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Darkest Before Dawn - 90
🕑 Added 2024-12-12 17:52:53 +0000 UTCChapter 90
“You didn’t have to come if you weren’t feeling like celebrating,” Kazuki commented as he sat down, leaving his drink on one of the tables his group had gathered together. The place didn’t quite have tables big enough for a group their size, after all. “Nobody would have blamed you, honestly.”
“I know, but we wanted to do something after all that studying,” Mina replied with a pout. “Or, at least I did.”
“I thought it’d be a nice way to distract myself,” Eijiro commented but the way his emotions spiked told Kazuki what came next. “I might have been slightly wrong though.”
“Well, if you want to leave or something just let us know. Nobody wants to make you feel worse,” Kazuki told them, raising his voice a little when a nearby game’s music got a little louder for some reason.
They’d all gone to a pretty nice arcade once they were done at school, no studying and no counseling for them that day. Nobody was feeling up to doing anything other than celebrating both passing their exams and the end of said exams. Evidently, the same couldn’t quite be said about Mina and Eijiro, who had failed the practical exam. Kazuki hadn’t been the only one to have some doubts when they tagged along, but he’d let them be like the rest.
Maybe he shouldn’t have, if they were just going to feel worse.
“I might,” Eijiro mumbled, sighing as he leaned back. “I think I’d feel better just punching something for a while. Do you think it’d be too late to go back to school and to the facilities?”
“You want me to ask?” he offered, since he didn’t know the actual answer, as he pulled out his phone. There were some perks about having a good and somewhat close relationship with the teachers.
“Yeah, you know what? I think that sounds great right now. Could you?” Eijiro asked, his negative emotions waning and his lips pulling up in a weak smile. That was all Kazuki needed to shoot a quick message to Aizawa. He was their homeroom teacher, so he imagined this was the kind of question that would be more suited to him… But he did add Nemuri after a second’s hesitation.
“What about you, Kazuki?” Mina asked, evidently not at all attracted to the idea of unleashing her feelings on some poor punching bag or otherwise training the frustration away. Kazuki didn’t have any ideas for her though, sadly. “Why are you here and not… Well, there?” she added, gesturing towards where the rest of their group had gathered around a fighting game console.
“I’m not feeling quite as lively as they are,” he answered with a shrug. “Mostly, I just feel tired,” he added, deflating on his seat and taking a gulp of his soda. “Feel like I could sleep a whole week,” he said, and he wasn’t even exaggerating. He felt dead on his feet. He’d held it together for the sake of the exams, what with the onslaught of emotions, but now that it was all over…
He really couldn’t muster the energy to do much.
“By the way, you can go, Eijiro. Midnight says it’s fine to go back to the facilities as long as it’s within the hours the school is open,” he commented, checking his phone when he saw a new message. Important tip that one, considering the school mostly was mostly closed by the time the facilities were. They ran on different schedules, if not by much.
“Neat. I’ll tell everyone I’m going already,” the redhead said with a grin that seemed almost fully genuine. Kazuki picked up on plenty of disappointment and frustration though, but that was fair. Maybe he could try to cheer them up somehow? He didn’t know how at that moment, but maybe later. As it was, Eijiro was already leaving to deal with it his own way.
“And now it’s just me,” Mina mumbled, watching who Kazuki believed to be her first friend going away. Then she sighed. “This sucks.”
“Aren’t you overreacting a bit?” he asked, more curious than anything else. Because sure, a bad grade sucked and all, but it was still just first term finals, not for the whole year. Kazuki knew it would have sucked for him, but that was more because he needed to keep his profile as squeaky clean as possible if he didn’t want to give fuel to the press and people in general. His friends though, had none of that to deal with.
“Maybe, but I was really looking forward to that school trip,” Mina commented, taking her own drink in her hands. She didn’t drink it though, she just looked down at it with a sad pout on her face. “And… it kind of makes me feel bad, you know? I came to UA because it’s the hero school and now I’m… immediately failing? It sucks. What about Chikuchi? She passed and she’s not even a Hero course student. Hell, that Shinsou guy was unbearable but he did about as well as I did even when he was basically Quirkless. I feel like I’m just taking up space someone else could have.”
