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0096 — Return of Akkolade and Bensington Butters

🕑 Added 2024-11-15 18:00:12 +0000 UTC

Comments

Chris Onstad

Yeah, it's just the three dudes. Ray originally wanted to call it The Quorum, but Akkolade insisted that was a buffet restaurant at Ceasar's Palace.

Professor Hazard

I am extremely delighted at the fact that Ray and I are as usual on the same wavelength - the outside of time character in my comics is named "Echelon", which I came up with in high school twenty years ago. At this same time and in this same place, there was only scorn and mockery if you attempted to ascertain what a "choad" was. (No one knew.)

Minivet

All the more so in that it implies they had a costume party for the same three dudes total: https://achewood.com/2006/09/22/title.html

Lynsey McCoskey

I always assumed The Syndicate was way more than just these three dudes, but on reflection it's way funnier that it's not.

Chris Onstad

He will never be denied the opportunity to hold a mic. If he worked the window at Starbucks, he'd be using a hand-held.

Chris Onstad

In truth, I don't think we've plugged the meter on Raybot in a while, or some kind of plumbing has gone cocked, so we regret to inform you that the service is simply Out of Order. But to answer your question, I would guess Ray has told people four to nine different ways to fellate him, or otherwise engage with his off-Broadway bits.

Chris Onstad

Google Maps has not yet sent their automaton wheeling about in the Achewood Underground, so we do not have conclusive evidence of the hotel's context, but we can fairly assume that any human-world zoning codes have been gently if unintentionally made a mockery of down below by hands even less capable than those of man. That said, Ray may just have been invoking the image out of convenience for his barb.

Nicole Lyden

A chode is 420% the stubby male organ

Ruxine

Disney has been holding artists back coward style, Owl House got truncated and Moon girl lost an episode... I wonder if Bensington is right, maybe Hanna Barbara really is better than disney. Maybe he learned what a real cream pie is from watching obscure hanna barbara pilots in the 70s that got sold to adult swim for stock footage. But Hypermogul is a pretty bad adderall summer sounding name so he can sniff my nifkin.

M. J.

If you scroll down in the comments here there's a lore dump to add to your grimoire re Bensington's fate since we last saw him in 2006.

Andrew Gillies

I see Bensington is no longer a shirtless Irish jump-dancer. He's only drawn from the waist up, so I can't tell if he kept Lonis Edison's sexually amplified trousers.

Charlie S

So I was wrong on all counts. So what? (Now I see that Raybot was probably just hanging on me out of politeness).

Mike Crotch - Harvey

Enjoying Ray's use of a microphone in a room of exactly three people

Joshua M

Actually that was Beef, warning Pat that if he spoke against Weldon he would enter a world where the only activity that existed was tasting his hog.

Charlie S

I remembered Ray once told Pat "You diss my dog, you fluff my hog." Here he tells the Syndicate to "suck my chode 'til you throw a clot." Both perfect for the moment. So I asked Raybot how many different ways Ray has told people to fellate him. As of now it's still processing the question, so I'm guess it's a lot.

Derek Adams

Homeboy made a deal with the devil and came out unscathed in the long run. Though... he is still alive so maybe in the even longer run that might not hold.

Douglas Wykstra

A Best Western with parking meters outside...I guess I can accept that this must happen in denser cities. But it feels like those are two urban features that belong to mutually exclusive zoning categories.

GruntyGinMan

Achewood is a celebration of the English Language.

Chris Onstad

Charity: how are we supposed to deduct this

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

What I believe is that my helping of chode can be given to a charity of your choice.

Chris Onstad

Girth Queens

C C

Clearly Ray put some thought into this, but like many creative endeavors, when you overthink it, you kill it. A syndicate rebrand could be as simple as a very serious but subdued change in font and some ridiculous rule about members of the syndicate never referring to the syndicate by name or in the present tense. Strangely enough, the only time I encountered the term chode was in high school. I knew someone who bragged that his "massive chode" was all the rage among the people (presumably girls) in his friend group. At the time I understood he was referring to his own penis, but the word seemed like such an extremely gross way to describe your dick (and remember this was high school) that I could not understand why he would say it.

