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Because of A Sandwhich Ch. 1
🕑 Added 2024-03-08 22:53:19 +0000 UTCBecause of a Sandwich
By: Bubbajack
Co-authors/Editors: Icysnowsage, First Hassan/Darklord 331
Special Consultant: Heliosion
Obligatory First Chapter Disclaimer: We do NOT own the following: Campione!, Demon Slayer, Devilman Crybaby, Frieren, Highschool DxD, Irregular at Magic High School, Kegan Ashura, Naruto, Re:Zero, Ruroni Kenshin, RWBY, Sekirei, Shinju no Nectar, Tokyo Ghoul, Warhammer 40k/Fantasy, and Worm.
Special thanks go out to my Patrons Alexander Murry, Ben wanless, Bobby Glass, Jareth Norris, Pedro Jose Bellen.
Ch. 1-1: One Bad Sandwich.
They say the flapping of the wings of a butterfly can turn the world on its head. So what if we took that butterfly, fed it some crack, meth, and an energy drink for flavor. This is a definite what if situation that will be a wild ride so get ready folks.
- A horny Narrator
(...)
Earth Zetta, Brockton Bay Massachusetts, Cross Blood Donation Drive.
Amy Dallon was tired but fulfilled. She had the day off from the hospital and was invited to participate in a local Red Cross Blood drive. She was asked to donate her time. Of course the Red Cross offered to compensate her with a free meal. Amy felt that after all the shit she had to deal with today was a good day to help those truly in need and helping others. She said yes of course.
She was gently touching people and healing them of their depleted blood and making sure all patients were ready to donate again if needed. One brave soul donated Three times after Amy healed him back to regular blood levels after each donation. He was a nice dude, if not a little lanky, sporting a pale complexion, a messy head of raven-black hair, and a pair of agate brown eyes half hidden behind a pair of glasses, with his mouth covered by a full equally dark goatee.
“You didn’t have to do that, you know? One donation is good enough, “ said Amy, happy to see someone committed to helping out others as much as she did. Of course without the powers that constantly whispered in her dreams to ‘fix’ people or ‘improve’ them. There was also a weird old man telling her to spread her ‘gift’ and how she was his chosen. Those dreams Amy thought were due to lack of sleep, overwork, and the crushing guilt of her mother not loving her. Who knows. But today was not one of those days.
“Oh I just felt like helping out, you know. With all the gang violence, drug usage, and all around shitty people I thought hey let's make today a better day. I can go for a fourth round if you are open to healing me, partner?” asked the young man who Amy still had not got his name.
“You really should eat something first. I think if I tried to heal you again you would be nothing but skin and bones. You already look on the thin side. Also what’s your name?”
“Taylor Daniel Hebert but everyone calls me Danny for short. Also speak of the devil. I think some food arrived, for you at least.” The now named Danny spoke.
A red cross volunteer came up and offered her a grab bag from a local restaurant Fugly Bob’s.
“Hey Panacea thanks a lot for helping today. We got you a fugly burger with fries and a fugly egg sandwich. Be careful. I don’t know how old the egg sandwich is.”
“Oh thanks hey Danny. If you think you are strong enough you can try this egg sandwich?” questioned Panacea holding up the egg sandwich in question. She saw the smile on his face and decided to help him. She used her powers and saw that there were some worms developing in the sandwich. Gross. She was about to use her powers to wipe the little cretins out when an overwhelming aura of awe washed over. Amy admitted it made her a little embarrassed and horny. She ‘eeped’ and accidently threw the sandwich at Danny.
“Surprise Ames! I heard you were doing good work today so I decided to surprise you!” shouted her lovely sister Victoria.
Startled, horny, and a little angry Amy turned around forgetting about the sandwich momentarily, “Vicky aura come on. I almost dropped the food I was holding. Do you know how often someone actually compensates me besides a heartfelt thank you?”
“Aw come on Ames. It was a simple surprise. I mean come on that boy in front of you seems to be enjoying the sandwich,” remarked Vicky.
Amy turned in horror and saw Danny eating the sandwich carefree not knowing the horrors hidden away in it.
Amy grabbed his hand real fast to check. Her powers didn’t sense any other life forms growing inside of Danny so hopefully she killed all the bloody parasites.
