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[ANGELS] chapter 61. desecrated human
🕑 Added 2023-10-24 06:28:13 +0000 UTCposting two chapters today, and they're both super dense. you could read them one after the other, but maybe take a break between them and don't forget to hydrate. there'll an update on plans and stuff at the end of 62!
love you
Tentacles intertwined and shot forward, slamming into Miriam's thigh and splintering her white exoskeleton. Her leg buckled. She cried out, but before she hit the ground, two more tentacles whipped her chest and slapped away her arms.
She fell on her back, wings struggling as she scrambled to get away, but Jenny moved forward, taking each step slowly and assuredly, crushing rubble beneath her feet. Her tentacles swished, eager to strike the girl again.
Jenny felt as though she were floating inside her own body. Lost in her mind. Like there was an amniotic fluid layer separating her from herself. She didn't have to make any conscious choice to move; her body simply reacted. To instinct or desire or something else, she wasn't sure. She didn't will any of it. It just was. It just would be.
Fall.
All that seemed to matter was the scent of blood. Her blood, gushing from her wounds; her exoskeleton slurped up every precious drop, and her tentacles molted and grew, extending pink and red and glistening, longer than before. But the scent of Miriam’s blood was what guided her every step. The scent clogged her nose. The scent filled her throat. And combined with blood was the strangely citric scent of fear. It tasted like freshly squeezed lemons, and though it stung, she couldn’t get enough. She was fixated on Miriam like a compass pointing North.
Miriam struggled up the rubble on all fours. Her ugly wings flapped feebly as she climbed over the teacher's desk. She was trying to get to the door, and she was laughing. The girl was laughing. What the fuck is wrong with her?
I’m going to sink my teeth in her throat. Her tentacles thrust into what was left of the ceiling, and she swung over a pile of rubble, landing with a crash as Miriam, still cackling, ran into the door, popping it off its hinges, before she went off.
Jenny had tried summoning her hatchet back, just to see if she could. But it was the same restrictions as before. No skills. No system. No Eve. Her head was quiet, but this time, there was an odd feeling of dissociation that she hadn’t felt before.
She might’ve been in a dream, trying to run, but no matter how hard she tried, no matter how much the world blurred around her, she was stuck. She wasn’t quite sure what was real and what wasn’t. Whereas last time, she couldn’t feel any pain, this time, she couldn’t feel her presence.
Jenny lumbered into the hallway and turned, following the scent. Miriam was stumbling away, arms glowing as she threw bubble after bubble at Jenny.
Each one shimmered with green light, illuminating the blood splatters on the hallway walls as they sped toward her. But Jenny's body recognized the danger; it reacted. Or maybe she did.
She wasn't sure. She dodged lithely, easily. Almost carelessly. Her tentacles swished through the air. She stepped sideways, turned, then tilted her head. Heat rippled through the air. Explosions rang out behind her. Light from each explosion cast flickering monstrous shadows on the walls and the floor.
There was something else inside her. Some other presence, something she almost thought was Eve, but knew wasn't. It was familiar somehow. Familiar and strange, like she could recognize it from a dream she'd forgotten. It moved her body. It translated her rage and hunger and hurt into something tangible. It was some manifestation of herself.
Hello? thought Jenny. Are you... are you my subconscious? Am I sleepwalking?
But there was no response. She didn't expect one; dreams couldn’t communicate back. There was only the dull, echoing quiet, and the eerie sensation that she could shut her inner eyes and sink deeper into this quiet emptiness...
But no. I can’t do that. She had to be there to cancel this. To turn Severed Spirit off. To take control back when Miriam was dead, and Jenny could heal herself.
She leaped over rubble and crashed through a smoldering hole in the wall that led into another classroom. Green light flashed. The beam surged right over her head; but she'd sensed it with her tentacles and ducked before it could touch her. Some of her hair sizzled, but at least it wasn't her face.
She tried to yell, but her body wouldn't cry out. She tried to say Miriam's name. She tried to make any sound at all. But her throat wasn't her own. Her lungs weren't hers to use. These things weren't necessary for what she had to do.
