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[ANGELS] chapter 40. strands of light
🕑 Added 2023-05-12 04:09:33 +0000 UTCYou're going to what? thought Jenny, almost wanting to laugh. If Susan didn't look so damn serious saying that... I'm going to stick my hand inside you... C'mon. That's straight out of some kind of porno or something.
But her best friend's arm was glowing. It was made of light, hovering over Jenny's chest, translucent and colorful and beautiful. And Jenny... Jenny was terrified of it.
When Susan tried to heal Jenny’s side injury, pain ignited inside her. It was infinitely worse than the healing spray; she could’ve sworn someone had taken a chainsaw and cut through her insides. The scream burst from her throat before she could stop herself, and the look she’d seen on Susan’s face. The shock, the horror, the heartbreak. It was enough to make her swallow the rest of the pain, to keep herself from screaming again. It wasn’t Susan’s fault. It was her own.
Jenny felt so far away. The healing attempt had plunged her deeper into the darkness. Was this what dying felt like? What should her last words be? Was this a good time to ask Susan to prom? Jenny nearly laughed this time, but her side still burned, and Susan was staring, looking terrified but confident in a desperate sort of way, waiting for her answer.
“Well?” whispered Susan. She was trembling, and even though she was nearly on top of Jenny, she seemed so far away. Like Jenny was watching her bottom lip wobble from the bottom of a well.
More darkness enshrouded her vision, threatening to conceal everything. But Susan remained fixed in her sights. The brightness of her arm kept the darkness at bay. Maybe this could actually work.
Your arm looks beautiful, Jenny wanted to say, but every time she tried to speak, every time she tried to form words at the base of her throat, it felt like she would retch instead. And she didn’t want to throw up the angel blood. It seemed to be the only thing keeping her alive. What else could her heart possibly be pumping through her body?
What would the side effects be, she wondered. She heard someone sigh heavily, but she didn’t have the strength to turn her head.
“Let’s get her leg off that thing first,” said the voice, and Jenny recognized it as Mrs. Monique’s, the librarian’s. “We need to be quick.”
“What?” Susan turned, and Jenny wanted to cry out.
Don’t look away. Please. If you’re not looking at me, I might die.
Susan nodded. “Yeah, then I think I can just heal everything in one go.” She paused to lick her lips, mumbled something, then repeated herself. “... she won’t feel the pain right now. So, let’s get her leg free.” She was freaking out in that restrained self-imploding way she always did when she was worried.
She was absolutely beyond the point of freaking out. Jenny had seen her nervous, anxious to the point of throwing up before an important presentation. She’d seen her terrified and frozen to the spot and wetting herself. She’d seen her take command on impromptu gym class teams, in debate classes, and in their online gaming. She’d even seen her shy. Once. Susan had worn pink robes with flowers for pajama day, and Jenny had tried them on. Jenny told her that she’d loved the smell, that it smelled like Susan, and Susan had blushed so much.
Huh. That’s a fun memory to think about.
"On the count of three,” said Mrs. Monique. Together she and Susan slowly slid Jenny’s leg off the rod while Jenny’s mind wandered. Three of the babies sat close to her face. They whimpered and cried softly. They touched her cheek and stroked her hair. She wondered if they’d try to eat her if she turned off Severed Spirit, but since they hadn’t gone after Susan or Mrs. Monique, maybe they wouldn’t.
Are they still going to follow me everywhere though?
She didn’t think she’d mind. They were kind of cute after all, and seemingly indestructible. She thought back to a few moments ago when she was pleading with the universe to not die. That she’d do anything to stay alive. But she didn’t want this. She watched Susan and Mrs. Monique sliding her leg, trying their best not to damage her thigh any further. The look on Susan’s face made her heart ache.
Susan shouldn’t have to bear this responsibility. What if it failed? What if Jenny died anyway? And Susan had to go on knowing she’d killed her? How was that fair at all?
I don't want to be a burden. Please just let me die.
But I don’t want to die either. Jenny couldn’t reconcile these conflicting thoughts. There was no alternative to the situation, and she knew that Susan would try no matter what. No matter how much Jenny pleaded with her to get back to the others and heal Oliver. It was either Susan watched her die or Susan killed her. Or Susan died too, trying to save her.
Once they worked Jenny's thigh free of the rod, and it slid free with a gross wet sucking sound, they lowered her leg gently. There wasn’t much blood. She thought most of her blood was in her mouth, down her throat, or in her stomach. And it wasn’t even hers. It was the angel’s.
Blooded.
Now what did that mean? How did she get a notification while in Severed Spirit? She swallowed; the taste clung to her tongue. Tangy and sweet; she wanted more. Her stomach growled. The skin and flesh sticking out of the hole in her side flapped and trembled. Pain throbbed around her navel from Susan’s healing attempt, and she dreaded Susan’s plan. But Jenny thought she understood the concept: keep her heart healed and beating while she deactivated Severed Spirit. They’d just have to pray it would heal the rest of her before she died.
