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AnimeCon Harem 6: Pizza Place

🕑 Added 2018-12-02 03:07:03 +0000 UTC

Comments

OH MY GOD, SO FUCKING GOOD

That single line actually took me out of the narrative really hard and toes the line of shaming without much pushback from Kelly. I love the way it’s been set up so that Brian is not just white knighting her and “saving her from porn”. Maybe if you do another pass at it, give it some more of her disbelieving him wanting to give her the option to come with them earlier but making comments like she would really love that, she just doesn’t believe it’s what they would want. First time commenting, just joined up. Found your work on literotica and was enthralled by it. So keen and hope full for all to come!

Jedi Khan

Well, I'd say it's pretty much a given that she's going to wind up in Brian's bed, along with the other girls, at some point. How she gets there is what makes things interesting.

FortySixtyFour

She wandered back to the convention in a daze and wound up in Game Room one. I can't say anything else because SPOILERS.

Jedi Khan

So I'm guessing by the time of this scene, Kelly has already had her encounter with Emily, and Emily is now either getting her therapy on in Game Room One, or is sitting in the group's hotel room, tying herself up in knots as she tries to figure out WTF is going on?

Cool

HornsOfTheseus

He could also just say relationship instead of married

FortySixtyFour

I thought about that a lot, and there was really no way for him to approach the situation of concern while also tiptoeing around ideas like "it's never okay to slut-shame." I feel like his fear that she had pressured herself into a bad situation won out over his fear of being politically correct here. It's definitely a good point, though. In the next round of revisions, I may play around with him saying something even less appropriate and then hastily-correcting himself. That might have an even better effect on the scene.

FortySixtyFour

Good catch! Thank you.

FortySixtyFour

Brian doesn't know how to help her see him as more than a sex-friend, but he really wants to. He can admit, at this point, that she was right about quite a few things regarding him and Stephanie, and appreciates her help (without even knowing a lot of the huge things she's done behind the scenes). But can she let herself have actual feelings for him?

FortySixtyFour

Damn, it's a shame Patreon doesn't allow images in responses.

FortySixtyFour

Thank you for reading!

FortySixtyFour

He may have been oversimplifying their respective standpoints to their polar extremes, but I'm not sure of a different way to word it. Also, I like him using 'love,' because it's a touchy word for Kelly.

JourneymanWizard

Comment: I was derail with Brian's dialog: "Is it going to make it hard for you to find someone that makes you happy _*and get married*_ " (emphasis mine) He always seemed so hyper-aware of imposing hetro-male ideology on people, and with him knowing Kelly to some degree, that this seemed a glaring strange thing for him to suggest. FWIW. Keep up your good writing; found you from teh internetz and glad I did. Liking this and Trailer Trash a good bit.

Estranged

Thanks again for the story! Love it, as always! Err... Tiny correction, maybe? "Am I going to have sleep with Kelly and then never see her again, or is she going to have to learn how to love me?" It looks like you are missing a "to" before the "sleep"...

CJ Mora

I liked it. I get the love reference, Brian knew she needed a shock to distract her from sliding back into her head. I don't think she needs additional convincing to go back to the hotel, but may to redirect her from thinking of Brian as a sex object into a romantic investment. Good read!

Thanks for the part

Trey McKnight

Don’t know. I think the love thing was a little much as well.

I. Ronical

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