Tyler Kimball - Lessgently
patreon
New Beginnings - Chapter 80
🕑 Added 2025-02-24 02:09:54 +0000 UTCA.N: Not sure how I feel about this chapter... It's a sad/trauma one. I really wanted to showcase Ethan's feeling, a peek behind the curtain so to speak, but I don't know If I am happy with it. Let me know what you think, but I might change some parts before this chapter is posted on the normal sites.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ethan followed Jocelyn through the Pokemon Center as she weaved her way past empty and quiet rooms. Idly and admittedly depressed, he watched the small fluorescent lights on the ceiling pass by until Jocelyn stopped to fish out a keyring. She unlocked the simple, yet new wooden door before her and beckoned him in. “In here. This won’t take long.”
There was a hint of something in her voice. He couldn’t place it, but his immediate reaction was to be wary. Trusting her, Ethan entered the room, brushing past Jocelyn as she held the door open. The interior of the room caused the wariness to spike in intensity. There wasn’t anything medically related inside the small, warmly lit room—not that he was here for anything medical related. No healing machines, no shelves filled with medicine or books. Just a long cushioned couch, a comfortable looking chair, and a small coffee table with a box of tissues placed upon it.
His stomach twisted.
He scanned the beige painted walls and the small framed pictures hung up upon them—Warm colors, calm landscapes… the kind of thing to put someone at ease.
This wasn’t a casual, out of the blue meeting or conversation. This was something she had planned. The room he stood in had a purpose, and it wasn’t lost on him. Back on Earth, Ethan had taken many twists and turns in his education. Nursing, Computer Information Systems, Data Analytics… in Nursing school, Psychology was a required course. He’d seen this type of room before.
This was a trap.
Ethan took a step backwards and turned, finding Jocelyn finishing up with closing the door behind her. She gazed into his eyes with her shining blue eyes and a relaxed and inviting smile.
“I don’t need this,” He said quickly, voice a tad sharper than intended.
Something in her eyes let him know that she knew the jig was up. “Nobody’s forcing you to talk.” She said calmly, “Just sit for a moment.”
Ethan gestured around the room, his heart rate elevating. “You planned this. Who’s idea was it?”
“Does it matter? Are you looking to blame someone? I was asked to help you.” Jocelyn said calmly as she came forward and gently grabbed his shoulders to spin him around to face the room and not the exit. After, she slid by him and sat down in the chair, leaving the couch open and free.
Ethan didn’t move.
“I severely doubt a therapist coming to stay at my ranch was a coincidence.”
Jocelyn just sat there, a smile plastered on her face and hand held out towards the couch.
A few seconds passed by in silence as he stood there in a stand-off, emotions rolling and ebbing as he came to terms with this—connecting the dots. Joyce’s ask for a Nurse Joy to stay at his ranch, Jocelyn being a therapist… This reeked of someone plotting behind his back. Almost like someone was making plans for him without his input—again.
“Talking about it won’t change anything.” He said, tone monotone, unmoving.
Jocelyn continued to say nothing, just pointing and waiting for him to sit down as she watched him.
Seeing as she wasn’t moved, he changed tactics. “I’m not going to sit down, Jocelyn. Me sitting down is saying ‘I need help’.” Instead of walking towards the couch, he walked towards her. “I don’t want to need help. I don’t want that. I don’t need this.”
When he reached her chair, she had to crane her neck to stare up at his looming form. Breathing became hard as he tried not to think about the past, but he needed to explain to her his reasoning…
He tried, he really did. But, the day was already too much to bear. He wasn’t very successful at controlling his emotions. His normally calm, friendly, somewhat carefree demeanor was gone, replaced by a rare bout of self-justified anger. Deception and people making decisions for him were things he could not stand. “Not too long ago, I needed help and nobody was there to answer—FOR A FUCKING YEAR!” With uncharacteristic aggression, Ethan kicked the small table holding the tissues, sending it crashing into the nearby wall. Jocelyn flinched and jerked from the sudden, eyes spreading wide at the unexpected crash, but didn’t bother turning to look at the mess he’d made.
“You don’t get to bring me here into this pre-prepared room and decide whether or not I need help. I decide if I need help!” He jabbed a finger towards her.
He focused so that his voice was no longer yelling, but still forceful. “You don’t know me, Joyce doesn’t know me, Cynthia doesn’t know me, nobody in this world—Human or pokemon, truly knows me. You think you do, yet you don’t. This weird ability I have? That doesn’t tell them who I am.”
