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Darkest Before Dawn - 80
🕑 Added 2024-10-03 17:53:04 +0000 UTCChapter 80
Idly, Kazuki thought over his options for new Grimm in his free time.
Differently from when he discussed the topic with his classmates and friends though, this time he was more just… entertaining ideas. Instead of thinking practically, he just thought of what would be cool. Most ideas were more than a little crazy, but some of them… Some of them he almost believed could work, for some unfathomable reason.
Than again, his Grimm didn’t necessarily make sense. If they did, his Imps wouldn’t have horns and so slender bodies, nor would his Beowolves be so werewolf-like instead of just wolves. Perhaps the most glaringly obvious examples of this were the Nevermore and the King Taijitu though, because what sense did a snake that had a head on both ends make? Or a crow that could shoot feathers?
His Grimm might have some base on natural things, but they were anything but. They were amalgamations of negativity, abominations. They weren’t real, which was why they turned into dusty wisps and then literally nothing when they died.
Thus, Kazuki wasn’t too concerned with the impossibility of his crazy ideas. He might even give them a try at some point, he supposed. Might as well, so long as the creature could cover some area he needed it to. There was one in particular that had been popping up more and more for a while, but he was always reluctant about it.
Well, that was a lie.
There were two, but… No.
Just…
No.
‘Won’t leave me alone, will you?’ he thought, pushing aside the Grimm ideas as he usually had to after a while. Instead, he focused on his fish tank in front of him. He didn’t have a water-based Grimm, he knew, but that wasn’t what he’d call a priority and the only ideas that came to mind were kind of… extreme. ‘... And I’m trying to stop before… Huh… That'd be rather simple. Why didn’t I think of that before?’ he thought, blinking.
Well, he now had a Grimm idea to go over, he supposed.
He’d been trying to stop thinking about that, but having something to focus his mind onto worked just as well. That made three Grimm he was planning to make though, and it was getting a little out of hand. Sometimes he wondered if it was a good idea to make his repertoire so big. He might have too many options at some point, which could be bad if he couldn’t decide which one would be better in a given situation fast enough. Or he might overlook a good option because another came to mind first.
Ultimately, the fact was that covering more bases was better, Kazuki knew. It was just that he was a little intimidated with yet another thing that he’d have to work on, which was choosing which Grimm to use when. The list of things he had to work on never seemed to get shorter, only longer. It was scary as much as it was annoying, quite honestly.
He was halfway through setting up his Grimm planning things – read, propping his phone on something so he could read better and readying a notebook to take notes in – when his phone chimed with a new message. Kazuki found himself a little surprised that he wasn’t surprised about that. Once upon a time, he’d have thought it impossible that anyone would send him anything. The idea would have been alien to him.
There he was though, with a bunch of people in mind that he wouldn’t think weird to get a message from.
‘Will wonders never cease?’ he thought to himself, unlocking his phone to see a message from Distressed. Leaning back on his chair, he opened the chat to check and raised his eyebrows after reading the text. ‘Starting off strong, huh?’
“Do you have your shit together as much as you make it sound sometimes?” his sort-of friend had sent him, no greeting and nothing else even remotely leading to that, nor an explanation afterwards.
‘Not at all,’ he replied honestly. ‘I just go about things one step at a time and there’s a lot of playing it by ear.’
“Man, you must be good.”
‘I wish.’
“... Knight,” Distressed sent then, after a good few minutes between that and the last message. “I think I’ll do something really fucking stupid.”
‘Distressed, we’ve been over this,’ he sent as quickly as possible, frowning as he tried to place Distressed in the building.
He couldn’t.
“I won’t attack anyone… at least, I don’t think so. This will be arguably worse,” Distressed told him, which didn’t help at all.
‘Distressed!’ he sent quickly, trying to buy himself time. He already had half a mind to send a screenshot to Aizawa and a bunch of other people.
“I think I might drop off the grid for a bit, Knight. I just wanted to thank you, for everything.”
