FortySixtyFour
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After AnimeCon: Grave Matters
🕑 Added 2024-06-23 13:29:43 +0000 UTCShaking his head, Brian turned back towards the woods and leaves crunched underfoot as he wound his way past trees and through the brush after Rebecca. Retracing their steps from last night wasn’t difficult—everyone tromping back and forth this way in a hurry had left a clear trail to follow with broken branches and shoe imprints trodden through the greenery. Everything here looked so much more bright and alive now during the day, and the growth of the ferns dappling the forest floor and the way morning light streamed through the tree trunks in the distance made for quite a majestic sight.
When he reached the open grave, Rebecca had already hopped down inside. She was picking up the harem charm using the hem of her tunic, and with just a bit of shifting and adjusting she was able to then finagle the mysterious wooden token to tuck into the simple belt she wore around her waist. With what seemed like a heavy sigh, she looked around the messy, dirt-strewn grave Brian and Chloe had been thrashing about in last night, and then she looked up at him.
“I didn’t touch it yet!” Rebecca assured him. “I’ve been careful. Don’t want to accidentally spark myself back in.”
“You can if you want,” Brian told her. “Whenever you want, it’s up to you. Your campfire toast won us all over.”
She beamed up at him, and once again he was struck by just how gorgeous Rebecca was. A lot of the time her appearance was unassuming and a little plain, and she seemed content to fade into the background to let the others take center stage. But, then there were certain moments like this where the real Rebecca seemed to shine through—wild, unruly, and rough around the edges—but all the more stunning for it. Her true nature was kept hidden beneath a humble and dowdy facade she wore around others, so when she allowed her real self to shine through, when she was in her element… even the sight of her grinning up at him took his breath away.
“Here,” Brian went down on one knee and offered her a hand up.
“Okay!” Rebecca bit her lip at him but couldn’t stop smiling. “Here we go? One, two—three!”
In a scramble she kicked off the rear wall behind her, clambered up just high enough to grab his hand, and then she slowly walked up the wall as Brian heaved, pulling her up while rising to his own feet.
“Oh, wow,” Rebecca stumbled into him. “That uh, that worked out super well! Actually.”
“Yeah,” Brian said. “You’re—yeah, you’re pretty limber.”
“You’re a lot stronger than you look,” Rebecca said, making a point to not back off away from him or turn her eyes away. “Like, a lot stronger.”
“Thanks?” Brian chuckled, unsure if that should amuse him or not. “I think? I don’t exactly look scrawny, do I?”
“No,” Rebecca shook her head. “You don’t.”
“I… feel like I’m about to kiss you,” Brian admitted.
“I was just about to say the same thing!” Rebecca pushed herself apart from him. “Hah. Well, um. Here—take the charm. Carefully!”
“Right,” Brian agreed, reaching over and delicately tugging it up from out of her belt. “Better keep this safe?”
“Please,” Rebecca smiled again. “Put it away, or something. I, I want to drag you down into that grave and uh, and rip your clothes off? Brian, I want to ride you. It must be the charm making me want that so bad. Right? Maybe it… I don’t know, puts magic in the air? Tries to bait us into sparking in to the magic?”
“Honestly, I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not,” Brian let out a laugh as he pocketed the charm and then gave it a pat just to be sure. “I don’t think it does? Guess we’ll never really know for sure what all it actually does.”
“Hmm,” Rebecca quirked her cheek in a lopsided smirk. “Or, maybe I’m just very very attracted to you with no magic at all?”
“That doesn’t seem too likely,” Brian chuckled. “You weren’t into me at all, back before. We’d met quite a few times.”
“I wasn’t,” Rebecca admitted. “Do you know why?”
“It’d be weirder if you were, right?” Brian said. “Because I’m not your type?”
“No,” Rebecca slowly shook her head. “It’s because Emily had a huge crush on you, and I guess… I secretly just wanted you two to get together someday. Have a happily ever after.”
“You didn’t think Choe and I were going to work out?”
“Brian… I don’t think anyone thought that,” Rebecca put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “Not even you, not really. Chloe treated you like you were a convenience. Rather than an equal, or someone she cared about. I’m not even that close to Michael and the others, and I know they talked about it—it’s like they were all just waiting for you two to finally break up, so that you could get on with things.”
“Huh,” Brian said.
“Huh?” Rebecca echoed.
“No, I guess just—I don’t know,” Brian said. “That’s a lot to process, I guess? I figured if they all felt that way, somebody would have said something?”
