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The Waystation Ch.55
🕑 Added 2023-08-18 05:58:02 +0000 UTCChapter 55
Just Passing Through III
“Oh, stop bitching,” Libby said once Bert finally managed to track her down. “You would have helped us anyway.”
“Really?” Bert snapped.
“You were never going to just wave and drive away,” Libby smiled. “I know people, Caretaker Hudson. You don’t want to help, but you will.”
“I never said I didn’t want to help,” Bert pointed out, uncomfortably aware he was making her point for her.
“You just like to make the choice yourself,” Libby said as she cast another cleansing spell. The old beds, bedding, and mattresses the healers used before the Waystation arrived were finally getting cleaned.
“Exactly,” Bert agreed.
“Of course, since you would never just abandon anyone, it wasn’t a real choice at all,” She said matter of factly. “But you prefer to be given the opportunity to pretend it is a choice.”
“Wait a minute,” Bert frowned. “Run that past me again.”
“I didn’t ask first as I knew you would want to say no, for your people, but couldn’t actually say no, because of who you are.” Libby clarified. “You’re now pissed because I didn’t waste time while both of us pretended there was a choice there.”
“Basically, yes,” Bert grunted. “I would have put it differently, though.”
“Yes, but you would mean the same.” Libby smiled. “This way, you can say it was all arranged without asking you, which gives you an excuse if you want one.”
“Manners would have been to ask first, at least.” Bert pointed out.
“You claimed to have no manners, remember?” Libby said flatly.
“Fine,” Bert sighed. “I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
“Good man,” Libby said, “Now, why were you actually looking for me?”
“Well, I was coming to ask for your help with some things I’ve been struggling with,” Bert grimaced. “However, given that you just manipulated the situation around me, I suddenly feel a lack of trust. Can’t imagine why.”
“Oh,” Libby frowned. “I was sure you wouldn’t come to see me about anything like that.” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “What exactly was it about?”
“Yeah, no.” Bert sighed. “I’ll deal with my issues some other way, thanks.”
“Wait!” Libby called as he turned to walk away.
Bert gave her a look.
“Okay, I apologize!” Libby said. “I just wanted to look out for my people.”
“Did you even consider just coming to me about it?” Bert asked.
“Honestly?” Libby shrugged. “Not even for a second. I don’t know you; frankly, you look like you are hanging on by your fingernails.” She wiped her hands on her shirt, “I would have offered to help, but Nobles don’t generally deal with their issues in healthy ways.”
“I’m not a noble.” Bert clarified.
“You aren’t a Lord of the Fae?” Libby asked. “Bell said you were.”
“Ahh, that.” Bert scowled. “I only just got the title, not the attitude.”
“Okay, look,” Libby said in a soothing voice. “Why don’t we have a little chat once we finish packing up and are on our way to the next battlefield?”
Bert wanted to tell her to go fuck herself. He did not like being manipulated or having assumptions made about him.
But he was really feeling ragged, and he needed help.
“Okay,” He nodded and walked away.
Packing up was a straightforward process. The healers moved their things into the Bear’s Fall, and the Waystation simply absorbed and stored the entire camp. They pulled the spikes from the ground and were on the road in a matter of hours.
Bert resisted a petty urge to absorb everything from the old camp out of spite. Instead, they were stacked in a back room of the Bear’s Fall.
Bell already knew where to go, apparently.
She still wasn’t talking to him.
He knew he would have to figure out what was going on there soon, but Bert wanted to get his head straight first. He was currently feeling like a mass of exposed nerves.
If the two of them argued now, it would be bad.
To his surprise, most of the healers were already drinking rather heavily; Bud was manning the bar as they drank in a ‘we’re here for the day’ kind of way. The two exceptions were Dee, who was experimenting with frozen Blood Berries, and Libby… who made a beeline for him.
Time to get it over with.
She told him they needed somewhere he felt comfortable and relaxed. Bert sorted through the most calming places in the Waystation and settled on one that had become his favorite lately.
The two sat on the steps leading down to Trailer One. It overlooked the Scruff’s fields, which looked peaceful if you didn’t look too closely, while the Express was just beneath them, its reassuring presence just below the stairway. The presence of Way Way surrounded him, as it did anywhere on the Waystation, and the shadow of the control tower fell across the fields. It was one place he could see and feel the whole place while still being alone.
At least, usually.
Libby explained that he needed to tell her everything, so he did. It took a while to tell the whole story. Losing his wife. His arrival in this world, everything that had happened since. The return of the Fae and his wife’s brief visit. The Fortress City and the battles there. How he needed healing, everything.
Surprisingly, he felt better just for having told someone everything. He hadn’t really considered it all as a single tale before. It had been more of a staccato series of events.
“First question,” Libby asked a few minutes after he was done, “How are you even still functioning?”
“Fucked if I know,” Bert chuckled. “But I don’t think I am, at least not well.”
