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So it is done: Normalcy of growing-up
🕑 Added 2022-05-16 03:33:12 +0000 UTCJonathan was in a bad mood, which was to be expected.
The past few days, he couldn't get any rest. That didn't mean he didn't want to sleep – it meant that he couldn't sleep.
And so why am I in Vacuo now?
Vacuo was a place Jonathan didn't like, which is no surprise.
No one liked Vacuo, to put it bluntly and honestly.
Wrapping himself tighter in his cloak, only barely able to hide his figure from the cold winds of the night desert. Jonathan took a step out of the back alley, finding himself in a street that could even be called almost civilized – a rarity, as paving stones and streetlights were scarce in Vacuo. The small island of civilization in the middle of a desert oasis was a hard place to reach for resources to enter easily.
There were few passers-by on the street this late at night – but Jonathan still pulled the rags wrapped around his face a little more, trying to hide as many features of his appearance as possible. In Glenn, such a garb would have raised many questions – but not in Vacuo.
Tight clothing that hid any facial features were in fashion in Vacuo - acting as protection from the endless sand that rose with every gust of wind and from prying eyes.
Bandits went to Mistral to do business – and to Vacuo to get away from any attention from their business.
In Vacuo, people didn't ask each other what they'd done in the past or where their scars came from.
So why are we here, Jonathan?
I… I don't know.
As to why Jonathan was in Vacuo? To see the Grimm horde in person?
No, he could have done that from the comfort of his own office.
To meet Raven?
Just one ritual and a portal would be open with free passage on both sides.
So why?
Jonathan had no answer to that question… except maybe one.
I just had to have a look.
At what?
To that question… Jonathan didn't know the answer at all.
A collision made Jonathan wobble, barely having time to put out his cane to prevent himself from falling. “Don't just stand on the road like a damn idiot! Bloody cripples, wasting ever…”
Huh, well at least they don't act like they’re about to lick my boot here…
Following the advice of the still cursing passerby, whose face he could not see, Jonathan leaned on his cane and started walking while looking around.
Lantern poles illuminated the surrounding street, highlighting the various names and signs of shops, doors and windows, behind which one could see people and faunus.
"Hotel," Read one of the signs, but for some reason without a name for the establishment.
“At least you can tell right away what's in the building’s for.” Jonathan sighed, then looked at the building more closely. It was… not stunning to put it bluntly, but at least it didn’t look decrepit. Seeing a suitable place for his stay in Vacuo, Jonathan walked towards it, his cane tapping all the while.
Why? What are you expecting to find in a city in the middle of nowhere?
The wooden door, as if from some movie about the past, creaked a little as Jonathan opened it. The view before Jonathan's eyes was so strikingly different from what he had expected that he couldn’t help but pause in his steps.
Instead of the expected tavern, tables appeared before Jonathan’s eyes, with stairs to rooms going up and away. The other visitors were not rag-wrapped barbarians with axes on their backs – instead Jonathan saw only a few people sitting at their tables, and a waitress hustling in between.
Did you expect to see medieval savages? Isn't that quite racist, Jonathan?
Jonathan shook his head and then, leaning on his cane, took a few steps towards the front desk. There, an older man with graying temples and a tired face, marked by a deep scar on his chin and a heavy stare that made his shirt and trousers look out of place, was manning the table. “Good evening.”
“Good evening.” Jonathan greeted, “I… I probably need a room for the week.”
“Okay," The man nodded. "Full payment in advance, one hundred and forty lien. Lien only.”
‘Huh, that's not that expensive,’ Jonathan slipped his hand into his pocket with a practiced movement, pulling out a banknote out of his empty pocket thanks to a teleportation trick, linking his pocket to his stash of lien. As Jonathan was handing the lien, a thought crossed his mind. “Ah, do you need to see my ID?”
The man, hearing Jonathan's words, looked at him carefully, making Jonathan himself feel as if he had just blurted out a silly thing, before he rolled his eyes. “Name?”
“J…” Jonathan paused for a second. He obviously wasn't as well known in Vacuo as he was in Glenn or Menagerie, but at the very least, he needed to keep his name a secret. Jonathan Goodman was not exactly a common name. Quickly, he picked a false name. “Dorian. Dorian Grey.”
“Okay, Mr. Grey," The man wasted no time in taking the banknote out of Jonathan's hands, and then quickly raised it, looking it up against the light.
‘Huh, that's the first time anyone's ever checked the money received from me… At least, not while right in front of me’ Jonathan sighed, how bad was the crime here that someone had to check the Lien for counterfeits?
“Good.” The man nodded, quickly placing the Lien somewhere inside the counter, before then pulling out a key and a couple of notes of change. “Room number one hundred and six. Have a good rest.”
