FortySixtyFour
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Renfaire Fantasy: Harem Life pt 4
🕑 Added 2024-11-27 20:08:46 +0000 UTC/// I've been hesitant to post this one since I feel like I'm gonna get backlash, but readers—let me cook.
Stephanie burst into tears again for the second time that day, hurrying over to sit heavily on the bed of her dorm room. She wiped her eyes and felt mucus from her nose smear but the sobs just kept on coming, until all she could do was fold over herself and cry and cry and cry.
Partway through testing out the linen undertunic she was sewing together for the upcoming Renfaire… Stephanie discovered that they did not fit. The measurements were wrong. No, the dimensions of the tunic were correct, it was Stephanie’s measurements that were wrong.
She had gained a lot of weight.
Stress eating and binging food throughout the day somehow crept up on her before she even properly realized what was happening. Acknowledged the problem was easy; she missed everyone terribly. Loneliness hollowed her out until she found herself going through the days on campus completely numb, and Stephanie didn’t realize she was attempting to fill the void with overeating until it was too late. Perhaps six or so pounds put on in the first month right after AnimeCon, though just that much hadn’t been too noticeable back then when Brian had woken up and they’d taken that trip to Tionetta.
But, now a month after that she was a little over twenty pounds heavier than she had been back during AnimeCon, and it was apparent. Pants that had just been pinching before no longer fit at all, she couldn’t button them closed. She felt pudgy and different, she was finally realizing her face looked different in the mirror, fuller. Stephanie wasn’t too tall and had possessed a slender, petite figure not too long ago, so a twenty-pound difference somehow sneaking up on her felt like a disastrous change.
The blazing bonfire of confidence within her had dwindled down to a pathetic little pink smolder.
I know Brian loves me! Stephanie told herself again and again. They all do. I know that. But… but what if this is TOO MUCH? What if he looks at me and is just… DISAPPOINTED? I’m not as attractive as I was. Can the magic thing fix this? I’m just… absolutely MORTIFIED at the idea that they’re going to see me, and immediately notice how different I look. Terrified that their attraction will just… start to subside. Or that they’ll judge me, think I’m just a—I don’t even know what they might think. I know they’ll still love me, I know they’re not shallow or superficial or anything, just—just, I hate this, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!
What was worse was that she knew how easy it was for this to happen.
This had already happened before, after all—her first time back home visiting from college, her mother had noticed her putting on ‘the freshman fifteen.’ So, Stephanie had worked her ass off, cutting out snacking and sugars and starting to bicycle everywhere. The results had been pretty good, and by the time her and Megan went to AnimeCon, her brief body issues had been more or less put to rest.
But then—then I fell in love, Stephanie sniffled. And I, I miss them all, SO MUCH. I… I haven’t even stepped foot on those bicycle pedals since I bought the Yamazaki. I… and I haven’t been careful about what I eat, AT ALL. I keep falling back into the attitude that it’s okay! That, because I’m feeling so down and miserable and miss everyone so much, that I can treat myself just a little bit today, and then diet tomorrow. Except, that tomorrow diet never comes! I just snack and snack and snack and my habits have gotten worse and worse—and now I look like… THIS!
Stephanie gave into despair for another few sobs, then took a deep breath, wiped her face, and forced herself to stand up in front of her dorm room mirror again.
Maybe I’m, um, maybe I’m overthinking it! Stephanie tried to tell herself. It’s maybe not as bad as it looks. Like, okay it’s bad, but maybe it’s not THE END OF THE WORLD.
She turned to one side and then pulled up her shirt, examining the profile of her figure in the reflection.
Stephanie’s face immediately fell, and she couldn’t stop herself from tearing up again—she was a little fat. The tiny bit of tummy she used to have now looked more like a bit too much pale belly. She could suck it in, a bit—but, she couldn’t suck it in forever, and it would inevitably have to drop back out again in a way her lovers would surely not find flattered her look at all. Turning a bit and glaring at her image in the mirror with wet eyes, Stephanie confirmed that quite a bit of the weight had settled in her butt and her thighs—they weren’t shapely in the way that they used to be, and Stephanie didn’t like the new shape they were in at all.
