Haley Cass
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Those Who Wait Annotations - Part 1
🕑 Added 2022-09-27 09:21:18 +0000 UTCHi, everyone! So, a few months ago, someone officially bid on the first annotated book copy I have ever made.
And because I am… me… and we all know I am a wordy bitch, I ended up writing a couple hundred annotations in my copy of Those Who Wait. I will say – it was a very labor intensive and time-consuming project! Because, well, I actually have a LOT to say (shocker) about what went on in my head while writing TWW and why I did the things I did, etc. But I didn’t, like, keep track of it when I was writing?
So I essentially went back, myself, and reread Those Who Wait, keeping notes of my own commentary on character lines or scenes, as well as adding in any background content that was relevant for the time.
I do plan on opening up annotated copies as something that can be purchased in the future!
But in the meantime, because you guys are… amazing? I thought I would give you all an insight into my annotations. Uh, but also because I’m me, the video of annotations for chapters 1-11 is 45 minutes long and I thought it was getting out of control, so I cut it there lol. And, honestly, this is just a selection of the annotations! Each chapter had several more, but I picked some of the better ones to talk about :)
If this is something you’d like more of, let me know! And I can do another video for the next part of the book.
So, if you would like to watch and listen to me chat about what happened in the book – have at it!
If you don’t want to or have the time, don’t despair :D I’m writing somewhat of a cliffnotes version here for you. Admittedly I might make some other commentary in the video than what I’m writing, but you will get the gist!
Let us begin!
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So, first and foremost, TWW was a fanfic first. Set in the A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones series for Sansa Stark/Margaery Tyrell. But it was so fun to write even as a fic, because I was able to essentially curate my own world? I didn’t set it in the world of GoT, but I also didn’t set it in our current/modern world. I took locations and settings used in the series, and then created my own modernized version of it? Which was so much fun, because I was able to do whatever I wanted in terms of creating my own political system and everything.
I was very anxious about turning it into an original novel; there were so many changes to make in it, right? Plus, I had to make sure that it could be adapted to make sense in modern day politics? But I ended up appreciating it for a whole new reason. Those Who Wait became its own entity. Sutton Spencer and Charlotte Thompson became their own women, beyond who they’d been in the original form, and I love them for that.
Let me just say, about the whole of Chapter 1, because my biggest takeaway in this chapter is… I really loved writing Regan and Sutton’s dynamic. Their friendship just makes me so happy, and I adore Regan as a side character.
Also, Regan will take credit for Sutton and Charlotte's relationship for the rest of time.
On Chapter 2 – A little side note here: it took me forever to name Charlotte. My naming process is relatively simple compared to some others I’ve seen in the community. Like some of these writers are so fucking brilliant and are out here picking names based on these deep, meaningful things. Like name meanings and etymology and whatnot…
I don’t use name meanings or anything like that (yikes). Mostly, I just need a name that FEELS right? It’s all about the vibe lol and that can make it – difficult. A name can be beautiful or even one of my favorite names. But if it just doesn’t… fit?! With the character, for no reason I can actually name, I can’t use it.
Sutton was easy. It was sweet, old-fashioned, not common. Charlotte was almost Victoria… but it just wasn’t quite right. I needed a name that felt kind of old-fashioned, but young enough? It couldn’t be anything trendy or anything like that. Victoria was such a strong contender, but it just didn’t have quite the same FEELING.
… she will be a character in my (potential) next book… who is very similar to Charlotte..
On page 30 in both the new and old physical copies of the book (when I reformatted for the new covers, the page numbers don’t EXACTLY align anymore. So I’ll give both for context whenever I can, and will always give the chapter and some reference for where we are/what I’m talking about) –
On page 30, Charlotte – who has just announced her run for the House of Reps and had a celebration at work for it – is watching Dean, her boss and brother’s boyfriend, and is thinking about how Dean has sort of settled into having less ambition because of his sexuality. And Charlotte thinks about how: “She was lucky. Because unlike her brother and her boss, she didn’t have the inclination to be in a relationship. She didn’t have someone to make eyes at from across the room while being unable to dance with them. To really be with them.”
This is actually very important for a later part in the book, that I deliberately wrote in to come full circle. Unfortunately, we actually don’t make it that far in this video lol. I won’t go too much into it, but I wrote it in there so that when Charlotte goes to the Spencer’s NYE party, she watches Sutton from across the room and suddenly realizes how that feels. And how she doesn’t feel so lucky anymore.
