AdrianKing
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Darkest Before Dawn - 68
🕑 Added 2024-07-11 17:53:03 +0000 UTCChapter 68
‘Hard to believe I missed this place,’ Kazuki thought, walking through the door of his apartment. ‘My little hole in the wall.’
Although, calling it “his” might be an over exaggeration. The place was far from his, after all. He barely got to live there. He didn’t own shit, of course, but the place felt strangely his either way. His stuff was all over the place, despite the fact that he’d organized it before leaving. There were his books, his aquarium (which he’d need to check on, but looked fine at a glance, thankfully) and his board with photos and other stuff.
All that was his.
‘So, I guess…’ he mused, closing the door behind him and just… standing there for a bit, taking in his surroundings as if he were seeing the place for the first time. ‘In a way…. this is home now,’ he thought, walking up to his table and running his hand over it.
It was a bit depressing, that his home was an apartment he was given just so he’d have a roof over his head. It was just a place where he’d go when he had nothing to do and he didn’t often take his friends there, considering how small the place was. However, it was more than he’d ever had before. Certainly more than the house he’d lived in with his parents, at the very least.
So, leaving his suitcase somewhere out of the way, he moved around the place. He checked his aquarium to make sure things were fine, he dusted a little bit and then just… got himself a cup of tea and sat down. After the rather hectic week he’d had, the silence of his apartment was… nice.
Melancholic, but in a good way, if that made any sense.
So, Kazuki sat there with his mug of tea and the quiet apartment, letting the seconds trickle by. He didn’t really have a reason to. He wasn’t even thinking about anything in particular. It felt mostly like… he was finally enjoying a true moment of peace after the week of work, studying and training he’d had.
Leaning back on his chair, he took a moment to appreciate the calm. For whatever reason, the strange quietness of the situation extended to his sense. He could feel the negativity flowing towards him, the same as always, but the peace seemed to extend even to that, making it wash over him and almost not affect him. It was… a strange experience. Sort of how he felt when he was listening to music, he supposed.
Eventually, he had to get up and actually do some things. It might be the weekend, but that was no excuse to be lazy. So, he set out to organize his stuff from his remaining suitcase first. The one with his costume – both old and new – had been left at the school. It was a bit of a shame that he didn’t see any of his friends back there, but everyone was arriving at different times, contrary to how they set out.
After that was done, he idly messaged with his friends, telling them that he was looking forward to seeing them the next week and such. Everyone was at home meeting with their families and all that stuff, he supposed. That’d keep them busy for the weekend, he imagined, together with the homework they had to deliver in regards to the internship. He couldn't say he was a fan, but it was what it was.
Getting to that, he tried to push away the sinking feeling in his stomach. It didn’t matter. What if he didn’t have anyone waiting for him at home? It was fine. It was good. Much better than having his mother around, that was for sure.
“I’m disappointed.”
It was good.
So, he pushed all that aside and just set out to complete the essay he needed to write and all the other things he had to deliver the next Monday. It was dull, but that wasn’t so bad. It helped him forget how shitty he felt, at the very least.
It was fine.
Eventually, he had to stop and prepare himself dinner. In the free moments, he’d continue messaging his friends and even Distressed, now that he had more free time. It was good to know that he actually had the time instead of having to worry about being called any second or having to be quick.
Things were good.
So, in the silence of his apartment, after having eaten, Kazuki took his phone and started playing games. He hadn’t finished his homework, but that could be continued later. There was no rush and Uwabami had told them that they needed to be careful not to overwork themselves. Thus, Kazuki did just that, taking a moment to relax and all.
Things were fine.
Eventually, it was time to go to sleep, he supposed. He dragged his feet about it though, lingering in front of the photo board and his aquarium. He stayed there for a long time, taking some pictures of the creatures in his tank and just… letting time pass him by. He appreciated the distraction, more than anything.
Nothing was fine.
The silence, previously calm and peaceful, was now like a weight on him. After an entire week of nonstop noise, work and people… his place felt so very empty at that moment. The messages weren’t helping, his games weren’t helping, his aquarium wasn’t helping either. He was starting to suffocate in there, amidst the deafening silence.
And then he blinked.
There was an annoying tune ringing through the place and he looked at his phone. Someone was calling him, he realized, which didn’t really happen much. His friends mostly just texted him if something came up unless it was urgent. What could possibly have happened that day of all days though?
He blinked again as he checked the screen… and then he answered.
“Hello hello~,” the voice greeted him from the other side of the line. “Made it back alright? You didn’t send anything. I’m kind of hurt, Kazuki.”
“... Sorry,” he said, a little caught off guard. “I was just… It was weird, to be back here.”
“Everything alright?” Maeda asked, concern clear in her voice.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he answered. “How are things over there?”