“You were too committed!” Rebecca shrugged. “It became hard for them to step in and say something—make things even more difficult for you than they already were—before you had your mind made up about what you really wanted to do. Your, um, your dedication, your devotion, everything you put into the relationship, that was admirable. Even if those feelings wound up not getting returned, like they should have. It’s hard to interfere in other people’s personal lives.”
“Yeah,” Brian gave her a sober nod.
“And, um,” Rebecca winced. “Also, Will didn’t want Michael to push you on it, he kept saying that they can’t be the ones to ruin things or mess up things between you and Chloe, after all you’ve done for her. When… okay, actually Will just didn’t want you single again, because he knew Emily was still crushing on you hard. Will has a thing for Emily.”
“Will—you rotten bastard,” Brian let out a long sigh. “I knew he always still had a thing for her. Just—wow. It’s not even like he was shooting his shot, so—where did he think just pining for her in awkward silence forever was gonna take him? Relationships aren’t that hard. I mean, I’m not blind to what was going on with him.”
“You were pretty blind to Chloe’s faults, it seemed like,” Rebecca said. “I think that to some extent, while things were that way, everyone was just like—why jump in and get involved in your private business?”
“I mean, I was trying to be blind to some of the problems,” Brian shook his head. “Or, not make them into a huge deal. I wanted to make it work. Guess I had something to prove, or maybe sunken cost fallacy had me thinking—I don’t know what I was thinking, honestly. I was miserable. You know what? I take it back. Relationships are super hard.”
“I know,” Rebecca gave him a curt nod. “Knowing what we know now, about Chloe and her, ah, thought processes—I’m very sorry that none of us stepped in and did something about it! So. I’m very happy that things are better now. For you and Emily—for you and Stephanie, Kelly too. Christine, now that she has a new lease on life. I think everyone will be thrilled.”
“What about you?” Brian asked.
“Hmm—” Rebecca’s soft smile reverted back to a grin. “You mean like, me and you?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I think…” Rebecca turned to search the tree canopy above for a moment as she gathered her thoughts. “No, I know that I want to be a part of this. I want to be with you, with everyone. But, I have something to prove, too? I want to kiss you without being charmed. Make love to you, without any magic interference. For as long as it takes, for you to be convinced that our attraction isn’t the charm’s doing. That you’re just… great. On your own merit! I really, really like you.”
“Even though I’m not your type?” Brian teased.
“No! It’s not that you weren’t my type,” Rebecca swatted his arm. “You were mentally reserved for Emily, and it’s like I was waiting for that to come about even though your things were still tangled up with Chloe. I drew a mental box that said, ‘Emily’s Brian,’ and didn’t let myself properly consider you. But, now… now yes, Emily has opened up that box, and there’s, I guess, there’s lots of you to go around? Hah ha ha—! Enough for everyone?”
“You’re really okay sharing me with the girls?”
“I love them all,” Rebecca said. “So, of course. They’re all lovely. I love every bit of you I’ve seen, too, and I want to see more and more.”
“I’m… very interested in you,” Brian admitted. “I feel a strong attraction, even without it being the weird psychedelic color magic stuff. No, I guess really it’s even more than that. I need you, we need you. You’re basically a part of the group, already. We couldn’t have managed through this without you, and I don’t want to think about whatever the future might hold for us if you’re not there.”
“Then, that’s settled,” Rebecca gave him a cute nod. “We shall seal this with a kiss.”
“But, that’s just what I want, and my needs,” Brian continued. “And, I don’t want that to be the sole focus when maybe entering into a relationship. So—what about your wants and needs? How can we make this all a more equivalent exchange, or well, make sure that you’re getting everything you want and need out of this, too?”
“Hmm-hmm-hmmm—!” Rebecca surprised him by leaning in and rubbing the tip of her nose against his in an eskimo kiss. “Don’t worry about it!”
“Hah, well I kinda have—”
“Brian,” Rebecca stopped him with a hand on his chest. “No. Us building a relationship together is not a business partnership, or a negotiation, or anything so transactional that needs to be worked out into details and specifics. That is a very backwards way of going about love!
“I don’t do the things for everyone that I do because I expect something in return. I do what I do because I love you all, and my actions are the expression of my love. I stayed here with Chloe because I cared about her, and wanted to make sure things turned out okay for her. Whether or not she appreciated it at the time, or even if it’s something she definitely wasn’t ever going to thank me for.”
