Tsaimath
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DLM Bk. 4 Ch. 15
🕑 Added 2019-10-06 18:22:04 +0000 UTC
“That went well.” I mentally told Galatea, after leaving Doctor Sunters office.
My statement was only partially sarcastic in nature, I had managed to explain simple facts of my background to the Doctor, mostly thanks to the fact that my life as Alexandria seemed so far away. Intellectually, I knew that the identity, with the added baggage, would remain with me for a long time, but I did not feel like it. Alexandria was dead, so talking about her seemed easy. I was quite sure the Doctor would pick up on that, but what she would make of it, I did not know. There were stories about actors losing themselves in their roles, becoming the masks they wore. Was what I was doing so dissimilar from that? I had discarded, literally burned, my old identity as Alexandria, becoming Metis. Sure, I had used a different name to do business with normal people, but I had ceased to be Alexandria. Looking back, I had stopped thinking of myself as Alexandria, literally becoming Metis in my mind. Sure, I would react to all of my names, but in the privacy of my mind, I was Metis.
“After all the preparation, that was no surprise.” Galatea answered and I could hear the smile in her voice. And she was right, I had spent quite some time thinking about what exactly to say, how to explain the various complications in my background. That had helped, until the Doctor had asked one of two questions that I was feeling like I would come to hate: ‘How did that make you feel.’ and ‘How do you feel about that.’
Two simple questions, both only six words long, but the Doctor had managed to throw them in a few times, forcing me to try slipping back into the role, the skin, of Alexandria King. Trying to remember how I had felt back then, comparing to what I was feeling now, it felt futile, especially without anything to measure my memories against. I had just been forced to accept that my own memories were biased beyond what I had expected, making me wonder what I had missed or misinterpreted back then.
It was an uncomfortable feeling, my past was what had made me into who I was now. If I started to question my past feelings that had set me onto the path I was now on, did that make me question my current path? It had only been the first session, only talking about the broad strokes of my biography, but I was feeling uncomfortable.
“Stop it!” Galatea forcefully broke into my musings, distracting me from the line of thought I was following.
“Let us visit Sophia, I am sure you will feel better afterwards. And you hopefully will stop talking yourself out of more sessions with Doctor Sunters. Ya ain’t such a coward to just because the going gets tough, are yah?” Galatea challenged me, causing me to laugh. For the last sentence, she had affected an accent that sounded unlike everything I had ever heard from her or myself. I might have been able to sound like that if I had packed my mouth full of gum before speaking but otherwise? No, no chance.
Shaking my head, I ducked into a restroom after making sure that nobody was in sight, checking that I was alone before quickly pulling my black lab-coat, my gloves and my mask from my backpack, changing into my costume in the stall. Again, I had to laugh, what was next, changing in the next public telephone-booth? If I could find one, at that.
After leaving the restroom, I quickly made my way to Sophia’s room, knowing that she was supposed to have one last check-up before release today. Hopefully, I would be able to accompany her to her dorm, in that regard, Technica had really come through for us. Once I had send her the message, she had apparently put a hand in, removing many of the normal barriers to Sophia’s transfer, so that Sophia could easily accomplish her transition. One of the ‘coincidences’ was that the dorm Sophia had been ‘randomly’ assigned was the same I was in, the Curie-Dorm. While I believe in coincidences, they happen every day after all, I somehow doubted that this was one.
“She’s trying to act like a mother would.” Galatea pointed out, as I thought about Technica’s actions, causing me to stumble and almost fall down.
“Bit late for that!” I mentally snapped back, without even thinking. That caused me to stop, quite literally freezing in my tracks, my angry response surprising me. Stepping out of the way, I looked inward, looking past the anger that had bubbled up and obstructed my thinking. Why was I suddenly so angry when Galatea pointed out that Technica was acting as a mother would? Was it because I had just spent an hour trying to explain my messed-up past? But during that explanation, I had been calm, trying to keep an objective mind, not letting my emotions influence me. Maybe that was it, during the session, I had been prepared and kept a lid on my emotions, causing that pot to simmer, building up pressure, and just now, when Galatea had made me think about it, some of the pressure escaped.
I would need to find a way to keep a mental equilibrium, or bad things might happen when I least expect them, like snapping at my dear daughter for pointing out what was the objective truth. That, I had to admit to myself, despite my anger.
Ever since Technica had met me on the island, she had done a lot to help me, including the raid to get Sophia back. She had alluded to a price back then, but had yet to come, collect.
“I think I know what she wants, but it is something she cannot ask for.” Galatea piped up, adding a cryptic remark to my confused mind.
“And what is that?” I asked, feeling guilty for snapping at her earlier.
“Think about it, what is it that she can never get unless you give it to her, by your own choice? You are normally not that daft, mother. She wants your forgiveness, not just in words, but in deed and act.”
This time I was glad that I stood next to a wall and was not in motion, or my dear daughter's words might just have caused me to fall. It sounded so simple, forgiveness, but the events just before made obvious that I had yet to forgive her. Maybe I should bring it up with Doctor Sunters when I saw her next, how to forgive someone. Or maybe I should ask Sophia about it, she had told me that she had forgiven me and her actions told of the truth of that statement. Forgiven me, without even knowing the cause of my actions, it was a talk we had postponed until she got out of the hospital.
Pushing myself away from the wall, I continued on my path to her room.
“I apologize for snapping at you, daughter. Could you keep an eye out that I do not walk into any walls?” I asked, my mind still whirling in confusion.
“Of course, mother.” I felt her take a step forward, not quite as far as she would when I retreated into our shared mental space but almost. I simply took that step back, letting her take the lead and mentally sat down, to digest what she had said and my realisations following her statements. Somehow, what she had said sounded true, both statements.
The first was simple, it was an analysis of Technica’s actions. Knowing that my own memories were tainted with the emotions I had experienced and were re-written whenever I tried to remember the events, I asked Galatea to share her memories with me, those were objective after all.
“Later. Or do you want me to talk to Sophia without you?” she asked and I looked up, realising that I had spent a few minutes thinking about her statements. She was about to lift a hand to knock on Sophia’s door.
“No, we will do that later, you are right.” I allowed, stepping back into the driver’s seat.
From inside, Sophia’s voice called to enter, so I did just that. For once, I was glad that I had the mask on, Sophia was not alone in the room. On one hand, there was Isleen and next to her was a white-coated doctor, complete with the stethoscope around his neck.
“Hi Sophia. Hello Isleen.” I greeted the two of them, before extending my black-gloved hand to the Doctor. “Good Afternoon, you can call me Metis.”
The other two said their greetings, while the Doctor shook my hand.
“Ah, yes. Councilor Technica mentioned you, apparently there are a couple of things she wants to discuss with you, things that could enable new treatments here. I’m Doctor Stevens.” he looked quite eager, making me wonder just what Technica had told him.
“Possible. But for now, I am here for that one.” I gestured to Sophia, causing him to smile.
“I’ll just need to sign the release-papers, then we can get a package from the post-center. Curadh sent the stuff I took with me to University, so I should be good.” Sophia stated, smiling happily, but there was something slightly sad beneath it. I would have to ask her, later. For now, I was just happy to show her the Island, well, what I had seen of it.