And as he heard her own answer, Kazuki thought that maybe things weren’t so bad.
[}-o-{]
“I’m telling you, it’s bullshit,” Distressed sent him and Kazuki had to hold back a chuckle even though the other person wouldn’t have been able to hear him anyway. It was just so damn funny, even if it was dumb. “How come I got two off banner units?! Two, Knight, fucking two! What’s this bullshit?”
‘Skill Issue?’ he sent, unable to stop himself.
“Oh, shut the fuck up!” his friend – because Distressed really was just that by that point – replied almost instantly, finally getting a chuckle from Kazuki. “Fuck this bullshit game of yours, Knight. I’m gonna uninstall this shit.”
He very much doubted that, quite honestly. Even if Distressed did, he expected the game would be re-downloaded by the next day. He’d been saying stuff like that practically since he got him to play. Distressed might have shit luck, but he was no quitter.
“Anyway… How are things on your end?” was the next message he got, making him blink. “You were a little all over the place last week. Everything alright?” Distressed asked him and it took Kazuki off guard a little. Sure, he might consider this person a friend but… Their relationship was mostly based on random conversation and him trying to help them through their problems.
It wasn’t the first time that things were shifted towards him instead of Distressed, but it was still odd.
‘I’m doing well,’ he answered, feeling like a liar even though he wasn’t really lying. He was feeling alright, it was just… ‘I’m nervous. Big day is coming and I have to do well,’ he added and if that wasn’t the truth, then he didn’t know what was.
“Well, good luck then,” Distressed told him and Kazuki could almost feel the awkwardness with what that was said. He wasn’t a social person, but Distressed had him beat in that department, sort of like Todoroki, if in a different way. Well, he could literally feel it, actually, sensing the nervous hesitation coming through his sense.
‘Thanks,’ he replied, because he really appreciated that. Sure, maybe his friend wasn’t all that eloquent, but he tried and Kazuki could feel that, so it was fine. It was always a weird kind of reassuring when other people’s negative emotions inspired positive ones in him. Should he feel guilty about that? It was just him being happy that they cared, but it was also him being happy that they felt bad, in a way…
“I have to do something so… Talk to you later?” Distressed sent then and Kazuki could have laughed. If that wasn’t running away, he didn’t know what was. Still, he didn’t point that out. He appreciated the effort of the encouragement, if nothing else.
‘Later, Distressed. Thanks again,’ he replied and he smiled a little wider when he noticed that the emotions were alleviating. A moment later though, his expression fell and he set the phone down on the table in front of him.
‘I need to get a hold of myself,’ he mused, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling in silence. Bringing his hand up, he pressed his thumb to his forehead as if that would help his scattered thoughts focus. ‘Monday is around the corner. I can’t be this much of a mess…’ he told himself, frustration twisting his features before he sighed.
‘Ok, let’s do something before I go crazy,’ he mused, picking up his things to continue working on his homework. Once that was done, he could continue preparing for his future interview. There were notes from his internship to go over and he needed to work on what he wanted to say and how.
Many things to do and not a lot of time.
Kazuki couldn’t afford to be a mess right then and there.
“Calm and confident, Kazuki. That’s how you do it,” he could almost hear Uwabami telling him in his mind. “You know what to do. Now, act like it.”
Smiling to himself, he started working on his things. He’d done everything he could to prepare up to that point. Being nervous and panicking wouldn’t help with anything. He needed to pull through and so he would. If he messed up, then he could at least do it because he failed properly and not because he was too afraid to do things the right way.
He hadn’t trained and studied up to that point only to let some nerves get to him.
‘I can do this,’ he told himself.
Now, if only he could truly believe what his mind was telling him. Because no matter how hard he tried to psych himself up, he kept falling short. There’d always be that doubt gnawing at his mind, asking him if he was sure, whispering that everything could be over if he failed, accusing him of wasting everyone’s time only to fall short anyway.
He took a deep breath in.
He had a feeling that time up to Monday would feel like it took an eternity and it passed in a flash at the same time. That was just his luck, he supposed, because of course the wait time would be awful too. He couldn’t have nice things, life had made sure he knew that.
‘Enough pessimism, Kazuki. Get shit done,’ he told himself. He just needed to focus on the objective and how nice things would be after the interview was done. People would hopefully leave him alone, at least a little, the public wouldn’t hate his guts, the news would talk about him less and he’d be able to spend time with his friends and continue being an U.A. student like normal once more…
Yeah, that sounded nice.
He just needed to not mess up so that all that actually happened.
Kazuki sighed.
‘No pressure.’
[}-o-{]
He’d been right.