And what about her brain? What if it shut down? But she hadn’t sustained any damage to her head, other than her face. Maybe she had a concussion from her Instant Acceleration into the Imperfect Angel’s swinging arm. Would that be enough to ruin her brain?
Susan dropped beside Jenny's head again, her luminescent fingers hovering over Jenny’s chest, over her heart. “Okay,” she said quietly. She took a deep breath. “Jenny, are you ready?”
Jenny nodded.
Susan explained her plan again as the babies watched, wide-eyed and worried. “As soon as you turn it off, I’m going to stick my hand inside, okay?”
Jenny licked her gums, wondering if her teeth would grow back. She nodded again, then inhaled slowly. This could be the last breath she ever held in her chest. She watched Susan’s lips move, counting it down.
Three...
Two...
Jenny reached for the skill in her mind, sifting through the clouds of darkness. She pictured pulling a lever, pictured herself struggling for a moment. Then as soon as Susan whispered, one... the lever stopped resisting. She deactivated Severed Spirit.
It felt like she’d been wrenched from the world and flung in the sun.
Pain erupted across every inch of her body, like countless jaws sinking carnivorous teeth into her flesh and bones, chewing her to bits. As though someone was tearing her limb from limb, then jamming each limb back into place, only to stomp on her and tear them off again. Every single signal her brain had ignored while the skill was active now rushed through her head. Everything hurt. She just wanted it to end.
She almost screamed, Kill me! Kill me! Just let me fucking die... Her feet jerked. Her hand scraped the floor, clawing till her nails snapped off. The babies wailed as Mrs. Monique held Jenny’s shoulders down. Susan’s brow was furrowed with sweat. Her hand slipped inside Jenny’s chest. Jenny could feel Susan’s fingers wrapping around her heart.
A gasp escaped Jenny’s lips, and she pressed them tight, chewing on her lips with her toothless gums. Trying and failing to cry. If this was it, she didn’t want Susan to hear any sign of distress or pain. She clenched her entire body, her mind.
And just when she thought the pain would never end, that Susan's skill would force her body alive until the pain completely obliterated her thoughts, warmth spread across her skin, soothing and gentle. As though she’d been stabbed with cozy afternoon sunlight, forming an oasis of relief.
Susan’s other palm rested against Jenny’s cheek as strands of valescent light bounced like stones skipping across water, across her body.
For a moment, Jenny thought her heart had stopped. Then she felt Susan’s fingers squeezing it. Light pulsed with every squeeze, and Jenny couldn’t tell if she was dreaming or not. Is Susan pumping my heart for me?
This time, it was Susan who cried out, and she had to use her other hand to brace her shining arm. Rainbow light erupted from Jenny’s chest, completely enveloping her. The large floating orb dropped down like a meteor and splashed onto Jenny.
Jenny tried to keep her focus on Susan’s reddening face. Tried to ignore the pain circling through her body. Then she blinked, and when she opened her eyes, she floated in a familiar empty darkness.
It was the strange place she’d entered when she first met Eve, another world. Water splashed as she straightened up, her toes finding the sandy bottom. The waves came up to her navel. The lake trembled around her, endless ripples racing away.
She was whole. Her skin was no longer rotten and burned. Her wounds were healed. She even had her fingers back. When she touched her nose, she was surprised to find it exactly how it was supposed to be. She ran her tongue over her teeth and shuddered with joy. Teeth were such a precious things to have; somehow this was the detail that made her feel the most human again.
Other than the water she’d disturbed, nothing stirred. Nobody else was around, not even Eve. She’d expected the three-headed golden figure to emerge any moment now and chastise her again, but the sky was empty. The trees in the distance, of which she could still see every little detail with bizarre clarity, were all leafless. The branches stood as naked as Jenny.
Shriveled leaves blanketed the ground. Not a single bug crawled anywhere. The world was awfully quiet. The first time she was here, the quiet reminded her of the soothing calm of an untouched morning. But this was the eerie stillness of a graveyard. Cold crept up her thighs and filled her insides with dread.
Wading through the water, her feet kicking up sand, Jenny made it to the edge and threw herself onto the muddy bank. She tried to crawl out, but the lake refused to let go.
“What the fuck?” she cried out, straining to break free. But the waves gripped her tight. Droplets stuck to her skin. What felt like countless currents pulled on her feet, her thighs, her waist.
Grunting and digging into the mud with her hands, she kicked several times. The waves splashed and broke apart and collapsed, and Jenny managed to wrench herself free. She climbed up the muddy bank to land face-first in the grass.
The grass was dead, and she inhaled the bitter ashen remains and nearly choked. Coughing and sputtering, she rolled onto her back and stared up at the emptiness, breathing hard. Mud covered her entire body.