Jonathan blinked at the response before taking the change and the key from the man’s outstretched hand.
You're starting to forget what people look like in simple conversation, aren't you? He didn't even begin to fawn on you…
Jonathan blinked and took the keys and hid the lien in the same practiced motion he did before, stashing the things someplace safe.
Good, now we have a place to sleep… What next?
Jonathan turned around, looking around the lobby of the hotel.
Only three tables were occupied while five were still vacant, so when he made his way to one of them he sat down, feeling a little… weird.
Look, up ahead.
Jonathan looked up, seeing a couple of faunus. It wasn't difficult to guess – their rabbit ears towering over their heads were the most conspicuous part of their appearance.
A pair of faunus just talking.
Not paying attention to you.
Jonathan blinked, then shifted his gaze downward, resting it on the table.
Have I… Have I really begun to forget what it's like to be a normal person? To not have people constantly paying attention to my actions?
Yes, and that's normal.
“Something you want to order already?” Jonathan looked up at the waitress who was carrying the menu, who was standing beside him. She didn’t even bother to pretend as if she wanted to be working, a bored expression on her face.
“Tea,” Jonathan replied after a moment.
“Okay," The waitress nodded before turning around and walking quickly away.
When was the last time we were in a café?
This afternoon.
One that wasn't pre-rented to us for the day?
Jonathan couldn’t remember.
Can't you remember? It's something normal after all. The last time you were one was just over six years ago.
How strange…
It was normal to just visit the café and for it to have other customers inside, completely normal.
But then why did it feel so strange now?
Jonathan started looking at the customers, from one table to the next.
A couple of rabbit faunus chatting about something in excited tones. There were a few men and women – who, judging by their looks and the fresh bruises coloring the faces of several of them, they had just returned from a good fight. But they all looked cheerful – Jonathan could even make out a couple of decently-sized beer mugs, partially emptied, on the tables, though they were keeping pretty quiet.
And then on one of the tables was a lone girl. Judging by her appearance, wrapped in a light cream-colored cloak over her shoulders, under which there was a dark-colored garment ending into a rather short skirt, clothes that could only belong to either Hunters or strippers. Though the long sheath resting on the table next to them – the girl most likely belonged to the first group.
That's funny…
Maybe you expected them to shut up now, looking at you in admiration?
Jonathan shook his head slightly from side to side.
Is that what you wanted?
Of course not!
Why not, Jonathan? Because they are not falling at your feet, isn't that normal?
It was hard to argue with that.
And you like ordinary things, don't you, Jonathan? Things that fit into your paradigm of ordinariness. You like routine, don't you, Jonathan?
Jonathan couldn't argue with that statement.
And seeing things diverging from this routine is uncomfortable for you, isn't it, Jonathan? Taking decisions, Aisa, the unprecedented events happening… They’re not something you like, is it? You don't like it when things go differently than you'd like them to, don’t you, Jonathan?
“Hey!" A shout dragged Jonathan away from his thoughts to find the girl he had glanced at recently, now standing across from him, holding the scabbard of her sword in her hand. “Do you need something?”
Jonathan blinked, confused. Now that she was standing up and standing close to him, Jonathan could see that she was actually quite short. The girl had her hair neatly gathered down to her shoulders, while her face was also covered with a cloth that concealed her features, though Jonathan could still see her unique silver eyes. Eyes that were focused on him, without fear and without the usual admiration.
The absence of which on other people had so unexpectedly thrown him off balance.
“Do you need something?" She repeated her question again, finally piercing through Jonathan’s confusion, unconsciously clutched his cane before answering. “No, no, nothing, I just happened to be thinking, I was not staring at anything in particular.”
“Hmm, I see…” The girl answered while watching his face for any lies for a few more seconds before suddenly realizing that the eyes of everyone present were now on her.
“Well, ahem… Seeing that there were no issues, then I guess I should be going.” Coughing awkwardly to hide her embarrassment, the girl nodded robotically before trying to leave.
Seeing her reddened face even through her coverings, Jonathan sighed. “If you want to, of course you can leave, but if it's not too much trouble, why don't you sit down?”
Just in case, Jonathan pointed to the place in front of him to make sure the girl did not get the wrong idea.
She seemed to be deep in thought for a second and then nodded a little, more to herself, before sitting down in front of him, "So you did want something from me!”
Jonathan blinked before catching the small smile reigning on the girl's lips.
“Yes, I guess so," Jonathan smiled slightly, not at all worried that the girl would recognize him.
It wasn't that his facial features were too difficult to identify, mind you. No, his entire ‘disguise’ consisted of styling his hair in a loose ponytail, a pair of glasses, and a piece of cloth. But even so, it would probably require a good knowledge of his appearance to match what one saw before themselves with his public image.
