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A Bummer in the Hall of Ancestors
🕑 Added 2018-06-21 02:15:30 +0000 UTC "A lowfolk bagelmonger?" Estmere mumbled in a daze. "No wonder I've been craving those things lately! Those damn Vulps! Damn them to the Netherhells! Is there a way to reverse this? We've gotta - No, wait, what am I saying? It can't even be true. It's gotta be one of those lie thingies, like you said, babe. These Ixies can say stuff that's totally bogus.""I'm afraid, Your Majesty, that this time I speak the sweet and pure truth," the Ixie insisted.
"Aw man," Estmere moaned. "No way. No way! No WAY!!"
"There there, husband," Edessa consoled, placing a hoof on Estmere's shoulder. "Surely it isn't as bad as all that. Our child is still royalty, and is rightful heir to the Imperial throne."
"What do you mean, our child is still ..?" Estmere began.
"I am not certain that is the case," the Ixie interjected. "They made sure his lineage was edited first, so lowfolk he would be before thou wert permitted to have venery in the special way required to conceive. The grandchild of a lowfolk bagelmonger would have no claim to the throne."
"But the Scuti itself was of royal lineage," Edessa declared hotly.
"Thou art not supposed to know that," the Ixie pointed out.
"Yeah, how do you know that?" Estmere asked suspiciously.
......
For a moment after banging my head on the table, I felt giddy and saw sparkling stars in my field of vision. I had strange, disorienting thoughts of kissing Avogadro, and of attending the banquet in a stunning gown and making the Vulpsmarshal swear his undying devotion to me. Or perhaps I could even tempt King Estmere himself to make an exception to his ungulates-only Floozy policy...
Thinking of Estmere suddenly reminded me of why I was here in the first place.
FUMA'S WHISKERS! My transmogrification disguise was starting to affect me strangely! I had to get out of there and turn back into my proper self.
I darted out from under the table and made a break for a nearby alley, leaping and twisting and dodging pies as I went. I had just reached the cover of some closely huddled buildings when I tripped over the body of an elf lying on the ground.
......
"Zere he goes," Charmina Chubb chuckled. "Der King is surely beink taken care of at zis moment, und his pesky brother vill soon fall victim to his own folly - if zings go accordink to Der Plan .. und zey all haff zo far."
"Who are you talking about?" Percy asked curiously.
......
"At last, a body worthy of my honor!" Angus bellowed gleefully. "I shall punish the traitor and then re-conquer my city, armed with only my wits, and this!"
He reached into his Elfintory and pulled out a bottled ship.
......
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(Patreon's image insert was not working tonight so I had to hotlink all but the top image from Photobucket. Defeats the main point of posting the Ballad here, so if it is still broken next week I don't know...)
Comments
Walter Reimer
The Battle of the Ship in a Bottle! A famous ballad sung by generations of Elves ever afterward!
Eric Costello
Dude! This, like, BLOWS totally!
