Tsaimath
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DLM- Bk. 5, Ch 6
🕑 Added 2020-07-31 00:15:58 +0000 UTC- AN: Not terribly happy with the chapter, might re-do it at some point.
“So, what are we going to do about Tanisha?” Karen asked, looking from Sophia to me.
We had located an empty table in the Pancake House and ordered breakfast before sitting down, allowing the slightly overworked staff complete our order. Looking around, I thought that this had to be one of the best jobs, if one could get up early on a Sunday. Nearly everyone present had a hangover of some magnitude, meaning that conversation was subdued and the idea of anyone causing trouble or loudly made me smile. Such a person would be lynched in short order, at least as soon as the various students managed to get rid of their hangover, so some time in the afternoon. Conversation was mostly done in a soft voice, even the clatter of plates and cutlery was kept as quiet as possible.
A small part of me considered trying to hack into the sound-system, exchanging the quietly playing smooth jazz with something more… loud. Both in volume and style. The right music, played with enough volume would create an excellent impression of hell on earth.
“Whatever evil plan you are hatching, stop it.” Sophia poked me in the side, making me twitch, while Karen looked quite amused.
“I apologize.” I told Sophia, before tickling her a little in retaliation, making her squirm. “And about Tanisha, what can we truly do?” I asked in return. It was a question I had been considering for a while, without much success.
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you.” Karen admitted, looking unhappy. “I mean, the problem seems to be that her self-image and her reality clash, at least that’s what it looks like to me.” she pointed out, before elaborating.
“Just look at her behaviour, it makes no sense. She goes out to party, starts to get interested in some female company before getting hammered and going home with whatever guy she can hold onto. Maybe she has missed the lesson that denial is not just a river in egypt.”
“In essence, you are thinking that Tanisha is romantically and sexually interested in women but thinks that she cannot be, due to her upbringing. But when she drinks, that line becomes blurry and, to prove herself that she is heterosexual, she sleeps with guys?” I tried to make sense of the slightly convoluted idea Karen was proposing. It made sense and mirrored some of my observations, But even if I agreed with Karen on the reason why Tanisha was drinking too much, how would one go about helping her?
“Yeah, I think so. She needs to look at herself and accept who she is.” Karen nodded, as if that would solve everything.
“Not going to happen, not without some outside influence. And even with outside influence, it won’t happen easily.” Sophia shook her head, sounding sad, before focusing one me.
“You said her father was some sort of preacher?” she asked, to which I nodded.
“Sadly, there are quite a few churches who preach that homosexuality is a sin, If her father did, or even if she thinks that she should be a good mother and wife or something like that, it might be enough to send her into denial.” Sophia reasoned, just as the call that our food was done came.
We all got up, walking over to the counter and paid for our breakfast. I had to grin when I saw Karen’s plate, sure, there were pancakes but also a small serving of bacon. It seemed that the vegan lifestyle had been fully discarded. Once we were back at our seats, I asked her about it, mildly curious.
“Is that vegan bacon or did you discard that dietary restriction?”
“No, it’s normal bacon. I’ll admit, when I originally came here, I wanted to reinvent myself, you know?” she asked, picking up a piece of crispy bacon and biting into it. I nodded in return, remembering that I had a similar idea but somehow, it had fallen to the wayside. Self-improvement and development seemed to be a continuous process, with different projects every so often.
“I had it all planned out, had an idea who I wanted to be, you know?” she asked, causing Sophia and me to share a look of incomprehension Karen apparently missed. She continued to explain how she had essentially planned out how she wanted to behave, modelling her planned persona after people she had seen on the internet. It made me wonder just why anyone would want to do that, try to model yourself after someone else. Why not simply be who you were, working on the parts you wanted to improve without emulating someone? But, could I really say that? I had been someone else, multiple someones even, using identities like clothes, interchangeably. I wore a black mask, to hide who I was but even before that, I had been hiding who I was, only without the mask.
When I had been Alexandria King, had there been anyone who had the slightest inclination of who I had been? Sophia, at least after some time, after we had been living together, but even then, I had held things back from her, had hidden things and prepared for eventualities. Looking at things in hindsight, I was considering things, could I have done things in a different manner? There were so many possible variables, especially ones that I would never be able to know, or calculate. So many what-ifs, so many maybes, so many paths not taken. And thus, they no longer mattered, they had not been taken.
“What was it like for the two of you?” Karen’s question pulled me out of a tangled web of past conflicts and their resolutions. “How did you come out? You seem so at ease with who you are, were your families supportive?” she continued her questions and for a moment, I felt my face twist into an ugly, snarling smile.
“Do not ask again.” I bit out, before catching myself and taking a deep breath, focusing on the family I now had, my connection to my mother, as recent as it had been re-established and the knowledge that she had my back. At least that was what I felt and her current and past actions supported the feeling. When my eyes opened back up, I could see a look of shock on Karen’s face, while I felt Sophia’s hand squeeze mine.
“It’s not the easiest, or most pleasant topic, for either of us. There are other factors involved that hopefully don’t apply to Tanisha, so I don’t think that the situations are comparable.” Sophia explained, while I got myself back under control, surprised at the strength and sharpness of my emotions. Maybe it had been because I had considered paths not taken before, where they might have taken me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Karen apologised, but I waved her off.
“It is not your fault, how could you know? I never told you about my family and I doubt I ever will.” I gave her a sad smile, the heat of my emotions now cooled, allowing me to act like a rational being again.
“No, you really couldn’t have known.” Sophia agreed, before looking around, making sure nobody was nearby, overhearing us. “Many Powered have something unpleasant in their background, something they don’t like to talk about. Maybe even most of us. I think it comes with the territory of being different.” she added, causing Karen to nod.
“And the more different you are, the more unpleasant events?” she asked, sounding a little sad.
“In a way. People fear the unknown, what they do not understand. The easier something is for them to relate to, the more accepting of that thing they are. That is one part of it.” I explained, while Sophia nodded next to me.
“Another part of people’s fear is power, strength that has not even the appearance of being controlled, leashed, by someone or something else. They hear that a Powered has the strength to do them harm, that they would never be able to resist. But, if you just look at me, wouldn’t that be true for a vast majority of the male population? If I didn’t have my powers, that is. Yet, I don’t fear all males.” Sophia explained.
Again, Karen nodded in understanding, giving me a short glance, before forcing a smile on her face.
“All true. But let’s return to the original topic at hand, how do we help Tanisha?” she asked, changing the topic. Or returning to the original topic, depending on your point of view.
