”
“Oh no,” the man before me laughs, shaking his head. “They moved it up this year. Gotta get more shopping in.”
Suddenly, the crowd surges forward, several people stepping up behind me and then pushing towards the entrance. From here, I can barely make out the silhouette of a mall security guard approaching the front doors from the inside. The guard pulls out his large ring of keys and then fiddles with the lock for a moment.
Seconds later, the door swings open and shoppers begin pouring inside. A deafening siren begins blasting through the air, filling my body with a sense of epic dread as I’m swept away in the current.
The next thing I know, I’m being carried towards the front doors of the mall by this frantic crowd, tumbling end over end as they the mob takes on a mind of it’s own. I feel as though I’m swimming in a raging river, the current simply too powerful for me to fight.
Realizing now that I could easily miss the doorframe and end up pinned against the outer wall of the building, I begin to swim across the current, frantically trying to realign myself. The frame is coming on fast and, at first, I’m nearly certain that I’m not gonna make it, but this somehow pushes me to swim even faster. Somehow, as the front door closes in, I manage to slip inside.
The next thing I know, I’m adrift in the cascading waves of shoppers, an ocean of people climbing on top of one another as they struggle to move this way and that. Above me loom massive breakers, the currents sweeping my body this way and that.
I realize now that I’m drowning in this sea of shoppers, the force of the tides just too much for me to contend with. I wave my hands frantically as I struggle to keep my head above the surface, but it’s just too much, and soon enough I find myself slipping down below.
My hand has almost entirely disappeared under the waves when, suddenly, I feel a sharp tug. The next thing I know, I’m being hoisted up into a small rowboat.
The second that I make it inside this vessel I collapse back onto the wooden boards, staring up at the mall ceiling as I struggle to catch my breath.
“You alright?” comes a familiar voice.
I glance down to see the man from outside standing over me, offering a warm smile.
“I think so,” I tell him, sitting up in the boat.
“I’m Borson. Borson Reems,” he offers, extending a hand.
“Ferndo Gorba,” I tell the man, giving him a firm shake. “Thank you so much. You saved my life.”
Borson shrugs and then sits down again. “You needed help. What was I gonna do, just leave you to drown?”
“Some people might’ve,” I tell him. “You gotta get those deals.”
“Not me,” is all the man can say, shaking his head. “It’s not worth letting someone sink under like that.”
I take a moment now to gaze out across the sea of angry shoppers, their wild currents still heaving our vessel up and down in a series of massive rollers.
“What now?” I question.
“Well, I think it’s gonna be a while,” Borson tells me. “I’ve spent a lot of time out on the ocean, and when I see currents like this, I can tell there’s more coming.”
“More shoppers?” I ask.
“Exactly,” Borson confirms with a nod. “The closer the holidays get, the more people are gonna flood into this mall. I’ve got enough rations here on the boat to support two people, but I don’t know if we can survive these waves for more than a few days.”
An icy chill abruptly stabs my heart when Borson says this. The second I was pulled aboard this boat, I felt as though I’d found a truly safe place amid the chaos, but I’m quickly beginning to learn that it’s not as safe as I once thought.
“We’re gonna wait for the storm to settle a bit, and then we’re gonna find ourselves an island,” Borson explains. “Hopefully, we can locate a place with some vegetation to live off of.”
“Sounds good,” I tell him with a nod.
“Until then, we wait,” Borson continues.
I spend the next few hours on this boat trying everything I can to not think about our incredibly dangerous situation. Regardless of how hard I try, however, my thoughts keep coming back to the chaotic tide below us.
What happened to the holidays? My mind begins to wonder, the phrase haunting me like the ghost of Christmas past.
When I was young, this time of year was overflowing with joy and excitement, a time when finding the perfect gift for a friend was actually kind of fun, instead of a life or death competition. It’s incredible how much things have changed, but no matter how much time I spend turning it over in my brain, I really can’t seem to pinpoint any reason why.
“Land!” Borson suddenly announces.
I snap out of my trance and then turn to see where my new friend is pointing, a sigh of relief washing over me as my eyes lock onto the small desert island before us. By now, the waves of the crowd below have died down, a sense of stillness and calm overwhelming the scene.
“It’s beautiful,” I observe, taking in the glorious sight of the sandy beaches and wild, swaying palm trees. The island is small, but definitely much more spacious than the boat we currently reside upon.