So, on page 37, we see Sutton’s text messages to Charlotte in chapter 2 after the party. And I just love writing it, because she is such a rambler and an oversharer…
I just love this part because the truth is that if Charlotte got these messages from someone she had actually slept with??? They would be BLOCKED. In a heartbeat. She would in no way deal with someone she had truly hooked up with, sending her double messages. She didn’t even give her number to people!
I don’t want to say it… but it should be said? Charlotte is kind of like a fuckboy. A loveable and honest one! She doesn’t lead anyone on… but she is someone who is not going to give you her phone number or her last name and she doesn’t want to bring you to her own apartment, because she doesn’t want to have to kick you out after. It’s much simpler to get up and leave after.
The woman she is with Sutton is just so different. Even in chapter 2, Charlotte is already kind of… endeared to her.
In the beginning of Chapter 3, we start with Sutton in the TA office, and you get introduced to Emma and just sort of get a bigger picture of Sutton’s life as a whole. Charlotte plays a role in this chapter, because I do make it a point, usually, to make sure both of my mains play a role in some way. I’m here for the romance, after all. However…
I read all of my reviews. All of em. Because I crave feedback like a gremlin, honestly, and so I see the lovely, wonderful, soul-affirming good things. And the, uh, crushing, awful, disappointing things. But, as I do read all my reviews, I have seen some reviews that complain about my scenes like the beginning of TWW. People who have said that they are slower moving and not necessarily about Sutton-and-Charlotte. But I want my characters to be… individuals. Whole people, with real lives and jobs and friends. Sutton is a TA and has friends and a family and things beyond Charlotte, and I think that is important.
On page 45 – we see a text from Alex in Chapter 3. Now, I just made a note of this because in my fanfic, Sutton’s family played an even bigger role than they do here. Her family is a HUGE part of her, always. But there used to be some more scenes, like in that moment there were big text chains and cute little bits with her siblings that really showed how close they were, you know? I had to trim it down but I hope their strong bond remains as a big impression on the readers.
In chapter 3 we get to touch on one of my favorite little things about TWW – Emma and Regan. On pages ~53-55 in the physical copies, Emma accompanies Sutton to Topped Off while Regan is working to get a coffee.
Emma groans, “You said we were getting coffee. Not getting coffee with Regan.”
Regan shot her a look of haughty disdain. “You just walked into my work place. I wouldn’t go into your TA office and not expect to find you there. By all means, though, you are welcome to leave. I didn’t ask for you.”
And then there is a bit a couple pages later, where the three of them are talking and Sutton tells Regan, “You are way too invested in my love life.”
To her surprise, it was Emma who jumped in. “I hate to agree with Regan; you know I really do. But, like, you had this perfect window of opportunity to bang this hot woman, and instead you made her your friend?”
Regan pounded on the table. “She hates to agree with Regan! And she is anyway! That’s how you know Regan’s right!”
“All right, I take it back if you are going to start referring to yourself in third person.”
This scene… this is where I was like – yeah, Emma and Regan are ending up together.
Chapter 4 begins, and that is where Charlotte is meeting Jack. And she has this whole little plan, where she knows his schedule and she is going to meet up with him and schmooze, without him realizing what she is doing, right? And then Sutton comes in and they meet in the café for the first time in a surprise meeting (which, I loved writing)
But I had that chapter written about… a BILLION times.
When I first wrote it, Sutton met Charlotte at city hall because she was going to meet her dad there. But that didn’t fit? I couldn’t describe it. The writing was fine. It was fine. But it just wasn’t exactly right. Ultimately, Charlotte had to be the one GOING somewhere; it’s who she is. Charlotte is going on a mission. Charlotte had to be out of her comfort zone, too. Because god knows Sutton would be.
Also, let me just say… I love their first meeting, with Regan present. I can just see it playing out like a movie in my head.
Chapter 5 – Fun fact about ch4/ch5 – I had originally planned for them to meet in person at this benefit! In my true original original outline, they were going to meet at this event, both sitting at the same table at the benefit and like HOT DAMN.