Chris Onstad

BTW Hōgie is pronounced "Hog-E." As in, the hog.

Chris Onstad

I like to think a chode is a French roll filled with about an inch thick of raw tomato slices. No dressing or other things. Popular on messy days.

C C

Any sub sandwich? Or one containing, a, uh, you know -- a big fat chode?

C C

Great question. For sure he weaseled his way in to the ballroom to on the great aunts while leering like a creep at the drunk bridesmaid who is showing too much cleavage on the dance floor. Akkolade can be a real dick.

Chris Onstad

I am not sure Ray is so high wattage -- he's a lot of flash, but what has he followed through on to great success?

Chris Onstad

Learning how to conceptualize and execute Akkolade's lower lip, especially from multiple angles, was most of the work on this strip

Chris Onstad

Akkolade leaves. The way home is past the mall with the out of business Macy's, and he likes to drive real slow past it, remembering the good times. The good sales.

Chris Onstad

"America Shames Her Children's Chodes!" — a fiery publican, on a tear

Chris Onstad

Damn those are some deep cuts. Pete's review of Mr. Wing's Taco may have just turned twenty.

Chris Onstad

This is good evidence that Téodor did it because only he could fuck up this assignment so far in that direction

“Cool Mayonnaise” Hank Spurlock

Jesus wept (also me, I did also)

Sedric And Charlie

I know those are probably battleships or something but god damn do they look like three beautifully shady trees on a nicely manicured stretch of lawn

Sedric And Charlie

Gonna be honest Ray's suggestion complete with graphic design sounds like a retirement village

Miles McMahon

More like "perineal" question amirite

Ben Wilinofsky

Unbelievably perfect panel

J Hardy Carroll

I'm so happy to see this! I loved how upset Ray got when Akkolade took out an ad in MWYEGTDAaT. This is right up there with Pat's skitter- cart and Nice Pete's review of Chinese Restaurants. Those zines are pure gold. We need some of the Dict too!

GruntyGinMan

I mean Ray is pretty high wattage entrepreneur but he cheated with the Smuckles curse

GruntyGinMan

He's really tired of this shit

Dan Diephouse

One time in middle school, someone learned the word chode and then kids just started interjecting it in the middle of class. Everyone of course started cracking up as the teacher had no idea what it meant. This went on for days(?) until finally the teacher got fed up and made the student explain what it was. Which of course resulted in Tears and Shame for the Whole Class.

Joshua M

Does Akkolade leave the Best Western after this or does he just pop over to the ballroom to mack on great aunts at a wedding reception

Chris Onstad

Ah, the Hot Pot People

Bungus Bronbo

I like how Akkolade specifically took his hands apart when Ray said "Put your hands together", because he has his hands together in every other panel.

Pubdoggy

Yorkshire??? Never heard of it. I’m from Lancashire.

Chris Onstad

Probably just the clerk at the Best Western.

Chris Onstad

I will not illustrate Bensington Butters doing a cream pie with a cream pie, if that's what you're saying, here.

Chris Onstad

Maybe the happiest day of his life, excepting the annual ScoobyCon.

RocketMermaid

Man, does anybody outside the Syndicate even know about the Syndicate?

Chris Onstad

oh my god

Chris Onstad

I like it, it's good.

Chris Onstad

"Britain" sounds more like there will be tasty beef slices in brown sauce, so I'm staying my ground. (There is also something called "Yorkshire pudding" but it's just a pancake fried in cow fat.)

Chris Onstad

Like all low-wattage entrepreneurs, they believe some profitable gestalt will result from their gathering, so they do this thing. It doesn't seem to be going well, though, as this time they don't even have a salami plate, let alone beverages. Not even water cups.

Chris Onstad

The only woman who ever changed Bensington was his mama, and that was just his Huggies.

Chris Onstad

That quoted passage is wonderfully unpleasant visual to consider over the second cup of coffee! Well done. Intense!