Well… She wasn’t wrong about any of that, Kazuki supposed. He wasn’t going to tell her that though. He wasn’t that socially crippled… probably. He liked to think so, at least.
“Or maybe UA is the best because it’s more demanding. Nothing says other people would do better than you did. Eijiro, Sato, Sero, Kaminari, do you think they don’t deserve to be here?” he asked her. Was it deliberate that he didn’t mention Shinso? Yes, yes it was. Kazuki was allowed to dislike the guy, right? “Honestly, looking at the exams, I feel like some of them were harder than others,” he added, not even having to lie to make her feel better.
Thinking over the matchups, Kazuki felt like some of them had truly been a little more difficult for his fellow students than others. Maybe the faculty had their reasons, or maybe they were just being tested on their weaknesses and some of them had a harder time with those than others. One way or another, the fact of the matter was that the results were set.
“Even if you are right though, the fact remains that you are still here. So, you should make the most of it, don’t you think?” Kazuki continued and it was then that he noticed that Mina was hanging onto his every word like a drowning man to a lifeline. “Just because the situation sucks doesn’t mean you should just give up.”
“... Fuck, now I feel worse,” Mina cursed, letting her head fall on the table and having her negativity spiking like crazy. It caught Kazuki off guard, honestly. Was he that bad at comforting others? “Here I am complaining like a baby when you have it so bad yourself,” he heard her say, her voice muffled by the table and her arms.
To that, he just chuckled.
“You’re allowed to feel bad about things even if there’s people that have it worse, Mina,” he told her, patting her back and smiling, even if she wasn't looking at him. He did feel awkward about touching her, his hand feeling stiff and his movements robotic. He was trying though, and that was what counted, or so he thought. “It’s not a competition,” he added when she finally looked at her. “And, if it helps, I don’t mind that you did so.”
“You’re too nice,” she mumbled, looking away from him.
“I try,” he replied with a wider smile. “Now, if I remember correctly, you like dancing, right?” he asked, making her perk up. “There’s a dance game over there, right? I think that’s what it is,” he commented, pointing with his hand to the side. “How about giving that one a try?”
“I do love that game,” Mina said, obviously considering it. “Say-”
“I don’t think so,” he interrupted quickly, immediately realizing what she was going to say when she turned towards him, a glint in her eyes. “I don’t know how to dance, at all,” he said, raising his hands as if to protect himself from the girl’s enthusiasm.
“I can teach you, come on! I promise I won’t laugh!” Mina said, standing up and grabbing his arm to pull him up. “Come on, you want to cheer me up, right?” she asked and Kazuki knew he was done for. After all, even if she looked like she’d recovered in record time, he could pick up on the emotions she was either pushing aside or hiding.
“If you laugh, I swear to God,” he grumbled, dragging his feet all the same as she dragged him. Just because he’d given up already didn’t mean he couldn’t make her work for it a little.
“I promised, didn’t I?” she asked, smiling widely.
Well, at least she was doing better, by the looks of it.
[}-o-{]
“I wanna die,” he grumbled, dropping his head back and resting his body on top of his chair like a puppet without strings. “As if the exam period wasn’t bad enough, I had to find my new nemesis.”
“Do I want to know?” Nemuri asked, very amused by the sounds of it.
“I was today years old when I learned that I suck at dancing,” he answered, feeling his face burn with embarrassment all over again. That was a memory that would haunt his pre-sleep mind for years to come, he was sure. Kazuki had a lot of bad memories, but that was bad in a whole different way.
Nemuri giggling from the kitchen didn’t make him feel better.
Almost as bad as that traitor, Mina, breaking her promise.
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” the heroine said, but he just groaned.
“I can promise you it was. I think I’ll hear the laughs forever,” he replied, trying to make the chair swallow him and disappear. Alas, that wasn’t part of his Quirk’s abilities. Maybe he could have one of his Grimm eat him though…
“Well, that does sound bad,” Nemuri said then and he picked up on plenty of guilt all of a sudden. “Sorry for laughing. I thought you were exaggerating,” she added, which made him wave his arm to the side, even though he didn’t know if she could see it.
“I wasn’t,” he grumbled before sighing and drawing himself up… only to drop on the table. He really wasn’t mustering any energy through the embarrassment, it seemed. “Dancing is hard.”