“I… do see what you’re saying, kind of, but at the same time I want to make sure that—”
“I love you because I love you,” Rebecca shrugged. “You’ll know it in action and deed. If you want to love me in return, I welcome that! But, you don’t have to—and you don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“Hah,” Brian shook his head. “You know, I really wasn’t trying to make that sound all transactional, or like it was that kind of exchange. I just want to—”
“I know!” Rebecca closed the distance to tickle her nose against his again. “Brian, I know, I know. I was just… let’s say I was just clarifying! You, um, you have these deep wounds still, these patternings that were… carved into you through the malice of another, and whenever I think you might be slipping back into those old tracks even a little bit, I want to stop and pull you out of them.”
“Was…” Brian stopped and gave her a second look. “Was that all something you saw in the uh, the dreamscape?”
“Yes, or I guess—” Rebecca pursed her lip. “Maybe? It’s one of those things I probably suspected, but then meeting you in there just sort of confirmed everything, for me. In there, we’re both laid bare to one another, I think our deepest self is revealed. The id rather than the ego. In there I know you, just as deep down I know myself.”
“Id, rather than ego,” Brian repeated. “So like—the unconscious rather than the conscious mind. Right? But then also hell—where does all the elements and stuff come into that? I’m dirt, you’re… trees? Or, uh, wood element? That’s a thing sometimes, in some classical element systems. Chinese elements? I think? They have both wood and metal, from what I remember. Kelly’s starmetal.”
“I don’t know anything for sure,” Rebecca gave him a little shrug. “I like to imagine that all of that is just the charm aiding us, by… abstracting out representations, aspects of ourselves that we struggle to understand. How they’re assigned, what the deeper meaning might be for each of them—I have no clue! I do think they help, though. I think maybe they’re also a bridge, of sorts? To help connect the very, very different ways we each process our thoughts and feelings to one another, in a way that’s easier to understand. Because, all of our minds are so different from one another.”
“Makes sense, yeah,” Brian laughed and shook his head.
“What?” Rebecca gave him a teasing look.
“Sorry, just—another reminder,” Brian said. “That you’ve all had a whole month to sit and think stuff through, kind of mull all this stuff over. Have time to arrive at conclusions. I’m still just kind of feeling overwhelmed and trying to catch up.”
“I did try to tell you all of these things in there!” Rebecca laughed. “Back while we were still connected. You’re a great listener! Just. I think because it was a dream, you couldn’t really hold on to higher concepts, in there. Wordings and phrases and all that kind of communication that involves thinking—since our id doesn’t really process those things.”
“But, you’re saying you were still able to speak? In there?” Brian asked. “So—maybe part of your power was bringing more of your ego to bear within the dreamscape? To leverage higher consciousness? To uh, I guess Emily chalked it up as ‘dreamwalking,’ on her little whiteboard thing?”
“Maybe?” Rebecca answered in a chipper voice. “I really have no clue, though. It felt like I was able to use words in there, but, well—you know how dreams are. It could also just be my imagination. It could be that my mind is just that different? I definitely feel like I’m rooted in to everything there, in a different way than the others.”
“Yeah,” Brian nodded. “Yeah. This is all—like, holy shit. Keeps hitting me that this is all real, that this is really happening. Magic and everything. It seems unreal.”
“I know!” Rebecca agreed with enthusiasm. “It’s so exciting! I almost can’t even wait to get back into it. But, I am willing to wait, because I want to prove to you the magic isn’t mind-controlling. I do think that it’s affecting us—I think there’s no way for us to be unaffected after having our deepest unconscious selves exposed to one another. I just don’t think that’s a bad thing at all! Because, Brian—these girls, they all know you. On the deepest level possible, and even if they haven’t had time yet completely to get to know you in the ordinary sense, they know you.”
“Guess that’s one way of putting it,” Brian hummed. “Can’t really disagree—the colors stuff, the connection does kind of… seem like it bypasses way on by the masks or facades or whatever we build up around ourselves. The uh, I guess layers of trivial misunderstanding each other or projecting what we want to see or even what we fear onto them instead of… really knowing them. So—yeah, maybe that’s what the charm does?”
“Yeah! Maybe,” Rebecca said, giving him a quick look up and down. “I don’t know! Yeah. You’re really distracting.”
“I’m distracting?”
“You are,” Rebecca shot him a smirk, stepping back from him to skirt around the grave to the far side where the dirt and root cut-offs were piled in a heap. “You’re so super-distracting—it makes it hard to talk to you! Gives me this urge to stop being gentle with you.”
“I mean, you don’t have to sugarcoat anything you’re saying,” Brian chuckled.
“That’s—that’s fundamentally not what I even mean,” Rebecca said with a laugh. “Whatever. You’ll see! You’ll see.”