“Hey I appreciate the free food but if you get handsy with me. Take me to dinner first. Lunch doesn’t count,” laughed Danny.
Amy blushed, her sister giggling didn’t help, “ I think an offer of goodwill will not be fitting for a date and sorry Danny but you aren’t my type.”
Danny put his hand over his chest in fake hurt.
The sound of disappointment from Vicky did not make Panacea any happier of the secret feelings she harbors for her. Sure they aren’t related at least to her knowledge but Amy still felt a burning desire to do ‘things’ to her sister. Her nightmares whispered to her of unleashing her gift upon Vicky and making her love her. Those were bad nights.
“Well Ames what is your type? Do you know how hard it is to go on double dates with you and Dean when every guy I pick just doesn’t sit right with you and thinks they can get to me by using you? I swear,” bemoaned Vicky as she had more than once broken a dude's arms for getting handsy with her when he was supposed to be flirting with her sister! The nerve of some people.
“I don’t know if I feel comfortable telling you that Vicky,” spoke Amy as her face began to blush at how her ideal woman was standing right next to her. Of course what were the odds of finding another busty blonde with anger issues that had a forcefield surrounding them?
Across the far multiverse a young huntress sneezed. Right into her sister’s face, “Eww gross!”
“I mean it's not like you are batting for the other team eh? I mean come on it would be pretty hard to top seeing some of these capes in spandex?” joked Danny. The fact Amy’s blush deepened was not lost on her sister.
“Oh my god. Amy, are you a lesbian? You could have told me. I swear I wouldn’t judge you. Oh god it must be so awkward in the morning…. I am so sorry Amy,” bemoaned Vicky as she realized that sometimes when she came out of the bathroom in only a towel. It kind of made sense she would attract some attention from her sister. If she was a lesbian. And she never figured it out!
“What no Vicky, it's fine. I just didn’t feel comfortable giving Carol another reason to dislike me,” Amy replied.
“You think mom is ….. Homophobic? Amy, I know you and mom don’t have the best relationship …”
“She hates me, Vicky. I work myself to the bone healing people and even then I can’t get her approval. I mean come on! When was the last time I had a day to just relax and not work at the hospital for god knows how many hours. If I got paid overtime I would own my own house!” Amy almost yelled while Danny just looked between the two sisters and said something that made both pause.
“Have you ever you know, talked to your mom about this or had a family intervention? I know New Wave is under a lot of stress being not part of the cape masquerade. Hell has your mom ever been checked for mental disorders. I think all capes who are semi functional need at least a psych eval. Hell you are suffering something fierce, a martyr complex at the bare minimum. You think volunteering at the Red Cross of all places is relaxing.”
Vicky decided to pipe up, “Mom doesn’t like to talk about how her and our aunt triggered. It wasn’t pretty. I think it may do us some good to talk to her though. This can’t keep going on Amy. I love you and I want what’s happy for you. So if you like chicks go ahead. That at least explains why you are uncomfortable around most of the guys I introduce you to. Hell, that explains why you don’t get along with Dean.”
Amy froze and her blush vanished, “What do you mean by that Vicky?” Amy nervously started to look at Vicky as if she had found out her deepest secret.
Danny decided to walk into this minefield and chuck a grenade, “I mean if you are a lesbian and your sister's powers cause awe or pleasant feelings. Would that at least mean that your orientation towards women may have subconsciously been influenced by your sister Accidently Mastering you while she sleeps and can’t you know turn her aura off?”
“Oh that isn’t a problem. It doesn’t affect ….. Relatives….” Vicky trailed off as dawning horror appeared on her face.
“Oh. My. God.”
If Amy could sink into the earth she would, “No Vicky. It's not what you think!”
“Dear God, Almighty Jehovah, Yahweh, Allah? Amy, have I accidentally been mastering you?!?!?!”
“I don’t think so?”
“Well how would you know. You aren’t master/stranger protocol trained!?”
Danny decided to again enter the conversation, “ Maybe it might be safe to get her evaluated. I mean come on none of your family noticed and it took me and no name stranger pointing this out to you. What next huh! I mean come on. It's not like your mom secretly supports the Empire 88 doctrine of death to homosexuals right?”
“Don’t try to change the subject mister! You opened Pandora's box! Now you are going to help us close this damn mess before things get to shit.” snarked Amy as she grabbed Danny and dragged him and Vicky to a more private place. She felt uncomfortable with the looks they were getting as Vicky had no volume control!