Borson and me spend the next few minutes with our oars plunged into the crowd, carefully paddling across the swarming mass of shoppers and making sure to not accidently injure anyone below. Eventually, we slide up onto the sandy beach of the island, where I climb out and then collapse into the ground as exhaustion overwhelms me.
Borson falls into the sand next to me, catching his breath.
“A desert island is a strange place to spend the season,” I finally say.
“We’ll make it work,” Borson replies, optimistically. “Eventually, this crowd may die down enough for us to make it back to the front doors.”
It’s a nice thought, but we both know this is nothing more than wishful thinking. The current is at it’s worst back at the mall entrance, and Borson already admitted that it’s only gonna get worse before it gets better.
I let out a long sigh. “In the meantime, let’s get ourselves set up around here.”
Two weeks have passes and a lot has changed in our little corner of the world. While the raging ocean of shoppers has died down a bit, it’s still bubbling up around us on every side. Fortunately, Borson has managed to row his boat over to a few nearby stores for supplies, providing us with a small, makeshift shelter and even a small Christmas tree of our own. On one particularly lucky run, Borson was able to procure a fishing hook and some bait, and has since been making regular fishing trips out over the heaving crowd, often bringing back utterly massive tunas and even a marlin at one point. It’s incredible what the man can do without so much as a fishing pole to work with.
Currently, Borson is out of the ocean of shoppers while I hang back here on the island, chopping down a few of the nearby trees and then turning them into firewood for the coming nightfall.
Everything’s going better than I would’ve ever expected, and yet I still find myself with a growing frustration in the back of my mind. This is my favorite time of year and, despite our best efforts, it still doesn’t feel like the holidays at all.
It’s just then that I notice him, a strange figure standing over on the shore nearby. He’s large and rectangular, with a bright green bow on the top while red wrapping paper covers his entire body.
He appears to be crying.
“Hey! Are you alright?” I call out, dropping my ax and then approaching the stranger curiously.
The figure turns around, revealing himself to be a large, massive gift box with a handsome face protruding from the front. He’s shirtless, and despite the fact that I’m a perfectly straight man, his abs are utterly breathtaking.
My suspicions were correct, this present was crying.
“I’m okay,” the box says, wiping the tears away from his eyes.
“Are you sure about that?” I continue.
The gift box hesitates for a moment, then suddenly his demeanor changes. “Alright, you caught me. I’m doing terribly.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I offer, approaching and opening my arms wide.
The gift box accepts my hug gratuitously, then eventually pulls back to introduce himself. “I’m the sentient physical manifestation of the concept of holiday shopping,” the box informs me. “But you can call me Crumble.”
“It’s nice to meet you Crumble, I’m Ferndo,” I offer.
I start to say more and then suddenly stop myself, gradually realizing the implication of what this living gift box just said.
“Wait,” I stammer. “So you’re the manifestation of all Christmas shopping?”
The box shakes his head. “Hanukah and Kwanzaa, too.”
I take a deep breath, trying my best to stay calm now that I’ve found myself face to face with the entity that I’ve recently grown so frustrated with. The fact that Crumble is clearly upset helps me a bit, and I sympathize with whatever he’s going through. Eventually, however, my true feelings are just too difficult to keep hidden.
“I have to tell you,” I finally blurt, waving my hands out across the sea of shoppers. “I’m a little upset about all this.”
Crumble nods in acceptance. “Me too.”
“It’s just…” I continue, trailing off for a moment as I try to collect my thoughts. “I love the holidays, it’s a very special time of year for me, and I feel like this emphasis on shopping has kind of stripped away the fact that it’s not about buying, it’s about giving.”
“You’re right,” Crumble admits.
“So… what can we do about it?” I finally ask him.
Crumble seems reluctant to speak now, and it suddenly occurs to me that this is probably a conversation he has quite often. Seeing this, I do everything I can to remain even keeled, to actually give this sentient manifestation of holiday shopping a chance to explain himself.
“It’s okay,” I tell this handsome living box, sitting down on the sandy beach and patting the ground next to me. “I’m gonna listen.”
Crumble takes a deep breath, not exactly sure how to proceed, and then finally sits down next to me. We’re facing each other on the beach, sharing an unexpectedly emotional moment.
“It’s all about balance,” Crumble finally informs me.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
The living gift takes a deep breath. “Listen, there’s nothing wrong with shopping, okay? I understand that people are out here getting hurt, but that’s because this whole thing has been taken to the extreme. If you want to buy something for a friend or loved one around the holidays, then you should do that. Just don’t forget there’re other options!”
