NotAHero
patreon
Chapter Two: These new generations just keep getting worse and worse!
🕑 Added 2024-08-20 15:10:14 +0000 UTCBlearily, I opened my eyes and made to ignore the existential dread that usually followed reincarnation. It didn't matter which age I was born in, it always started with blurry colours followed by instinctual screaming and...
I blinked a few times, taking in the crystal clear view I wasn't supposed to have.
Huh.
This was new.
It didn't take long before I felt, and realised, that nothing regarding my body had changed. My nerves, limbs and head all felt eerily similar to I promptly looked down and took in the same-sized everything and let out a sigh of irritation at the fact I was still in the same body.
Another sudden, and rather worse realisation quickly kicked in as I noticed the distinct lack of artificial magical energy swarming through my bloodstream.
I was now sober!
"Welp the reincarnating was a bust," I remarked, slumping or at least I would've if I could. Idly taking in my current situation. I was in a rather dark-ish room with the only source of light being a flickering bulb hanging off the ceiling, while strapped in a very uncomfortable and very tight straightjacket.
And honestly, the worst part was the fact it wasn't even in fashion.
"Cool, so someone's trying to thriller movie me right now, so, that's great," I muttered, shaking my head before looking out towards the only window in the room which seemed to be a oneway mirror strapped to the wall ahead of me. "Heeey, if you're listening, I just wanna say my lack of manners is on you right now!" I shook my head, or at least tried to. "Like, I'd wave hello but ya kinda got me strapped up!"
For a few moments, the only sign anything had heard me was the flickering light that momentarily stopped flickering and turned dark.
Cool, so this was the doing of a witch or two. Honestly... the fact nothing short of magic could've undone my reincarnation scripture should've been the first sign.
It took a few more attempts at wiggling out of my straightjacket before the one-way mirror shifted, a hint of sparkles emitting out from its edges as a figure appeared on the other side of it.
The pink, albeit worn out, hat plastered on top of a scowling and wary face matched with a pair of very dirty pink robes told me my kidnapper was absolutely not keeping with hygiene standards.
Or fashion for that matter, pink witches haven't been a trend since the beginning of time.
Worse, the fact it was a single colour set of robes just screamed 'creativity' at me. And yes, C, that was sarcasm... I... Yeah, I kinda forgot you're not really here with me so that message's probably very confusing. I'll give you the context at the next reunion.
"Uh... You can stay on the other side of the wall," I deadpanned. "The confinement's bad enough, I don't wanna have to smell ya too!" I forced a chuckle out.
I wasn't actually scared or anything, just... well, sober.
And that was never a fun feeling with a history like mine. Tended to take the joy out of anything.
The witch took that rather well though considering she just started gritting her teeth at me- "Do you have any idea what you've done!?" Her voice screamed at me, as she slapped the window in the process.
"I am guessing you're talking about the zombie apocalypse?" I questioned, tilting my head as much as I could. "If not that then, no, I dunno," I shrugged.
The pink unwashed witch blinked at that a few times before she narrowed her eyes at me and promptly started writing an incantation up on the window between us with her ashy fingers. And honestly, at least she was using her lack of skin care to her advantage.
Idly taking in the craft she was using, I made to decipher it- Oh goodie, some one-bit witch was going to make me throw up- Oh wait no that was the craft for summoning a demon.
"Uh, you know that's against the rules?" I questioned slightly wide-eyed- I wasn't ready for that reunion! God I wasn't even dressed for it, and I was sober!?
My reaction earned me a rather deranged smile from the young woman.
I think my panic was being misunderstood right now.
"Because of you, there are no rules!" She snarled at me. "You kickstarted the bloody end of the world and you're being glib about it!?" A beat passed as I processed that with a slight frown and tilted head, which only seemed to make her write faster. "Well, we'll see how funny it is when Beelzebub-"
Oh, thank god! That little bugger could care less about dress code!
I let out a sigh of relief and wondered how that little rascal was doing... I haven't seen him in like twenty years!
"-decides to pay you a visi-"
Yet, to my disappointment before I could be reunited with an old friend, another witch showed up behind Pinkie and promptly stopped her from finishing her incantation.