“There are honestly too many traumas there to unpack,” Libby cocked an eyebrow. “So let’s start smaller. When did you first start to feel wrong.”
Bert thought about what she said. It was vague, but he knew exactly what she meant. Something had felt wrong for a while now.
“I think it started when the Fae came,” Bert said distantly. “When they left, everything felt off balance. Like I lost something.” He felt like he was onto something, so he kept talking, “Ever since they left, I felt like I lost my direction. I feel lost and off balance all the time. I’m snapping at people and getting angry, and I don’t even know why.”
“When the Fae left, so did someone else,” Libby said gently. “Your wife did too.”
“Well, yeah.” Bert shrugged. “She had stuff to do. It was great to see her, but it hurt that she left.” He felt tears in his eyes and blinked them away. “I’m sad, sure, but the only thing that changed was I got to see her for a bit. Now, I’m back to missing her, just like before.” He smiled sadly. “I’ve done that before. I know how to do that.”
“It’s not the same now, is it?” Libby prompted him.
“No. No, it’s not.” Bert said. “I don’t really know why, but it isn’t.”
“Okay, long way or short way?” Libby asked.
“What?”
“Long way, we keep talking while I guide you,” She smiled. “Short way, I just tell you what I know.”
“Short way,” Bert said. “We both have things to do, right?”
“Right.” She smiled kindly before her face became serious. “Bert, it’s different now because the situation is different. Your wife died; not her fault. She fought as hard as anyone could.” She said.
Bert nodded.
“You went on, frankly suicidal, and just kept pushing through.” She put a hand on his arm, “It was hard, but you had a goal in mind. Getting to see your wife and having lots of things to tell her when you did.”
Bert nodded again.
“Then she came back,” Libby smiled. “And it was wonderful. All you could want was yours and more. Because you could share this great adventure with her now.” She swallowed and went on, “But she had her own adventures in the meantime. She grew powerful and confident and, I’m sorry to say, made plans that didn’t include you.”
Bert frowned but let her go on.
“She is looking long term, very long term. She doesn’t see a need to rush back together because you both have eternity.”
“Right,” Bert agreed. “Who cares if we are apart for a few decades?”
“You do,” Libby laughed. “You are trying to pretend you don’t, but you do. If the situation had been reversed, you would have looked at the long term too.”
“That’s right. She said I would understand in time.” Bert said.
“And she’s completely wrong,” Libby said gently. “You see eternity as well, but you want to spend every second of it with her.”
Bert said nothing as he stared at the Farmland.
“You’re angry, Mister Hudson because she chose something other than you. And you never would choose something over her.” Libby went on. “And more than that, every other time you have been in trouble, she was there in some way.”
“What do you mean?” Bert asked.
“When you found the Waystation, when you fought those jelly creatures, and so on, she turned up.” Libby said, “But when Bell, your best friend, fell, she didn’t come. And when you were burnt and suffering, she didn’t come.” Libby was almost whispering now, her hand on his shoulder. “That’s why she turned away in the dream and why you were looking for her in the city. Because she wasn’t there for the first time.” She let him think for a moment, watching the silent tears fall.
“She wasn’t there,” Bert said at last, “Even as I lay dying, she didn’t even come to check on me.”
“No,” Libby said. “She wasn’t.”
“Why?” Bert asked.
“Death changes people,” Libby said coldly. “Her death changed you, and it changed her. She is not the woman she was, and maybe… you might not like this, but… maybe she isn’t the woman you fell in love with anymore.”
“I still love her,” Bert said with absolute finality.
“And you always will, at least the woman she used to be.” Libby sighed. “The question is, do you love the woman she is now in the same way you loved the woman she was then? And more to the point, does that woman love the man you are now in the same way she used to?”
“Fuck,” Bert said.
“Yeah,” Libby said. “Wish you took the long way?”
“Not really,” Bert chuckled. “What about all this anger? Where is that coming from?”
“You’re pissed at her for leaving, for changing, and for not coming.” Libby shrugged. “And pissed at yourself for not seeing it coming, not being with her all this time, and for being angry with her at all. You can’t express the anger, so it comes out sideways.”
“So, what do I do?” Bert asked.
“You know what the cause is now,” Libby said. “That is a good start. Let yourself be angry at Gwen; you’re allowed to be angry. Anger is healthy; it’s how it is expressed that can make it toxic. Let the anger out in healthy ways, and let yourself off the hook.”
“That easy, huh?” Bert asked.
“Oh, it’s not easy.” Libby laughed. “It will be a long, tough road.”
=============
Wendy sat in the dark cab of the Express and chewed her dried blood berries. The vamp chick was really on to something with these. They tasted amazing. When Bert and Libby had walked over the walkway, she had noticed, in an offhand way, but not really paid attention.
She started to pay attention once they started talking. What? She was a teenager and a pixie. Being nosy was practically legally required of her.