UgGgghh!! Stephanie threw her shirt hem back down over herself and stomped a foot. She imagined that doing so made parts of her jiggle, and that did not help things at all.
Stephanie was altogether terrified of Brian and the others discovering that she’d let herself go. She was already ashamed of the inch of blonde that had crept back into her roots—the pink starting to go away felt like a loss of purity, somehow. Like she had betrayed them, in more than just the sense of simply trying out practicing magic when she wasn’t supposed to.
Seeing herself made her feel despondent, feeling so down gave her pangs and cravings, and the binge-eating made her gain weight which made her feel worse! Acknowledging and understanding the vicious cycle she was caught up in didn’t help her escape it. Prior to AnimeCon, Stephanie hadn’t put enough thought into her looks to worry much, and somehow back then just hopping on the bike all the time had been easy. Crippling social anxiety had been leveraged into a strange sort of focus, whereas now loneliness and depression sapped the strength of will to stick with a diet or start exercising again right out of her.
I feel like, I feel like I can do it, once I’m back with them! Stephanie felt herself start to get worked up all over again. But—okay yes, I can accomplish anything once I’m back with them, but for that to happen THEY’LL STILL SEE HOW FAT I’VE GOTTEN in the meantime!
“H-how,” Stephanie sniffed again as she regarded her image in the mirror in disbelief. “How did this happen?!”
As if in response her dorm room door thumped and shuddered with a series of banging knocks. Stephanie flinched back in surprise, and then came to her senses and hurried to find her comfy pajama pants and pull them on. The door shook again as someone’s fist persisted, and with one last tug and then flipping her shirt hem back down over her pajamas, Stephanie rushed forward and swung the door open.
“Whew, thank God, thought you stepped out for a bit or somethin’,” Megan said, holding up a large pair of paper fast food bags, grease stains darkening the bottom and side in splotches. “I was ‘bout to start piggin’ out on these all by myself. You okay?”
“Megan…” Stephanie’s face fell. “I’m… I-I’m getting fat.”
“Oh, please,” Megan scoffed, bustling past Stephanie. “Would you stop it with that?! I just finally was able to get ya to where you’re not just stick figure skin and bones, and now that makes you fat?! Then, what does that make me?!”
“N-no, I mean—what I mean, is—” Stephanie winced. “Um. It’s just that… that, when I did the measurements, from when I started the undertunic project—”
“It’s fabric, it probably shrunk,” Megan insisted, dropping the bags upon Stephanie’s desk. “We’re on, what? Where were we? Haru Haru Haruki season three, episode—I forget? Nine? Ten? Your player’ll remember, right?”
The tantalizing smell of fresh french fries spread up through the air when Megan opened the bag, and the crispy golden stalks all but tumbled out of their cardboard carton, it was so overstuffed.
“No!” Stephanie covered her eyes. “Megan—I prewashed the fabric. B-before I measured it. It’s the same measurements! Just, ah, just my measurements aren’t the same. I’ve put on too much weight.”
“Steph you look gorgeous,” Megan assured her. “Look, I didn’t even grab us sodas this time! Since you said they’re all sugar. I did get us extra fries though, ‘cause I’m your bestie, and I mean—can you smell these? They smell amazing.”
“I—I appreciate that you um, that you were thinking of me!” Stephanie protested. “But, I can’t! I can’t! No more, please—no more fried food, no sugars, no snacking while we watch episodes! Megan I’m fat!”
“Steph,” Megan gave her a pitying look as she popped a fry into her mouth. “Mm. You look amazing! You’re a cutie pie! Curves are a good thing—my mother would flip out on me if she saw I was letting my bestie start to look all anorexic. she’d be forcing you to come over every meal, sending you off with more in tupperware! Besides, Brian and them? They’re gonna love you havin’ a bit more somethin’ somethin’ to grab onto, you know? A little bit of cushion.”