Chris Onstad

I challenge the invocation of "Utah" for this intertriginous curiosity, and suggest that "Gresham, Oregon" be used in its stead. It may be a tad long, but it is sublime in its accuracy.

“Cool Mayonnaise” Hank Spurlock

Thoughts: In my particular circle of middle school friends a chode was synonym for taint, but I was corrected widely as I traveled later in life. One of these middle school hooligans did call a short, fat wiener (i.e. your standard chode requirements) a “tri-nut” as it may resemble a third, vestigial testicle. I am sorry to provide you with this information.

Datura

where i live chode refers to a sub sandwich

Chris Onstad

Oh dear, there is a plural ("chodas") but I dearly hope it has been rarely if never invoked.

Chris Onstad

They are all floating twenty feet above the fingertips of the tallest man until February, at which point they will gently alight next to anything orange. Enjoy this information.

2scrogz

This may be the most dialogue we've ever had from Akkolade - whom I've always assumed was a Barry White-style baritone, but is apparently the opposite of that. This rebrand also has raised the perennial question, what does the Syndicate actually do? Are they just a bunch of competing record label owners? Do they form a cartel to determine what's going to be a hit and what's not? Are they the world's most prima-donna big-money rap group? Or are they just a bunch of rich guys who like to argue in Best Western meeting rooms?

Ian Stewart

I sense an upcoming strip in which the punchline panel is Bensington caught in a compromising position

Steamed_Grahams

You'd think time spent in an invisible caboose with post-menopausal real estate agents would change a man, but I guess not always.

Zen Window

and another thing the old timey etymology style first use of chode was in reference to the mass of dirt, vaginal discharge, dried menstrual blood, and I can only assume leaves, twigs, and the occasional live rodent at that point that would accumulate under the skirts of medieval women back in the days when maintaining a good stink was considered healthy for keeping evil spirits away the passage was something like "you could hear the chodes dropping off as the women knelt in prayer" or something so micropeen is a step up honestly, you chode

Zen Window

chode noun a. penis wider than it is long b. person not worthy of spending time with (see dork, knob, toaster, toaster oven, air fryer, convection oven, etc.) choad noun a. no clue but see definition b. of chode for those who insist on this spelling honestly with all the fragrant euphemisms for perineum out there it boggles my mind that someone would insist that a completely different anatomic association that already exists should be overloaded taint, bonch, grundle, punch buggy, crinkle cut, utah im just saying there are existing options to consider before you start calling a city bus a bicycle and expect people to understand what youre trying to say

blair

I was first exposed to it in underground comics, especially S. Clay Wilson, where "choad" seemed to be standard. The even older form is "choda," borrowed from the Sanskrit चोदति (codati) via the Hindi चोदा (codā). https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/choda, but it has such as footnotes and other scholarly apparatus.

Fartlord90210

I gotta get me one of those Mexican magical realism cameras that were all the rage back in '06.

Pubdoggy

It’s like calling the perineum ‘Pippins Bridge’. It’s almost the same but one is way more classy.

Matt Mitchell

So best of all outcomes for Butters, then, given the severity of his dark hour

Chris Onstad

We content creators are really running out of ideas

Chris Onstad

Educate us on the difference! Is it like calling North America the USA?

Pubdoggy

Oh. Bit awkward. It’s England, not Britain. ‘Fraid you’re cursed for a bit x

s b

“sound off in the comments re: your platonic idea of a chode” is one of the more uncommon engagement hooks but I’m here for it.

Josh Egbert

But only in the industrial northeast corridor. Otherwise it's called Suùb.

Chris Onstad

Hōgie would be a great competitor to Grindr

Chris Onstad

Big crossover potential with powerlifters

Chris Onstad

Of course Britain has paperwork for those attempting to expand Arthurian legend.

Josh Egbert

I enjoy learning new things & today I've learned that chode has the same sort of regional misunderstandings as, say, being in a part of the country where they call a "hoagie" a "grinder". You're talking about the same thing but have revealed yourself to be a Different.