“Like what?” I ask.
“Make a gift!” offers Crumble. “Or provide a service! Take your friend out to a movie! Cook them dinner! If you see something in a store window that they’d really love then, by all means, buy it for them, but don’t think this is the only way to show your love.”
I’m amazed at what I’m hearing, not expecting this kind of opinion from the sentient manifestation of holiday shopping.
“Shouldn’t you be telling me to buy as much as I possibly can?” I ask him bluntly.
Crumble shakes his head. “I’m not just the manifestation of shopping, I’m the manifestation of holiday shopping. At the heart of it all, I just want people to have a good time. Even I know that focusing this much on buying and selling isn’t healthy for anyone. And don’t even get me started on Black Friday deals!”
“Really?” I ask. “What about them?”
“They’re not even real! Sure, there are a few amazing door busters to get you inside, but most of the time they’re artificially bumping up the prices beforehand just to make the prices look amazing after you take a huge percentage off. You’re not really saving that much, and you’re also not typically getting the personalized items that your loved ones might actually be looking for!”
“Whoa,” I stammer. “That makes a lot of sense.”
“When you push shopping to the extreme, this is what you get,” Crumble says, waving his hand over the swarming crowd below. “That’s why I came here the other day. I was gonna try to talk some sense into these people, to warm their hearts and open their eyes to a few sensible purchases, like a brand new Chuck Tingle paperback available now with free shipping from Amazon Prime! Or a Chuck Tingle shirt from Chuck Tingle dot com! They just wouldn’t listen.”
“Well, you warmed my heart,” I finally admit. “I knew I should’ve just walked around downtown and got some nice, personalized items from local businesses. I could’ve made my own cards and everything.”
“Would you have enjoyed that?” Crumble questions.
“I would’ve loved it,” I tell him. “That’s the Christmas I want.”
I realize suddenly just how much affection I’ve developed for this handsome package during our short time together. There’s something about his warmth and honesty that completely draws me in, and the longer I spend talking to him, the more these feelings begin to manifest themselves as a potent lust.
“I’d like to start right now,” I suddenly blurt.
“Start what?” Crumble asks, a little confused.
“I’d like to give you something that you can’t just go out to the mall and buy,” I continue.
“Okay,” Crumble says, still not quite sure what’s going on.
I begin to crawl across the sand towards the living manifestation of holiday shopping, seductively swaying my hips from side to side.
As I said before, I’m not gay, but there’s just something about this handsome living manifestation of holiday shopping that I can’t deny.
“Oh,” Crumble suddenly gasps, realizing what’s going on. “Yes, please.”
When I reach the living gift box I push him back and then unwrap his lower section, carefully pulling away the colorful paper until suddenly an absolutely massive cock springs forth.
I’m utterly astonished by the sentient present’s massive size, but I don’t allow it to intimidate me. Instead, I get to work enfolding my hand around Crumble’s thick shaft, slowly pumping my grip up and down across his length.
The living package lets out a long, satisfied moan as I service him, clearly enjoying the movements of my fingers.
He has no idea that I’m just getting started.
Without warning, I open my mouth wide and take the physically manifested concept of holiday shopping between my lips. I pump my head up and down across his length, slowly at first and then gaining speed as I go. The living package is utterly beside himself with pleasure, leaning his head back and letting out a long, satisfied moan as I continue to work his shaft. Faster and faster I go, rapidly sucking Crumble off now, while I reach down and cradle his balls for extra credit.
“Oh my fucking god, that feels so good!” Crumble moans.
Eventually, I push my face down as far as I possibly can onto the living present’s rod, somehow managing to slip him well past the previous limits of my gag reflex. My face now pressed up against the manifested concept’s toned abs, I find myself more turned on than ever. I love submitting myself to this handsome gift, to allow him control over me in this classic sexual power play between man and living concept of holiday shopping.
When I finally run out of air I pull back with a frantic gasp, spit dangling down from my lips and attaching to the head of Crumble’s cock in a long, glistening strand. Now that he’s sufficiently lubed up, I’m excited to take things even farther.
I climb up over the top of Crumble’s large, rectangular body, straddling him with my muscular legs as I reach back and grab ahold of the living concept’s enormous shaft. I carefully align him with the puckered rim of my asshole, but hesitate for a moment, refusing to push myself down onto his rock hard dick.