She knew that. She was beginning to understand that. All that mattered were her instincts. Her fight or flight responses. Overthinking would only slow her down. It was the same as before; what Eve had said about her second guessing. Don’t think. Just do.
She thought about using her tentacles to crawl along the walls like a demented spider to pounce on Miriam, and something inside her shifted. The quiet grew loud and staticy. The darkness relaxed. Light flickered in the corner of her eyes, and her tentacles reacted to her thought.
They slammed into a whiteboard, cracking the wood and kicking up clouds of dust, and she climbed up to the ceiling. Don't think. Just do.
She sensed Miriam blasting another hole in the opposite wall. Power drove through Jenny’s legs; she kicked off the ceiling tiles and flung herself at Miriam. It wasn’t as fast as Instant Acceleration, but her vision blurred, and she thought she’d be sick.
Miriam laughed and darted out of the way, jumping through the burnt wall and leaving the classroom. Jenny smashed into the floor beside her and rolled. As soon as she looked up, Miriam was already running down the hall. Her wings flapped; she was trying to fly. Her feet barely touched the floor. But she kept looking back over her shoulders, eyes wide with fright.
She's too scared to fly. She’s laughing out of sheer terror.
Miriam fluttered past the main stairwell, pushed through the blue double doors, and hurried into the English department.
Jenny's tentacles slammed into lockers and walls, through the ceiling, propelling herself forward. She flung the doors open and clawed the hallway wall, ripping out the bricks smeared with blood. Her body remembered. This was where it all started.
She almost felt sorry as she barreled down on a crying Miriam, laughing as tears ran down her cheeks. She tried to turn and face Jenny head head-on.
Jenny's claw tore into a wing as they collided. Miriam screamed, and then the wing was in Jenny's mouth. She bit down on what looked felt an oversized finger or a claw. Bones crushed between her teeth, and when she wrenched her head, there was an ugly series of snapping sounds. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. She ripped the wing halfway off Miriam's back, right out of the white exoskeleton that covered her shoulder blade.
Howling with pain, Miriam blew out another bubble, blasting them apart. The impact struck Jenny on the chest, and she was thrown several feet in the air. Her tentacles smashed into the floor, and she landed on her feet.
My chest, thought Jenny, panicking as she sank deeper into the quiet. Whatever control she’d had over her body was fading. She was thinking again. My chest... blood didn't gush out this time. But if she focused, she could sense the damage through her tentacles. Her muscles and bones were burnt, and she grimaced.
Her body was already rightening. Her exoskeleton was cracked, partially melted and peeling away, but she had to remind herself, it didn't matter. Stop thinking about it.
The explosion had blown Miriam the rest of the way down the hall, past the English classroom, and into the grated window on the far end. She was whimpering, clutching her injured wing like a torn blanket. The laughter had stopped.
She was saying something, sobbing, her voice hoarse. But Jenny was already closing in. Each step echoed in the empty hallway. Each step crushed the tiles underneath.
Her tentacles swished and grew even longer and thicker, extending to grab Miriam. But the girl leaped into the air, using the grated window to pull herself up, desperately flapping her good wing. The torn one splattered blood all around, and she glided awkwardly over Jenny's head before tumbling to the floor.
Drops of blood struck Jenny, and her tentacles sucked them right up.
Miriam raised her arms, her bottom lip trembling. "Stop it. Please," she whispered. She was ugly crying now, snot running down her cracked lips. "Someone please, help me! Please! I'm sorry. I'm sorry-I'm sorry- I'm sorry- I didn't mean to-""
Jenny rushed forward with Miriam's blood fresh in her mind. The taste curled right up into her brain, hooking her. She wanted more. Her body needed more. Her tentacles flatted against the droplets on the walls and the floor and sucked them in, and she shuddered with anticipation.
Which Miriam seemed to notice. Because she grasped her injured wing with both hands and tore the rest of it off.