(...)
‘I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut,’ Danny thought to himself as the Dallon sisters continued to argue amongst themselves about Amy's sexuality and whether it was being enforced by Victoria's aura or not. You tried to slip away while the two were bickering, Only for Amy to grab his shirt, and grumble, “Just where do you think you're going? You started this mess. You're going to help me clean it up,”
Proving his snark-fu wasn't lacking, Danny replied, “What exactly do you want me to do? I can't exactly help at this point.” He replied honestly, “The best thing you could do is call the PRT and get yourself checked over.”
“Yeah, I bet Carol would just love that,” Amy deadpanned. “I call the PRT thinking I've been mastered by my sister for years, I drag New Wave through the mud, and Vicky gets hit with a master designation after all this time? Yeah, that's… That’s a great idea, Danny.”
The teen shrugged helplessly, “I seriously don't know what you want me to do here Amy. I can't help you, all I did was just point out the obvious.”
“Thank you so much, Captain!” Amy said, raising her voice for once. “Thanks to you, my home life is falling apart. Or shortly will be once Carol gets wind of this.”
Vicky hesitated a moment before putting her hands on her sister's shoulders, “Ames, Ames, calm down. You're going to be OK. We're all going to be OK. We can get through this. We can fix this somehow. I'm sure.”
“Well, I'm glad you can continue to think positive, Vicky. I lost that ability a long time ago,” Amy sighed again in utter defeat, but she was happy. Her sister at least had the courage to touch her after learning everything she just did.
Danny felt the urge to make this right since it was his fuckup, and began to pace in thought, ‘They gotta be able to talk to someone about this, someone they both trust, but someone who also has some pull within the PRT?’ Having a sudden flash of inspiration, he asked, “What about calling Lady Photon and Miss Militia? Your aunt Sarah, she's the actual leader of New Wave, despite how your mom acts, right? Also, Miss Militia is the most level headed person I can think of. As long as you keep that dumbass Armsmaster out of this, and keep Piggot out of this as well, you shouldn't have too much in the way of problems.” Seeing the two looking at him in surprise, he asked. “What?”
Shaking her head, Victoria said, “Nothing, it's just, that’s actually a really good idea. Like you thought it out to a tee. Have we met in costume before or something? You act as if you've met these people in person.”
“Vicky, you know damn well you can't just ask that!” Her sister Said in a half-groan.
“You're right. You're right. Sorry, Danny. I should know better, but he spoke so sure as if he knew them like he was talking from experience. It also doesn't help that he's just dead on with his assessment. Mom acts like she's in charge of New Wave, even though she's not. Armsmaster has a wooden beam up his ass for rules and regulations, and couldn't talk his way civilly out of a paper bag And we all know Aunt Sarah and Miss Militia are the logical ones in New Wave and the PRT respectively.”
Shrugging, Danny replied with, “Uh It's fine, but to be honest, I'm just someone who hangs around PHO long enough and tends to pick up certain cues on people. That's all there is to it, really.”
“You're not that XxVoid_CowboyxX guy, are you?” Vicky asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. “He once campaigned to change my name to super thot. I still haven't forgiven that little bastard for that.”
Danny rubbed his eyes, “No, I'm not XxVoid_CowboyxX…. I do unfortunately go to school with him though. And before you ask, no, I'm not outing him either. I'm 1000_Eyez on PHO if you must know.”
Seconds later Victoria had her phone out and in her hand, and a few moments after that he had a ping.
Taking his own phone out, He had a message on PHO that said, “You have been sent a friend request by, Point_Me_@_The_Sky.”
He accepted it as he said, “Huh. So that's your PHO handle. I'll keep that on the down low.”
Victoria beamed at him appreciatively, “Thanks, Ames’ handle is Caduceus'-Touch by the by.”
Amy soon heard her phone ding in the pocket of her robes. “You have received a friend request by 1000_Eyez.” A message informed her. With a wiry grin on her face, she accepted it. “Looks like we're stuck with each other now, huh?” Even as she noted that they had been added to a private group chat group by him between the three of them.
“Sure seems that way, yeah. Well, best of luck ladies. I actually have somewhere I need to be right about now. Keep me informed, yeah?” Danny replied as he actually made the leave, feeling hopeful this time.
