Carliro
patreon
Pride Podcast
🕑 Added 2022-06-30 22:29:41 +0000 UTCEnding pride month with this.
***
"Hi bitches" started Carl, "So today I finally decided to use my twitch for something and invited my friends. All childhood friends of mine, would you believe that?"
"No" Chase snarked, intended to deadpan but barely containing a chuckle.
"Okay, heretic, care to introduce yourself?" Carl said, punching him playfully.
"Hi, my name is Chase Hunter, I just transferred from journalism to history and my life is kind of a mess right now."
"It always is, man" Sydney said.
"And this asshole to my left is someone you might recognise" Chase segwayed.
The chat went wild, instantly recognising the wrestling celebrity.
"What can I say, XXXbloodyrists666XXX, I like to help my friends out. But please bros, this is not about me... mostly."
Before anyone forgot, Sydney gently coaxed TJ, who was excited and nervous.
"H-hi, I'm TJ, I'm currently studying medicine at the CCU but mostly to help athletes. I'm more into sports, and I'm a Christian, but I won't force my beliefs, don't worry about that."
"And he's engaged to me" Sydney said, before the chat began to lose people.
"Yeah, it's true" TJ giggled, "So no fundamentalist... stuff, from me."
"He doesn't like to swear, which is a pity because as y'all know my mouth is like a volcano of diarrhea."
"Technically not swearing so I will let that one pass" said TJ, shaking his head but also barely containing a smile.
"Okay, so let's get this shit on the road!" Carl said, "So, should we begin with our origin story?"
"My parents banged, got abused by my father, met you guys, dad died, became TJ's boyfriend and became a wrestler. The end."
"Okay, so we all grew up on Echo, Pueblo" Chase said, "Its a very, very shitty town, but we all found each other."
"Leo found each other, you'd be a lonely asswipe if he didn't" Sydney corrected.
"'Who's Leo?'" Carl read, "Oh, Chase's ex. Yeah, everyone in our friend group is into guys, even the Jenna."
"Even the girl!?" Chase asked mock-shocked, "Truly we live on the end times!"
"Okay, let's be a bit honest" TJ said, "Carl is pan, Chase, Sydney and I are bi, Leo and Flynn are gay and Jenna is straight I guess?"
"'You guess?'" Carl read from the chats.
"I mean, I didn't really ask her, but if she's not then we'll be as supportive of her as she was of us" TJ concluded.
"I mean she did say we're all queer because its in the water, that sounds homophobic" Chase said, sticking out his tongue.
"Chase, no" TJ whined.
"'Hashtag cancel Jenna'" Carl laughed, "Okay, please don't. She's been through a lot of shit and she's amazing."
"She's got my seal of approval" Sydney said, "Even if she is annoying."
"I think we're going a bit off topic" Chase said, as if the podcast was his, "Anyways, we're basically found family, but we didn't always get along."
"You mean because you were a hellion flying off the handle" Sydney volunteered, and Chase mouthed something in response.
"Oh, seems people figured out what you said from your lips, Chase" Carl said, "Quite impressive."
"Yes, he did" TJ responded to the chats, "But he apologised and spent years making up for it, so not only do I forgive him but love him as well."
"Aw, thanks babe" Sydney said, nuzzling against TJ.
"Oh gross, gays even though we're all gays here!" Carl said.
"Eh, I still like the titties if you're going to be pedantic" Sydney said, "Chase does to, don't think I didn't look at your browser history. Damn, you're into MILFs now that you broke up with Leo uh?"
"Can we please not talk about this?" Chase said, giving Sydney the evil eye.
"'Do I like'..." TJ read, before pausing, and blushing, his ears twin suns, "Well, k-kind off? I let Sydney talk sex stuff if he wants, but I preffer to be a bit more private about this. Sorry."
"Don't apologise, baby" Sydney said, kissing TJ on the lips, before turning back to the chat, "Me and him are exclusive, so you pervs better not peep shit about him, got it?"
"Oh wow Sydney, I thought you were meant to be the smart one" Chase sarcastically, "So you can solve puzzles but you don't know what the Streisand effect is?"
"Give me a break liberal, don't you have history to revise?"
"Yeah Chase, won't you say that Sydney and TJ are just really good friends?" Carl said, pretty much cackling.
"Oh fuck off, I happen to be working on a paper about LGBT themes in Celtic reccorded sources."
"Oh, Mr Historian is going to tell us how the Wickerman sacrifices were all woke and shit" Sydney laughed.
"Well guys, seems like the fujos are shipping you two" Carl said.
"Yeah, because we're both otters" Chase said, "Kinda speciest."
"Oh, you made them so mad!" Sydney said, "Okay folks, if you must know I did have a bit of a crush on Chase in highschool. And he certainly always got hard when he saw me naked. I think Leo even got made at me for that?"
"Oh fuck off Sydney" Chase said, this time not as playfully.
"Dn't worry, I had a crush on your ass as well" Carl said to Chase, "We were best friends, always staying late at night, playing vidyia games in our underwear..."
"Gross" Sydney said.
"C-can we please talk about something else?" TJ said, touching his arm.
"Okay okay, bottom line I hooked up with TJ and we're exclusive" Sydney said, holding his boyfriend's hand, "We were a bunch of horny gay kids in the middle of nowhere, and look what that got Chase."
"Well fuck you asshole."
"Sorry, practically married."
"'Are you even friends'" Carl read, "Well, are we?"
"Of course!" TJ interjected, "They may not look like it now, but we care a lot about each other."
"TJ, I think they were j-" Chase said gently, before being interrupted.
"On my end at least Chase is like a brother to me" Sydney said, "Though at least my actual flesh and blood brothers care about me, while you just bully me."
"I said I was sorry" Chase said sheepishly, "If TJ can forgive you surely you can forgive me too."
"That's the thing, at least he knows I love him. You, however, are always rolling my eyes at my very existence, always criticising me and stuff. Where is the love, man?"
Chase rolled his eyes, then hugged Sydney. It was a very tender hug too, fitting perfectly within his arms and slowly stroking his nape.
"Better?" he asked gently.
"Y-yeah" Sydney said, shifting uncomfortably, "Thanks."
"Great, now kiss" Carl egged on.
It was TJ's turn to roll his eyes, and he embraced both otters, purring.
"Holy shit this feels awesome" Chase said.
"I know, right?" Sydney said, bending his neck to kiss TJ on the forehead.
"Woo, a threeso-" Carl said, before Chase kicked him with his tail.
Disengaging from the hug, Chase turned to the ram and gave him a hug of his own, nuzzling against his neck.
"I'm sorry, but you were being kind of a bitch."
"'This podcast is gay' bitch did you just turn in now?" Carl laughed.
"Can I read one?" TJ asked.
"Sure, but note that it's completely filthy" Chase advised.
"'How can you be Christian and gay at the same time'" Tj read, "Simple, God doesn't judge, and most bibliographers agreed David and Jonathan were in love, so that's an example to aspire to."
"Minus all the wives, of course" Sydney said.
"You seem to have set the chat ablaze with that ne TJ!" Carl laughed.
"Standards hate arguments I won't bother to address" TJ said.
"Wow, that's incredibly mature of you"Chase said, patting his friend on the back.
"Thank you- wait, you think I can't be mature?"
"Oh, now you've done it mukshit" Sydney said.
"N-no I didn't mean - oh look, the chat is responding to your slur, Sydney."
"M word privileges" he shrugged.