Blood gushed from her back, and she hiccupped, holding the hand-like wing like an offering. Blood dribbled over the fingers and dripped to the floor.
"Take it!" she screamed, lobbing the wing at Jenny. Then she turned, struggling to her feet, slipping and sliding on her own blood as she ran back up the hallway, one wing bouncing as she bled from her back.
Jenny ripped the wing in half and flung it away. That wouldn’t nearly be enough. She wanted the entire meal. With Miriam's blood, powerful and rich, her exoskeleton grew back, spreading like wildfire across her injured chest.
As she followed the trail of blood, her tentacles smashed everything around her. The doorframe of the main stairwell. The steps behind her as she leaped down each stairwell. The windows. Her hatred for confines seeped through; her hatred for the school surfaced like a mad beast; she wanted to get the fuck out of here, and the only way out of her wretched life was through Miriam's corpse.
“I don't want to be here,” whispered Jenny, hiding in her own body, relinquishing more and more of herself to herself.
She flew down the stairs, chasing after Miriam who was sobbing and pleading. But Jenny slurped up every drop of blood along the way. The promise of flesh was too much to ignore.
The trail led back to the lobby. Back near the splatter of dried blood from when the blonde-haired angel had bitten through her fingers. Where Jenny should've died. The lobby was empty now. All the humans had risen and attacked Jenny, and she'd sliced and burnt them all to ashes.
But there, collapsed near the hole that led back to the cafeteria, was Miriam. Her single wing was caught on a metal bar that jutted out from the ruined floor, and Jenny grinned.
The hole in her side ached like a bruise. Her body remembered being pierced through the same kind of metal rod, and watching Miriam cry and struggle and scream, threatening to tear off her other wing as she forced her feet into the hole... it was delicious.
Miriam kept screaming. She kept screaming for help. As though someone could fly up to the lobby and save her. Right beneath them was the cafeteria, but it looked like the hole was at an angle, and Miriam couldn't force herself into it. She was caught on the exposed beam. She couldn't slip down to the floor below. All she could do was scream over and over for help.
Why would anyone want to save you? After what you did? After what you said you’d do? You were going to kill everyone. You were going to eat Susan, right? That's what you said? You promised to rip her open?
I’m going to rip YOU open.
She couldn't get her lips to move and utter the words, but she screamed at Miriam silently. Fury throbbed all around her like venomous heat. It surged through her. She stood over Miriam, glaring down at the whimpering, pleading girl.
Both of Miriam's arms pulsed with light. She pointed her fingers at Jenny, preparing two of those cruel attacks.
Jenny grabbed Miriam's wrists, twisting them in opposite directions. There were two simultaneous cracks, a high-pitched shriek, and broken bones burst out of Miriam's forearms, breaking through skin and exoskeleton.
Miriam went limp. Her arms hung uselessly as she whimpered.
Then, with a snarl, she opened her mouth and green light blossomed in her throat. Jenny rammed her claws through Miriam's navel, and the light blinked out. A weak wail escaped Miriam's lips as she stared back, eyes so wide that Jenny could see herself.
Could see what she'd become. Her right eye was just as empty as her left. Her exoskeleton burnt and twisted and cracked. Her swishing tentacles. She looked no different from an angel, and she was holding a human up, skewered by her own hand.
Miriam wheezed, hands flailing from the broken bones as she tried to lift them. "Please," she whispered. But then she shut her eyes tight and screamed as Jenny raised her from the floor. Her wing tore like ripped cloth against the metal bar.
"HELP ME!" she screamed, her voice breaking. "Please! I DIDN’T MEAN IT. I WAS JUST ANGRY!"
I'll show you anger. She wanted to torture Miriam. To rip her open piece by piece and savor every delicious bite.
No. No. Stop! whispered Jenny. Stop this. I don't have to prolong this. She can't fight anymore. Please. Stop.
But no matter how hard she tried to wake up, she couldn't. She was buried in her own body. Stop it! she begged silently. Stop. Stop the skill. No more. It's over. I’ll just kill her.