‘Distressed, just talk to me, ok?’ he pleaded, his plans long forgotten as he felt his heartbeat accelerate and like his lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen. ‘Whatever it is you are thinking of doing, don’t.’
“You want to be a hero, Knight,” Distressed sent him, and he was making less and less sense by the second. “A hero’s job is to meddle when they don’t need to,” he added. “I’m gonna meddle a whole lot, Knight, so… wish me luck.”
‘You aren’t going to listen, are you?’
“Not at all.”
‘Then… good luck, Distressed. I hope this doesn’t go badly for you.’
“It probably will, but it’ll also probably be the most helpful thing I’ve ever wanted to do,” his friend replied and Kazuki gulped. “So, thank you again. I don’t know where, who or what I’d be without you, Beacon. Godspeed.”
And then, Distressed went offline while Kazuki stared at the screen.
Beacon.
Distressed had called him Beacon.
In a matter of seconds, he sent off a bunch of screenshots of the conversation to the people in the know about his chats. He didn’t know what the idiot had or was about to get himself into, but Kazuki would be damned if he did nothing. He was less worried about them knowing who he was and more about them getting in trouble, honestly.
They were one more of his friends by then, after all.
[}-o-{]
As it turned out, everyone knew who Distressed was…
And they were still not telling him.
Kazuki wasn’t sure of the specifics. To hear Aizawa tell him, it was in case they were overreacting and to preserve the progress he’d made. He wasn’t sure if that was the only reason, or if it was a reason at all and not an excuse, but he wasn’t too concerned with that. He was more worried about his friend, quite honestly. He just wanted to know if things were fine.
Apparently, things weren’t looking too good though.
Nobody was finding Distressed, certainly not at the apartment building. A bit of a search party had been sent out to places they knew him – he’d gotten confirmation about his gender, actually, if through a slip up – to frequent and nothing either. They couldn’t do much else at that very moment, but they would keep an eye out and take the proper steps from there.
Kazuki didn’t like that very much, but…
“I know,” Aizawa told him, sharing a cup of coffee with him at his apartment. The guy definitely wanted to butter him up, because he was spamming his Quirk on Kazuki like he had nothing better to do. “You are worried, but you did all that you could for him. More than that, I’d say,” his teacher continued, giving him an unimpressed look that clashed a little with what he was saying. “You have entirely irrational expectations of yourself.”
“Blame it on my negative Quirk and my shit parents,” Kazuki grumbled, looking away and cupping his coffee between his hands. “No matter what, I’ll always feel like I’m failing, like I should do more, like it’s never enough.”
“That makes more sense,” Aizawa agreed, his voice even despite the bubbling anger that he was barely keeping under wraps. Kazuki could feel it though and it was… nice, he supposed. “But are you trying to get better?” his teacher asked and that gave him pause.
“... I think so? I’m trying to think more optimistically, trying to-”
“From what I know,” Aizawa interrupted, not looking at Kazuki but at one side. “You are trying that… but I meant about yourself. Are you trying to think positively about yourself? Have you tried to think what you do is enough, or that you did a good job with something, or that you are good at something?” the man pressed.
And Kazuki had no answers.
“That’s what I thought,” Aizawa said, almost like a sigh. “You are a remarkable kid, Endo. You have a very strong Quirk, if an unfortunate one. You are intelligent, skilled, competent and, more importantly, not any kind of localized idiot in a way that’d affect your performance,” his teacher said, apparently unaware of how awkward Kazuki was starting to feel.
It wasn’t often that he got that much praise, after all. And when he did, it wasn’t often told in such a direct and blunt manner. The fact that it was Aizawa the one behind those words just made them more impactful, in a way. The man hardly ever complimented anyone, other than some simple words.
“So, have some confidence, Endo,” Aizawa told him, turning to look at him once more and erasing his Quirk. “You are a problem child, but in a way that has nothing to do with you in particular. Your situation is a problem, but you are not one. Do I make myself clear?”
“... Not really,” he mumbled, earning himself a glare. Somehow, even when his sensing came back and he felt the man’s anger, frustration and annoyance, Kazuki didn’t feel too bad about it. “It just… doesn’t come to me, I guess.”
