Tsaimath
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Chapter 327
🕑 Added 2020-08-26 16:00:04 +0000 UTC
“Would you walk with me for a moment?” Sigmir asked me in the evening, after we had eaten dinner. It had been a little over a day since I had returned from my short time-out on Earth and my time had been filled with studying magic together with Lenore.
“Certainly.” I agreed after a moment of hesitation. The hesitation came from the seriousness that was in her tone, a solemness that made me dread what she might want to talk about. I had laughed about people saying that the words ‘We need to talk.’ were scary, had thought that conversation and an honest exchange of information could be something to be afraid of, but my imagination conjured up possible conversations that made me want to run away, just so I wouldn’t have to hear her words. Still, I couldn’t run, I wouldn’t.
Forcing my legs to obey, I rose, taking Sigmir’s hand in the process. Having a hold on her calmed me, soothed my troubled subconsciousness. Just the idea of clinging onto her hand while she was trying to run away made me smile wryly, the image just too ludicrous. Shaking off the strange thought, I focused on the present, moving along with Sigmir.
Silently, we walked through the dark forest, soft animal noises mixed with rustling leaves and creaking trees, until we reached a small clearing, just a small patch of grass between a couple of trees. There, Sigmir stopped, not just walking but completely moving. I stopped alongside her and for a moment, we stood there in silence, tension rising in the air between us.
Sigmir suddenly turned around, stepping right in front of me and looking down, into my face.
“Can you please tell me what is wrong?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion. It was a thick mix of tension, fear, sadness but also a warm undercurrent of love and concern.
I completely froze, unable to even breathe. I wasn’t sure what to say, what to think, how to explain my fears and insecurity. I wanted to say that everything was alright, but I didn’t want to lie, I wanted to explain, but I didn’t want to say that I doubted her. What if she’d wash her hands off me, what if I hurt her with my distrust. I felt myself start to tremble, my body shaking as I was trying to think, to break through my mental block.
All of a sudden, I felt a comfortable warmth around me and realised that Sigmir was kneeling in front of me, her arms wrapped around me. It wasn’t only a physical embrace, her red aura was flaring but not only around her, also around me. It was as if I was in a safe cocoon, protected from everything. I felt the trembling fade, my mind calming. The panic that had gripped me was receding, allowing me to think more clearly.
Opening my eyes, I forced myself past doubts and insecurity, reminding myself that Sigmir had never given me even the slightest reason to distrust her, that she had always stood beside me, ready to give her life if necessary. To quiet the troublesome emotions still roiling within me, I drew upon my Astral Power, not trying to manifest magic instead I was simply strengthening the ever-present flow of Ice-Astral-Power within me. It only took moments for the chill sensation within me to cool my emotions and allow me to speak rationally.
“Fear.” I admitted, letting that single word out, alongside a small cloud of cold air. “I am afraid, foolishly so, afraid that I will lose you, that you might leave me behind.” I continued, my voice flat and calm.
“I remember, I told you about my past, that there was a group I had founded with a friend, people I had worked together with every day in some capacity. And that, one day, that group had decided that they didn’t want me any longer, that they had someone else to fill my role and take my place. And all of a sudden, I was on my own, cut adrift.” I told her, causing her to tighten her hug, just a little.
“I think when I realised that you had crossed the second divide, I felt you pulling ahead of me, igniting a fear that I would be left behind again, that you would find someone else.” I admitted, drawing heavily on the freezing power within me, to keep me calm.
I felt one of Sigmir’s large hands cup my cheek as she pulled back a little, so she could look me in the eyes. In her eyes, I could see sadness, a tear trickling down her cheek. When her hand moved back, I noticed something glimmering on it, a tiny ice-crystal that dropped into the grass beneath us.
“Never.” Sigmir’s resolute voice promised me, her tone one that held no doubt whatsoever. I could feel the strength of her words, of her resolution, resonate within my body and my mind, down into the deepest reaches of my soul. She meant what she was saying and would die before betraying the words she said. It reminded me of the oath I had given the Thane, only more powerful by a few orders of magnitude.
“I will never leave you behind. When you suddenly vanished a few days ago, it was as if I was missing part of my body. A part I couldn’t live without.” she admitted, her voice soft and only for my ears.
“I know that you might vanish from this world one day, you told me as much. But I know that we will meet again, maybe not in this life, maybe not in the next life, but one day, we will reunite.” she continued, her voice taking on an almost desperate tone. She might have said she knew it, but the tone of her voice spoke more of a certainty coming from desperation. She knew it to be true, because if it was not true she would break. She believed in it, with a faith that would allow her to carry on, under even the most dire circumstances.
It reminded me a little of my own, belief that I would be able to find her again after the beta, a belief that simply ignored the possibility that it might be false. I wouldn’t let myself doubt my belief, not on that question. Not even the cold Astral Power running through my body could chill that emotion, it had established itself as an indisputable fact in my mind.
Feeling the warmth of her aura and embrace, hearing the words she said and the conviction in them helped me relax and allowed me to let the Ice-Astral-Power I had channeled fade, without falling into panic again. Closing my eyes, I focused on something else, the connection between us, that indescribable bond that we shared. It was as mysterious and difficult to detect as ever, merely a faint sensation somewhere in the back of my subconsciousness that allowed me to tell where Sigmir was and a general idea of her wellbeing. I had experimented a little with it in the past but the amount of focus to even begin doing anything with it had always been a challenge.
Now, securely held in Sigmir’s arm and enveloped by her aura, I let myself be guided by the bond, trying to reach her. It was different from the sensation of shifting into my Hallow, different from delving into the Astral River or traversing it, the closest analogy was the Avatar-state I could take with Lenore, merging our minds. Only that I didn’t even try to merge with her mind, I merely wanted to feel it, to feel the sincerity I heard in her voice. At the same time, I wanted her to feel what I was feeling for her, the desperation at the mere idea of being without her but also the shared conviction that we would meet again. I needed to reassure her, just as I needed the reassurance.
Reaching out with one of my hands, I gently cupped her cheek, in a mirror of her own gesture, even as the bond between us slowly came into the foreground of my consciousness. My mind started to ignore the world around us, letting it fade away to fully focus on the bond between us, allowing nothing to intrude into the space we shared.
Suddenly, my lips were covered by a warm and soft sensation, a sensation echoing through the bond and from there resonating through my mind and soul. For a moment, I could feel Sigmir, feel the steady burning of her love for me, feel the entirety of her emotions flowing into me. I heard a ragged moan and felt my body tense up as an explosion ran through me, lighting up my mind in pleasure. I could do nothing but shake in the storm of sensations, clinging to Sigmir, just as she was clinging to me.
