The Curator
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Merry Christmas
🕑 Added 2024-12-24 17:30:15 +0000 UTCA lavishly decorated room that screams opulence, with intricate carvings and shimmering lights. Outside, the building pierces the sky, a symbol of the Endless Empire’s grandeur. Inside, the Governor and Sharkul, the finance minister, sit at a massive polished table. They sip on steaming cups of something suspiciously fancy. The topic? Christmas, their wives, and an impending disaster that threatens the very fabric of the empire.
Governor:
“What do you think about a cookbook? Since I married that woman, eating her food has been a test of survival. I actually had to swallow one of those anti-vomit pearls last week. Anti. Vomit. Pearls.”
Sharkul:
“We could just leave it to Santa. Worked like a charm every other year we forgot decent presents, right?”
Governor:
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
Suddenly, the Governor’s phone buzzes. He glances at the screen, eyebrows twitching.
“Who’s calling at this hour? Don’t they know I’m on the brink of a marital apocalypse? I need to visit my family soon, or it’s all over for me.”
But as he listens, his face drains of color, going from mildly pale to ghostly.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘DON’T FEEL SO GOOD,’ SANTA?!”
He stumbles to his feet, pacing like a panicked cat.
“You WHAT? No, no, no! There is NO way I’m giving you the day off! Do you understand? My wife is going to MURDER me if I don’t show up with the right present. Scratch that—this whole Christmas for the Endless Empire will be RUINED!”
The Governor pulls the phone away, jaw tightening.
“Wait, Lulu the Colibri says your forehead’s burning up? Says you need rest? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU WORK ONE DAY A YEAR, SANTA! ONE DAY!”
The call ends abruptly. The Governor glares at the phone like it personally betrayed him.
“He hung up on me... Sharkul, he hung up.”
Sharkul looks up from his drink, wide-eyed.
“Do you think he’ll still work today?”
Governor:
“Nope. We need a replacement. Fast.”
Sharkul:
“But who could we possibly send?”
The Governor stands, now pacing like his shoes are made of hot coal.
“We’ve had applications, right? There are always people trying to snatch the Santa job. It’s a cushy gig—24 hours of work a year!”
Sharkul:
“Oh, great! Let’s pick someone and get back to our families. Easy.”
But Sharkul hesitates as he notices the Governor’s increasingly pale complexion.
“They’re... not great candidates, are they?”
Governor:
“Let’s go through the top contenders. And ignore Torsten the Sleeping Titan. He sleeps more than a bear in hibernation. How’s he supposed to deliver an endless empire’s worth of presents?”
Sharkul:
“Valid point. So, who’s first?”
The Governor pulls out a stack of glowing files from his spatial ring, opening the first with a flourish.
“Alright, first up: Bobo the Elephant. Claims he’s been on a diet to fit through chimneys. When did you last see him?”
Sharkul snorts.
“Diet? Bobo’s as round as a snowball! No way he’s squeezing through anything.”
Governor, exasperated:
“Fine! Next up: Fred the Talking Llama.”
A long, awkward silence fills the room. Sharkul breaks it with a resigned sigh.
“We’re screwed.”
Governor:
“Yep. Emergency meeting time. We’ll call in the best warriors to try out for the role. Meanwhile, we keep burning these hopeless files.”
The room grows hazy with smoke as papers ignite in a corner. The Governor and Sharkul, now visibly tipsy, barely flinch as the door creaks open. In steps a young man, face alight with confidence.
Contestant 1:
“Hi, I’m Archie Kent, a chef from The Gift restaurant! Seems fitting, right? I’ve got a few magical tricks up my sleeve too. For example, I use movemash—a super-speed horse feed. Imagine what it’d do for reindeer! Oh, and I’m a pastamancer, so I can bungee into chimneys using conjured noodles!”
Governor, perking up slightly:
“So, like Spiderman? Hmm. Why isn’t Spiderman here? He’d be perfect.”
Sharkul, swaying slightly:
“Think he’s stuck in some multiverse drama. Too bad.”
Governor:
“Uh, Archie... do you have food on you? We’d love to test it. For, um, research.”
Before Archie can respond, the door slams open again. The second contestant storms in, flashing a dazzling smile.
Contestant 2:
“Alright, hear me out. I’m willing to pack on 100 pounds for this role. But picture this: a Himbo Santa Claus. You know, golden retriever energy? Jolly, but hot. Ladies love it. And sure, there are a few videos of me fighting criminals online, but I bring whimsy to violence. I’d be the action star-turned-family comedy icon this empire deserves!”