“I guess that’s what you’ll have work with, the same way that Bakugo has to work on his anger and Midoriya has to work on his nervousness. You are a student, Endo. Nobody expects you to be perfect,” Aizawa told him, sighing and taking a sip from his coffee.
“Tell that to the public,” he grumbled, looking down at his own dark and bitter drink. Suddenly, he wasn’t feeling like forcing that down his throat. ‘I should have gotten a cup of tea, nice and sweet,’ he lamented, taking a sip anyway and holding back a grimace.
“They are already changing their minds, but you aren’t. That’s your problem right now,” Aizawa explained, drawing a dubious look from him. “Just because you aren’t All Might in the eyes of the public doesn’t mean everyone hates your guts. You aren’t public enemy number one. People are coming around, Endo. Please, see that.”
“I’m trying,” he said, but even he didn’t know if that was the truth or not. “It’s just… so hard.”
“You can feel everyone’s contempt, truly feel it, and that’s not easy to get over,” Aizawa told him and Kazuki refrained from telling him that he knew that already. “You want people to stop feeling like that, you want a world where people won’t hate you.”
With a wan smile, as bitter as the coffee between his hands, Kazuki waited for the next part that he knew was coming.
“That’s not possible, Endo.”
“I know that… I know that already,” he replied, suddenly feeling the strength leaving his body. He felt so very small, so very tired, so very… weak. “I don’t want to live like this… I don’t want to live surrounded by negativity. I can’t do it.”
“You can,” Aizawa reassured, once more using his Quirk on him, as if to emphasize something. “Because you're not alone. When things get to be too much, you’ll have people beside you, ready to help you shoulder that weight. Don’t forget that people care, Endo, rare as that may have been for you before.”
“I wish I were half as strong as you think I can be.”
“You are more than twice as strong as you think you are, Endo. I can promise you that.”
‘I wish I could believe that.’
[}-o-{]
The next day, back in class, Kazuki still couldn’t get his mind away from Distressed’s disappearance.
He was doing his best to keep that hidden though and he was doing a pretty good job, if he did say so himself. His friends had noticed nothing as they talked before class and even through lunch. At times, his acting was so good that he almost managed to forget what was going on outside of U.A. himself.
Alas, he couldn’t.
He was pretty sure the teachers noticed that he was checking his phone in class. If they did though, none of them had mentioned it. At most, they’d have a few short words about how what he did was great, even if it didn’t end well. He wasn’t sure what they were trying to tell him though. Did they know something he didn’t?
He didn’t think so, on account of not noticing anything that pointed to lies when they answered some of his questions.
However, that left the question, what did they think had happened to Distressed? Kazuki… didn’t really want to think about it. Unfortunately for him, the brain doesn’t always follow the wishes of the person. So, during class after lunch, he lost that battle very thoroughly as ideas started popping all over the place in his mind.
Had his friend, in the end, decided to go through with his aggressive thoughts? Kazuki had thought they’d made progress in that regard. He’d thought he had managed to turn Distressed away from that. There were less and less mentions of that and his friend seemed much more positive. So… surely not… right?
He said he wouldn’t attack anyone. He said he was going to be “helpful” too. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, right?
Unless he was lying, which was a possibility, as much as Kazuki didn’t want to consider that. Distressed hadn’t been in his range for him to be able to tell. There was a chance that the messages were all bullshit, even if it’d hurt.
What other possibility was there? Had he gotten in trouble? He’d said something about doing something, so maybe he was being blackmailed or threatened? But, again, what was up with that helpful thing?
Kazuki couldn’t make sense of anything nor come up with ideas that didn’t sound god awful even when they were good. It was driving him up the wall, quite honestly. If he ever found Distressed, he swore he’d give the guy a piece of his mind and probably a good smacking.
He almost wished the guy would have at least not said anything, because the words were haunting him.
Almost.
Time seemed to slow to a crawl as his mind tortured him with possibilities.