“We will. Thanks, Danny. For everything.” Victoria called to his back in a heartfelt tone.
He gave a thumbs up and replied, not looking back as he made his way towards the exit of the Red Cross.
(...)
“Mom, I'm home,” he called as he stepped through the front door.
“Hello, Taylor, I'm in the kitchen,” Annette Hebert, A widowed college English professor of three years, replied.
True to her word, his mother was in the kitchen, Cooking something by the smell of it. It was some type of pot roast. Annette Hebert was a strong woman, very rarely showing the sadness that arose from the loss of her husband, Danny Hebert. For whom her son had taken his namesake. She was young, maybe in her early 40s. With only the slightest streaks of Gray in her hair, and she still had a zest for life. And she knew all the classics backwards and forwards she should, considering it was her job to teach them.
“How was your time at the Red Cross, dear?” She asked sweetly when her son walked into the kitchen.
Smiling he replied.“Panacea was there, so I managed to give blood like four times?”
Annette tutted, “You don't need to go so far son. Your father's death was an accident. You know this.”
Danny scowled before he scoffed and said, “There's no such thing as accidents in this town mom. Dad died in a car crash caused by a runaway gang member, trying to evade the cops, because he screwed up a liquor store robbery.”
“I know… I know it's hard living without him Danny, especially for you. Right now when you're growing up and a son needs his father now more than ever. I miss him every day, same as you.” Annette said wistfully, before she seemingly stared off into space for a moment. “But we have to keep moving forward.”
I know, Mom. I know… Just wish I could have at least said goodbye.”
“Me too, son,” She said as she wrapped him in a hug. “Me too,” Holding them at arm's length, she said, “You look a tad pale Panacea or no Panacea. Why don't you go lay down for a bit and I'll come wake you once dinner's finished.”
“Are you sure you don't need help with anything, mom?” He asked, concerned. His mother knew her way around the kitchen, but he’d feel like a bad son if he didn't at least offer to help. Even if he did feel a little sick to his stomach.
She waved him off, of course, “I'll be fine. I'll go lay down sweetie.”
“OK. Thanks, Mom.” He said as he made his way upstairs to his room and laid down on his bed. Proceeding to have the single most weirdest dream of his entire life.
(...)
They say dreams are a window into the unconscious thought that shows a person at their very core. Danny fully admitted. While he does have a feminine/ artistic side to himself he didn’t expect his dream world to be this …….. purple.
It was a humble if not tasteful bedroom colored with shades of pink, purple, and black. Honestly it looked almost like a my little pony fan decided to go goth. Almost. There were fine silk blankets, and pillows that must have been made from some kind of bird down. Danny would have almost relaxed into the softness of the bed, pillows, and blanket. However, he felt something was wrong. Very wrong. Like he is trespassing.
He soon discovered why. His hostess if she could be called that. Was a woman wearing a chiffon toga, her chest bare to the world. Her skin was a light shade of purple. And she looked like an elf with long tresses of silver hair. Her body was bedecked in all manner of jewelry with her arms, legs, ankles, and fingers were covered in all manner of gemstones, gold, silver, and other forms of opulence. She did not seem happy to see him, however, as her arms were crossed under her massive bust and she seemed to be glaring at him.
“Uh, hello. Where the hell am I?” Danny asked by way of greeting.
“I'd like to know how exactly did you manage to infiltrate my palace without me knowing?I don't usually get guests. Much less guests that stop me from being horny.”
“I'm sorry?” The teen said not sure what he should be apologizing for. “Who are you again?”
Agitation, sharpening a bit, the woman replied. “Isn't it rude to show up in someone else's bed chambers without introducing yourself first?”
Sighing to himself, the teen said, “The weirdest fucking dream ever. But if you insist, I'm Danny.”
“No last name Danny?” The woman replied, quirking a delicate pencil thin eyebrow seemingly slightly amused.
To which he bluntly replied, “I woke up in someone else's bedroom, and I don't exactly trust you. So no, all you're getting out of me right now is my first name. Now it's your turn. Tyrian Tits, what's your name?”
Preening at the on the spot entendre, The woman replied. “You can't seemingly guess?”