Even if it meant having to feel the pain of missing half her navel. Her torn-up chest. She didn't care. The urge to eat the girl was proving too strong, and she didn't want that anymore. If she did this... there would be no coming back.
But this is what I want. I can let go. I can just be myself now.
This is who I am.
Her claws curled inside the other girl, and Miriam squirmed, her feet kicking at the hole in the floor.
Blood gushed out. Her tentacles snapped onto the girl's body, tearing away cracked exoskeleton and latching onto pale skin, and slurping. Warmth and energy flowed through Jenny, and she couldn't keep resisting.
It felt too good. This was what she wanted. All she'd ever wanted. Power surged through her. Enveloped her. Her body stepped forward, closing the distance between her and Miriam and all she had to do was take one bite and...
A shudder went down Miriam's body that Jenny felt through her claws. Golden light blossomed around the trembling girl. Her exoskeleton shifted like gelatinous white waves across her face and-
A notification pierced through Jenny's Severed Spirit, like a stone thrown into a puddle by a clogged storm drain. Ripples expanding in every direction. Words that came into focus as though she'd woken up in the middle of the night, blinking over and over, trying to adjust her vision to the dark.
You have defeated Desecrated Angel (Level 44)
Jenny Huang
Level 26 -> Level 30
Stage ii -> Stage iii
She choked on that message, trying to make sense of it as golden light shimmered around Miriam. And then a series of notifications thundered through Jenny's skull, one after the other.
Severed Spirit (Guidance System Error)
(Imperfect Human -> Desecrated Human)
Internal Error
Internal Error
Internal Error
Natural Order Corruption
Her vision turned red. A crimson darkness. A ravenous hunger bloomed all around her, ugly mouths and teeth, smiles and salivating tongues. She tried to scream. Tried to keep them at bay. But the snapping teeth closed in, furious and hungry. Jenny couldn’t move. She was transfixed within herself; she was at the mercy of her own appetite.
All at once, every single set of jaws bit into her. They ripped away chunks of flesh and bone, and... your mind caves in. You let go of all restraint. You accept your truth. This is what you are.
You are nothing.
There's a girl on your arm; your claws are pierced through her as though she was a piece of skewered meat. You raise her higher, the scent of blood ingulfing your senses - you want her. You want her so bad it aches, and your body will collapse if you don't have her.
You can feel her healing through the wounds you've opened. Muscle cord tightens against your fingers, squeezing your hand. Her exoskeleton shifts rhythmically, pulsing with golden light, and she's grinning. Her smile is too wide. Her teeth too red. You despise this creature; you want her dead. You want her destroyed. She hurt you.
Your tentacles slam into her nose and burst through her skull. You taste her brain before she can even cry out. And then she goes still. And you feed on your prey.
You've never had a meal like this. You bring her limp body to your mouth and bite. Teeth find the burnt flesh of her exposed shoulder, and her charred skin comes away with ease. You grasp her with both hands and rip her open. Exoskeleton peels like a bug’s shell. Muscle, delicious quivering muscle jiggles out; you sink to the floor and don't remember taking another breath till your belly is full of warmth and the corpse drops from your lips, bones rattling on the floor. Between the ribs, rolls a cattle prod covered in blood and slime.
You are far from satisfied.
A roar fills your throat, and you roar like you've never roared before. You throw back your head and let loose all the anguish and heartbreak and sorrow. You want all the world to hear you. To understand you.
Are you hungry? Are you angry? You're not sure. Bones snap beneath your feet. An inviting aroma wafts up from the hole in the floor. A promising scent. More warmth. More flesh. Your tentacles shudder with want and, before you know it, you're tearing the hole open, digging with your claws, burrowing through till there's an open space, and you fall.
Fall.
Like a meteor pulled into the embrace of gravity, you crash onto a floor that ripples. It's a pool of darkness - a part of you recognizes it. Fears it. But the scent is too strong, and you hear someone shout. You hear someone scream your name. Your tentacles swish like mad around you. Your body's so hot with bloodlust you swear you're about to ignite.