The weekend after his internship and before going back to normal classes took forever at the same time that it didn’t give him time to prepare nearly as much as he'd have liked. He’d expected that, of course, but it didn’t make the slow, ever so slow, hours, or his panicked studying and rehearsing any easier. Every second, it felt like Kazuki was going through a battle against emotions.
Only, there wasn’t just Quirk’s forced negative empathy that gave him the most trouble. No, what did was his own feelings, his own nerves and fears and doubts. It reached a point where he could barely give any attention to the incoming negativity, really… If it wasn’t for the fact that the overlap made his own emotions worse, stacking on top of each other as if actively trying to mess him up.
He pulled through as best he could, coming up with all the distractions he could and trying to focus himself into preparation. It still felt like his insides were heavier and tied into knots almost all the time though. Not something he appreciated, he’d admit, but he reassured himself with the knowledge that one way or another, things would be over soon.
‘None of that matters anymore,’ Kazuki thought to himself as he walked to school, like he had every other time. Now, it felt different and not only because of the tension that made his body feel like it was all made of lead. He’d triple checked how he looked, styled his hair as best he could, made absolutely certain his uniform was impeccable and then applied all that he’d learned to the way he walked and his expression.
His mind buzzed with memories of Uwabami’s lessons and notes that he’d read and re-read countless times. Everything he’d been taught kept repeating itself over and over again in his brain, never stopping. He kept his breathing even, his face clear and his mind as calm as he could make it, even if it wasn’t much.
‘Calm and confident,’ Kazuki told himself.
He stopped walking as he reached the last turn. With a shaky breath in and trembling fingers, he pulled his phone out. Gulping, he unlocked the device and went over his messages. There was encouragement from basically all his friends. Even his teachers had sent some words of reassurance and cheer. Hell, even Aizawa had sent something… even if it was laughably dull.
Taking a deep breath in, he went to do something else with his phone.
“Good morning, Kazuki,” the voice on the other side of the call said and he felt the smallest bit better just hearing her. Not that it meant much in the grand scheme of his emotions, but anything was better than nothing. “The big moment is here, huh?”
“... I don’t feel ready,” he admitted, leaning against the wall by his side and willing the world to just swallow him whole. If only he were that lucky, however. “I’m not ready.”
“You can do this,” she told him firmly, confidently, and it just reminded him of all that he needed to be but wasn’t. “I taught you, didn’t I?”
“One week isn’t gonna make a difference. I’m not made for this, Maeda,” Kazuki replied, feeling smaller than he’d felt in so many years. He felt scared and helpless, just like he’d been as a child, in his house or in juvie. He was that Kazuki once more and he didn’t know how to not be him.
“One week was enough. You can do this, Kazuki,” Maeda repeated to him and he wished so much that he could believe her. “Remember-”
“Calm and confident,” he said, a weak smile on his face.
“Exactly. Find your focus, ignore everything else and do what you need to do,” she told him and he closed his eyes, as if that would make it easier to apply the advice. “I know it looks like a lot, it’s scary and huge… but you can do this, Kazuki. You have what it takes to be a hero. And this? This isn’t going to stop you, Kazuki. This isn’t the end of your path. This is just the beginning.”
“I want to believe that.”
“You are the Disaster Hero, are you not?” Maeda asked him and he could almost see her confident smirk. He felt his lips pull up, as if trying to imitate the expression. “The Beacon of hope in hard times. This is nothing. You’ve faced and will face much harder things than this, and you’ll be fine. I believe in you.”
I believe in you.
Such simple words, those four. He’d been told similar things several times. Hell, he thought someone might have said those exact words to him, maybe even several someones. He couldn’t very well remember at that very moment, but he thought it had happened. However, that didn’t make those words less powerful, didn’t take away from them at all.
Because it would never not be important to Kazuki, hearing that people believed in him, that people were on his side, that people cared.
“I can do this,” he mumbled, his voice shaky. He didn’t believe he could, but maybe if he said it enough, if someone else said it enough, maybe, just maybe, he would start to. “Can’t I?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“You sure can,” Maeda said, with no hesitation or uncertainty in her voice at all.
“I can do this,” he repeated, this time trying and likely failing to put some more confidence.
“You sure can,” she repeated too and he let out a breath that seemed to untangle a bunch of the knots in his chest. “Now, focus yourself and go. You got this.”
“I got this,” he repeated, as if trying to make himself believe it. “I’ll call you later with the good news.”
“That’s my boy,” Maeda said, pride clear in her voice, and Kazuki smiled a little wider.
He nodded to himself then, placing his phone in his pocket after ending the call.
Going around the last corner, he saw the reporters at the entrance of the school. He felt trepidation claw its way back inside him, just like all the other times he’d seen them, but so very differently. After all, he’d be facing them this time, not ignoring them and not being escorted through them. There was no avoiding the issue anymore.
