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Cycle 1-9: Breaking Point
🕑 Added 2023-06-10 19:05:43 +0000 UTCKaitlyn scrolled through her phone, idly checking whether a new chapter of her webnovel had been posted yet. As the weeks passed, the sense of urgency instilled by her midterms performance slowly ebbed. She was still trying hard to spend as much time as possible studying - in fact, she hadn’t been down to watch cross country practice once. Let that jerk think that I’m not trying. Well, I am. Still, that studying occurred at frustratingly inconsistent levels of efficiency.
Disappointed in the lack of chapter updates, she set her phone down and returned her attention to the textbook before her. This particular Calculus problem was really giving her trouble - in fact, she had needed several breaks already to try and make some headway on it. Even that incremental progress was being overshadowed by a sense of burnout and complacency though.
At least yesterday she had felt like she actually learned something. But today? It seemed like she needed more and more breaks to even try and keep going. Even when just reading, she’d re-read the same paragraph of the text twenty times without processing a single thing.
Even worse was the amount of new content being thrown at her with each class. The pace had only accelerated in the second half of the semester. Now, having to revisit all of the pre-midterms material as well as the new stuff meant her workload snowballed into an unstoppable mass.
It’s just impossible to keep up, the exhausted girl lamented. I don’t know if I could manage with just three of these classes, much less five. How is anyone supposed to do this?
She sat up from her desk and stretched, letting out a long sigh at her Calculus homework. After a moment, she stood and packed her books into her backpack. She needed a change of scenery. Maybe studying somewhere else would jog her motivation.
***
The library had never been Kaitlyn’s favorite place, even back home. Sure, reading was nice, but why go trawling through an organizational system that made no sense just for a chance to find some dusty book? Way better to simply read it online or find an ebook. Plus, most of the books she read weren’t even published - and most of the manga she read certainly wouldn’t be found in libraries.
The automatic front doors slid open to greet her, providing shelter from the chill wind. The interior wasn’t warm by any means, but it wasn’t nearly as cold as outside, thankfully. Glancing around, she took in the space.
It was certainly impressive. To either side of the entryway, long halls stretched far into the distance, their arched ceilings and decorative pillars lending the space a sense of grandeur. Each wall was lined with towering hardwood shelves, with additional shelves situated in neat parallel rows further towards the middle. The center of the hall was filled with a sea of long tables outfitted with lamps and cluttered with notebooks, binders, laptops, and other study materials.
Kaitlyn wandered to the left, meandering between the shelves to find a more out-of-the-way spot. The place was crowded, but not too bad. Most of the tables were at least half full of students, heads bowed over their work. Quiet sounds of pages turning and pens scratching filled the air. They were still four weeks out from finals so the people here were either tryhards or working on final projects most likely.
As the end of the semester approached, things would only get worse, she assumed. Some things were the same everywhere.
Fortunately, the spaces between bookshelves also contained tables, albeit much smaller ones. In a stroke of luck, there was one mostly empty table in the back corner. Settling in on the most spacious and unpopulated side, she decided to start off the session with some comparatively light Genetics studying.
At least, it WOULD be light if Genetics wasn’t just Statistics in disguise, she groused. I mean, why even pretend at this point? Sure, there’s some less boring stuff in here like genetic manipulation and all that, but even that’s way less cool than it is in movies and whatnot. Lame.
She read through the textbook and reviewed her lecture notes, sparse as they were. She even tried some of the practice problems in the back of the book. Unfortunately, they were usually easy enough that she could simply find the answers directly in the text or difficult enough that she’d need to look up answers. All in all, it didn’t feel particularly helpful.
I wonder how Alex’s doing, an errant thought distracted her. Does he have this much trouble with classes? Probably not. He probably has plenty of people willing to help him anyway, with how friendly he seems. I mean, athletes have to keep kinda good grades to stay on the team or something, right?
Still… I kinda wish there was someone I could relate to about this stuff. I kinda feel like everyone else is doing way better. I mean, the only person who really knows how bad my grades are is Philip, and he… She clenched her hands. Well, he obviously hates me. Even Heather doesn’t know just how bad I am.
A slight motion in her periphery snapped her out of those thoughts. Glancing up, a newcomer had joined the table, settling in on her left. The face was turned away, towards a backpack set on the floor. But the familiar waves of reddish-orange hair and loose flannel were all she needed.
As his head rose, hers snapped down to the textbook in front of her. Don’t stare, don’t be weird, please don’t be weird. Thankfully, the boy’s piercing green eyes hadn’t seemed to notice.
Or maybe… Actually, I kind of wanted him to notice. Then maybe he’d talk to me. But no, I don’t want to start things off weird like that. She shifted uncomfortably and calmed herself. Ok, ok. I haven’t been thinking about guys or the whole dating sim part for a while now. Maybe this is my chance at redemption? Maybe it’s a sign from the game!
Hope blossomed in her chest. This late in the semester, she had almost given up hope on learning anything substantial - especially with how much time classes were absorbing. But now? Maybe this was just what she needed. No time like the present, right? I mean, we might not even have any classes together next semester.
She paused. Actually, what are my classes next semester? I’ll have to check that out. There was no sign up or anything like I’m used to, so maybe they were picked at the start of the year altogether for some weird reason? Huh. She mentally shrugged. Anyway, not important right now. What I need to focus on is this situation!
