Tsaimath
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DLM, Bk5 - Ch 21
🕑 Added 2021-11-10 22:54:19 +0000 UTCThe morning brought with it a most peculiar form of amusement, namely sitting on my bed, legs spread, with Sophia sitting between them, leaning back against my chest as we were watching Tanisha in her sleep. While we could have simply started our day as we normally would, Sophia suggested that talking with her right after she finally woke up might be the best way to get through to her. Something about her feeling open, maybe slightly vulnerable, and during a time in which we had the best chance that the events of the previous nights were still in her memory, before she could convince herself that it had all been a dream.
Other than watching Tanisha move about in her sleep, as a bit of drool was slipping out of her mouth, Sophia and I simply relaxed, the week abroad had been exhausting. While I had been trained to maintain a certain decorum, projecting a calm, collected facade all day, every day was something I was not used to and somewhat disliked. But at the same day, I wanted to be taken seriously, not act like some harebrained Powered, the kind of person that would wear wedge-heels into combat or underpants-above-pants.
My musings ended when Tanisha let out a low, unintelligible moan, one hand going over her face, shielding her eyes.
“How long do you think she will need?” I softly asked Sophia, just loud enough for Tanisha to hear. Which she must have done, as her movement instantly stilled, like the proverbial mouse before the snake.
“Why don’t we give her five minutes, to remember what happened last night?” Sophia suggested, her tone matching mine quite well. I could have sworn that Tanisha tensed even further, but I was not certain that was even possible. Maybe she even stopped breathing.
“You think talking to her, once she remembers will do the trick? We still have time to drag her into my lair, where we can be more…” I paused, purely for effect, before finishing “persuasive.”
“If we need an intervention, we can always go there, later. For now, I think we should keep things friendly and comfortable, she is our friend after all.” Sophia shook her head, nicely playing along with me.
“That she is. A friend who is in dire need of our help and support, a friend who is doing her best to break through a wall. Sadly, she is doing so by bashing her head against it.” I reminded Tanisha, possibly laying it on a little thick. I might have to take acting classes in the future, it might be useful for future endeavours, both personal and professional.
A sudden gasp showed that Tanisha’s attempt at vanishing by holding her breath had failed. That gasp was quickly followed by a stream of words, almost as uncoordinated as her attempts at seducing me the night before and likely just as smelly. While we had cleaned up the outside of her body, we had not brushed her teeth for her, merely poured some water down her throat.
“Go, brush your teeth, calm yourself and then we talk.” Sophia quietly ordered, her voice mild but laced with steel. Tanisha did not even try to resist, instead she got up, her eyes glued to the floor in an almost comical fashion as she made her way into our bathroom. If I had not known better, I would have thought she was headed for the gallows. But maybe she felt she was.
Sophia and I did not need to wait long for her to return, still looking very much worse for wear. A part of me pitied her, but Sophia was convinced that tough love might just get through to her, especially if it was applied in a way that she could not run from.
Tanisha came to a stop between our beds, looking very much like a child for a moment. Insecure, in need of guidance and possibly a hug but before we could give comfort, we needed her to open her eyes.
“Sit.” Sophia commanded, gesturing to Tanisha’s bed.
“Do you remember last night?” she asked, once Tanisha had complied, her voice allowing no evasion. There was a small shiver that went down my spine, hearing her like that, but I was not certain what sort of shiver that was. Tanisha gave a brief nod, her eyes darting up for a split-second, before returning to the ground.
“Good.” Sophia returned the nod, her voice soft, “Why don’t you explain to me what happened. Why did I see you groping my girlfriend?” she asked, her voice still soft, but cold enough to cause frostbite. Given the amount of stuttering Tanisha went through, her teeth almost chattering, she must have felt that cold, too, maybe even stronger.
Finally, as if to let Tanisha off the hook, Sophia spoke again, “Or maybe I should simply take my current observations and judge from there? That you are someone who will take advantage of another’s kindness? Or maybe that you have a drinking problem, to the point that you don’t even realise who you are fondling once you are drunk?” she paused and I noticed tears running down Tanisha’s face, possibly from fear, humiliation or some other emotion.
“Or maybe, I can tell you what I see here. A young woman, lost and afraid, in need of help.” Sophia finished, her voice now comforting and friendly, causing Tanisha’s eyes to snap up, staring wide-eyed at us.
“Love, why don’t you get us some breakfast? It might be easier for her to talk, if there is only one of us here.” Sophia suggested, to which I nodded. Before I left the room, I put one hand on Tanisha’s shoulder, causing her to flinch away as if struck.
“Remember, we are your friends and want to help you. Okay?” I told her, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze before heading out, leaving Sophia to do the talking. She was simply better at it.
Getting breakfast was a quick task, there were enough establishments that offered a simple take-away, though none of them had truly good coffee, and I was able to return to the room within a quarter-hour.
What I found there should not have surprised me, Sophia had moved from my bed to Tanisha’s, offering comfort and safety. Something Tanisha obviously needed, as she had almost curled in on herself, hugging the smaller Sophia and bawling her eyes out. Quietly, I placed breakfast on the desk, taking a seat and simply waited for the sobbing to stop.
It did not take long, maybe the smell of breakfast was enough to break through to Tanisha, or maybe she had heard me, looking over with a fearful look on her face.
“I’m sorry.” she got out, before new sobs ended that attempt at communication. After a nodded signal from Sophia, I stepped up to Tanisha’s other side, adding my own arms to the embrace, ensconcing the desolate young woman in a protective cocoon.
“There is nothing to be sorry for. You are a good friend and mostly wonderful roommate, at least if you are not puking all over me.” I told her, as Sophia was rubbing circles on her back.
“I…” she started, before stopping once more, “I might be gay.” she managed to choke out, and it was all that I could do not to start laughing. But the sheer anguish that accompanied those words made it obvious that there was nothing funny in the statement, at least not for her. Certainly, for those of us on the outside, that had been blatantly obvious but for her to say it, to admit it to herself, was bound to be painful.
“And there is nothing wrong with that.” I told her, before adding, “Or you might not be, I distinctly remember you enjoying your time with a male before. But whatever label you want to put on yourself, or have society put on you, why does it matter?”
“I’m just afraid.” she quietly admitted, her voice a little hoarse. “I don’t want to disappoint my parents.”
“Nobody does.” Sophia told her, a little melancholy in her voice, “But we all need to be our own persons, not try to be who someone else wants us to be. Or something else.”
“You are a wonderful, young woman, studying at one of the best Universities in the world, with decent grades. Why would that constitute disappointing your parents?” I asked, though I was almost certain of the answer.
“And what do you think would be the bigger disappointment for them, having a lesbian daughter or having a daughter who got hurt because she was drunk? Or maybe flunked out, due to excessive drinking?” Sophia asked, picking up my line of reasoning. The silence that answered her question, spoke volumes and a part of my heart broke, when Tanisha was unable to reply.