“Have you ever danced?” Nemuri asked and he picked a whole mix of emotions from her, but mainly pity. He didn’t have to be a genius to know what she was thinking. “Some practice should help with that if not. Everyone has to start somewhere.”
“I don’t think I care enough to bother,” Kazuki replied. Just the idea of dancing again filled him with dread. It’d been bad. He hadn’t known the first thing about what to do, his movements were stiff, his reaction time off and overall it’d been a huge mess. At least Mina had definitely felt more cheerful by the end of it all.
He didn’t consider that much of a win though, considering how awful he himself felt.
“Come on,” Nemuri said and he heard her voice closer now. Then came the sound of a chair being pushed back and he heard her taking a seat beside him. “Nothing wrong with not wanting to dance, but if you want to and don’t feel confident, you just need to learn, like with everything.”
“I know that,” he grumbled, pulling himself into a straighter position, even if he was still slumped forward. At least now he could look at Nemuri… if he felt like it. “I know I’m being an idiot.”
“Nothing wrong with being embarrassed,” the heroine told him softly and he could almost hear the smile on her voice. “I have a feeling it’s not just that though,” Nemuri added and Kazuki could only grimace. He wondered if they’d switched roles and she was the empath all of a sudden.
“It’s just so… stupid,” he muttered, leaning down once more, this time resting his chin on his arm on top of the table.
“What is?” Nemuri asked patiently, in a way that reminded him of Inui, actually.
“... It’s just…” he started, only to trail off and groan. He couldn’t find the right words to explain himself, apparently, and that just made him feel worse, more frustrated, more annoyed, more embarrassed. “I just… It was…”
“Yes?” Nemuri encouraged just as patiently as before.
“Everyone joined after Mina and I started,” he mumbled, looking away from the heroine. “And everyone did better, which is fine. I don’t mind being bad at something. I just…”
“... Felt an outsider,” Nemuri finished for him and he felt his own emotions spiking. “You didn’t answer me before,” she added and he knew she’d connected the dots. “You’ve never danced before, have you? And suddenly everyone around you knew about something you didn’t.”
“It wasn’t… Yeah, you’re right,” he mumbled after deciding it wasn’t even worth it to deny it. It’d been like standing in the middle of a conversation that was had in an unknown language. Everyone was fine, at ease and then there was him, stiff, awkward, out of place.
There were a lot of things that Kazuki had missed out on and that set him apart from everyone. However, weirdly enough, it’d been this one small, inconsequential thing that hit him the hardest. Because for everything else he had some kind of frame of reference, some minimal thing to pull from. Dancing though? He had absolutely nothing.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Nemuri reassured him. “There’s things you haven’t got to experience for one reason or another and that’s… Not fine, but it’s understandable. I’d say I hope nobody mocked you, but I think I know the answer,” the heroine said wryly and he groaned. “I do hope nobody was too mean about it.”
“It was the usual kind of thing,” he mumbled, not sure if he felt like defending his friends. Alas, he didn’t think they deserved to get in trouble for something that they probably didn’t even realize was happening. “It just…”
“Hit harder?” she finished for him again and he sighed. “You’re allowed to be angry at your friends, Kazuki,” Nemuri told him, but he didn’t know about that. Sure, if one of them were being an idiot on purpose, maybe. But for this? It wasn’t their fault that they’d just stumbled upon a dumb sore spot. He was pretty sure he was more embarrassed by how badly it was affecting him than about the actual dancing and laughs. “If you tell them, I’m sure they’ll apologize.”
He just hummed, because he didn’t know what to say to that, really. He was feeling more and more dumb the more the conversation went on, and that was saying something considering how dumb he felt when it started. He felt almost as irrational as when his Quirk was forcing paranoia on h-
‘Oh,’ he thought, blinking. Taking a deep breath in, he sat a little straighter and closed his eyes. Then he explored his emotions and his Quirk’s, deliberately going through everything and trying to distinguish how much was himself and how much wasn’t. ‘Fucking Quirk…’
“Everything okay now?” Nemuri asked, evidently not realizing that he’d kind of switched gears a bit there.