@misterjayem

#TeamStubbyChubby

Chris Onstad

Lonis's magic wore off on the long rail journey back from Mexico to Achewood. He no longer has that ability. And yeah, he forgot the date of his death, which really bugged him for a while, but then he forgot that he forgot it, and has been fairly much the same ever since.

Matt Mitchell

Is it meant to be implicit that Butters still is a master Irish dancer? Or did that wear off? At least is he still unaware of the date of his death?

Pubdoggy

Yes exactly. I’ll send you the NDA.

Chris Onstad

This would make for an awesome time travel comedy, where there is a mixup and a sheepish modern guy with a chode (I imagine his name is Barry and he comes from Hartford, Connecticut) becomes the successor to King Arthur.

Chris Onstad

Thank you Chris. I leave the "three ways" up to the reader, but one of them is definitely the pathetic rhyme of soprano/baño. (That's "ban'-yo" for those who do not speak Spanish.)

Chris Onstad

Merry Maids regional holiday Young Living essential oils sales crossover presentation

Chris Onstad

On the one hand, the speaker suffers for declaring he has an unpopular genital aspect ratio. On the other, nobody will successfully counter his crafty imperative.

Pubdoggy

In England (UK) chode always refers to the (correct) olde English past tense of ‘choose’. As in ‘He is the chode one’

Chris Gumprich

“That sucked in three ways and it was only two words” is yet another phrase moving from Achewood to the boardroom.

Oppido

All this infighting is why they'll never be able to overtake whichever competitor snapped up 2A.

Chris Onstad

Especially if he's as hell-bent on cream pies as he is about dissing his colleagues. Who knows what that man will cream pie next.

emitydna

'Suck my chode! Til you throw a clot!" is gonna get me through Thanksgiving with my family, thank you.

Chris Onstad

Language is a living document; the chode is a phenomenon *on the move.* May we all challenge definitions which no longer fit the needs of the people, and their genitalia which cry out for accurate descriptors!

Chris Onstad

Ah, there may be micro-regional differences where diameter is observed instead of circumference. What music of the spheres is this! Also, I have often enjoyed a darker shade of meaning for taint, in that it suggests an ineradicable bouquet. Like how a smoker's finger always stinks a little.

Ian Stewart

Perhaps for the best... if Bensington stays, they might not get the deposit back on Utility Room 2B

Chris Onstad

We need some sort of electoral-style map, with a Chode Legend at bottom.

Chris Onstad

I wish I could say they've been busy...but, they haven't. Except for Adderall Summer.

Ryan Boyle

I share your confusion. Urban Dictionary's voters come down on the side of an ill-proportioned phallus. Who are we to disagree? https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chode

Chris Onstad

He prepares. He pays attention. But his colleagues are true idiots. I felt like we could all enjoy this scenario.

🤘

i have always understood the "chode" to be a male unit as long as it is in circumference; the "gooch" refers to the perineum, also frequently referred to as the "taint" because "'t ain't the balls, but it ain't the ass"

Chris Onstad

This is the kind of detail which focus group leaders can never pry out of consumers, but which probably drives a great many unpredictable purchasing decisions. It causes me to wonder if upsetting knowledge of the chode is the reason for the declining popularity of ring-molded ahi appetizers, as well.

Chris Onstad

Oh, no. That Terry Gilliam mandible is definitely in his coat pocket. He's just getting lazy, and it's been slightly damaged from getting soggy.

Mike Kowieski

Thank you for the question. Here in the Great Lakes region, “chode” refers to a penis that is girthier than it is longer.

Aaron J. Rushton

The Brothers in the Syndicate have been deeply missed in this dude's heart and life.

Chris Onstad

Usually the presenter's invitation to Witness his chode is kept silent. Not by Ray, though. Not for this crowd.

Omnithea

Ray knocked it out of the park, but there's no helping some people.

John Krane

I have always considered a "chode" to be a penis that is comically thick and short. In my early years, I was told to picture the dimensions of a chode as aligning with that of a tuna can. The image was intended to be funny, but disturbed me deeply. I now by tuna in packet-form, only.