Tsaimath
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DLM - Bk4 Ch 12
🕑 Added 2019-10-02 16:31:08 +0000 UTC
We stayed up on the roof for some time, sharing little talk but, for the most part, enjoying the simple fact that we could be together without feeling a need to fill the silence with useless noise. To me, that was something I had missed a great deal, with my other acquaintances, there was either a need to talk or it quickly became uncomfortable, but with Sophia, I could simply be.
But no matter how comfortable it was to be in her company, she was still recovering, so far too soon for my taste, it was time for her to return to her room. Once she was settled in her bed, a nurse joined us, making sure that Sophia was alright and her injuries had not been aggravated by the activity. While Sophia was occupied, I walked over to the window, looking out but seeing nothing. In reality, I had retreated into the back of my mind, talking to Galatea.
“She seems much better, you know?” I asked, once again remembering how depressed the Sophia in my memories had been.
“Indeed, she does. You are thinking that Isleen has a point, right?” my dear daughter quickly cut to the heart of my deliberations.
“To a point, yes. I know that there are parts in my psyche that do not work as they do in any other human. There is the issue of nurture, the machiavellian lessons taught to me by my father, I do not think that they will ever leave me.
“But there is another point we have yet to understand. What about my power? At least part of it is mental, likely changing how my brain works. I am smart, yes, but I cracked problems that eluded the best and brightest mankind has to offer for almost a century, and that is before we start talking about you and your existence. I mostly know what I did in creating you, but that does not account for the miracle of your birth. And that is me talking, the one who does not believe in the supernatural but tries to fill the gaps in our knowledge explained away with that label.” I continued, making her laugh in my mind. But it was true, she was my personal miracle.
“I am not sure I see what you mean?” she asked, after catching herself.
“There are a few mental conditions that alter how the brain works, what if my power is, in some way, linked with something similar? That my issues are just part of a differently wired brain?” I asked, feeling very insecure inside.
“I doubt it. If it was, I would assume that I, who was created in your image,” she joked, making me smile internally, “would function as I do. There would be some sort of bleed-over. In addition, most of your issues, as you call them, can easily be causally linked to events in your life. But you forget something else and that is the downsides of seeking out consultation and possibly treatment.” she continued, squashing my internal smile and making me frown.
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying to figure out what I was missing.
“Knowing you, and our peculiar needs, we will make sure that whoever it is we consult, is trustworthy. That means some additional work and you introduce a potential information leak. I doubt that there are further downsides, especially if we get an recommendation from Technica, the Guild must have someone who helps Powered who have seen too much.”
“I will ask her.” I capitulated, knowing that my daughter was, as so often, right. But I also made a mental note to make sure that we needed to go over any therapist with a fine-toothed comb, let alone any recommendations they made, checking them against the available literature. And if I was prescribed drugs, I would make them myself if need be, just so I would be certain what was in them.
“What are you thinking so intently about?” Sophia asked behind me, stepping closer.
“Just… changes. Two weeks ago, I was considering my future, wondering if I would ever want to don the armour again. There were still things that needed to be straightened out, regarding the place we parted ways a year ago, but just looking at that mountain was a daunting task, making me wonder if trying was the right idea. I was going to class and I enjoyed them, a great deal, I always enjoyed the sciencey and engineering-parts of my work more than the rest. Sure, using the armour to bounce around or test-flying the flight-frame was awesome, but it was always more about the challenges in building things, that was what got me excited.” I simply tried to let my feelings out, without thinking about it too much.
“On the other hand, now, I am no longer fully human, having lost more than just limbs but having lost a part of my future. A potential part, sure, but still, it had been there and now it is gone.”
I felt her hand on my shoulder and a second questing around my mask, quickly finding the release. It was a design I had not changed since we had parted.
“Look at me, please.” she gently turned me, looking into my face. I blinked noticing that she was a little blurry, but the blurriness only increased.
I felt something within me give way and was pulled into her embrace as hot tears started running down my face. I was not quite sure what I was crying for, I think it was mostly the idea of a normal future that had been taken from me. While I had never really seen the appeal in the suburban, white-picket fenced life, with two-point five kids, a husband, a dog and maybe a cat, but I think there was a part within me that had looked at ‘normal’ as something desirable.
I vaguely heard Galatea explain to Sophia what was going on and for once, it felt good to simply surrender to my emotions, letting them flood out as needed. Anger, sadness, despair, pain all flooded out of me, but Sophia’s arms around me added even more emotions to the mix, letting happiness and more flow into me. My jagged crying was interrupted by sudden bursts of sobbing laughter, undoubtedly making me look like a deranged lunatic but Sophia simply held on, gently stroking my back. We stood there for what felt like hours, even if the reality was more like twenty minutes, until my emotions had run their course.
“I am a mess.” I mumbled once my mind was sufficiently clear and my body was no longer wrecked by emotion.
“Everyone is. Don’t worry about it, how often did you hold me while I was crying my eyes out? How often did you tuck me in, when I fell asleep in your arms?” Sophia asked softly, making me smile a little.
“Thank you.” There were no other words I could say.
“You were telling me about changes, want to continue?” she asked, changing the topic a little. I had to smile at her composure and answered.
“Mhm. Now, I am, at least on paper, apprenticed to one of the most important Powered on the planet, in what most would consider a serious position of power. Where before, I had to worry about stepping onto toes, fearing that some greater power would make trouble, now I have the backing of one of the major factions on the planet, even if there are caveats and limits on that power and that backing.” I explained with a smile that vanished when I thought about the next part.
“But at the same time, I went and killed people. Not in self-defense, not even in the defense of others. I went and shot a man, without mercy and without remorse. But yet, the only thing that makes me anxious is wondering about our relationship.” I finished, not quite thinking about the words before I had said them. I heard Sophia chuckle a little as I blushed to the roots of my hair.
“What does that make me?” I asked, not quite how to continue.
“It makes you my Cat. Or my Alexandria, or Diana, whichever name you want to be called. And it makes me grateful, that you cared enough to come rescue me. Knowing you, you never even hesitated to think about what it would cost you, did you? You just jumped into action, full-speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. So, I need to say it. Thank you, for saving me.”
Standing there, getting hugged by Sophia and hugging her back made the world seem brighter, somehow. While I knew that our relationship would change, I was certain that we would always share a bond. Maybe not always a bond of romantic love, but a bond of shared emotions, a bond of having held the other in some of their worst times.
“It is good to have you back.” I mumbled, giving her a soft squeeze, mindful of her injuries.