“For the most part,” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair. “My Quirk was making me more stupid than I already am,” he grumbled as he turned towards her for the first time. “It was still pretty bad though, I’ll admit,” he said with a wry smile. “Thanks for… Just thanks,” he added.
“Don’t mention it. It’s what we teachers are for, right? Helping students,” the heroine told him with a beaming smile that made him feel better all by itself. “And good thing you feel better already, because I need to check on the food again,” she added, making him snort. “Speaking of teachers though, I can help you if you want to learn how to dance. I’m pretty good, if I do say so myself,” she offered.
It was a good thing that she’d left for the kitchen already or Kazuki would have felt more awkward than he already was. It was a tempting offer, but did he really want to embarrass himself again? Even if Nemuri didn’t care and everything went fine, he could only imagine how he’d feel if he had to dance in public again. The nerves alone would screw him over.
“Think it over!” Nemuri called, as if sensing that he was conflicted on the matter. Although, to be fair, the silence probably spoke for itself. And think it over he did, even if he wanted nothing to do with the topic at that moment.
Quirk or no Quirk, Kazuki wasn’t eager to keep thinking about that… mess.
Alas, his mind had a habit of torturing him with things he’d rather not think about. Pink elephants were one of his many problems, evidently. Still, if he was going to have that in his mind, he might as well try to be productive and consider his options for the future.
What were his chances of having to dance again? Fairly good, unfortunately.
What were the chances that he wouldn’t be able to avoid it? Lower, definitely, but not zero.
Considering that…
“You won’t laugh?” he asked eventually. Maybe it was his subconscious that made him speak just low enough that Nemuri might not hear him. At least that way he could say he tried and if she didn’t hear him, then oh well, nothing to do about-
“Of course not!” the teacher replied, sounding entirely too enthusiastic for his liking.
Kazuki sighed.
He could only hope that her word was worth more than Mina’s.
[}-o-{]
[Nemuri Kayama]
Sometimes Kazuki made it entirely too easy to forget that he was not, in fact, a normal student.
She’d heard Shota comment on it once, but she had to agree that the boy was remarkably well-adjusted for someone with his history. Maybe it was his Quirk being nice to him and helping him out for once, or maybe it was something else, but he acted fairly normal for the most part. Maeda had certainly helped polish the imperfections too, with her acting classes and such.
But the cracks on the vase would always remain.
She’d gotten glimpses of that boy at times already. Like in class, when he seemed oddly reluctant to actively participate, even more so than the students more on the shy side. And that was almost nothing to how visibly out of place he’d seemed at the start of the year, even when he’d gotten off with the right foot and friendships already on the way.
Then Nemuri had gotten an even closer look.
It had all started with a terrible day, the likes of which every hero experiences every once in a while and dreaded experiencing again. Being a hero already put one in a position of seeing some truly horrible, disgusting and sometimes demoralizing things, but life would sometimes decide to be extra shitty and show its ugliest side to them. Nothing like seeing nature show how utterly merciless it could be or humanity deciding to one up it and be absolutely despicable.
To that day, Nemuri didn’t know why she took the boy up on his offer though. She’d forgotten about him in the whirlwind of shit that she’d been through, to the point that it’d been too late by the time that she remembered he could literally feel how horrible she had felt at that moment together with her. She’d been ready to walk away and just… do something else, maybe crash at a friend’s place just to not be alone or maybe go to a bar and get completely wasted and then go to a friend’s place.
And instead she’d gone to the boy’s apartment. She didn’t know why, exactly. She’d probably been so done with everything that her mind barely worked though, but even then. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about having put all that in him.
He was going to make a great therapist if Inui’s comments were right though. Because that single meal and time spent with him and some of his kitten creations had been… so soothing. She’d almost have thought it was Quirk shenanigans if she weren’t so informed about what his Quirk did, with regular updates as Kazuki pushed the boundaries of it every day.
Somehow, all this had led to Nemuri spending more time with him afterwards – leaning more than ever on her pseudo-Guardian status – and she’d learned a lot about him. Like how utterly alone he could feel at times, despite having many friends and people around. Nemuri was fairly sure that he still craved that home life he’d never gotten, which was why he seemed almost eager to have her around when she dropped by.