"What happened to this place?" she whispered.
What happened... happened... The words flittered and echoed and came back to her, as though she'd spoken into a canyon. Though there was no wind. No rocky cliffs.
"Hello?" she said, a little more loudly.
Hello? Hello... Again, the world responded, echoing the question back to her. She strained to remember what Eve had said about this place, but her memories were fuzzy. Her mind filled with static; all she could see was the shock on Susan's face when they'd reunited.
"What do I do?"
What do I do? What do I...
Jenny got to her feet, dripping mud, shivering. Her fingers tingled from the cold.
Whispering filled the air. Jenny whirled around, trying to find the source. But nothing stirred. The trees stood unmoving. There was no wind. The whispering grew louder and louder, but she couldn’t recognize any of the words. She couldn’t even tell how many people or creatures were whispering. She raised her fists, ready for a fight in the mud, then she realized the whispering was coming from the water.
Waves rushed forward again, and Jenny scrambled back. Each wave was dark and bulbous, taking on the form of fish before crashing into the mud. The spray landed on her skin, and she felt countless tiny tugs. Was it trying to drown her? Had she broken some rule by trying to get out?
She rushed higher and higher up the bank, slipping and sliding on the mud and grass. The bank itself was giving away. It was crumbling and falling apart and disappearing into the water.
Frantic, she dashed into the trees. Waves splashed at her heels. When she grabbed a tree for support, the bark gave away, disintegrating against her fingertips, throwing her off balance. She cried out, stumbling forward before tripping over a root. She landed hard, breaking the fall with her arms.
What was going on? Why was this happening? Was the world dying? Or was it rejecting her? Where was Eve?
Was this because of what she'd done? Because she'd given up her humanity?
"Eve!" she screamed, crawling forward till she could stand and run.
Eve! Eve! The world only threw her voice back at her from every direction. The whispering grew louder and louder. Jenny dashed through crumbling trees. The leaves crinkled and shattered out of existence beneath her muddy feet, and the waves roared and chased furiously. No matter how fast she ran or how many steps she took, the water gushed right behind her.
When she tripped again, this time because her foot sank into vanishing ground, the waves finally caught her.
She didn't even get to cry out. Waves slammed into her back and wrapped around her navel. She struggled, but how was she supposed to pull water off her? She smacked it, and all it did was splash. More waves grasped her legs and arms. The dark water surged into her ears and up her nose, bubbling and whispering. It rushed down her throat. It worked its way between her legs and seeped into her pores. It pressed her eyes. It had seized her. It had claimed her. She sank into its enveloping darkness, raging quietly but desperately as the world swallowed her completely.
Then it spat her back out.
Light ignited behind her eyelids. It shimmered blue and red before intertwining, forming purple strands that stretched like vines and mixed with gold and silver. Yellow erupted like beams from the sun, each strand binding her, wrapping around her waist, raising her like a marionette, lifting her from the dark.
Jenny shuddered awake to see Susan's tear-stricken face. She was crouched over Jenny, her hand still buried in Jenny's chest, glowing so brightly that the tears on Susan’s face shimmered.
The pain was gone. Nothing hurt anymore. Jenny only felt warmth. She licked her teeth; it hadn’t been just a dream. She had teeth again. She was alive.
“Hey,” whispered Jenny. Her voice felt hoarse. She remembered the tooth she’d swallowed, how it had scratched its way down her throat. How she’d tried to copy that angel’s self-healing ability.
Susan rested her forehead on Jenny’s, sighing so that their breaths mingled. Their noses touched. Warmth rushed to Jenny’s cheeks as Susan’s hand slid out of her chest and the light faded.
“I’m really tired,” said Susan softly. Her hand, now flesh and normal, lay flat on Jenny’s chest, as though she were terrified Jenny’s heart would stop beating if she let go.
“Same,” said Jenny, making Susan laugh. A gentle, little laugh, the tremor moving through both of them simultaneously.
A notification flickered against her thoughts, trying to surface. It was strange having thoughts that weren’t her own again, but she welcomed it. It meant she was truly back. That Susan had saved her. I’m not dead. She’d saved Oliver. They were back together. Now all they had to do was get out of this stupid nightmare.
She imagined Eve had plenty to say as well, but she figured the first notification would be that of Susan’s level. Staring back into Susan’s warm eyes, achingly aware of Susan’s hand on her bare chest, she let the thought emerge:
Blooded.
yeesh. this chapter gave me so much trouble. (and some personal IRL bullshit really fucked with my writing this week.) I ended up having to write this chapter three times because I wasn't satisfied with any version of it till this one. also holy shit, it's chapter 40!!!!
anyways, love you, and more soon.
Comments
Samhain, not pronounced Sam-Hane
Anyone else remembering the scene at the end of the second matrix movie while Susan was pumping her heart?