“Well, I could guess, but chances are I'm going to get it wrong…” Danny replied honestly. He looked around the room, hoping to get some clue as to his Hostess identity. He saw mosaics formed out of Amethyst, Sapphire, and opals showing, unless his eyes deceived him, various stages of the Kama Sutra. Looking to the ceiling, he saw frescoes of warriors in battle, Along with that of poets and other artists, All seemingly trying to perfect some art or another.
‘Hmm, likes purple. Seems to have a thing for artists, fighters, and sex….’ Danny thought to himself. He then looked at his Hostess and just decided to ask. “Are you the Chaos God, Slaanesh?”
In response, the woman clapped her hands together gleefully, “You got it right in one. Now how the hell did you end up in my palace? And why am I not crazy hornyaround you?”
“I have no idea.” Danny replied honestly. “Should you even exist? Right now, it's only 2011. Some kind of warp-fuckery must be going on if you're here and I'm here. Let me guess. This is some kind of Warp quantum superpositioning bullshit?”
Slaanesh waved her hand in front of her in a sort of so, so gesture, “More or less. The warp exists outside of space and time. I exist, therefore I am, before and after my birth.” She then pulled out an expensive bottle of wine and what looked like cheese on a platter out of nowhere, and offered him a drink. “I would be remiss as a Hostess if I didn't at least offer you something.”
Only for Danny to shake his head and wave his hand aside, “No thanks, I'm good. My mom's making dinner.”
Slaanesh pouted a little bit, “Oh… well perhaps I could offer you something else? Money?” the silver platter in her hand became filled with gold and priceless gemstones.”
For the second time, he waved her off, “I have a job. Don't worry, I'm good,” Adding, “Besides, how could I explain to my mom or anyone else where I suddenly found gold and diamonds and everything else?” He shook his head, “ Nope. Too suspicious.”
“Perhaps we could have a bit of fun by ourselves then?” She tantalizingly slipped her tongue off her shoulder suggestively, before adding. “Or, if you prefer, men.”
“No,” He said, his voice harsh, his eyes cold and hard.
“Ohh, you don't prefer men and something happened between you and a woman, but I can't glean anything else,” She tutted to herself, she just couldn't get a read on this human, and she didn't understand why. It was pissing her off a little bit, and for the first time ever, she wished her annoying know-it-all brother Tzeentch was here to unveil the hidden mystery. But she wasn't too concerned. She still had cards to play. “What about glory? I could have entire cities cheering your name at a whim. Just say the word.”
“Lady, glory isn't something that can be given. It has to be earned. If anyone gives you glory, then you didn't earn it in the first place. Given glory is just a lie people like politicians used to prop people up before they knock them down to see them fall when it's convenient for them.” Danny replied knowingly.
“I could show you your greatest achievements, your wildest dreams come to life,” Slannesh said enticingly.
Danny just snorted through his nose derisively, as he crossed his arms, “What achievements? I haven't achieved a damn thing I ever set out to do. As for dreams. I don't have any, Not anymore, anyway.”
The Dark Prince of Temptation and Excess was down to her final card. So she played it. A sense of overwhelming bliss came over Danny for a brief moment. Brief being the keyword.For he quickly snapped out of it and then snapped at his Hostess. “I don't know what game you're trying to pull, but I'd very much like you to stop. Now. I'm not one of your brothers. I'm not one of your faithful, And I'm not one of the Emperor's little stooges that fears one of your little minions around every corner in the 40th Millennium. Now cut the crap and tell me what the hell you want?”
Like a record skipping and suddenly scratching, The bliss abruptly cut off, And Slaanesh stared at her Unusual guest, open-mouthed. No one had ever spoken to her like that. No one had ever crossed every single temptation and not fall into it. Much less come into her palace, unannounced and been able to shrug off her power like it was nothing. No one until him. This mysterious Danny. A welp of a boy of seemingly only sixteen summers, if that. ‘Who is he? Is he Anathema himself in disguise? No, Anathema himself wouldn't bother with a disguise like this. He’d be much more direct. If he's not anathema, then… Who is he?!’ The only answer the God of excess could come up with is… someone interesting. Someone worth watching? Someone worth coveting and keeping to herself. Or if the other Chaos gods got a hold of him before she did…. Well, that wouldn't be any fun. She saw him first, after all. So, thinking, she made her pitch. “ It's true, you're not one of my worshippers…. But you could be,”
“Why would I want to worship you?” Danny replied. “I mean, don't get me wrong, the purple titties are Immaculate, but that's not exactly doing it for me all on its own.”
