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"Take a moment to consider,"
🕑 Added 2021-06-10 02:20:27 +0000 UTCI declared to Rebecca. "If, as you said a few minutes ago, my stew has caused all values to reverse and bad is now good and good is now bad, then by that reasoning, in order to do evil you would have to do good."
"Your logic is sound," Rebecca replied thoughtfully. "But something about it doesn't seem -"
"THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS," Lysander blurted indignantly. "Only children use that kind of opposite-schmopposite rhetorical construct! This is silly!"
"Pardon me a moment while I confer with my colleague," I said as I grabbed Lysander's arm and pulled him away. When we were on the other side of the dolmen, I whispered, "what is wrong with you? I thought you were opposed to letting that femme practice witchcraft! Here I am trying to dissuade her from the path of evil, and you're undermining my argument. You brought that book from Ash, so this situation is partly your fault. You've got to help me fix it. If you want to be compensated for your pilgrimage then back me up here."
As the last sentence came out of my mouth, I realized that sending Lysander on a trip would deprive Ash of a henchman. This could work to my advantage. I kept quiet as we rounded the dolmen and faced Rebecca again.
"I was, of course, using opposite-logic myself just then," Lysander explained. "By arguing against Mister Elfypants here, I was actually arguing in support of him. It's totally sound reasoning and not childish at all, and you should definitely do good deeds in order to be bad."
"There you have it," I stated with an air of finality.
"Yall are no fun," Burnside pouted.
"But it would be simpler to just do evil directly," Rebecca protested.
"Durn right it would," Burnside concurred.
"You ate the stew and reversed everything," I shrugged. "It's out of my hands."
"I still don't know," Rebecca whined. "What about this book? Being Unseelie and looking good sounds pretty awesome."
"You should know, that book was written by Ash Marten," I informed her. "A boring businessman. Lysander here works for him. He can tell you."
"Ash is focused solely on profit," Lysander chimed in. "Even his power plays are for the purpose of securing resources or getting the most advantageous deal. He's a real mensh, one of the best in the business."
"It says here the book was written by a Dr. Owter Cesawonki," Rebecca read suspiciously from the title page.
"That's his real name," I explained. "Ash Marten is a pseudonym. Elves don't lie. Ask him yourself and he would have to admit it." Or evade the question, I almost added, but then another line of reasoning occurred to me. "Consider all that the Seelie side has to offer: I can grant you fabulous hair. The stew, as you know, is delicious. I can transmogrify anything into anything; rabbits into poodles is just the tiniest sample! And when you're just a bit older, there is a whole world of pleasure in store if you're interested. Burnside can vouch for that."
"Everything he said is true," Burnside admitted. "But lemme tell you about the glory of the Unseelie side! They say murder is a crime, but the Seelie sure are eager to do it too, when they get a chance. They just call it 'justice' instead. Us Unseelie, we call a thing what it is, and we flee from their so-called justice. The thrill o bein' hunted like a wild animal across the countryside just can't be beat. Settin' snares for your pursuers and guttin' em like a fish while they're still breathin' ... oh mercy, when you see the look on their faces you'll laugh an' laugh! Then you can eat their liver an' crawl inside their carcass to keep warm at night."
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Comments
Rebecca doesn’t look completely convinced. Maybe Burnside needs to throw in something concrete. “Join the unseelie ranks today and you get this free carving knife!”
Simone Spinozzi
Wellllll... judging by Rebecca's face i'd say burnside's speech truly sealed the deal. 🤣👍💖
But will anybody buy it?
uh... not that I can recall
Burnside really sells it!
Walter Reimer
Have I ever stated here that I love Burnside?
Major Matt Mason
> Rebecca: "Seems legit to me, Miz Burnside."