“But, but—” Stephanie sniffled. “What if they don’t? What if I don’t?!”
“I specifically didn’t get sodas this time!” Megan let out a laugh of exasperation. “That’s like, c’mon that’s a great compromise. A sacrifice! I didn’t even get a milkshake or nothin’ either, which was tough, ‘cause the girl in front of me did and it looked so good. We’re doing fine! Guys like girls with a little extra. Anime episodes and junk food—perfect afternoon, I say. What, are we gonna just starve while we watch? Have nothing to nibble on?!”
“I, I don’t know!” Stephanie sighed. “I just—”
“If you want, you can just have some fries now, and put the rest in your mini fridge for later,” Megan suggested. “That’s uh, that’s all moderation, and stuff. Right? I mean, they won’t be as good heated up later, though…”
“Next time, just get food for yourself,” Stephanie pleaded, dropping down onto the edge of the bed. “Please. I, I mean it! I don’t want to gain any more weight.”
“But, I was gonna do pizza tomorrow,” Megan protested. “You can’t let me eat a whole pizza by myself! You have to help me!”
“Megan!” Stephanie threw her hands up. “You’re the worst friend!”
“I am not, I got us extra fries,” Megan said, pushing one of the cartons towards Stephanie. “Steph. You love fries.”
“I do love fries!” Stephanie groaned, reluctantly taking the order of fries. “Wh-which is why, why you’re the worst!”
“No, you’re the worst!” Megan teased. “We could be having some fizzy sodas to go with these, but nOoOoOo—! All of the sudden, jus’ a little thirty-two ounce cup of something sweet is the end of the world!”
/// Looking back on my friends, it's hard to say if they were the worst or the best. Probably a little of both? Or damn, maybe I'm just really craving fries. Weight gain might be a touchy one with readers who don't want their petite waifu from the previous books getting a little thicc, but it's a very realistic anxiety to come about from an equally plausible coping mechanism for her in her situation! And thankfully, one that I somewhat set up way, way back in the beginning when I first introduced her character!
Realistically, Steph probably isn't even as chubby as she fears she is, but emotionally this kind of thing is going to hit her like a truck, because she has been stripped away from the magic empathy validation of knowing exactly how the group feels about her. Suddenly, every week that goes by without that starts to feel like a bad haircut week where the hairdresser butchered your bangs, and she's getting too deep into her own head about how everyone might perceive her. Megan absolutely isn't helping. Or, is she? No, probably not.
Comments
Clovermite
Yes, Megan is being a bad friend here. Having said that, I can say it also goes both ways. When someone has been very skinny the whole time you've know them, for them to say "I'm getting fat" when they put on just a little bit of weight is rather insensitive to the situation of their friend. It completely undermines anything they might have said to the fat friend about not feeling self-conscious about how unattractive they look. It crosses a bit into gaslighting territory and making it feel like anything the fitter friend says complimentary can't be trusted because they will seemingly only sugarcoat anything they perceive their fat friend can't handle, yet clearly believe something entirely when they experience a mere fraction of what it's like to be the fat person. Now from your comment, it sounds like you likely didn't exhibit any of drastic gap between what you said to your friends and how you reacted to your own developments. I can tell you with 90% certainty, however, that Stephanie ABSOLUTELY behaves in this way. I would bet at least $30 that Stephanie did not previously try to convince Megan to lose weight, and that any time Megan might have shown any amount of feeling self-conscious about her situation, Stephanie would have completely focused on trying to make her FEEL better rather than trying to push her to BECOME better. Judging on Megan's complete lack of self-awareness when it came to body odour, she probably never had those moments of self-doubt. But to that same token, we saw that Stephanie ABSOLUTELY lacked the strength of will to clearly communicate to Megan that she had a problem that put a dramatic barrier between her and becoming close with other people. It took Rebecca to step in and help, but even then, Rebecca never clarified the issue, she just stepped in to temporarily resolve it for the sake of making Chloe and herself's one night stay more comfortable. When Megan did make comments about her weight to Rebecca, she then applied the exact same gaslighting I referred to above: "No, you're a wonderful woman who is just fine as she is" And let me tell you, losing 100 pounds or more is an entirely different beast than losing 10-20 pounds. I've lost 10-20 pounds MULTIPLE times in my lifetime, but I've yet to lose the full 100 I needed, nor have I been able to keep the weight I've lost off for more than my one time record of three years. I recently lost 40 pounds over a period of nine months, and then immediately gained 80 back in two months after falling off the wagon and succombing to the worst sugar cravings I've ever experienced in my entire life.
