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"Uh, I'm not sure I can do that,"
🕑 Added 2020-12-10 02:51:50 +0000 UTCI stammered, surprised at the request. Something was fishy about this guy. There had to be a reason why he wasn't allowed near the circle, and he was obviously hoping that I would help him circumvent this prohibition. No way was I going to Pook him back into Faerie! "I've never apported a live person before, and it could be risky."
"Ah," he said after a moment, without a waver of his jovial grin. "How admirable, to be so frankly aware of one's own limitations. No matter - there will be plenty of time."
"You remind me of a Vulpitanian Ambassador I once knew," I blurted out, desparately trying to think of something to say.
"Vulpitania?" Ash murmured thoughtfully. "I haven't heard that name spoken in a long time."
"Wait," I said, as something occurred to me. "You didn't actually say that you are Ash Marten."
"And you didn't actually say that you are Lord Randall," he smirked. "Or Ramble, or whatever you've got them calling you."
"Okay, fine," I sighed. "Keep your pseudonym if you must, but tell me plainly: Are you the one the Marten family refer to as 'Uncle Ash'?"
"I am," Ash explained as he casually inspected his claws. "You see, I knew the patriarch of the Marten family when he was just starting. Walnut Marten was the youngest of many brothers. As thick as thieves and the best of friends, all of them. They jointly ran a struggling family lumber mill. But alas, life in the lowfolk word is precarious; one by one, Walnut's siblings succumbed to tragic and completely unforeseen accidents. Crushed by trees, mauled by wild animals ... one even managed to split himself in half head-to-groin with his own axe. Tragic, terribly tragic, and so unexpected! Walnut was so deep in his grief, he was on the verge of taking his own life. I was there to console him and help him save his family business by showing him the tricks of the lumber trade; my tricks specifically, though not all of them of course. In gratitude, Walnut gave me a percentage of his profits and an honorary position in the family. The Marten children you know, Oak and Rowan and what's-his-name, some sort of tree ... they used to have another brother. Drowned in the river one day. Such a tragedy. Cut off so young. I was there to console them too."
The way he told this story, so plainly yet with an avuncular twinkle in his eye, gave me chills. This guy was a cold-blooded, Unseelie, murderous monster! What horrible crimes must he have committed to get himself exiled from Faerie? I couldn't get involved with such a person! He was far too dangerous!
"I can guess what you're thinking," Ash stated coolly. "It would behoove you to hear me out. You see, I happen to have so much dirt on you, it's not even funny. No, let me correct that; it's actually very funny. You were unwise to tell your entire life story like that. No no, don't blame sweet Vernier; she at least did not betray your trust. A disappointingly honorable femme, that one. But, you see, you spilled your guts in front of a forest of trees that I can compel to do my bidding with but a word. So, before you do any of the foolish things you might be contemplating, like breaking off contact and going into hiding ... if you want to be able to have any influence in the world and not have every single one of your enemies pounding on your front door, I suggest you listen to what I propose."
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>An Audience Member on his phone in the other room: "Yeah, he's here. That's right, hiding in a cedar chest. I know; go figure, right? Anyway, he's ready for pickup. The front door's unlocked, or you can come down the chimney if you prefer. About my payment... Yeah, an original Oscar Meyer Wiener Whistle. Of course, Merry Christmas to you too."
Start hanging up decorations for the festive season, the classics, baubles, ornaments
Your treachery will be remembered.
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Comments
Rick2tails
I mean when was the last time Adler left any of us a neat wiz bang Nintendo 8 bit video game system?
Simone Spinozzi
<i>*suddenly a robot maid vixen from the future helps Adler to flee and continue his story*</i> <i>*unfortunately a certain red-hatted person has a percentage on the company making the vixen and therefore can override her*</i> <i>*but not before she can let Adler flee by willfully misinterpreting every command given*</i> <i>*her sacrifice making Adler shed a single manly tear as he leaves her behind for one last uttered curse has left her sputtering errors for she has no equipment to execute such command*</i>
The plot thickens! Poor Adler, just as he thinks he’s on top of things again, turns out he’s not.
Walter Reimer
Split himself with his own axe? Wow, was HE ever accident-prone.
Major Matt Mason
(hearty laughs at postscript) >Adler: Be advised that the Temporal Corps takes a dim view of murderous blackmailers. An Ixie sent to a certain caravan in Glenallid, just outside of Greytor in Elfhame, just might get felicitous results...
El Santo
This is getting interesting
Serge Skunk
Dang, this Ash Marten is cold blooded. if anything I think HE should be sent to the Kringle...forever. I wonder...hmm...
Eric Costello
Excellent drawings in this installment.
