Tsaimath
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Chapter 639
🕑 Added 2022-11-05 15:37:11 +0000 UTC- AN: Gah, I'm an idiot...
- This chapter should have been the one right after Sigmir fell in battle. And I derped, not uploading it.
Tears were still streaming down my face, as I was shunted into my capsule space, my mind whirling from what had just happened. How could Sigmir be dead?!
Unwilling to believe what I had seen, I quickly pulled up the recording, quickly skipping past the fragmented images recorded during my Avatar form and to the moment when Lenore and I had split apart once again.
There I was, kneeling on the desolate field, the forest around us destroyed by the freezing cold we had summoned. Lenore was in my arms, I remembered glancing at her, before realising that my connection to Sigmir had faded. Just remembering it, I instinctively reached out, trying to grasp for my beloved, only to come up empty, as if the string I had always followed was suddenly cut. Fresh tears ran down my cheeks, blurring my sight for a moment, before I forced them away, staring at the recording once more.
Sigmir’s body, lying on the field. It was unmistakably her, no matter how I deluded myself, I would never mistake her for anyone else, the body was hers. Only that she wasn’t in there any longer.
In the video, I saw myself gently caressing her face, my fingers twitching with the memory of her touch, my mind recalling her scent, her texture and even her taste, all those sensations that were deeply engrained in my mind. No, it was her body.
The recording continued and I watched Sigmir turn into that grey dust and for a moment, a small part of me was hopeful, thinking that I had maybe seen it wrongly, that she hadn’t turned into grey dust but the black sludge that Travellers turned into when they returned to the land prior to respawning. That would have meant that Sigmir had lied to me, that she had been a Traveller, but at least she wouldn’t be dead.
Only, once again, reality and the recording were merciless, washing away my delusional hopes, leaving only stark, naked truth. It wasn’t the mechanism that returned a Traveller to the land, it was something else, something I was somewhat familiar with. It was the same grey dust that remained after the Nidhögg in the Soul Prison consumed the entire essence of the trees but I was reasonably certain that the Nidhögg hadn’t acted in the battle. Which left a simple, incredibly painful conclusion.
Somehow, Sigmir had managed to exhaust the entirety of her essence and being during the battle. And thinking back, to those fragmented memories that remained of my Avatar state, I had something of an idea when it had happened. That torrent of power, that feeling of being embraced, of being at home and at peace.
My face twisted in a smile just from the memory, how couldn’t I recognise that sensation and the emotions evoked by it, those were the very same emotions Sigmir had always brought to me with her embrace.
Which left the mechanism, but really, it didn’t matter at all how she had done it. Just that she had done it.
A small part of me started to curse her for it. Why did she have to sacrifice herself, couldn’t she have simply left me to die and fled alone? I would simply return, a little worse for wear, but after a few days, I’d be back in top shape, I might have lost the Soul Prison, depending on how careful the Elves were and what mechanisms were in place for something like that, but really, I didn’t care about that, not when compared to Sigmir’s wellbeing.
Pushing a shaky breath from my body, I focused again, forcing myself to be rational. It was hard and I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be rational, but I had to be. The reality was, Sigmir had perished for me. No matter how many tears I spilt, I couldn’t change that.
But that didn’t mean I simply had to accept it.
Fresh anger spilt from my heart and my mind began to consider things, to scheme and plan. How could I get Sigmir back? And how could I get back at the elves for taking her from me?
My hands curled into fists and the grief-stricken smile on my lips warped into something else, twisting and pulling back. I had no idea how I would look for an outside observer and I really didn’t care, but I had something of an idea.
If I wanted Sigmir back, I had to make sure that Pantheon couldn’t simply continue with the World of Mundus as it had been. If the world couldn’t be used any longer, they would have to start it anew. And if they had to start the world anew, Sigmir might be brought back alongside the world. Maybe not with her memories, but we could make new memories and at least, I would get her back.
The moment the idea solidified in my mind, I began to consider how to accomplish the task. The first step, somewhat unrelated to actually destroying the world of Mundus, was to take revenge on the elves and the dryads. If they hadn’t forced us into a corner, Sigmir wouldn’t have died. So, they had to pay.
Maybe I would be able to find one of the trees that housed a dryad, as I had seen in the video released by Pantheon, or maybe I would have to find some other measure, but I would have some measure of revenge. If nothing else, making them pay would make me feel better and it might give Sigmir some solace in her afterlife if there was such a thing.
For the other part, I would need to get more power. But luckily, I had a rather powerful being, trapped in the Soul Prison, who likely had the ability to plunge the world into Chaos and destruction, otherwise, the Gods wouldn’t have sealed them away.
So, I only had to stay the course, in order to get my revenge. I would have to push things further than I had intended, but there was something enticing about the idea of an endless winter.
Freshly motivated, I began wiping the tears off my face. The pain still lingered in my chest, like an open, bleeding wound, but focusing on vengeance somewhat dulled the pain. Having something to focus on was truly important.
However, instead of returning to Mundus, I decided to leave the capsule space entierly, to get back into the real world and get a bit of distance.
Opening my eyes, I looked at the capsule’s top and for a few minutes, I simply remained still, fresh tears running down my face. Out here, outside the Capsule space, the pain was dulled somewhat, no longer as immediate, but still there, still painful and fresh.
Shaking my head, I pushed the capsule open and rose, stepping out of it and into my living room. Just standing there, I felt lost, uncertain what to do.
Normally, I’d go and have a shower or look for something to eat, but somehow, I didn’t feel any appetite and even the comforting warmth of a shower didn’t feel appealing. Looking out of the window, I realised that night had fallen at some point and some snow was coming down from the sky.
Without thinking too much, I put on a pair of sneakers and a warm coat before walking out of my apartment and up, onto the roof of the building I was living in. There, I could look up into the oddly bright sky, the light of the city around me blotting out all the stars, leaving only an oddly bright darkness.
In the cold night air, my tears started rolling down my face again and I began sobbing. Stepping forward, I moved to the edge of the building, letting my tears fall down, into the void, as I stared out across the city.
Feelings of loss and emptiness welled back up within me and I began to wonder once more. Those sensations, those feelings I only ever had for Sigmir. Could I feel them again, if I managed to crush Mundus and force that world to be reborn? Or were those feelings tied to the person I had met and our experiences together?
Closing my eyes for a moment, I remembered Kallisto, the dryad living in Neyto. She had lost her beloved centuries ago, a timeframe longer than I could truly comprehend and yet, she still lingered, still waiting for her to return. And still, she could let Adra go, despite thinking that Adra might be her beloved reincarnate, simply because Adra wasn’t her beloved just yet and might never be. A mere echo, a memory. Worth hoping for, but not what she had waited for.
Would I have the strength of will and mind to wait for Sigmir, if I could meet her again? Or would I try to form her into the one I had lost, maybe twisting her in the process as I could only form her from my perspective?
Wiping off my tears, I turned back, uncertainty filling my head and heart and yet, despite being uncertain if I was doing the right thing, I had no doubt that I would be continuing on that path.
Right or wrong, I simply didn’t care.
I wanted my beloved back!