He took a deep breath, staring into the semi-shocked eyes of Jocelyn for a tense second, before stepping over the crumbled remains of the wooden coffee table to sit down on the couch. She parted her mouth to speak, but he raised a hand to stop her. “Save it.” He snapped at her, then the energy he had but a moment ago completely drained. “Let me explain to you what you don’t know.”
With steepled hands, elbows on his knees, he leaned forward. With two words, he showed one of the unknowable gaps that would forever be between them. “I died.”
Jocelyn blinked wildly, unprepared for the sudden statement. Ethan carried on, not bothering to wait for her to come to terms with what he had months ago.
“Yes, I died. It took me a while to figure it out, but before being dropped into this forest, lost, scared, and afraid, I was on a train. The very last thing I remember was a boom, an explosion. At that moment, everything I ever had, loved, wanted—People, family, things, they were gone. My mother, gone. I will never see her again for the rest of my life, and I have to live with knowing that she thinks I am dead. My home, it is gone. I can never return to my warm bed, my inviting room, my home. My friends… everything I had is gone. Not physically or emotionally, but by an untraversable distance.”
“The next moment I was here, not a minute away. My new home is built on the exact spot I arrived. Like any person, I tried to find my way to safety. It took me a single day to stumble across a pokemon. Something I had only ever seen in fiction—a children's cartoon. I didn’t know what it was at first. I thought maybe it was a monster. So, I fled back to this clearing, starving, confused, scared, thirsty, and most of all alone.”
By now, he couldn’t even look at her. He stared at the beige walls behind her pink topped head instead. “Eventually, I put two and two together. It took me a few days, but I figured out what world I was in. The world of Pokemon. One might think that would make things better, but being alone in a forest surrounded by wild beings who could snuff out your life with ease is more terrifying than being alone in a forest without them.”
“I strayed by myself through this forest looking for food so I wouldn’t starve to death. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would know what starving felt like.” He swallowed, throat tight as he replayed his memories.
“Starving isn’t just feeling hungry—it’s like your own body is eating itself from the inside out. At first, it’s an ache, deep and gnawing, but after a while, it stops feeling like hunger and turns into something worse. Your limbs go weak, every movement feels like dragging yourself through mud, and your head swims like you're underwater. Your stomach cramps until it feels like it’s tying itself in knots, but the worst part? The exhaustion. It drains you and makes you feel like you’re fading away, bit by bit, until you’re not sure if you’ll ever have the strength to get back up again.”
Instead of explaining more about those dreaded memories—the horrible thoughts of personally fighting a pokemon to the death to eat them—he moved on. “Eventually, I found a stream for water and berries to eat. Not wanting to risk myself in the forest alone, I planted the berry seeds that now make up my field. Months passed, and I bided my time for someone to help me. ‘Next week, maybe tomorrow! Someone will help me.’ I thought, yet every time, I was let down.”
“After so many let downs, so many disappointments, you begin to lose hope. Losing hope isn’t like flipping a switch—it’s a slow, quiet unraveling. At first, you tell yourself things will get better, that you just have to hold on just a liiiiittle longer. But then, day after day, nothing changes. Absolute nothing changes.” By now, he could feel the tears leaking from his eyes, but he needed to finish. “The weight of it settles in your chest, heavier with each passing day, until even breathing feels like a chore. The things that used to matter—like living—start to feel distant. You stop dreaming, stop planning to make your situation better, stop caring. You wake up and wonder why you even bothered with making anything at all. And the scariest part, Jocelyn? It doesn’t hurt the way you think it would. It just feels... empty. Like you’ve already given up—you just haven’t admitted it to yourself yet.”
He moved his watery eyes to Jocelyn whose hands never managed to write anything in the small notebook she held. He rambled. “I met a Geodude, and sometimes I wonder what its life is like. It helped me, when nobody else did. It made me a large rocky bowl to store water in. It’s now Chatot’s birdbath.”