Your vision flashes red. Mist and smoke swirls all around you, but you search for the scent that dragged you down here.
Bloodlust guides your every whim. You're on all fours, sniffing the air, moving forward like some sort of ravenous beast. An abomination. Look at what you're doing, some part of you screams. You're a monster! Stop this! But you know this. You are this. You've always been. And the promising scent of pleasure is too strong to ignore.
You whip your tentacles every which way, generating furious winds that scatter the smoke and mist hindering your sight - then you spot a woman in metallic armor, covered in blood. She’s not the one you’re looking for, but your stomach rumbles.
She has one eye, and she's holding a spear, and she's shaking with fright... good, you think. It'll make her taste all the better. The woman motions for someone else to run, and you turn to that someone else, and you see her.
The one you want. The one you long for. Your heart pounds with need. Your muscles spasm with desperate want. You can feel it in your jaws. As soon as you sink your teeth into her flesh, as soon as her blood wets your throat, everything will be okay.
You move through the cafeteria like a storm, crushing everything in your path. The one-eyed woman grabs her, and they run away. It hurts to see her look so frightened. It hurts to see her run from you. Before you can throw yourself at them, something erupts at your feet.
A hand from the darkness. A head. A body. It's shrieking and hungry and you understand its pain, it's static language.
Please... it begs. Please feed me. I don’t want to die.
You bury your claws in its skull and help it escape the dark. The creature whimpers. It raises its bony arms, but its attacks are inconsequential. It would not satisfy you one bit, so you toss it over your shoulder.
When you make it across the darkness, you hear a shout. Something slams into your forehead, and you know in the brief shiver that it's a spear. The tip pierces through; it goes deep, and something that should never squish, squishes, but you lower your head. Blood trickles down your face.
You yank the spear out and look the assaulter in the eyes and hiss. How dare you hurt me like this?
These people are nothing. These creatures understand nothing of your suffering. You are beyond them now. They are at your mercy.
She runs and you chase. You crash through a wall and stumble into a hallway, and there you find even more creatures. Faces you recognize. Faces that make you hesitate... there are so many, you slow down. Your heart pounds.
On the floor is something you recognize. That scent is familiar... anguish, duty, family... he's broken. He's hurt. Weakened, and there's no saving him. His life force is forfeit. He'd die soon anyway. So why not? Why shouldn't he sustain you? He could be nourishment so you may live on.
Isn't that the point of family? To give you the strength to keep going?
This is what you've always wanted. To be free of burden and obligation and responsibility. To make your own choices. To decide your own fate. Freedom is so close, you can’t stop salivating.
The woman with the spear tries again. But her attacks are nothing. Her spear tip bounces harmlessly off your exoskeleton. When you grab her arm, the elbow snaps, and her cry of pain is like honey to your ears. You toss her away like a ragdoll. Drinking her blood would only taint your appetite; what you want is so much richer and more promising.
After her comes a boy. Tall and hurt and sweaty. You can taste how reluctant he is. But his golden gloves spark with light and smash into your face. Your nose smushes. Your cheeks burn. Your teeth hurt.
Someone regrew these teeth for you, and you refuse to lose them again. Your exoskeleton hardens around each tooth.
A tentacle grabs the boy's leg. You snatch him off the floor and smash him face-first into the ceiling. Rainbow light curves around you like bolts of lightning. One strikes the boy as you whip your tentacle down and bring him crashing to the floor. Another bolt hits the woman...
The light is odd. Warm and inviting, familiar as it shifts strangely from color to color, as though it were beckoning you to wake up. Please wake up.
You want to wake up, but then she's here. Standing in front of you. Blocking your access to the boy on the floor. A name surfaces like the sun bursting from the dawn: Susan.
You love her. Love... love is all you ever wanted. Love. To be loved. To be held. To be cared for.
You just want to be loved for who you are. Not who you are expected to be. Loved as you are, whole. Loved in your entirety. Unashamed. Unhiding. Open and completely accepted.