She had known about what happened to her Dad in the way she knew a lot of things she had never personally been there for. Hearing his voice break a few times as he talked about it was another thing. Hearing him tell it, it wasn’t some great adventure but an almost nonstop nightmare.
As the story got closer to where she came into it, she almost wanted to stop listening. This was her Dad, bearing all of his feelings to Libby. What if she heard something she didn’t want to know?
Almost stopping is not stopping, and she listened as he told her about his becoming a father.
“I never wanted kids, you know?” Bert said sadly, and Wendy felt her heart clench. “And then bam, instant daughter. She is so much like me and Bell it’s scary. And you know the worst part?” Wendy heard him pause as she began to cry; he didn’t eve-
“She makes me wish I could have been there for her all of her life, like from a baby. Wendy is enough to make me wish I actually had kids. Weird, isn’t it?”
Wendy’s eyes opened wide as she began to cry for an altogether different reason.
“I don’t really understand what happened, but she is my kid. I know that.” Bert said. “Letting her go off on that adventure nearly killed me, I swear.”
In the dark cab of the Express, Wendy smiled as she wiped at her tears.
She slipped out of the Express just as they finished talking, sneaking over to the control tower and heading up.
She needed to talk to her Mum.
“You have to stop being mean to Dad!” Wendy growled as she got to the top.
“What?” Bell asked, looking guilty for some reason.
“I know you’re not talking to him for some reason,” Wendy huffed. “But he needs you!”
“What are you on about?” Bell asked.
So Wendy told her everything, from start to finish. She was crying again by the time she finished.
“Come here,” Bell said and gestured. Wendy took her pixie form, which she almost never used, and flew into her mother’s arms. Bell hugged her tightly while they cried. “It’s going to be okay,” Bell soothed her. “If I start being nice to Daddy, I’ll only scare him,” She sighed. “But, I’ll be normal with him, I promise.”
“Thanks, Mum,” Wendy said, flashing back into her human form as she drifted back from the hug.
“Wendy?” Bell asked.
“Yes, Mum?” Wendy asked, still wiping her eyes.
“Why don’t you use your pixie form much?” Bell asked quietly, “Don’t you like it?”
“Oh, I love it,” Wendy laughed, “I just use the human one as I don’t have telekinesis.”
“What?” Bell asked in shock. “Why not?”
“I lost the spell,” Wendy shrugged, “When I bound to the Express, I got something useless in exchange.”
“What?” Bell asked.
“Something called Reclaim Flesh, like I would ever want to,” She shivered. “I never read what it does, but it sounds gross.” She watched her Mum laugh, “What?”
“That’s your Dad’s super powerful healing spell.” Bell gasped between laughs. “It’s like the most broken thing about him.”
“What?” Wendy gasped. “I thought it was a way to put on extra weight?”
“And what is wrong with that, young lady?” Bell snapped, suddenly serious. “You don’t have body image issues do you?”
“No,” Wendy laughed. “I’m gorgeous, but how do you even know about them?”
“Bert told me,” Bell said. “You promise you don’t have body image issues?”
“Yes, Mum,” Wendy rolled her eyes.
“Good, and what do you do if anyone makes you feel bad about your body?” Bell asked.
“I kill them, obviously.” She laughed. “What else would I do?”
“Good girl.” Bell grinned. “Now, go read up on that spell; that way, you can help the healers with your Dad.”
“Okay!” Wendy said. She liked the idea of working with Dad and left the tower feeling warm and cuddly. Dad said she was awesome, and Mum actually caring what she thought of herself had left her glowing.
===============
Bud and Scruff waited until Bert and Libby had gone before they climbed out of the bush they had been hiding in.
“How did you know he would come here?” Bud asked.
“I see him there all the time,” Scruff said. “I think the fields make him feel better.”
“Really?” Bud said doubtfully.
“Yes!” Scruff snapped. “They are beautiful and soothing!”
“Okay!” Bud said defensively as several of the ‘soothing’ plants began to rustle ominously.
“So, what did you think?” Scruff asked. “Is he going to be okay?”
“Libby seemed to think so,” Bud nodded, “Are you?”
“What?” Scruff said, red-eyed. “I’m going to fall apart because someone who basically saved my life said they would die to protect us all?”
“No,” Bud said, “It was the bit where he said you were the best human he had met in this world, and he couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving.”
“Oh, that!” Scruff’s voice broke, “I just… go away!” She snapped.
Bud chuckled as he walked off.
He didn’t blame Scruff for being emotional. He had felt entirely moved when Bert described him as the brother he never had. But, of course, he didn’t shed a tear. He had no tear ducts.
Bud waved to a grinning Wendy as she flew overhead, in pixie form for a change, and laughed as he heard a startled shriek from Scruff a second later.
They may have been rolling toward another battlefield, but Bud was pretty confident that things would be okay.