Ethan looked away again. “I met Ursaring and thought that I was going to die. I met Pachirisu and fed him berries, asking him for help with digging holes for the trees to keep him around. My heart soared when he stayed around for an hour or two so I wouldn’t be alone. Eventually, I settled into a rhythm while I waited. I survived, sought out any relationships I could have, spoke to pokemon, and waited… and waited… and waited…”
Ethan wiped his blurry wet eyes and continued, voice thick as Jocelyn began to cry. “I remember the winter. No jacket, coat, fire… a wooden shack made of leaves, wood, and what little vines I could find to solidify it into one piece. The wracking shakes and biting cold—the holes in my clothes that let the whipping winds sear my skin with lances of frost—The only clothes I had to wear for months on end, the last reminder of what I used to have.”
He stood as he mentally tried to compose himself, knowing he was a wreck. “So, no. You don’t know me. Words will not help me. There was a time for help, but sadly that time passed long ago. Thinking that you could talk me into feeling better is insulting, and thinking that you could make the decision that I needed help is even worse.”
He walked to the door, opening it and stepping into the hallway. “When you talk to Joyce, tell her that you guys fucked up. Find me if you need help, but otherwise, I don’t want to speak to you.” He slammed the door, leaving a sobbing Jocelyn behind.
Comments
J
I am rereading the story now that I am a patron and remember this was this first interaction with an actual human: "He looked back and forth between them in disbelief. "Am I really that untrustworthy? I think if an Ursaring lets me hold her cub, I'm pretty trusting. You broke into my hom—cabin. You broke into my cabin and I'm the one that's untrustworthy? Fine. Follow me inside. I don't care. You've seen everything already, anyway. The Oddish saw you do it, by the way.". This is yet another example of people treating him as a if he was a criminal. Cynthia fucked him over, Jenny has, Joy now has, and the only person to treat him kindly and not fuck him over has been Looker.
MaliMi
I am fine with this as long as it is a momentarily outburst. It gad to vome at some point and it adds to the story. Just do not make it a new theme, please.
Durphymcbob
I could definitely see a chapter being added between chapters, I could imagine Ethan having a nightmare about, or waking up thinking that he his still in barely surviving mode. And him looking in the mirror saying something about pulling yourself together and going out to mantain his new life that he was able to put together so he doesnt lose everything again.
John Walsh
Not a huge fan of this chapter but in general not a big fan of angsty monologues. Struggle to enjoy Brandon Sanderson’s work for the same reason. I think, in general, combativeness is out of character for Ethan and while trauma can make you act out of character the way it is articulated here seems odd. For example… why not just leave? Door is right there. “I don’t want to talk about it and don’t appreciate how you’ve approached this.” And walk out… Also… any therapist or psychologist with a basic level of training knows that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. That is why the first step is always to establish “if” they want help. It’s why interventions are done in minority of cases.
Swinter
To the first bit I say: Don't be afraid to edit the earlier chapters. The wonderful thing about online fiction is that, if you notice you left out a critical point, you can fix it. Hard to fix a printed novel. Definitively not something that should be taken to the extreme, but if you're having a focus shift, it'd probably be sensible to skip an update or two to go over and slightly adjust earlier pieces. Or insert an extra chapter if need be. But that's just my thought on it. I love the story either way.
Tyler Kimball
When I first started writing New Beginnings I just wanted it to be a happy go lucky pokemon story. So, I skipped the whole 'stranded for a year' and skipped most of that time to when he gets 'saved'. This story was just a small side project I wrote for fun, with zero intentions of going anywhere. So, now I am slightly transitioning to a more fleshed out story. In doing so, I have to find ways to fill in the gaps with what a normal person would feel/do in this situation. And for your other comment, I would say the vast majority of Americans are perfectly accepting of therapy, the only downside is that it costs a lot of money. That's where some of the ick comes from. He was an American, so this kinda sorta fits. He isn't adverse to Therapy, he was blind sided and felt betrayed.
Swinter
Oh! And I do think this highlights one thing I really think should have been included in the first chapters. Winter. In the beginning, I was wondering how he survived out there for a full winter. Alone and with no real protection from the elements it'd be... Difficult if it was a winter with snow. I figured it was just a part of the world that didn't have winters, or at least had very mild ones that didn't get really cold.