Mocherthrath
Agreed. My wife had a roommate in college like her. Never showered and covered it up with perfume. Also, she overate all the time. Then throw herself at guys that socially negative.
MrSkyentist
Can't wait for her to get back to the group and the whole "getting fat" thing is turned into her bulking to get jacked. On a serious note, I've got friends who acted like Megan (though I've never been overweight) and that's not what being a good friend is about. Took me a long time to get my parents and friends exercising regularly because of other bad influences and I had to do it by telling them I'm selfish and don't want them to die early. Be that positive friend and hold each other accountable.
Karl W Justice
Very relatable.
Jacob Bissey
I don't know, I read genuine frustration behind her words and actions, but that could easily have been an error on my part
benjamin shropshire
Yeah. If someone wants to change something in there life; help them, stay out of their way or stage an intervention (if that change is harmful). That said, if the desire is a manifestation of a psychological issue (which here includes includes depression, worry and imagined imperfections) addressing those might be called for... but not by getting in the way of what they want to do.
benjamin shropshire
Yeah, when things slip from "you're not supposed to impose your opinion on me" to "you aren't allowed to have an opinion, even about you" then "tolerance" has *defiantly* gone to far. That said: I'm not really reading Megan as feeling attacked. I'm more seeing her as "I know, I don't care" with bit of teasing people who mention it by putting on an act of being offended. Her trying to just brush off Steph and tell her she shouldn't worry is a bit more of an issue And the "eat this" bit is just *totally* tone deaf on her part. Even if her weight is objectively not a real issue, enabling someone is something they want to quit is not going to help anything.
MrBliss
My first thought was what if Steph was pregnant. Now that would be a different direction than just over eating
Mocherthrath
TFTC I actually really appreciate this chapter. I can Stephanie going into this downward cycle being away from Brian. Meghan would not be helpful because as seen at the convention she does not have healthy self image and confidence.
Jeanie6754
Thanks for the update Boss. Have a great thanksgiving I hope you are able to get some tasty 😋 noms.
