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EYNIOBB CORPORATE MEMORANDUM
🕑 Added 2025-07-13 07:50:52 +0000 UTCClassification: Internal Use Only – Executive Tier Clearance Required
Subject: EYNIOBB Composition, Flavor Engineering Constraints, and Psychological Deployment
Document ID: VDC-RS-RED-13X-OMEGA
Date: [REDACTED]
From: R&D Nutrition Division, EYNIOBB Core
To: Legion Supply Command, Citadel Integration Office
RE: Function, Flavor Viability, and Molecular Warnings Regarding the Everything-You-Need-in-One Bug Bar (EYNIOBB)
Confirmed Function:
The EYNIOBB contains every essential component required for complete human survival under combat and deprivation conditions:
Full-spectrum amino acids
Adaptive micronutrient compounds
Combat-ready caloric balance
Neuroregulation agents to suppress violent instability
Shelf-stable for 190 years
Self-hydrating
Does not require chewing or digestion assistance
Public Flavor Narrative:
"Made of bugs for clean, sustainable energy."
Internal Clarification:
The bar contains no insects.
“Bug bar” was a deliberate naming strategy to distract from the far more unsettling reality.
The base compound, Grey Slurry 13C1, is a bio-synthetic slurry derived from reclaimed organic waste, decellularized tissue biomass, and lab-grown tumor colonies optimized for protein output.
Slurry 13C1 is chemically unstable when combined with flavor modifiers.
Taste Profile:
The bar’s only stable and safe flavor is sadness.
That is not a joke, nor a punishment. It is the result of decades of failed flavor research.
EYNIOBB has attempted:
Neutral
Comforting
Sweet
Savory
Umami
Even emotional tones like nostalgia and hope
All failed.
Joy-based flavors caused psychological destabilization in long-term consumption trials.
Savory and sweet flavors led to emotional rebellion, resentment toward command, and in some cases full mental collapse.
Neutral flavors created apathetic detachment bordering on suicidal shutdown.
Sadness was the only emotion-flavor compound that could:
Be tolerated long-term
Maintain discipline
Prevent emotional corruption
Reinforce compliance under Legion pressure
If there were a better flavor, we would use it. Think of the credits
Dr. Thallus Mure, Lead Compound Engineer
Warning: Flavor Modification Attempts
Attempts to improve the taste have triggered chemical aggression from compound 13C1:
Salt, sugar, vinegar, alcohols: All led to violent flavor distortion and internal bar reformation
Artificial sweeteners: Triggered personality drift and mild amnesia
Cinnamon: Caused hardening to ceramic-like density
Honey: Caused the infamous “bee incident”
“Tasted like angry bees trying to rip their way up your throat and out your skull.”
Subject 44.7, post-honey trial
Molecular analysis confirmed pseudo-stinger formation, histamine surges, and neural buzzing hallucinations.
Recommendation: Do not apply coatings, sauces, glazes, or dips. Do not mix with other food. Do not heat. Do not consume with hope.
Legion Usage Protocol:
The EYNIOBB is standard issue for first-year cadets and disciplinary rations for Legionnaires.
Despised universally except by instructors, who deploy it with sadistic precision.
Use Cases:
Punishment for failure
Obedience reinforcement
Post-failure emotional recalibration
Discipline through despair
“Flavor is mercy. They haven’t earned it.”
Lisa Verdance
Final Notes:
“They didn't fail to make it taste better.
They tried everything.
Sadness is the best we’ve got.”
EYNIOBB Internal Conclusion, Flavor Division Seal Approved
The Bug Bar: Everything you need. Nothing you want.
Internal slogan (not for public release)
