AdrianKing
patreon
Darkest Before Dawn - 67
🕑 Added 2024-07-04 17:53:12 +0000 UTCChapter 67
“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Kazuki said, wanting to take a deep breath in but holding back. He’d done that too much. There was only so much time he could buy himself or take to calm down. Besides, it was all almost over… “I have duties to attend to, but I’m sure we can continue this at a later date.”
“Of course, Beacon. Thank you for taking the time to answer our questions,” one of the people in front of him replied genially. Which wasn’t the case for some of the others, immediately jumping to press for more questions.
“It was my pleasure,” he said, putting on his best smile and resolutely doing his best to ignore the barrage of voices. “I’m truly sorry, but I can’t answer anymore questions,” he added, moving away from the group, careful to be neither too harsh nor too meek. He needed to be firm, but not aloof, gentle but not weak.
“Aaaand… perfect!” Uwabami told him and he deflated exaggeratedly. The gesture might have been that, but he did feel absolutely spent. They’d been there for an entire hour and talking really wasn’t his thing. Nevermind doing something as nerve wracking as interviews. “That was great!” his mentor exclaimed, pulling him into a hug that he awkwardly returned.
“But?” he asked wryly once they both pulled away. Not once had one of his attempts been perfect. There was always room for improvement, always something he could have phrased better, always some movement that he shouldn’t have made, always some look he shouldn’t have sent. It was a little discouraging, he’d admit, but it was better to fail there and – hopefully – not fail during the actual interview.
“No buts, that was perfect,” Maeda answered and he only narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “So, pessimistic, you gotta work on that,” she told him, but there was laughter in her voice as she reached for his hair and fixed it a little bit. Evidently, he hadn’t gotten the hang of that… or at least the hang of running his fingers through his hair as he usually did without making it worse.
“Now, really, where did I mess up?” he asked flatly, getting a roll of the woman’s eyes in response.
“A few places, but the important part is that you were great there,” she told him, confirming his suspicions. “You are never going to get a perfect interview, Kazuki,” she added with a soft, if a little sad, smile on her face. “I have never given a perfect interview and I like to think I have more chances of that than you. No matter how hard you work on this, one week will only take you so far.”
“... I know that, but surely I can be close with just this one interview, right?” he asked and was not at all reassured when Uwabami kept the same expression on his face. “If not, then what was the point?” he added despondently.
“The point was to make sure your interview goes well, not that it’s perfect. I know U.A. is all about going beyond, Plus Ultra and all that, but sometimes you just can’t,” Maeda told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Sometimes, you’ll do your best, push yourself as much as you can, and it’ll still not be as good as you want it to be. That’s just life. So, don’t forget to allow yourself to fall short sometimes.”
“I know…” he replied, deflating all the same.
“I’m not saying you’ll fail, Kazuki,” Uwabami said, much more firmly than before. “Never go anywhere expecting failure, but also never expect perfection, because you’ll always be disappointed. Perfection doesn’t exist, Kazuki. It’s something to strive towards, but it’s something you’ll never reach.”
“Are you sure you aren’t the Philosophy Hero?” he asked wryly, if weakly.
“Hey, I’m trying to cheer you up,” she replied in mock annoyance, giving him a light slap on his arm. “The point is that I’m not trying to teach you how to give a perfect interview, because that’s impossible. Especially with so little time. No, I’m teaching you how to give the best interview you can considering everything.”
“I know that, I just…”
“You want things to go well, I get it,” she finished for him after he trailed off. It was… a little uncomfortable to be at the receiving end of an expression that soft, warm and… reassuring, if Kazuki was honest. “They’ll go well, Kazuki. I’ll help you make that happen, but I can’t make miracles happen and neither can you. We can only do our best and hope it’s enough.”