Swinter
Very well written. I can sympathize with him, but I can't empathize. I do "like" that he's suffering from trauma from his traumatic experience. Even him being so combative about it is realistic. Of course, I still think he's a bloody idiot for most of the things he said and did in this chapter. But I'm lucky enough to not be depressed, to not have any traumas to deal with. Feels very... American to be so scared of therapy. Feels childish to blame them for setting things up in a way that can help him. But well written characters has flaws and I'm not expecting him to be perfect, or even rational. He's clearly shown that he's not the most rational of people after all. It does feel stupid that no-one told him about the therapy potential. I mean, would it have been so hard for Joyce to just say "Oh and by the way, if you ever need to talk, Jocelyn is a registered therapist, it's a service we offer as well." Then he'd have been forewarned and wouldn't have felt it was decided for him. Closest thing I've come to starving is 3 days without food. But that was voluntary and hardly comparable. It was starting to get hard to think of things other than food at that point.
Elo2Coon
Now we clearly know why Darkrai loves him. Who need bad dreams when part of your own life is already so fucked up… It kinda make me feel like depression. Cause during depression (at least in my case): you can be happy. You can laugh. You can dream but you also know that something is at the back of your head and that in milliseconds, the switch can flip and then color fadings, mood swings…
Kiwi
Well, are we going to say that it started with a good intention to help him? Too bad it's too late now..
Crimson wolf
God, that hit hard. I have never needed the next chapter of this so badly
Joel Rodriguez
I love me an agnsty trauma dump from a usually even keeled character (let's ignore the times that's he's lashed out given the circumstances) amazing chapter! On the one hand the league has benefited astoundingly from Ethan's "future" knowledge but on the other he has been given all that he's asked for to this point, so while Im really glad that he at least had the chance to vent about the PTSD that he's clearly suffering from, I can definitely see him feeling incredibly bad about how that interaction went. Can't wait for next chapter! Also poor Jocelyn definitely did not get informed of just how badly the first few months in this new world have gone for Ethan.
Ben Lockwood
One of the things about therapy is that you have to want to be there for it to be the most effective, forcing people into can help but it won’t be as effective.
PlasmaticPi
Tyftc, it was really well written. I was able to feel how he was just on the verge of truly losing his mind yet was still able to pull himself back from the brink.
Duke of Coffee
... Indeed if I was alone and don't know what to do, would have done the same as Ethan. Great job, not many Isekai MC are depressed and had to face no hope, such a excellent chapter.
rizen
This is a great chapter because neither Ethan or Jocelyn we're prepared. I don't think Jocelyn would have started it this way if she actually knew what happened to him. She was also left in the dark too. There's a much better way to handle these sort of situations for people whose trauma is deeply set like Ethan's is. This will be great relationship if you work it out. Great storytelling.
Daniel
Honestly. Ralts at this point could probably be the therapist that Ethan needs right now. It is all the different Pokémon that seem to help him when others could not and though them he would probably get the most healing (and once he is in a better place then he could open up to other humans)
IV08004
Well done and it hints well to where some of his idiosyncrasies come from
Tyler Kimball
I wouldn't say the relationship is destroyed, but this definitely won't be a 'oh! You live on my ranch! We're going to be best friends!' kinda thing.
Durphymcbob
but yeah if you are still feeling a bit iffy about it maybe adding when it would have been a good time to give him this help, like when they found him or something instead of just giving him this land and building him house,
Andrew Nichols
First outburst paragraph, "Jocelyn flinched and jerked from the sudden, eyes " you might want to add something after the sudden Also...my guy, this is both heartwrenching and moving. I've not felt the starving part but the emptiness? Depression does that too. I've got a whole summer I can't remember and that scares me. So I can empathize with this a LOT. Good chapter though I think it deepens and gives others a look at how someone ends up this way. It's not sudden, it's gradual, it just FEELS sudden when the tipping point hits.
Durphymcbob
Yeah, all of a sudden try to give him therapy NOW, is a bit of an ask if they tried to help him and give himtherapy, a day or two after they found him in the woods yeah that would have been perfect, but waiting what a few months after helping him getting his live together agian, when he is already looking to the future, and planning and accepting his new life, and right after that new life was threatened again. it makes since he would explode, i mean im sure Ethan is going to feel bad about it later when he calms down., but it makes since for him to let it out, it feels good to just say it some times.
Chronische
Good trauma dump. Her job was to be there to listen to it, regardless of what he thinks. Venting is important, especially in a controlled environment like that, so she succeeded in her goal! As long as he talked at all, it worked out, even if it left him reeling with mistrust and anger. Ralts is going to have a heck of a headache from the aftershock, though... poor critter...
Freya
Tyftc I can understand not feeling sure about this chapter as it does feel like it is irrevocably destroying relationships that could have been really interesting but at the same time that's up to you as a author to decide :/