“You want to fuck me?” I question, teasing the handsome package playfully.
“I want it so bad,” he groans.
“How does it feel to be the one who wants something?” I ask him, laughing to myself at this ironic situation.
“I love it,” Crumble admits.
“Good,” I coo. “Then here’s my gift to you, this tight gay ass.”
Immediately, I drop myself down onto Crumble’s giant shaft, impaling my body across his substantial length. I’d been mentally preparing myself for what it’d be like to take the handsome present’s rod, but I can’t keep from letting out a startled gasp when he enters me. The living gift box’s huge dick is clearly a force of nature. Taking him within my mouth was already a struggle, but this is something else entirely.
Slowly, I begin to rock my body across Crumble, taking my time and allowing my asshole to relax a bit. Crumble’s massive shaft has completely maxed me out, stretched to the absolute limits and aching for release.
“Oh my god,” I groan. “You’re so fucking big. I don’t know if I can take this holiday cock!”
Despite my desperate words, however, I refused to give up. Instead, I focus all of my attention on relaxing my body, allowing my anal muscles to come to terms with the girth of their intruder. The longer that I spend slowly riding Crumble, the easier this becomes, until eventually the aching discomfort starts to slip away. Soon enough, any unpleasant feelings have been replaced entirely, overtaken by a beautiful warmth that pulses through my entire body.
I begin to pick up the pace, riding the handsome living package to a steady rhythm as his cock rams up into my butthole over and over again. The sensation is incredible, and soon enough I am reaching down and grabbing ahold of my dick to help myself along. Now I’m beating my cock in tandem with the up and down movements of my body, the two blossoming sensations forming a wicked cocktail within.
“Oh my god, I’m so fucking close!” I cry out, allowing this pleasant warmth to fill me up. The feeling pulses across my like waves, growing larger and larger with every passing second until, eventually, there’s just too much to take and the feelings explode through me in a powerful orgasm.
I throw my head back and let out a loud scream that carries across the mall, my entirely body shaking and convulsing with spastic tremors. Hot, white jizz ejects hard from the head of my shaft, spraying across the handsome box below me and covering Crumble with a sticky, pearly pattern.
Moments later, Crumble joins me with his own fit of ecstasy, clenching his entirely body tight and then releasing suddenly. I can feel then manifested holiday concept’s cum blasting up into me, pump after pump of his gift box seed spilling forth into my rectum until there’s just not enough room left and it comes spilling out from the sides of my tightly plugged butthole.
When the two of us finally finish, we collapse back into the sand, exhausted and satisfied.
“That was incredible,” I tell the handsome sentient manifestation of holiday shopping.
“It was,” Crumble agrees. “I feel so much better now.”
We lay in silence a moment longer, taking it all in.
“I’ve got something you might like,” Crumble finally tells me.
“A gift?” I question.
Crumble nods.
“I don’t need anything,” I inform him. “I’ve been inspired by this hardcore pounding. You’ve warmed my heart, and you’ve warmed my butt.”
“It’s a gift, but it’s not for you,” Crumble clarifies.
Now I’m interested. “Alright then,” I finally say.
“Unwrap me,” Crumble instructs.
I stand up and lean over the present, carefully tearing away the rest of his colorful paper until there’s nothing but a brown cardboard box left. I slowly open the lid and peer inside.
There, resting within, is a brand new fishing pole.
Immediately, I glance back out at the swelling crowds that surround our island, catching a glimpse of Borson Reems as he rows his boat towards the shore. My friend’s gonna love this, I quickly realize.
Amid the frustration and chaos of this mall, I can’t believe that I’ve somehow acquired such a perfect present. It’s simple, cheap, and very meaningful to Borson.
“Thank you,” I tell Crumble. “He’s gonna love this.”
“Don’t mention it,” the living concept of holiday shopping says with a proud smile. “Just remember, balance is the key. Don’t kill yourself trying to find the perfect gift. You can even make something if you really want! Whatever you do, just do it with love.”
“You’re right,” I tell him. “I’m not going to let the holidays stress me out anymore. I’m gonna enjoy myself, give when I can, and focus on spreading good cheer. That’s what really matters.”
“And sometimes, when you focus on spreading love, you might just stumble upon the perfect gift when you least expect it,” Crumble offers me with a wink.
I grip the brand new fishing pole tightly within my hands, exited to give it away.
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