Something that might pose no problem to most of the population of Glenn, who saw posters of his face several times each day, on their way to and from work. But something that didn't happen as often to residents of other kingdoms, as Jonathan himself was now made aware.
Distracted as he was of the dichotomy of being a public figure and being unknown, Jonathan unknowingly began staring at the steaming teapot and the pair of mugs in front of him – something he hadn't noticed the appearance of. Pulling himself out of his thoughts before he could weird out his newfound companion once again. “Tea?”
“No, thank you," The girl smiled lightly. "Rarely does one order tea in Vacuo. Are you from Mistral?”
“No," Jonathan shook his head slightly at his accidental faux pas before answering. "Glenn.”
“Oh!?" A quick look of interest flashed in her eyes before she suddenly corrected herself, as if she had just committed some kind of mistake, causing Jonathan to raise an eyebrow. “Oh, I mean. I’m not prying or, well…”
Jonathan caught a momentary lull in the girl's excitement, before she radically changed her expression, "I’m Scarlett Spring!”
The girl held out her hand, reminding him of some scene where children hold out their hand and say ‘let's be friends’.
“Dorian Grey,” Jonathan couldn't help but smile slightly as he accepted Scarlett's handshake, which was unexpectedly firm – another point to his guess that she was a Hunter.
A Hunter who had just introduced themselves with a fake name… Though, Jonathan guessed that that's the kind of people he should have expected in Vacuo. Sighing at his strange luck to meet a suspicious person at the get-go, Jonathan picked up the teapot, pouring himself some tea, trying to map out in his head a suitable conversation topic. At least, to the best he could, using his somewhat atrophied social skills.
What do ordinary people talk about?
Jonathan put the kettle down and looked at the girl before he found a safe starting point. “Are you a local?” There, that should be as safe as asking about the weather, right?
“Oh, no, I'm from Vale… well around there, really.” The girl smiled, just the sight of her innocent eyes and expression destroying the possible idea that she was some sort of illegal Hunter on the run.
To compare, Raven for instance could smile all she wanted – around her, it still felt like you were only half a step away from being killed. Even if you held all the trump cards in your hand, she just exudes an aura of casual danger.
Scarlett was indeed an adult, but she exudes an aura of a child, more concerned and interested in new episodes of her favorite cartoons than in any kind of crime. Though the more uncharitable part of him would call her naive instead… Even if she was hiding her name for some reason.
But still, Vale, hmm?
In Vale, Jonathan certainly wasn't as famous as he was in Glenn or Menagerie, but he was still a man with a de facto leader to an entire state… Yes, the subject wasn't as much of a public concern now – but the chances that anyone from Vale, especially a hunter, could identify him were not zero… He suddenly regretted his decision to let her join his table
After Scarlett’s answer, there was an awkward pause at the table – both participants realizing that the most appropriate question to continue the conversation would be ‘then what are you doing in Vacuo?’ The both of them knew that if their conversation partner were going to the distance hiding their face – then surely they would also be hiding their reason for being here.
Jonathan looked up again, looking at the girl much more closely this time.
From the looks of her face, the parts that he could see at least, she was no older than he was. And even considering a Hunter’s physical fitness and good genetics making them age like fine wine, she was definitely no older than Raven who was thirty.
Thirty years old – and that's already 'about the same age' as us… How fast time flies. And it was almost like it was a month ago that we were just getting our diplomas, the old man congratulating us. If that was a ‘month’ ago, what would a ‘year’ ago be? A year ago, we were still in that orphanage… My, how time really flies.
“You…" A voice pulled Jonathan out from his thoughts again, causing him to shift his gaze to the girl who was speaking, a little confused by his stare and the way he drew back from his thoughts. “Are you a Hunter?”
The girl, seeing Jonathan’s expression, almost began to wave her hands, as if to wave away her question.“I mean, if you don't want to say it, that's fine.”. The strange action made Jonathan smile.
It's funny… Cinder looks a lot more mature, well she acts like it at least, than this girl – and she's only fifteen…
“Not to worry, I don’t mind the question.” Jonathan smiled even under the cloth covering the lower part of his face, his expression obvious. If the girl was a criminal – then she was the most unfit criminal for the job.
Or the most suitable, thanks to her completely inappropriate appearance.
The thought made Jonathan falter, but he chose his words before his hiccup became noticeable. "I'm not a Hunter… Though I do interact with them from time to time.”
“I see." Scarlett nodded contentedly, then smiled a full smile. "I figured as much!”
“I see?” Jonathan raised one eyebrow, looking at her over his glasses, unsure of what part of his answer would elicit such a reaction from the girl.