But – even though Charlotte is clearly shocked by Sutton’s appearance in her real life in chapter 4? I needed to make it clear that Sutton is just as shocked as Charlotte when they meet again, but that Sutton can’t necessarily handle it in the cool and calm way that Charlotte is able to recollect herself. I loved the idea of Sutton’s anticipation and anxiety, after having known Charlotte would also be here. We need to see some true Hot Mess^tm Sutton thriving
At the very end of ch5 (on page 101 in the original book and 102 in the new copy) – Sutton and Charlotte are in the alcove. Sutton is going to get some fresh air after Charlotte winked at her during the benefit, but Charlotte believes Sutton was looking for her, and pulls her into the alcove she ducked into to overhear Naomi and Verbeck.
Firstly, I love this scene. Where Charlotte grabs Sutton and she has her hand over her mouth and has Sutton pushed against the wall. It’s their first real physically alone together scene – and it is so important to me that you can feel their chemistry. I can be reading the most well written romance ever, but if I don’t feel the chemistry between the leads, I just… don’t care? I would choose to read a more flawed – in terms of writing – book, where I can feel that chemistry between the women. I know my writing is not flawless, that is certain. But I do really try hard to put in the chemistry. It is so important to be, as a reader and a writer, so I wanted to make sure it was present, here.
And in the true ending of chapter 5, it’s such an underrated Big Moment, imo. Where Naomi catches them together –
A slow, calculated smile slid over Naomi’s face, but the hard, mean look in her eyes was the same as it had been in the times it was directed at Sutton, when she’d dated Joshua. Who, Sutton had figured out at the end of their relationship, had learned to be cruel from his mother. “Well, well. What do we have here, Miss Thompson?”
Her tone was a masterclass in mockery.
But Sutton stared at the side of Charlotte’s face, eyes wide, as she felt her stomach drop to the floor. Thompson? Charlotte Thompson? It only took her a split-second to connect the dots to Elizabeth Thompson, the former president, who had one granddaughter.
And she closed her eyes, her hand braced on the wall next to her, her thoughts racing. Because what the fuck had she gotten herself into?
Originally when writing this, I got to this point, right, where Naomi says Charlotte’s last name, and – Charlotte’s identity is a big deal. Esp in the context of this political world, right? Her relationship with her grandmother and who her grandmother IS. And Sutton… up until that moment, doesn’t even know. I honestly forgot until that moment when I was writing, that Sutton doesn’t even know that she is Charlotte Thompson. Sutton doesn’t realize until that moment what exactly she is getting into here.
So, moving to the end of chapter 6, now, on page 119 in both of the books, really. It’s not really about any specific line. Sutton and Charlotte have arranged for their first coffee date. And like… it’s sort of touching on the same thing I talked about in ch3 – I know this is slow to start! Lol, I know.
But especially in terms of their relationship, it’s so important for me as a writer to have established this before we start on the coming rollercoaster of everything our girls are about to go through. To establish who they are and how they met and why/how they have connected. Especially for Charlotte, she is so focused on her future and has never caught feelings for anyone before, so her intrigue into Sutton in the beginning needs to be able to build.
And so we have just chapters 6 and 7 where they text and meet up for coffee and go on a walk. And, at the end of chapter 7, it’s like… Charlotte kisses Sutton’s cheek and Sutton gets this explosion of feelings, these butterflies, and has to come face-to-face with her crush. So maybe it takes me over 130 pages to get us there, right?
But I want that build. I want you, as a reader, to fall in love with Charlotte and Sutton and look back on the beginning of their journey and think… yeah, it was so worth it to see them grow together. You know? I hope that is how people feel, anyway?
Moving into Chapter 8 (I believe pages 157 in the old book, 153 in the new one) –
Charlotte puts on a documentary, and you know what? Charlotte loves a documentary on a powerful woman. She doesn’t care if it is sad!!! She just wants to see women in power. If they make mistakes or missteps, Charlotte wants to study them and know what brought them down. If/when they do brilliant things, she wants to learn from it. I think she is just such a brilliant person to write in that way, because her mind is always turning, you know? She’s always thinking.
Also, I created a list of Charlotte’s favorite women that she admires.
1. Elizabeth Thompson. Obviously, no surprise and no explanations needed
2. Ruth Bader Ginsburg… I still don’t think there is explanation needed
3. Victoria Teller. This one is fun for me, because she is an upcoming character I referenced, above, who will play a role in the HCLU (Haley Cass Literary Universe. That book is actually going to be set in the 1960s :))
Fun fact about the end of Chapter 8, when they get so close to having a moment – I did have them kissing there. There’s a moment on the cutting room floor. Sigh.