Well, that's just rude.
"Master-" Pinkie suddenly found herself very flustered with that interruption. "I- I wasn't really going to- I just-"
Seriously? Did I really just get teased like that for no reason at all!?
Ugh. This crap right here is why I hate the new generation I swear!
"That's enough Celeste. There's no need to work yourself up so quickly, we've only just started."
...Huh.
Celeste was far too pretty a name for someone who can't seem to figure out how a shower works which admittedly was the other issue I had with the new generation. Nearly every one of them turned their noses up at new technology, or maybe it was to get away from their own smell?
It was probably both.
The new attendee calmly turned towards me, she was a witch dressed in orange robes with black stripes going down, with two large stars set on her chest. Down the middle of her robes was a magically made shadow. She had a much older face when compared to the first one, and chose to forgo the witch hat to showcase her greying black hair. But at least this one didn't look nearly as ruffled, appearance-wise, as Pinkie did.
Probably smelled better too.
"Now then." The older witch started with a calm breath. "This is an interrogation."
I blinked at that, my mind wondering if this witch was trying to-
"Are you aware of the The Twelve Precepts of a Witch's trial?"
Oh, she was... My eyes glistened at that.
"Nod once if you are aware already, and therefore do not require any details on it." The words rapidly filled Pinkie with confusion as she turned a quizzical look to her 'master' at it.
Oh ho, ho. Sneaky, sneaky.
I agree and as they have no confirmation of whether I actually do or not, I am bound by some of the rules written into them. I disagree and have them explain said Preceps, and I'd be bound to all of them.
I'll take some of the rules.
Screw you Aqua' I want none of your karmic crap!
The witch didn't waste a beat as she simply nodded to herself, with a slightly resigned look. "Your rather quick acceptance tells me you're either more dangerous than you appear, arrogant, or ignorant given it is not a subject that has been taught to the lower ranks in the past millennium."
"I'll take all three." I deadpanned.
She frowned slightly at that. "...Suit yourself, now then to begin with I shall be asking you what your name-"
I started chuckling at her, cutting her off. "How about we don't start with that?" The words earned me a pair of narrowed, and very annoyed eyes from my little questioner.
Given the first Precept was that the questioner wasn't to be interrupted lest the magic in the air was ruffled, she had good reason to be annoyed. Ruffled witchcraft was tantamount to a chaotic demon baby throwing a tantrum. And the older-looking witch knew that.
"I must insist that you follow the rules-" She remarked warily when my words quickly died down in silence. "I assure you this is no joking matter. And if you truly do know the Twelve Precepts you would underst-"
"No, no," I cut her off again. "It's just- It's just that you're supposed to start with an easy question you know?" I snorted. "Gotta let the magic build up slowly?"
The wariness on her face rose in tension, wrinkles visibly appearing on the woman's face as one of her crafts petered out.
I elected to keep chuckling at that little facet of information. For someone clearly dealing with some form of a vanity issue, she didn't seem to care much about the fact Pinkie was her representative, which might've been unfair on the redhead apprentice in hindsight. Most witch apprentices had to work for free.
"But, if you ask me what my name is..." I let a grin grow on my face. "The only place you can go after that is down." I paused for a moment. "So let me give ya a little trade, and just give it to ya for something." I finished with a shrug, and at the sheer confusion, mixed with wariness, that filled the witch's face, I elected to clarify. "Trust me, once you hear it, you'll understand."
She appraised me for a moment with a heavy frown, while pointedly ignoring her little protege telling her to call me on my so-called bluff.
The problem was that it really wasn't one.
"In exchange?" The witch questioned passively.
"My freedom, and absolutely no charges against myself." I deadpanned. "Preferably in perpetuity."
"Are you insane!?" Pinkie questioned in disbelief, raising her voice in the process, while her little master narrowed her eyes at me.
"You realise that the Third-"
"Yup." I cut her off, chuckling in the process. "Equal Exchange, trust me I know how it works!" The moron who'd created it wouldn't shut up about it for like three days!
She opened and closed her mouth for a moment while I settled for humming a tune to myself.