Eyes boring a hole through the table. Kaitlyn gritted her teeth and slowly relaxed her shoulders. She had every reason to try and talk to him right now. What was there to lose? If things went wrong, she could just leave and hide. They’d probably never see each other again anyway, probably. But if things went right…
Ok. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna talk to him. I’m gonna turn to him and say… what, exactly? With a jolt of panic, she realized she had no idea what to talk about. She knew nothing about him - his name, his major, his interests, nothing. Only that he had picked up a pen for her, and that they were in the same Genetics class.
Maybe, just maybe, he’s studying for it too…? Surreptitiously glancing over, she recognized the textbook before him. The notes looked similar to what she remembered from class too. Yes! He’s studying for the same class!
She wanted to pump her first in triumph. Finally a lucky break. I can ask if he wants to study together. Unless… Doubt began to creep in. What if he hates studying with others? Or if he gets annoyed at me for interrupting him? Or, even worse, what if he realizes how dumb I am when we study together?
A chill ran down Kaitlyn’s spine. Memories of Philip’s disdain flashed through her mind. She couldn’t bear to see that same expression on this guy’s face, too.
No. Straightening, she steeled herself. I’m gonna do it. That won’t happen, and if it does… Well, I’m just being friendly. Nothing wrong with that. Or maybe I’ll go hide under a rock. But at least I can try! She summoned every ounce of courage she could muster, and before talking herself out of it any further, she dove in.
“U-um, hello?” An uncertain whisper left her lips, and she immediately wanted to call it back.
There was no response. The ginger student didn’t flinch.
“E-excuse me?”
Still no response. Kaitlyn hesitated. If he was trying to ignore her, then continuing on would just be more embarrassing. But maybe he didn’t hear?
“U-um!” Her whisper became slightly louder, just below speaking volume. “Excuse me!”
Still nothing. His green eyes were focused on his own work, scanning back and forth across a page.
Kaitlyn slumped back in her seat, hope withering. She was being ignored. Of course. No way she’d really get this lucky. He probably remembered who she was and had already realized she wasn’t interesting enough to talk to, or saw her notes and judged her to be a terrible study partner. This was embarrassing. Come on, I had really kinda hoped for one other nice guy like Alex! Please tell me this guy isn’t also judgy as hell. I mean, if that’s the case, I might as well leave-
His hand moved, and she froze. It slowly raised up to the right side of his face, brushing a lock of wavy hair to the side. As it did, a flash of black became briefly visible inside his ear.
Oh. Relief washed over her. OH. He… he has headphones in. He couldn’t hear me. That’s… that’s so much better. Maybe he isn’t trying to be a jerk then? But then… That means…
Kaitlyn swallowed hard. This was a new obstacle. It meant she couldn’t simply say hi or ask this guy a question. She’d have to get his attention far more directly, more intentionally. It felt like the difference between ordering something at a restaurant versus waving down a server for some special accommodation.
Still, I’ve come this far. I can do this. I’ll just… tap him on the shoulder. Yeah. That’s it. I’ll just, lightly, t-tap him, and then talk to him like a normal human being, and oh gosh I don’t know if I can do this.
The mental back and forth continued for a few minutes, the Genetics textbook lying long forgotten on the table. Eventually though, Kaitlyn once again managed to muster enough resolve to try for the attractive ginger’s attention. She took a deep, calming breath, looking towards him-
A long-fingered hand reached out from behind Kaitlyn to tap the guy’s shoulder. There was a sense of familiarity to the motion. Seeing him look up and remove an earbud in response, Kaitlyn once again averted her gaze and buried herself in a book.
“Elliot, what are you doing all the way back here?” A feminine voice asked in an amused tone.
“Studying, of course. What, you think I come here for fun?”
Kaitlyn heard the newcomer sit and chanced a glance towards them. A tall, lithe female student now occupied the chair on the ginger’s - Elliot’s - left. Her skin was pale like porcelain, paired with long, straight raven hair. Delicate features adorned her face, accentuated by a light coating of tasteful makeup. She wore a warm-looking beige knit sweater with an excess of fabric around the neckline, almost like a built-in scarf of sorts.
She rolled her dark eyes at Elliot. “Couldn’t you pick a table that’s easier to spot? It took me ages to find you.”
“C’mon, you don’t like the challenge? Might get complacent if I don’t play hard to get.” His voice was smoother and deeper than she’d expected, with a strange kind of lilt to it. Though he was turned away, Kaitlyn could hear the grin in his voice.
The newcomer swatted at his shoulder, a smile playing across her lips. “Elli, if you think hiding in a library is playing ‘hard to get’, I have some serious concerns.”
As Kaitlyn listened to the pair chat, her heart shattered. It felt like the tiny ember of hope budding within had been snuffed out, then trampled and thrown in the trash. He… was already waiting for someone. His girlfriend.
She laughed bitterly to herself. The pair huddled together to her left, talking quietly as their heads craned over the same book.
I can’t butt in on that. No way. I mean, even if I did, what could I do? I guess we could be friends, but if he’s got a girlfriend - would she even be ok with that? I mean, from what Heather was saying, she might try to chase me off or something.
And, I mean, this means that his route is already closed off anyway, right? Still… I guess that’s just what happens. Elliot’s attractive, of course he’d get taken. Just because this is a dating sim doesn’t mean I’m the only one interested in talking to these guys, I guess. She clenched her fists. Dumb game. Why… why does it have to make things so hard?
After a few minutes, she stood from her table and left the library. She wasn’t in the mood for studying anymore. She stepped out into the cold once more, the automatic door closing behind her.
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