Or, then and there, how crushed Kazuki had felt when he just didn’t fit in. Faced with the fact that no, he wasn’t normal had sent him on quite the spiral and Nemuri would definitely bring it up with Inui. Then again… Maybe she would just encourage Kazuki to talk about it. It wouldn’t feel right to just spill everything about him to someone else, she supposed. Kazuki deserved better than that. At least so long as it didn’t become a true problem.
And then there were the stories he’d tell her sometimes, about his life before and after the Rampage. He almost never went into detail about it, too afraid to seem like he was… Whiny or something like that. As if he didn’t have enough reasons to be sad, but that was Kazuki. Suffering in silence seemed to have just become a part of him by then and damn if Nemuri didn’t want to help break him out of that habit.
Not at that moment though, she supposed.
It was one of those rare moments when Kazuki was calm. He’d just taken a chair and set it in front of his aquarium – which was very beautiful, almost like he’d taken a piece of nature itself and set it there – before sitting there, spending his time just gazing through the glass at the inhabitants of his contained ecosystem. Nemuri hadn’t missed the fact that most of his hobbies had something to do with calming down, from the aquarium to his plants, passing through music.
She was almost about to leave, now that she was done with the dishes and such. Much as she guessed Kazuki wanted her to stay around, both of them would run out of excuses eventually, as always. Besides, the poor boy looked like he could use some sleep, even if it was early.
However, before she could announce her departure, his phone rang. ‘Maeda, probably,’ Nemuri guessed, because the woman was the one that called him the most from what she’d seen. There was more than a teacher-student relationship going on there too, she was sure. Or, at the very least, a very deep mentorship the likes of which didn’t happen often.
She could only be happy for Kazuki though. Whatever Maeda was doing, it was clear to her that it was giving him a much needed mother figure in his life. At least one that wasn’t the… thing he’d had before.
“Hello?” Kazuki answered the call, a frown having formed on his face. Not Maeda then, evidently, and probably not one of his friends. ‘Then who could it-?’ “Excuse me… could you repeat that?” he asked, eyes widening and his face even paler than it normally was.
Now Nemuri was getting worried.
“I… Thank you… I appreciate the heads-up,” she heard the boy mumble. “Is… Do I need to do anything or… Right… Of course… Thank you again. I… Yes, thank you,” was what she caught from her one-sided perception of the call. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t curious, but her main priority was something else.
“Everything alright?” she asked him softly and he turned towards her, almost as if in a daze, his eyes unfocused and expression slack.
“My mother,” he started with and she had to stop herself from scowling. Kazuki, for his part, turned to look at his phone again, as if trying to see if the call had actually happened. “She was arrested,” he said.
‘Oh.’
[} Chapter End {]
Hey guys! How’s it going?
Dun dun duuuuuuu-
Ahem.
So, that’s another chapter. I feel like I’m once again having a character overreact to something, in this case Kazuki and the dancing thing. However, I’m more confident this time than I was with Monoma. As people have pointed out, after all, these are teenagers.
Teenagers that are decidedly not normal or entirely well-adjusted, for the most part.
And Kazuki even less so than most others.
I went a little more in detail about the Midnight thing in this chapter, but I have a feeling people just didn’t like the idea and that’s why there was so much criticism over it. Most of the issues people had were rather obviously either exaggerated or plain wrong. Like the fact that she was at his place at all, which is just silly. UA has people close to Kazuki as much as they can and this has been stated repeatedly before.
For example, Aizawa was close by at his last place and how he visited several times.
But somehow Nemuri visiting Kazuki is a problem because she’s an attractive woman. I guess boys can’t have female guardians anymore, huh?
Anyway, yeah, I’m not gonna go into too much detail, because it’s bothersome, but you guys can come talk about it in the Discord server if you want. Much easier to have a discussion there.
With all that said, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.
I also hope that you had a good time at Christmas and I wish you a Happy New Year.
Important: I’m going on a vacation at the end of this week, as I announced some time ago. Thus, I won’t be updating anything for a whole month. Wish me luck, guys, because pre-vacation times have not been kind to me.
Discord Link: discord.gg/UTDransjJZ
Random Question: Do you know how to dance? I don’t, at all. Couldn’t dance to save my life.
See you.