"You believe your name is worth relinquishing you of the near billion that have died to your folly?" The older witch questioned carefully.
I kept a neutral expression on my face though I elected to roll my eyes at that for show. "Not like that included any witches."
Damn. Zombies pulled a fast one on the world huh?
The older witch made to open her mouth to say something, her eyes heavily looking at me, while I settled for setting off a silent craft to see what year it was..?
When it came back that the year was in fact the same one, I let out a small whistle at it.
Zombies really pulled a fast one huh!
Focusing back on the witches behind the window, I idly tilted my head at the shock that was showing through their faces.
"So..? Deal or nah?" I questioned passively.
The two looked at each other for a moment before they turned back to me and promptly strengthened the bindings on me with several more small-scale crafts.
That was just plain rude at this point!
Figures that the moment witches get a free pass at abusing magic, they immediately use it on me.
I shook my head at that, freakin' Gen-Hexers.
"Very well, given the truth seals currently placed in the chamber-"
There were truth seals here!? My eyes widened the slightest bit at that, I hadn't noticed them at all!
That was... slightly worrying in all honesty- Mostly because truth crafts were one of the only facets of witchcraft I didn't really understand (I sure as hell didn't make 'em) but I knew they were an actual thing. A very dangerous thing considering free will was super important to most of the Covens going around.
The fact they admitted to using it now was just... wow. There really was no better word to describe that, in all honesty.
I know a crap ton of zombies was generally dangerous enough to call for a slight ceasefire on the laws but openly using truth seals was worrying. Especially considering the older witch was at least a council rank judging by the two stars on her robes.
I frowned the slightest bit once I processed everything. Something wasn't adding up. There's no way they would've pulled so many stops out over a freakin' zombie infestation... That barely qualified as a Gamma problem, and that was the lowest bar when it came to any actual danger to Witch Society.
...On the other hand... A billion? How the fucking- Oh I can swear again, oh god I missed this freedom! Screw you filter! I am finally fre- I shook my head of the happiness that brought me and focused back on the matter, or rather, the disaster at hand...
How the fucking hell did a Gamma-level Zombie Incursion cause all of that!? Even if and I mean a big if, it was the absolute highest class Zombie Scourge, they wouldn't have made it out of the bloody States, let alone across the seas.
Zombies can't fucking swim!
"-I shall refrain from asking you for your name." The witch sighed. "Your first question then, shall pertain to what had occurred the night the Zombie Disaster started."
"Oh, that's easy." I focused back on the task at hand, only for the woman to raise a hand at me, causing me to blink in bemusement.
"And no, for the record we do not believe that the witch you murdered in cold blood, nor' the human you attempted to implicate had anything to do with it."
Well, at least they're not dumb. The main problem with truth seals wasn't that they guaranteed the truth out of someone, but guaranteed a believable one for the questioner, which made them a slightly double-edged sword as their presence tended to lull someone into a false sense of security.
"Ah." I nodded at that. "Okay, yeah, sure I started the zombie disaster but," I locked eyes with the woman just as her annoyance crept up to her wizened face. "I would like to point out that the so-called murder doesn't qualify as, I am sure you noticed, the reincarnation-"
The older witch cut me off tersely. "Which was outlawed a long time ago." I know, I was there when it happened. "You... You broke an ancient law-" The mid-life crisis continued, her gaze bewildered as she stared at me.
"Actually that law's only broken if you use it on yourself, not someone else so..." I shrugged. "Yeah, sure I killed the idiot but I undid that with the reincarnation scripture and since it wasn't for me it doesn't count!"
The older witch stared at me for a few moments as she processed that, her face twitching a few times, before she crossed her arms and spoke up- "You realise that we found a similar scripture placed on yourself as well right?"
Oh. Right. I stared at her for a few moments. "Okay, but did it activate 'cos I wouldn't be here-"
"The crime is using it."
"Pinkie did say that the rules were-"
"We found it before the sanctions were lifted."
"Okay yeah, I got nothing." I shrugged. "Fair enough, ya got me. Guilty as charged. Can we move on?"