“This sucks,” he mumbled, feeling like such a child, but… It was all so much and he felt like he was barely hanging to hope. After all his training, after he won the Sports Festival, after going there and having to deal with stuff that was so far out of his comfort zone it wasn’t even funny… After all that, Kazuki just wanted a win, a clear one. Not one more step up the mountain, but a real peak, maybe not the peak, but one at all.
“I know,” Maeda told him, patting his cheek. “If anyone can pull through, Kazuki, that’s you. You’ve got the strength to do it,” she reassured him and he wanted to hear her say stuff like that forever.
Maybe then he’d start believing them.
“And if you falter, remember that there are people around that can help you. Your friends, your teachers… and I’ll be a call away, alright? So, remember that you’re not alone,” she continued, staring at his eyes the whole time as if daring him to be his usual self and see the worst side of things. He hoped – he really did – that she was right. “Now, come on, you need a break from this and you also need to learn how to not mess up your hair,” she added then, giving him a smile.
“Yay…” he cheered weakly, turning to follow his mentor through the building. Still, being honest, he was grateful to have something else to do so he could distract himself.
“Come on, be a little excited. You’ll be grateful when you finally get the attention of the girl you like,” his mentor said, halfway between complaining and trying to make him feel better.
“I don’t like anyone right now though,” he pointed out and that was… the honest truth, really. Sure, he knew the girls in his class – hell, even in 1-B or Hatsume – were good looking and most of them were nice, but Kazuki was… Kazuki. Between a mix of how incredibly shitty he felt all the time and his terrible public image… He didn’t think it was worth the bother.
Even if by some miracle someone liked him, did he really want to put them through the nightmare that would be a relationship with him?
The answer was no, plain and simple.
“Sure you don’t,” Uwabami said before looking at him and pausing, for whatever reason. For a long moment, it seemed like she was going to say something else before she took a good look at him and closed her mouth. The hero spent a few seconds like that, seemingly struggling with words – which was a rarity considering who she was and how she always seemed to have something to say –, as if there was something at the tip of her tongue that she couldn’t quite get out.
Ultimately, she sighed and shook her head.
“Well, you know what I say anyway. Always look your best,” she decided to go with, clearly letting go of some matter. Kazuki didn’t know what exactly it had been, but he felt like he’d dodged a bullet there, so he wouldn’t ask. Really, sometimes people just acted weird to him. He guessed it made sense, since he hadn’t had what one would consider a normal life so far, but still…
Odd.
[}-o-{]
“Having fun?” Kazuki asked when Kendo finally took a break from some of her posture and acting lessons. Just because he was the one that got all the focus in their internship – he still felt a little guilty about that –, it didn’t mean that the 1-B student was completely sidelined. She did get her moments when she even got some one on one teaching too.
And, surprisingly, she did seem to be enjoying herself.
It was a pleasant surprise though, despite the fact that it made him feel worse about hogging most of Uwabami’s attention. It meant that his friend – one that had been more of an acquaintance before, admittedly – wasn’t stuck in an internship that she hated. Sure, he’d tried his best to help her appreciate it and feel like it had been a good choice, if not the one that she’d have preferred, but...
Kazuki still hadn’t thought that she’d come to like it, all things considered.
“Yeah, I am,” Kendo replied, a wide smile on her face. There was some surprise in her voice and expression though, as if she herself was surprised by the fact that she was, indeed, enjoying herself through their lessons and such. “I have you to thank for that, I guess.”
“I think that’s on Uwabami though,” he pointed out, nodding his head to the side, where their mentor was taking a moment to address some matters from her side-job, which was why they’d occasionally have moments like that, where they could take a break from the internship. After all, the whole thing was supposed to be in regards to hero work and nothing else. There was enough wiggle room for Maeda to include them if they felt like it, but there was just enough of that too for them to not do so if they didn’t.
In that sense, Kazuki guessed they were a little lucky. He knew, from his friends, that their internships had a lot less chances like that. After all, heroes that had less free time than a rescue hero did would be busy more often… At least while they had interns over. No need to look lazy in front of the young ones.