“Jenny. Jenny, follow me. Okay?” Her words echo; she’s talking to you. You can hear her.
You just want to hold her hand, but she slips by, back into the cafeteria through the collapsed wall, and you do as she asks. You trust her. You know she can help you. Please save me. Save me...
Susan stops when she reaches the darkness. The fragile creatures are surfacing; she's in danger. She's in danger but she's waiting for you, tears in her eyes, arms held up, beckoning you closer.
She wants to hold you. She is your dream come true.
Her eyes are so wide and frightened... how does she do that with her eyes? Brown and soft and … she's all eyes. Crying. Her lips move. You can't hear her, there's too much static in your head, but you understand.
Please.
You want to be held. You want to hold her. It's all you've ever wanted. What does it take? you scream silently. What will it take to just be loved?
You collapse in her arms. Your tentacles zip around, obliterating the angels that surface, and she's holding you so tight. Her sobs make your body quake. She's comforting you. Her voice cuts through the static like a candle on a cold night.
The radiator is broken again. The landlord won't answer no matter how many times your mother calls. It's cold. So cold. And you are shivering on the floor, wearing your tattered jacket and the pink socks with holes in them. You hold your blanket close and hug yourself while your mother screams in the other room... but here is what you wished you had all those years ago.
Susan's warmth spreads through you. It washes away the hunger, the fear. The chill turns into shivers of want; she is warming your bones. Transforming you into her light. Colors blossom and swirl and envelop you. Hues of orange intertwine with purple; pink rushes through you like a river; yellow is the afternoon sun on a summer’s day.
You are whole. You are held. You are safe in her arms. And your teeth find her neck, and what you have ached for all your life. She fills your mouth. You chew and chew and chew, savoring every single bite, and then you swallow.
“It's alright,” she whispers. “It's alright. I'm right here with you. I've got your back and you...”
And you shatter. You break. Your heartbeat grows too loud, and all the colors seem to ripple in response.
She's holding you, but she's made entirely of light, flowing into you. Guiding you. Your arms move in unison; she's a mirror copy of yourself, and together you split the darkness. Cutting through the gash, undoing it and excising the evil, allowing light, hers and yours, to burst through.
And you understand the truth. That you are the wound through which the universe empties into itself – and she is flowing through you like thread through the eye of a needle, stitching and illuminating the fabric of existence.
Your exoskeleton melts away. The red covering turns to gelatinous liquid rising from your skin in dissolving blobs. Your lips find hers, pressed against her. You hold her against you, so closely, so close... I love you, you want to say.
I love you. I love you. I love you. The way stars love the evening and melt across the horizon. The way sunlight crosses a billion miles without a second thought to reach your face.
I love you the way storm clouds hold one another, with lightning and thunder and nourishing rain, and winds that yearn to stroke your hair.
I love how your face brightens when you smile. How your eyes alight. How your lips move when you smile with your entire face. When I can make you laugh. I always want to make you laugh.
I love the way it feels when you say my name. That tiny little shiver. The quiet whisper. It's almost better than saying, I love you, too. Just say my name, and I am yours.
I am yours. I am yours. I am yours.
The darkness thrums as your light spreads. The mouths from before, the teeth and tongues, all disintegrate. A rainbow warmth bleeds through everything, and the sensation of falling steals your breath away.
She vanishes in your arms, and you plummet.
Falling. Falling. Falling.
Far below, a pool of rainbow light beckons. It shimmers and shines and radiates. Tendrils of light reach for you, envelop you, wanting to pull you in.
Worlds stretch before you. In every direction. As you fall, you understand. The world of light. The world of dark. The world of death. The worlds between. Each one a pool to splash through, each one erupting as you plummet until, finally, you dive into the world you know. The world of material. The world you were born into.
You spread your arms and pretend they are wings. You pretend you have beautiful feathers, and you fly, adrift and weightless, floating down as though you are coming home to rest. As though you were a spirit, having finished wandering and struggling for countless centuries, finally returning to your body.
You are home.
