Leaqio.com
Zogarth from patreon
Zogarth patreon

Intermission 4 - Matteo (1/2)

🕑 Added 2021-01-10 15:01:45 +0000 UTC

Comments

Grammarmelade

since he [has->was] a kid

Zogarth

Edited some things

Johnny Smithers

Not a error really, this just flows better IMO. "Matteo got out of the shower after his workout and got something quick to eat." ---> "Matteo got out of the shower after his workout and grabbed something quick to eat." "Matteo wasn’t the most morally upstanding person, but even that left a sour taste in his mouth. Even worse so when his boss accepted Dakila’s reimbursement" second clause doesn't really make sense in context, try "Matteo wasn’t the most morally upstanding person, but that left a sour taste in his mouth. Even worse so when his boss accepted Dakila’s reimbursement" "Weirdly enough, walking in the blind angles of all the cameras and keeping his head low." has no subject. "Weirdly enough, he walked in the blind angles of all the cameras and kept his head low."

Bunny Waffles

So far for this tutorial it looks like Umbra actually wants to get a large amount of useful people out of it for her own congregation/organization, so it would make sense that they would take far better care of the participants and maybe discourage murdering each other. It's not like Jake's tutorial where it is all just an experiment by some mad God, or one of the other themes we've seen in other tutorials.

Jakub Kahoun

Well, if people from that tutorial were given the option to kill each other...it will be 1 survivor too :D

Zogarth

Fixed.

Corwin Amber

'but even that left a sour taste in his mind' -> 'but that left a sour taste even in his mind' 'being in this tutorial that wasn’t' being -> beings & wasn't -> weren't 'Hall of guides' guides -> Guides

Zogarth

I forgot I made that subcategory... fixing it :p

I'm quite liking these intermissions, they're making it look like these tutorials are more for the system to understand the newly integrated people than the other way around. Unrelated: today's uploads are listed/tagged as chapters instead of intermissions.

Zogarth

Fixed.

Nim

Interesting structure! Two typoes I spotted toward the beginning. Dumping the container into the container (should have been ocean?), and the other crime boss he "made a with" (missing word, probably "deal")

Definitely (Not) a Necromancer

Ahhh so this is kind of the corporate assassination union. Definitely a nicer tutorial than Jake's.


More Creators