Todoroki had told them, as the one with the most experience in the hero side of things, that most heroes didn’t work at all hours. That was expected, but the public and their perception of things was often, at best, unreasonable. Granted, he’d proceeded to add that Endeavor was, indeed, like that, but then again, the man was the Number Two for a reason.
Despite all that could be said about him.
“I mean, yeah,” Kendo agreed with a nod. Kazuki could tell that she wasn’t done though. Sure enough, she followed that up almost immediately. “But I don’t think I’d have realized how useful all of this was if you weren’t here… Sorry if that’s insensitive of me,” she explained, ending it with a bashful look and sending a vague sense of guilt and embarrassment towards him.
“Don’t worry about it,” he waved off easily, a smile on his face. He liked to think that his movements were all smoother than before, more open, more confident. He’d tried his best to apply Uwabami’s lessons at all hours, to make the most of it. He knew that the hero had told them that they couldn’t keep up the “act” all the time, but he needed to get as much work done as possible, with only one week there. Maybe he’d be able to relax once all was said and done. “I’m just glad I could help, I guess.”
“Yeah,” Kendo replied, very obviously a little out of it after her faux pas, or what she thought was one. Kazuki honestly didn’t care. He knew his situation was a mess. So, if that whole shitshow could help someone he was on friendly terms with learn a lesson or two, he’d take it.
He’d learned to appreciate any kind of silver lining.
“It’s also… kind of nice,” she continued after a moment of silence that she used – presumably, from what he could tell from her emotions – to calm herself. “To feel beautiful, I mean,” she explained when he tilted his head at her. “I know it’s shallow and all, but… I just like the fact that, maybe, if I apply what Uwabami taught me and all, I might be able to get a good reputation. Is it bad of me to want that fame?”
“Everyone wants recognition,” Kazuki reasoned with a shrug. “Otherwise there wouldn’t be as many heroes with public identities, like back when it was all vigilantism.”
“I guess… that’s kind of a sad way to see it,” Kendo commented, to which he had to hold back the urge to shrug again. He’d just remembered that Uwabami told them it wasn’t a good idea to do that much, or at all. It made them seem uncaring and dismissive, which could very easily give the wrong impression, regardless of the context.
“It’s what it is. Few people, if any, are completely selfless,” Kazuki replied, and this time he had to hold back the urge to run his fingers through his hair. God, there were so many little things he had to look out for. Most of the time he didn’t even know what to do with his hands. Until he remembered his lessons for that, that is. “I would know.”
And oh, would he.
Sometimes, people that nobody had ever thought could have a selfish bone in their bodies turned out to be the worst of them all. That was because, often, seemingly selfless people were just selfish people that just appeared selfless because their desires made them seem that way. In a way, he was the perfect witness for that.
“You wouldn’t be the first hero in training I’ve seen to be selfish,” he told her with a half-smile. Most of them were there to prove themselves, for fame or money. Some of them were there to make a difference, but even those were selfish, because they thought and wanted to be the ones to make a difference themselves. “Then again, maybe I’m too cynic.”
And he’d admit as much with no problem. It wasn’t often that he considered it, but he did know that his Quirk gave him a skewed view of the world. Where people often saw black and white and shades of gray, if they were smart, Kazuki saw mostly just black and gray, with the occasional doubtful spot of white.
Pessimism, thy name was Kazuki Endo.
“Maybe a bit,” Kendo commented wryly. “What do you think about… About me, now?” she said, making a very poor use of their teachings. Uwabami would have a field day with the way she’d said that. Alas, she wasn’t around and Kazuki got what she meant anyway.
She was asking if his opinion of her changed after what she’d told him.
Which…
“Don’t be stupid,” he told her, and this time he had to hold back a roll of his eyes. “You worry too much. I don’t know you nearly as much as your classmates or friends, and I can tell you are as much of a hero as any of us. You are good, Kendo. Relax.”