Eventually, he almost cheered when the day was over and he could leave. He knew Inui would be waiting for him with a new psychoanalysis at the ready and a bunch of lines to follow, which he wasn’t looking forward to. He never was, even if he knew they were necessary, but it was especially the case that day.
However, this meant that Kazuki was a step closer to training time, and that’s when he expected to have things to distract his mind. Nothing like danger of getting smacked to stop idle thoughts. After that, it’d be back to suffering, but at least it’d be a nice reprieve, or so he hoped.
“Did something happen?” Toru asked him when they went for their session with Inui. She didn’t always go, unlike Shoto and him, but she did go at least once a week. “You’ve been checking your phone all the time today,” she added, making him blink at the device in his hand. “And I know there’s no event going on right now.”
“... You noticed?” he asked back, a weak smile on his face as he turned to look at her. He was a little surprised that she’d noticed. Nobody else seemed to, or at least, not enough to point it out. Either she was very observant or his act needed more polishing. Maybe both? He’d work on it anyway, just in case.
For whatever reason, Toru seemed to grow a little self-conscious, shifting where she stood.
“I just did,” she mumbled, unsure.
“Well, yeah, something did happen,” Kazuki admitted, mostly to shift her attention and because it wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk about it. He wasn’t sure how much he should say or how much was appropriate, but he did want to talk to someone. He also would rather avoid sensing his friend feeling bad, for any reason. “One of my friends, from outside school, got in… trouble, pretty sure. So, I’m kind of… waiting for news, I guess.”
“Sounds like the kind of trouble that needs heroes,” Toru replied, still uncertain. He didn’t blame her, he was being vague and that probably didn’t help her know what to say. “I could be wrong, but…”
“You are not. At least, I don’t think so. I’ve told the teachers and such,” he replied a little awkwardly. His friends knew he had handlers, but mentioning them as such was a little…
“Well, you did what you could, right?” Toru asked, a little more certain. “Worrying about it won’t help, will it?”
“I know, I just… Can’t help it, I guess,” he answered, running his fingers through his hair and sighing.
“Is this another one of your Quirk things?” was the next question the invisible girl directed his way. This time, Kazuki all but froze where he stood. That was, after all, a great question.
Was his Quirk making him worry more than he’d normally do so? Was his Quirk screwing him over like with the paranoia in good times? Maybe, maybe not. It wasn’t like his worry was faked or like Distressed’s situation didn’t sound bad, but… Maybe she wasn’t wrong. He’d been pretty much going crazy that whole day.
‘Goddamnit,’ he cursed internally, groaning. ‘Why can’t things be simple for once?’
“I don’t know,” he answered after a while to a now increasingly concerned Toru. “I really don’t.”
“Well… I’m here if you need anything, even if it’s just an ear to talk to,” she offered and he smiled slightly. He really had lucked out all the way at the start of the school year, making such amazing friends.
“Thank you,” he said, his smile widening a little more.
“Don’t mention it,” Toru replied, shifting a little more, embarrassed. Probably because he reacted so strongly to that, he supposed. He did tend to be a little… extra at times like that, when people cared.
Thus, he decided to change topics.
“So, um, do you want to go first or do I?” he asked as they reached Inui’s office.
[}-o-{]
“Your luck is something to be studied, Kazuki,” Maeda said, pity coloring her voice very thoroughly. “It’d be impressive if it weren’t so… Well, unfortunate.”
“Tell me about it,” he replied with a sigh, checking things in his apartment.
Apparently, he’d have to move somewhere else, just in case. He’d have found that annoying if he weren’t getting so much help for that and for the fact that he didn’t really know anyone around the area. The only one had been Distressed, after all.
His friends would have to get used to a new address, but other than that, it’d be fine, he supposed.
Maybe his next set of neighbors would be good? He hoped so. Realistically though, he was preparing for the worst. It wasn’t even because of his Quirk, or so he thought. Not every bad thought was related to that, he wanted to believe.
“What’s going through that negative brain of yours?” Maeda asked him curiously, her voice soft and ready to comfort him, by the sound of it. “I don’t need to give you a piece of my mind, do I?”