“Ominous.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Do you really feel, uh—” Brian paused. “Distracted? In that way, right now? Like you’re maybe being affected by something?”
“Oh, Brian,” Rebecca shook her head in apparent dismay before casting a mischievous grin at him. “I’m definitely being affected by something! Just, don’t jump to thinking that whenever that happens, that oh, it must be magic. I’m allowed to look forward to what’s to come and just anticipate it, to let all of that start to influence my mood on things.”
“I’m not, I’m not,” Brian chuckled. “Just—well. Can’t blame me for checking?”
“A likely story…” Rebecca teased, before letting her smile fade and looking at him with a more thoughtful expression. “Brian? Do you feel more… at peace? With the magic situation, now?”
“Honestly? I hate to say it, but yeah,” Brian admitted. “I do. On paper yeah, I’m one hundred percent against anything that’s even possibly slavery or brainwashing, mind control or mind control-adjacent. But then, on the other hand—hell. I don’t know even how to put it into words without sounding like a psychopath…”
“Chloe?” Rebecca guessed.
“Yeah,” Brian sighed.
He lowered himself down to sit at the edge of the grave while they talked, letting his legs hang down inside.
“It’s just—” Brian said. “I never realized how much she got to me. How she became this ever-present fear in the back of my head, that she was going to come after me. Or, come after us. To just be—you know, hell-bent on fucking us over in any way she could. Through any means. Us having some bullshit magic to just make that problem go away… turns out that’s just a huge gigantic load off my shoulders. Hah. Something I don’t have to stress or worry about, anymore. And, even on top of that—Chloe seems happier, now. Better, more… I don’t know, well-adjusted?”
“So, you don’t like it, but at the same time, it did work out really well?”
“Yeah, and I know how shitty that sounds,” Brian shrugged. “I don’t want to ever be the kind of guy who thinks the ends justify the means. And. I’m not proud of what we did to her.”
“I think you should be, though,” Rebecca said.
“No,” Brian disagreed. “Regardless of whether or not she’s happier now, or ‘better,’ or well-adjusted or whatever. It’s not something she chose. We forced it upon her. That’s a super slippery slope I never wanted to start exploring, because I feel like it’d be real easy to start justifying a lot of really evil things out of that kind of… ‘good intentions.’”
“But—” Rebecca tried to interject.
“And, it’s not like it was entirely good intentions with Chloe in the first place,” Brian continued. “It was out of self-interest. I was furious with her in the moment, too, and I hate that. Really hate that. My dad was like that—lashing out at things when he was pissed, lashing out in anger. I wish I could’ve been in a better mental place right then, to where I could see things more objectively, but then again at the same time—what the fuck else were we even supposed to do? Sorry, yeah, swearing again. Just—I hate that she pushed us to where we thought that maybe taking away her free will was our only remaining option.”
“Or, you have it backwards,” Rebecca countered. “Maybe she was a prisoner to a twisted self-destructive tendency, and by kissing her you freed her and allowed her to have free will again. Who’s to say what was really going on? You seem intent on viewing yourself and what you did in the worst possible light. Tell me, Brian—let’s say we had just set her free, uncharmed. That, hmm, that maybe I instead helped her out of this grave last night, drove her back to civilization. What would have happened then?”
“Nothing good,” Brian sighed.
“Nothing good for you, and nothing good for her, either,” Rebecca gave him an expressive shrug of her shoulders. “I hate to say it, but she was very determined to set herself on a path to ruin. I’m not sorry that you saved her from that.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Brian said. “I know it probably seems like really I’m trying to play up the guilt and angst, there. Honestly, what I hate even more is just how much relief I feel. Not having the Chloe-shaped sword of Damocles hanging over my head, anymore. For how conflicted and hung up on everything I was last night… this morning, seeing the girls seem like they’re trying to accept Christine, and seeing Christine maybe start to open up towards them a little? It was like—fuck, I’m just so fucking glad all of that nightmare from before is over with and behind us.”
“Language!” Rebecca giggled. “Brian, sheesh. But, hmm—I do know what you mean. Give it some more time, Brian. All of that? That was ugly business. I think if you give yourself some time, you’ll be able to make peace with what had to happen, there.”
“I think so, too,” Brian said. “Yeah. It’s weird. You’d think I would be, uh, tensing up whenever I see her still, or like mentally bracing myself for Christine to open her mouth and say something that cuts real deep. But—she has the same face, but it’s hard to see the Chloe there, now. In her expression, I guess. It’s not just the silver hair and red eyes, I swear. It’s like seeing Chloe but if she allowed her face to relax, to let herself show vulnerability. Instead of having that stern set to her brow, or always wearing that look of disgust, or having her jaw set in that certain way.”