“... I guess,” the girl said shyly looking down, but she was happy, he gathered. Not only because of the smile on her face but also because there was nothing to pick up from her, at least for that moment. He took that as a win. “Thank you, Endo.”
“Call me Kazuki,” he told her, a grin on his face that he resolutely held onto even as she turned a little red. Yes, he knew it was embarrassing and all, but he pushed through that. For a moment, he considered making a comment about how it was odd that she was Kendo and he was Endo, but that felt… cheap. So, he decided to go with the truth. “I’ve found that I… Well, I prefer that.”
“... I can do that, yeah,” Kendo replied, her unsure expression softening and a smile forming on her face. “You can call me Itsuka then.”
“Sure thing,” he said with a grin of his own.
There was a long moment of silence then, as they stayed where they were, sitting on the couch with the TV on and waiting for Uwabami to come back. Personally, Kazuki made a mental note to ask their mentor what was up, because she was talking a little too animatedly with the staff member in front of her. There was actually a fair bit of negativity building there. Other than that, the silence wasn’t so bad, really. The two of them had gotten plenty of time to be next to each other without much to do or say through the days.
“Do you think she’ll let us train for a bit today?” Kendo- Itsuka asked, breaking the quiet moment.
“Probably,” he answered, leaning back on his seat and sending another glance towards Maeda. “Wanna ask if we can go now? She looks like that’ll keep her busy for a bit.”
“Yeah… Yeah, I’ll go do that,” Itsuka said with a small smile as she stood up and left.
Watching her go and approach their mentor, Kazuki felt a sad smile form on his face. He was getting an idea of what was going on and the way Itsuka’s emotions spiked all but confirmed it. Furthermore, there was no misunderstanding the way both of them glanced towards where he was.
It seemed, if he wasn’t wildly wrong about things, that Uwabami was now feeling the consequences of offering him, of all people, an internship. So, sitting there, Kazuki wondered what he should feel about that? He imagined guilt was as good a guess as any, but that felt… disrespectful for the woman. He wanted to feel bad for that, but he imagined Maeda would just wave him off, at best, or be angry at him for that, at worst.
And yet, ignoring that felt wrong too, so…
‘I guess I’ll have to make sure it wasn’t for nothing,’ Kazuki decided, turning his eyes away from the two of them.
[}-o-{]
‘That’s the last one,’ Kazuki thought to himself, closing his suitcase. He looked at it for a long moment before glancing to the side and giving the second one a wry look. That one contained his costume and it was a little odd to realize that he hadn’t even used it, considering Uwabami had helped him change it for an entirely different thing. Well, at least that one had seen some use in classes before, he supposed.
For once, he wasn’t wearing his new costume. Instead, he was in a set of new clothes that Maeda had helped him choose. After days of wearing nothing but his “costume set”, it was odd to be back in normal clothes, to be honest. Not a bad oddness though, since he hadn’t quite gotten used to the formal attire just yet. If anything, it was nice to be back to things he was more used to.
Besides, it would be odd to be traveling and doing normal things in his costume. He wasn’t an actual hero to be going around ready for a call, after all. Maybe once he was, he’d follow Uwabami’s example and be in his costume more often than not. While he might not have quite grown comfortable in it, he had to admit that it was growing on him.
With a sigh, Kazuki took both suitcases and started moving.
It was time for his internship to end, sadly. He felt like a week wasn’t nearly enough but… Then again, he was pretty sure he could spend a whole year there and still not be done learning from Maeda. As it was, a week was almost nothing, despite how much he felt he’d learned. With a week more…
It wouldn’t do to dwell on that though.
Despite dreading what came next – his promised interview –, Kazuki felt… happy. He’d taken Uwabami’s offer with more than a few doubts, he’d admit. However, that was far from the case anymore. Hell, his confidence in his choice had only gone up since he’d actually gotten to it. Maeda had been much, much better than he’d dared to hope, let alone what he expected.