Flattered by his compliment, Slaanesh pushed her bust forward even further, “Why, thank you. As to why, certainly there must be something you want. I may not have been able to tempt you into joining me, but surely we can reach some form of…. Accord, yes?”
Staring at her for a moment, the teen sighed and said, “Can I be frank instead of being Danny for a minute?”
“To be frank? Would you prefer Sinatra or Junior?” She shot back, snapping her fingers before Danny found himself wearing a nice three piece suit.
“Just Frank will do. I don't think I could live up to Old Blue Eyes or his son.Vocals wise anyway,” Daniel replied before continuing on. “No, to be frank.I don't see why I should just worship you when all of all of the Chaos Gods, you included, have your good points. With Khorne comes honor in battle, dignity, and survival. From Nurgle comes happiness, and the ability to endure the hard times. And from Tzeentch comes the ability to adapt, evolve, survive and most importantly hope. And then there's you, Where we get sex, procreation, ingenuity, imagination, and indulgence in stuff we enjoy. That enjoyment leads to mastery or perfecting the art.”
Slaanesh stared at him for a long moment before blinking and replying with, “You are… a very interesting human, Danny,”
He shrugged, “I've seen the good and the bad in people, and I've seen humans, but no humanity. So if I can see the good and the bad in people, why can't I see the good in Chaos Gods?”
Slaanesh laughed at his reply, Her laughter was like the chiming of wind chimes and the song of songbirds mixing together. “You are interesting indeed. I like you. So much so that I think I might keep you for myself.” So saying, the Chaos Goddess reached over and touched Danny on his right shoulder, With the tip of an Immaculately painted fingernail.
He hissed as his flesh burned, bubbled and raised into the form of a raised scar, in the shape of a star of Chaos, Undivided, Only this one was colored bright purple. The color of Slaanesh.
Why did you do that?”
“I told you, I like you and I want to keep you. And I'm just a territorial bitch at the end of the day, and I keep what I like. And I like you, Danny. You're an enigma. Usually that's my brother's thing, but,” She shrugged to herself, “You’ve caught my eye now, and I have no intention of letting you slip away so easily.”
I don't-” Danny began, only for Slaanesh to put a finger to his lips.
“Shh, You don't need to worry about this right now. We'll talk more soon.Your mother should be coming to wake you right about… Now.”
Then he woke up, and dreamt no longer. Yet when he looked at his shoulder, The Scar of Chaos Undivided was still there. That it was no mere dream, And he had in fact parlayed with Slaanesh the Dark Princess of Pleasure, She Who Thirsts. What's more? Now it seems, she was thirsting for him.
“Fuck my life,” Danny muttered under his breath as he went to set the table for his mother.
“Danny, did you say something?” Annette said, sticking her head outside the kitchen door.
He gave his head a shake as he replied, “No, mom, it's nothing. Nothing you need to worry about.”
“OK, sweetie, just know you can come and talk to me about anything. You know that, right?” Annette said, giving her son a sweet smile.
He gave her smile back that was just as big, if not bigger, “Yeah, mom, I know. I love you.”
“Love you too, son. Now finish setting the table dinners ready.”
And so the two Heberts settled in for an enjoyable dinner. The younger of the two seemed to be keeping more and more secrets from the elder these days. The thing about secrets though, is they always have a way of coming out eventually… one way or the other…
(...)
Word Count: 5,065. Number of Pages: 14 Date Completed: 2/19/2024.
AN: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to my Crack fic with plot. Because of a Sandwich. I am going to enjoy writing this as much as I hope you're going to enjoy reading it. Is this going to have crack? Yes. Is it going to have a mostly coherent plot? Yes. And I hope you're going to enjoy the wild ride that is going to be forthcoming in this story. I look forward to sharing it with you all. And till then here is Snowy and Hassan to finish things up.
Snowy:
Hassan:
Till next time everybody. This has been an Ink Blot Bros Production! Peace!
Comments
Bubbajack
No spoilers lets just say Danny has left his "mark".
Bishop7053
Fucking horny thot god/dess in worm what can possible go wrong lol. More please