Chapter 9 – in the very beginning (page 161 in the new copy of TWW), is Regan setting Sutton up for speed dating. In the published version of TWW, it’s just a quick mention of Regan having set Sutton up and that Regan had intended for her, Emma, and Regan herself to all go, as a Sutton support train, but that Emma put a stop to it.
Originally, that scene had all been written out, and it included a little bit of a Regan/Emma scene I really liked. Where Regan is so EXTRA about going speed dating and Emma is so over it, because she didn’t know what the “night out” plans were. GAH I can’t help it, I love REmma.
So, Sutton arrives in speed dating (by herself to Regan’s chagrin!) at about page 169 in the new book and 172ish in the old book. And we get to know Alia Hadded for the first time. I just want to say – I have seen so many mixed reactions to Alia as a character! Some people really dislike her and think she is awful (because she expresses some interest in Sutton) and some people enjoy her.
But I am just going firmly on record to say that I love her and that I have a whole story for her one day… oh, and a little fun fact about her is that, she tells Sutton that she often volunteers her time there, at these events, as her mother created SapphicSpark, but I have it written in to use for Alia’s own book ONE DAY, that she actively volunteers for the in-person dating app events, because she – so, her literal job, is developing tech and coding. She’s a little genius honestly – but she loves seeing her work in action. She loves seeing that people are really meeting and connecting and falling in love. And she loves that she gets to know she’s making a difference to people.
Now, at the very end of chapter 9, Sutton has left speed dating, right? She is talking herself up, and she finds herself, bolstered, at Charlotte’s apartment. So, I have a whole outline when I start writing something. It’s messy and unformatted and out of order and truly wouldn’t make any sense if someone who wasn’t me was trying to read it lol. But I have a plan!
So, Sutton gets to Charlotte’s apartment and says it –
“I think I’ll be less nervous about dating women, if I have sex with a woman I trust, first.”
And Charlotte says, “Oh, so you’ll be sleeping with Regan?”
Sutton says, “I was thinking I could sleep with you.”
Now… I just love this moment. Because Sutton is SO bold, in her own way, and you don’t expect it in the beginning. She has to be pushed into that place of boldness, you know? She knows what she wants in life – let’s be real, she knows, emotionally, what she wants and who she is MORE than Charlotte does. And I just love that Charlotte is so thrown by it (Charlotte does, too)
The fun thing, though, is that I didn’t have this in my outline. I didn’t know until I wrote that speed dating scene and the moment with Alia, that Sutton was going to go to Charlotte and suggest they have sex. I had no idea. But I knew, when Sutton left speed dating, that it was right. She was leading me.
Now, I’m not going to make much commentary on chapter 10 aka the first time they have sex chapter… BUT I will say, I did enjoy writing the first bit of it a lot. Because, like, of course Charlotte would LOVE to have sex with Sutton! but she is trying to be good and talk herself out of it, you know?
There is this bit during that, after Sutton has proposed having sex but before Charlotte agrees to it (199 in the old book, 193 in the new one), where Charlotte thinks, “Taking Sutton and being able to forget her real life, because Sutton had been the one to suggest it, seemed like the best scenario. The only thing was that… Charlotte couldn’t help but feel like she was taking advantage in a way.
She truly didn’t want to be one of the women she’d warned Sutton about. There was a loose plan forming in her mind, about how she could do this, without it becoming blurry.
She could make this a night for Sutton. For Sutton to experience what it was like to be with a woman. If she was the only one doing the touching, then it wasn’t like she was using Sutton.
If anything, it would be like Sutton was using Charlotte for sex.
And, god, Charlotte was so okay with that.
For me, something I always think about with Charlotte throughout TWW, is that she uses a lot of mental gymnastics to talk herself into agreeing to do things with Sutton. And this is one of my favorite little things.
These mental gymnastics Charlotte uses to talk herself into having sex with Sutton. Which is so funny, because Sutton is a grown woman who has her own agency and she is asking for what she wants, no strings attached – like, in this house, we love strong, assertive Sutton Spencer. But Charlotte is still like, “how can I justify this, so that we can have sex and be friends and it won’t be weird??? I can touch her, but if I don’t come, it’s fine! It’s selfless!”