“Mm!” Rebecca made a noise of agreement. “She can be very lovely, when she’s not scowling at everyone! Her posture’s different, too. Chloe always crossed her arms up high, over her chest. Judgemental, defensive, maybe a little aggressive? As Christine, she hugs her arms against herself down lower, over her belly. Displays discomfort rather than defensive, and it’s so much more submissive—it’s like she’s signaling that she’s lowering her guard for you.”
“I did notice that, yeah,” Brian nodded. “Guess it’d be hard not to, after knowing her for as long as I have.”
“But!” Rebecca stuck her tongue out. “Enough about her. She’ll be fine! Let’s get this whole pile pushed on over and back in there. It’ll be a whole heck of a lot easier to fill in then it was to dig out!”
“Whoa whoa whoa, Rebecca,” Brian admonished. “Language. What if Stephanie starts picking up on that and saying heck all the time?!”
“Har har har, you’re so fucking funny,” Rebecca blew a raspberry at him. “Jerk.”
“Rebecca!” Brian gasped. “I’m shocked!”
“Yeah, yeah, keep it up, mister—I was gonna let you use the shovel, since I’ve only got one here. But, hm hm hmm, at this rate…”
( Previous, Campfire Toast | After AnimeCon | Next: The Feelings Police )
Comments
benjamin shropshire
The bit about "are there words in the dreamscape" is an interesting question. From personal experience, I know that it's possible to think clearly when you aren't capable of processing language (my nuro MD seems to have solved that problem FWIW). It doesn't even feel that strange. Well, the inability to understand what written or spoken words mean while still being able to recognize them as English is very strange, but thinking seems basically normal. The fact you understand your own thought process as being in a linguistic form doesn't say much of anything about if it's actually using words.
Too Much Sanity May Be Madness
Thanks for the chapter! I think splitting this off as its own story is a good idea. It allows each of the other two stories to be about the event they're actually about, while getting things in place such that RFF can happen without being overshadowed by tying up loose ends from ACH.
Dzmitry Zaitsau
Finally. This chapter brings the feelings from the first half of the book. Flirty, airy, fluffy. And the psy part fits in. The long wait has paid off.
Toodles McGhee
So...I guess I missed the audio release for ACH? I can't find it in audible where I got the Re:TT audiobook...
Jacob Bissey
Honestly, Brian's right not to call the action good just because the reasoning and the result were good. Sometimes you're backed into a corner and there is no *good* option, so you choose the least bad option, or at least the option you can most live with. Doesn't make the option you chose not *bad*. Recognizing it as bad, but accepting that it was a necessary evil, and choosing to move forward and live with your choices is the best way to avoid that slippery slope of continually justifying bad things for good reasons. You do the best you can, and live with the it when you do what you must. Everybody does bad things sometimes, because sometimes a little evil is legitimately necessary, the trouble is when you stop viewing the necessary evils as evil, because if they aren't evil, then they are acceptable even when they aren't necessary. Just because it was the best choice available doesn't mean it's *good*, just that every other option was worse, and it's important not to lose sight of that if you want to remain a good person going forward.
IntegrationConstituency
They already have an explanation. Chloe had an extremely traumatic event happen to her (almost being raped) so she went on a camping retreat. That is all the explanation you need and is already the explanation Rebecca gave to her uncle.
Jeanie6754
Thanks for the chapter Boss. It's seems you've been quite busy lately don't forget to have some downtime or perhaps some fun time 😉
Dastauf
Good idea to rename this book. Maybe "Between Fairs"? Suggests affairs doesn't it?
Dastauf
Good chapter (?part). Really looking forward to Rebecca-Brian finally knocking boots instead of swords & words! ... and glad to hear you've organized everything to date. Only "problem " is now I'll have to go back and reread it all.
noah creed
Thank you for the chapter!
Robert Nolan
So I've been thinking about the fact that they need an explanation for everything that's been going on. Chloe has disappeared for about a month, has a major personality shift and has stolen a bunch of money from her father. I think they need to claim she was on drugs and went through rehab after the events at animecon, especially after Brian got hurt. She was lying to her dad and Brian so she had drug money and now Brian is insisting on paying her father back. They could even claim Rebecca helped her through rehab anonymously to protect her father's image. It also explains why they have "friends" staying with them, to keep her from being alone and relapsing.