It was time to deal with things.
‘Calm and confident,’ he repeated to himself even as he saw that they saw him.
He felt the emotions shift. There was nervousness, there was fear and there was even malice. There were many emotions coming from the group and it was all so… much. They weren’t overwhelming or anything, but he was very aware of them. They drilled a hole in his skull, every single one of them, as his mind tried to analyze them and figure out what they could mean for him.
Ultimately, it was a futile endeavor, but he couldn’t help himself.
‘Calm and confident,’ he said in his mind and it was almost a chant at that point. A reminder and a reassurance, in a way, that he hoped would carry him through things. He needed all the strengths he could manage to find for himself. Strengths, reassurances, hopes and dreams, everything was necessary if he wanted to make it through this and actually come out winning on the other side.
‘Why couldn’t it be a fucking fight? Damnit,’ he thought as he got closer and closer to the school. The reporters were staying where they were, surprisingly, even if they were very obviously readying themselves. He almost wished they would rush him or something so that he could get to it sooner instead of having to slowly walk towards his much dreaded encounter.
“Find your focus,” Maeda had just told him, but it didn’t seem like something that would come easy to him. This wasn’t one of their exercises back at the agency. No, he needed something stronger, something more.
‘Time for an old trick,’ Kazuki decided, because the emotions were getting to him and he was very obviously not going to make it through as he was. He thought he could, but his own emotions were overwhelming enough even without the extra his Quirk threw on top of him.
So, he looked for emotions that weren’t his. No nerves, no fears, no insecurities. Instead, he pulled on the anger, the boredom and many others. The feelings weren’t good, but he knew enough to manipulate them to his advantage, if only a little. It was better than the mess his mind had been before. The emotions cut through his muddled thoughts and focused them, shaping them into something useful.
He felt the smile on his face turn the smallest bit more honest. He felt his confident stride grow more natural. Fuck the reporters, the public and his situation as a whole. He was going to make it through, if only out of spite.
“I’m disappointed.”
“You truly are that woman’s child.”
Fuck them all.
Kazuki was going to be free.
Kazuki was going to be great.
Kazuki was going to be a hero.
He was going to make it through and prove himself to them, to everyone, to himself. Nobody would stop him from succeeding. Nobody could stop him from succeeding. He was done with them all. It was his moment now, the time for him to start steering his life to a better place, a better path. He thought the Sports Festival was it, but it was just a stepping stone.
So was this moment.
But fuck them, he’d do as much as he needed to, take as many steps as he needed and overcome as many challenges as he came across. He’d do it because he refused to be that scared child behind a door. He’d do it because he refused to be that hopeless child inside his cell. He’d do it because he refused to be that child at the brink of collapse in a crowd.
“Good morning, everyone,” he greeted, his best smile in place. Maybe he was trapped then and there with the reporters, but he was not without his weapons. He was prepared.
He was ready.
‘Bring it on,’ he thought, daring them to do their worst.
“I promised answers,” he said and his grin grew wider when several camera flashes illuminated his surroundings. He had to control his anger before the annoyance cracked his act. He had to control his boredom, before the apathy changed his tone.
Kazuki could do this though.
“And now I’m here to deliver on that promise,” he added, stopping once the closest reporter’s extended microphone was close enough. Just the right distance for the device to catch his voice perfectly, like he’d learned in interview practice. He’d walked a little to the side, making it look as casual as possible as he positioned himself at a good spot for the light of the morning sun to shine on him, like he’d learned at the ad studio. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions, but I ask you all to hear me out, because this will be a long story, a long explanation. I’ll tell you everything, however. I’ll leave out nothing, because I have nothing to hide,” he announced and he felt some emotions shift around him, but he ignored that.
He kept a firm grip on his emotions, focused.
‘Calm and confident,’ he chanted one last time.
“Let me tell you all my story and what led me to where I am right now,” he started, his eyes sweeping through the crowd of reporters, stopping in no one in particular. He caught sight of Kizuki in there, but she wasn’t important at that moment. He had to keep the flow, keep talking and pull through. “It all started a long time ago before my Quirk even manifested,” he announced, focusing his eyes forward, directly on the closest reporter.
It was time for the world to learn who Kazuki Endo was.
[} Chapter End {]
Hey guys! How’s it going?
We are here, guys, at the final boss. It was never AFO, it was the press all along. After this fight, DBD will be over and we’ll be able to move on to the next-
What? What do you mean this isn’t the end boss fight?
Huh…
Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.
Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ
Random Question: Thoughts on the story so far?
See you.
Comments
PiezoVolt
Im liking the story so far with the challenges for the protagonist being different from other bnha fanfics. More of internal conflicts than just physical with a realistic way on overcoming a long term personal problem.