Now though, it was time for him to go back to his life at U.A. and face the battle that he’d set up and prepared for. The interview that would make or break his public perception. Yet another stepping stone in his path to being a hero and who he wanted to be, and just like the previous ones, it felt like a decisive one. At times, Kazuki would feel like he was walking on a tightrope. Every step was important, every failure could be the end. There was no space for mistakes or bad decisions.
Somehow, despite that, he was feeling more confident than he’d been in any previous instance. He’d prepared as best he could. Kazuki very much doubted there was something he could have done better as he prepared for the interview. Maeda had done her best to teach him and he’d done his best to learn.
Now, it was just a matter of facing the music.
Before that though, he had to say goodbye. As he approached his mentor, he idly noticed that Itsuka wasn’t around just yet, but that was hardly surprising after their internship. If anything, it amused him to no end, because…
“She didn’t take that much getting ready when we arrived, I’m pretty sure,” he commented, drawing a smile from Uwabami. “I blame you for this.”
“And I take that as a compliment,” she replied, looking very proud of herself indeed. “We all should always look our best and we girls do need to put more work into it. That’s why we look much better than boys in general though.”
“Not denying that,” he replied with a slight smile.
“Oh?” was Maeda’s reaction and Kazuki sensed danger coming his way. Thus, he went for a deflection. Fortunately for him, he had the perfect thing to say… even if it was embarrassing.
“Thank you,” he said, trying to convey just how grateful he was with his voice and expression as best he could. “For everything. I can’t tell you how much all this has meant for me. I’ll do my best not to disappoint you.”
“I know you won’t,” Uwabami told him, a soft smile on her face once more. For once though, Kazuki didn’t shy away from it, returning it with an unsure half-smile of his own. “You’ve been… you two have been the first internships I’ve gotten where I feel like I actually helped you be better instead of just… help someone pursue fame for the sake of fame. Not that you had a lot of competition there,” she explained, trailing of self-deprecatingly.
A part of Kazuki’s mind realized that most people probably reacted to her offers much the same way his friends had done or how Itsuka had felt at the start of things.
“People are generally not that smart, I guess,” he commented, drawing a surprised laugh from the woman. “I know you’ve helped me lots. When I have to give interviews in the future, you’ll definitely be right there when I mention the people that helped me get… wherever I manage to get.”
“And that’ll be great for my reputation, considering you’ll get far,” she said and there was so much certainty in her voice with no doubt whatsoever in her feelings, that Kazuki felt genuinely moved. Unfortunately, he couldn’t quite respond to that, because the sound of Itsuka’s suitcase wheels reached their ears then and there. “There you are, and you look fantastic too.”
“I wanted to use your teachings on my way out,” Itsuka said shyly, looking, indeed, fantastic, as their mentor pointed out. “Thank you for everything, Maeda-sensei.”
“Go and make me proud, ok?” she said and Kazuki silenced the small voice that told him she sounded like a mother sending off her kids. He also had to silence off the voice of his own mother popping out from the corner he’d pushed it to so far.
“We’ll do our best,” he said for both of them, using all his classes to keep a calm expression and a smile on his face. He thought he did a good job hiding everything, considering neither of their emotions shifted.
“And remember that I’m a call away if you need advice of any kind, ok?” Uwabami told them and if he was reading things right she wasn’t all that eager to send them off, truly. Alas… they had to go and she had to stay.
“We’ll remember,” Itsuka replied for both of them.
And soon, they were both on their way back after a week that felt both like much more and much less than that.
[} Chapter End {]
Hey guys! How’s it going?
And thus, the internship comes to an end. This was a pain in the ass to write, considering I’m a fairly antisocial person that doesn’t like the news or TV in general. People seem to have liked it well enough though, so I guess that’s as much as I can ask, really.
Either way, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.
Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ
Random Question: What did you think about this arc? I’d appreciate having some of your thoughts on the matter.
See you.