Jacob Bissey
Lol, my GF had a brief period where she was freaking out like Steph is here about putting on a tiny bit of belly. I honestly didn't notice it until she pointed it out, and even then I honestly thought it made her look *better*, like it was just enough to add a bit more jiggle but not so much to really alter her outline when viewed from any angle. I was able to convince her not to worry about it pretty quick, thankfully. Amusingly she had a similar freak out when she got sick for a couple months and *lost* a bunch of weight, saying she was now too thin. Again, I could barely see a difference. Thankfully she got over that pretty easily too. Also, Megan is the *worst* kind of fat person, and also a pretty terrible person in general, TBH. Getting bent out of shape like that for being called fat, fat isn't an insult, it's a description, body positivity shouldn't be about denying reality, it should be about accepting reality and being okay with it. I'm fat, I like the way I look, my GF likes the way I look, and those are literally the only opinions that matter. I don't care about getting into shape or dieting, so I don't. But other people DO care about those things and I don't try to bully them for it, people should do with their own bodies whatever they want, if you like being healthy, great, if you like enjoying a sedentary lifestyle, also great. Just recognize and accept the tradeoffs you are making in either direction. If you are going to diet and exercise you *will* have less free time to enjoy other stuff, and you won't be able to indulge in junk food as much, maybe those are positives for you, like you spend your time exercising because you like it better than other things you could be spending your time on and you genuinely like healthy food better than junk food, but most people aren't like that, even most healthy people, so being healthy means sacrificing other pleasures for it. Similarly, if you *don't* diet and exercise you need to accept that you are sacrificing your health for the sake of pleasure, and that a significant chunk of the world will think you are unappealing for doing so. Own who you are and own the choices you make. Interpreting everything that isn't instant and enthusiastic agreement as a personal attack makes Megan a terrible person. She doesn't *need* to buy extra food for Stephanie, she doesn't *need* to force Stephanie to share her life choices. Even a pizza, if she can't eat a whole pizza in one sitting and doesn't want leftovers (unlike fries, leftover pizza is commonly considered *really* good, so I don't know why not being able to eat it all is a downside), she can buy a smaller pizza. And yeah, a 7 inch pizza (the smallest most pizza chains I've encountered will go) will still be too much for some people, but those people aren't fat. I have eaten entire 14" pizzas in one sitting before, usually I have a couple slices left over with that size, but sometimes I can put away the whole thing. Megan needs to stop badgering and manipulating her friend, I'm actually not sure this is thoughtless and not calculated, she has a fragile ego, so it seems like she's actively sabotaging Stephanie's figure to narrow the gap between herself and her prettier friend, whether that's conscious or subconscious I don't know, but either way, screw her for doing it.
mhaj58
When I got to 215 pounds a few years ago working at a gas station. I overcompensated by going completely anorexic. I drank my meals and walked 3-5 miles everyday until I ended up 170 pounds. The problem was that rather than getting skinny, the weight loss was centered around my waist, making my belly look bigger by comparison. I’m now 180 pounds and trying crunches and sit ups, but I still look fat because of how much I need to tighten my belt around my pants
Toodles McGhee
I lost 50 lbs between April and October, but crept back up 5 the past 3 weeks...carbs are the Devil!!
Khuri
Steph's mental and emotional cycling like that is spot on. She is depression cycling due to missing the group, so she fills the hole with food, then realizes she is over eating and putting on weight, now she is depression cycling because of that and eats more to compensate for the hole it causes. Well done sir. Keep cooking. Steph is a ball of anxiety and borderline depression ready to blow up. Megan is being herself, she doesn't see how Steph sees herself in this aspect, because Megan cannot. Self image never matches what others see of us.
Toodles McGhee
At first I thought you were working towards a different reason for the weight gain, one that would REQUIRE eating for two...
Drakenclaw
Thanks for the chapter. If your friend asks you to stop doing something that, especially something tempting, you do that. At least as long as it's not harmful. In this case it was something relatively harmless, but it's still a dick-move. Just replace too much unhealthy food with something like alcohol or nicotin and it's definitely not funny anymore. And for me it falls in the same kind of ballpark. So my vote would be on bad friend. A bit of chubbiness is ok.
Sacchito22
You've more than earned the right in my book to cook.
Kim Jun
Honestly most of the backlash will probably be from Megan here since she's so dense and inconsiderate (which is a bit of a departure from the growth she went though at the end of animecon) I dig the direction and I cannot wait for more
WhiteRabbit
To be honest, it seems pretty reasonable/ likely. And I think it may flow better in an actual book, where you can move on to the next thing fairly rapidly. That's one of the issues I have with reading a book in chunks like this, each individual piece seems more impactful because you have a delay until you get the next piece.
Sean
I've never struggled with my weight since I'm like stick thin and get nauseous when I eat too much so I don't really get it. Megan just sounds like someone with a huge blindspot taking advantage of a friend who doesn't know how to say no.