Sharkul and the Governor exchange a glance. Then, in unison:
“We’re doomed.”
The Governor’s grand chamber, a mix of extravagance and chaos. Sharkul is half-asleep, the Governor is sloshed, and the room smells faintly of burnt application papers. Enter James Li, oozing confidence.
James Li:
“Wait… this is for an acting gig, right? Oh. Oh, okay. Huh.”
(Before anyone answers, James barrels forward, animatedly gesturing.)
“Let’s back this up. If you’re coming to me, a New Jersey-based Asian actor-slash-vigilante with seven-figure bounties on my head, to be Santa, something has gone catastrophically wrong with this selection process—and maybe Christmas itself. Good news, though: I’m perfect for the job. Nobody’s better at turning confusing, borderline illegal situations into wholesome moments than yours truly, James Li!”
He strikes a dramatic pose, fist clenched like a superhero about to take flight.
“I will protect the Christmas Spirit with my fists or die trying. And if I do die? I’ll go down with a winning smile. That’s the James Li Guarantee!”
Governor (clapping drunkenly):
“OKAY, THANK YOU, JAMES LI! LOVE THE ENERGY. ARCHIE, MY MAN—WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU CAN COOK? I NEED SOMETHING TO COUNTERACT ALL THIS ALCOHOL.”
(James frowns, still waiting for actual feedback, when the door swings open again.)
Enter Benton, chest puffed out like a proud turkey.
“Honored Governor, allow me to explain why I am the perfect choice for Santa.”
James Li (rolling his eyes):
“I don’t think this guy has what it takes…”
(But Benton barrels on, oblivious to the commentary. The Governor and Sharkul, now openly sipping from champagne bottles, don’t seem to notice either.)
Benton:
“Back on Earth, I was a kindly old grandpa. After being isekai’d into this realm, I’ve treated my sect members like they’re my grandkids—pure Santa energy, right? Plus, as a cultivator, I’ve mastered the Concept of Speed. I can Quickstep miles in seconds without actually crossing the space in between. And I can slow time to hit every home in one night!”
(He holds up his hand dramatically, revealing a sparkling ring.)
“Also, my spatial ring can hold as many presents as an NFL stadium. Efficiency at its finest!”
Governor (squinting at Sharkul):
“So, to sum it up, we’ve got a cook, a time traveler, and a professional… uh… what was James again?”
Sharkul:
“Vigilante. With fists.”
Governor (grinning wildly):
“GREAT IDEA: YOU ALL GO TOGETHER! Triple the presents! Triple the fun! Archie—teach my wife how to cook while you’re at it. It’d save my marriage.”
(He and Sharkul stagger to the door, arms slung around each other’s shoulders.)
“CONGRATS, TEAM SANTA! REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN WHILE DELIVERING AN ENDLESS AMOUNT OF PRESENTS!”
(With that, they vanish, leaving the new Santas in stunned silence.)
Benton (scratching his head):
“So… we’re in charge of Christmas now?”
Archie (grinning):
“Haha, let’s make this the most amazing Christmas ever! Maybe we can do it again next year.”
James Li (punching the air):
“Oh, yeah! Let’s get this show on the road!”
In the curator’s writer booth, the Curator pens the final words of the Christmas chapter, smiling to himself:
"…And thanks to our wise and indomitable Governor, Christmas was saved.
Hail to the Endless Empire, and a wonderful Christmas to you all!"
“Want to know more about our new Santas? Check out the shout-outs: Archie debuts in this chapter. James Li takes center stage in Chapter 61. As for Benton, find him in ‘The Sect Leader System,’ available now!” (When the author sent me a link i will put it here)
Thanks to all the amazing authors for being part of this THE ENDLESS EMPIRE SHALL ALWAYS SUPPORT OUR NEW SANTAS!!!
Comments
Barbara Collier
Merry Christmas. Team Santa for the win.
Amazon Shopper
i like to think that the endless empire is just Thalion having an endless amount of beasts/beings to transform into, and that he lost his mind and developed dissociative identity disorder so he is a 1 man empire of an endless amount of people. So this is all just him talking to himself and the result is going to a planet, dropping presents in everyones chimneys while stealing their likeness to add to his "endless empire" which is just him having gone crazy. With it tying into the main story with him being the "next apocalypse" by going around and hunting gods assimilating them into his "endless empire" which again, is just him.(I think earlier it was eluded to that if one of his forms dies while he is using it he doesn't die just loses that form, so having an endless amount of forms+divine thing to make him ageless would be akin to true undying immortality)
Snake With An Aurora Borealis
Happy Holidays