“Just wondering if I’ll come across anyone that’ll hate my guts in the new building,” he answered, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know what you’ll say. I’m being too negative, I shouldn’t think like that, blah blah blah. I just…”
“I know, Kazuki,” Maeda told him before sighing. “And I won’t lie. That might happen, but you shouldn’t focus on those people. Focus on the ones that matter, the ones that are on your side or giving you a chance. Those are the people you need to see and think about. Because anyone that still hates your guts, as you say, isn’t worth worrying about.”
“That’s easy to say,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair.
“I know that too,” the woman replied. “I wish I could be over there to help more, but… Well, maybe I can visit at some point. I’m kind of tied up right now though-”
“Maeda, it’s fine. You’ve done a whole lot for me. I don’t want you to waste even more time than you already are,” he told her, realizing a second too late that he might have said the wrong thing.
“You are not a waste of my time, Kazuki,” she hiss-growled, making him flinch. “Anyway,” she continued, noticeably trying to calm herself down. “I think I like that idea. I’ll drop by for a visit as soon as I can clear my schedule a little. I wanna meet your friends, you’ve left me curious with all you say about them.”
“So long as you don’t have to cut into other things, I guess,” he mumbled, feeling… he didn’t even know how he was feeling, actually. It was very odd. “Thanks, Maeda.”
“What are you even thanking me for?” the heroine asked, sounding both amused and bemused.
“I just… felt like I should thank you,” he answered lamely, because that was the truth. Half the time he talked to her he felt like thanking her. She didn’t have any obligation to deal with his bullshit, help him and even just talk to him, not after the internship was over. Yet there she was… Which left Kazuki thinking…
Thinking stupid things, as was becoming usual.
“Well, I have an idea of what you can do to thank me,” she commented idly and he perked up immediately. Anything he could do for her would be great. He felt like he owed her a great deal as it was.
“Anything,” he told her firmly.
“Call me Hina. Maeda sounds so cold,” she replied and he felt his expression turn flat. “What’s with the silence?... Hello?... Earth to Kazuki~”
“Sometimes…” he started before giving up immediately. “Nevermind. Whatever you want, I guess.”
“... I’m waiting, Kazuki,” she told him and he could almost see a pout just through the sound of her voice. It was a little amusing, admittedly.
“Hina,” he said simply, trying and failing to hold back a smile as the woman squealed on the other side of the line. “You are very weird, has anyone ever told you that?” he asked as he should his head. Truly, what a mentor he’d landed himself.
He regretted nothing though.
God knew he didn’t.
“Once or twice,” she replied, unconcerned. “Now, is there anything you wanna talk about?” she continued. “You never have anything interesting to tell me, Kazuki. How can that be? You are a student at U.A.”
“What happened today wasn’t interesting?” he asked, eyebrow raised even if she couldn’t see it.
“That’s not what I mean, Kazuki! I mean interesting things,” she answered, as if the emphasis helped any. “Are you breaking hearts over there? Are you interested in anyone? How’re things going with that personal tinker of yours?”
“... Why am I not surprised?” he asked, sighing.
“What?”
Maybe he regretted it a little bit, he supposed.
It wasn’t until much later that he realized he had stopped thinking about Distressed at some point in that conversation.
[} Chapter End {]
Hey guys! How’s it going?
Welp, Distressed decided to throw a curve ball at Kazuki and me. Pierce of shit, when I get my hands on him… I don’t usually unleash that much violence on my characters, but I’ll make an exception for him.
Goddamnit, and things were going well in that regard in DBD… It was a matter of time, I guess, but still. It was such a nice delusion…
Leaving that aside though, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter.
Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ
Random Question: Do you think anything will happen at Kazuki’s new place? If yes, then what?
See you.
Comments
NinjaJackel 400
Yes, I think a vist from hero killer stain might be in the future. also I love the older sister roll Hina is being written in to kazuik needed a positive female role model that wouldn't shove his achievements in a hole and tell him he's not improving