So, skipping to the very end of chapter 10, we have Charlotte going to see why the hell Caleb and Dean are coming to see her, after she and Sutton have sex, and Sutton leaves, all hurried and upset. But Charlotte has no idea what is going on, because everything had seemed fine when she left the bedroom?
And when I love about that is, when we get into the beginning of chapter 11 – it’s like the big reveal. I want the reader to be lost, as Charlotte is, as to the exact reason why Sutton is upset after.
Point of view is so important to be, as a writer. Even when I’m writing from a single pov…
It’s like. The thing that amazes me and that I love, love love to portray and use as a writer, is that people can experience the same exact event but walk away from it with WILDLY different perceptions, you know? Like in every day life, we are all shaped by our own individual pasts and experiences and events and the people we know, and all of those things change how we perceive the world around us. Just by virtue of who we are and where we come from, we can and will interpret the same thing differently.
I love playing with that in writing, because it’s so fascinating for me. I know people hate miscommunication tropes in romance, and I won’t say I rely heavily on them – or, I try generally to not rely too much on it. Because I do think it is overall a weaker BIG plot device. But it is nifty to use in small moments, because in real life?! Have you MET humans?! We miscommunicate with each other every damn day. That is LIFE.
That’s kind of what makes growing old with someone and sharing a life with someone so beautiful? You choose this person as your partner or these people as your longterm friends. And the longer you choose to share experiences and moments with these people, you create these deep bonds that allows you to see the world from where they are. It’s… just nice.
Anyway, back to point of view – Sutton experienced that night of total pleasure, having sex with Charlotte, by thinking to herself… wait a second. Charlotte didn’t want me to touch her, she didn’t get naked, she didn’t come. And it makes sense, when you see the night from Sutton’s perspective, why she feels that way! But I love that when you see it in Charlotte’s point of view, you (hopefully) didn’t read too much into those little moments, the same way Charlotte didn’t.
Like, when I write from a single pov, it is so important to me to make sure that the reader can pick up cues from the non-pov main character, even if they are so subtle that the pov character can’t see them.
Now, when Sutton goes out into her apartment and goes to talk to Regan after having sex with Charlotte (ch 10, 221 in the new book, 227 in the old one), it’s like – I say it too much and I know it. But I LOVE Regan. I love how fiercely protective and loyal she is. Like, she would have stormed Charlotte’s apartment if she hurt Sutton.
Here is a little fun fact that you will learn in Regan’s own story one day – she moved to NYC to be with Sutton. They were separated for a year, freshman year of college, because Regan stayed in MA and did a year at Brandeis. But she hated it. She hated college, because she doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life, and it felt like a waste. And she missed her person, the person who just gets her. Sutton and Regan have other friends, other people, but there is something special about their friendship, to me. Even when they have longterm partners, as they both clearly will, they are still so irreplaceable to one another.
Now, skipping ahead to the TA office – Sutton has had a video call with her family, and Charlotte surprised her in the TA office, to come and seek her out after Sutton is dodging her texts (ch 10, 244 in the old book, 237 in the new one) –
This is another thing I didn’t have in my original outline! Charlotte didn’t seek Sutton out the very day after; I was going to drag it out a bit, get some more angst in. This wasn’t the plan. But the thing is, I know Charlotte Thompson. She is not going to go for days waiting to hear from Sutton when she thinks she might have hurt Sutton. Maybe more angst would have been fun, but Charlotte would not do that, and I couldn’t go against her will.
And I love this moment, after they establish that they are still friends and Sutton is okay and Charlotte didn’t do anything wrong, Charlotte says –
“I’m sorry to cut this short, but I have to get back to my meeting.”
Because she had her first meeting with her political team! It’s a big deal! And it is still happening.
And Sutton says, “You came to see me when you were supposed to have your meetings? They aren’t done?”
Charlotte gave her a smile, “They are, indeed, not done. But I suppose that’s the beauty of being in charge. I called a small break; I wanted to surprise visit you so you couldn’t avoid me. And I’m glad I did, even if I have to stay at the office a little later.”
And like. We need to think about this.
Charlotte Elizabeth Thompson took the time out of the most important day in her ambitious life thus far… to go find Sutton Spencer and make sure they were okay. AH.
Alas, this is where I will break off, at the beginning of chapter 12.
So, if you guys like this and want more? Let me know!