“You squeezed the handle of your cane tighter!” Scarlett smiled, then, looking at the still raised eyebrow from Jonathan, hastened to clarify. “It’s a reflex I’ve only seen from people who are familiar with Hunters but were not Hunters themselves! They began expecting an attack, and therefore ready to respond at any time!”.
Then, realizing that that last remark was ambiguous and might be taken as a threat, she began hastily adding more details. "Only a non-Hunter who has seen Hunters in combat knows the amount of danger a Hunter actually poses. And you, you're not a Hunter! So… I’m just making it sound worse, aren’t I?”
Scarlett, embarrassing herself by her outburst, looked away. Jonathan could see through his fake glasses – his vision is still as good as it ever was, the eyewear a convenient disguise, Scarlett’s embarrassment. Then again, even if he were halfway blind, he would still not miss the blush on her face.
Scarlett, rather than acting like the adult Huntress that she is, was acting as if she were…
A child embarrassed in front of an adult.
The unexpected thought suddenly made Jonathan blurt out a small snicker – directing all his strength not to burst into laughter. Scarlett, looking at the hunching man, stopped looking for a distraction from the conversation, realizing that Jonathan – or Dorian, as he introduced himself – was probably laughing at her, frowned, almost puffing out her cheeks.
Jonathan, seeing the childish scowl on the face of a woman in her third decade, only further confirming his thoughts about her ‘childishness’, could no longer restrain himself and laughed. Softly, that is, he really didn’t want to actually make Scarlett mad.
Scarlett, after waiting a few seconds for Jonathan to finish laughing, could no longer continue maintaining her 'serious' face, causing her to sigh. Rather than maintaining her ‘rage’, instead looked at Jonathan, who, after laughing for a dozen seconds, finally stopped, catching his breath before drawing in air.
With his problems, even just a burst of laughter could make him short of breath.
“I don't really look like a tough pro, do I?" Scarlett eventually dropped her head in sadness.
“Not really," Jonathan was forced to nod. "I wouldn't say that you are a pro at all…”
He smiled, noticing Scarlett starting to frown again. "But that's not bad. Too much seriousness… It doesn't always lead to a positive outcome.”
“I know," Scarlett sighed again, "I always taught my daughters that if you frown long enough, all your hair will fall out… wait is that why… Ahem, maybe that created another problem."
Scarlett frowned for a second before cutting herself off, turning back to Jonathan, "But sometimes I feel like I lack seriousness.”
“I don't really know what to say about that.” Jonathan shrugged, staring into the cup of tea he'd never touched, staring at his reflection in the already cooling liquid.
“But I do know that if you take everything too seriously… Well, hair loss would be the least of your problems…”
Scarlett, who instantly caught Jonathan's attention going somewhere else once again, smiled and after a moment Jonathan felt a sense of warmth on his hand. Tearing his gaze away from contemplating the contents of his cup – Jonathan saw the girl's hand placed on top of his. Jonathan's gaze went up momentarily to meet Scarlett's smiling face. “You shouldn't think too much. It makes your hair fall out.”
Jonathan allowed himself a smile in response to that comment before still sighing. “Alas, if only reality were as ideal as it could be.”
Scarlett heard Jonathan sigh and saw the look in his eyes, once again saddened, but then she immediately drew herself together before answering. “It'll be fine.”
“Hmm?" Jonathan was distracted, and Scarlett repeated, "It'll be alright.”
“That… " Jonathan shook his head from side to side, closing his eyes, "If only I had the same confidence…”
“Then find that confidence," Jonathan could only flinch as he heard an unexpected answer. “What?”
“I'm just saying, if you lack confidence, find it," Scarlett smiled.
Jonathan blinked. “That's… much easier said than done…”
“Absolutely,” Scarlett nodded slowly, agreeing, before her smile bloomed once again. “But that doesn't mean it's really that hard to do, never mind impossible.”
Jonathan blinked, looking at Scarlett.
She really reminded him of a child – the kind of child for whom nothing was impossible. It was a terribly simple answer, only possible to be given by someone who hadn't yet understood how complex and multifaceted this world really was. Someone who truly believes that anything was possible.
Just do the right thing, tune into the right thoughts, and say the right words – and everything would be alright.
“Some things can't be solved that easily.” That's probably why Jonathan answered her the way he might have answered a child. Not with an angry denial, but rather with sadness, as if explaining to the child why he couldn't buy her a packet of sweets now.
“Sometimes… sometimes a decision can't be made that easily. Sometimes confidence is lacking simply because it's… lacking. Just not enough, and there's nowhere to get it.”
Scarlett paused for a few seconds and smiled, "No. A lot of things can be lacking – but certainly not confidence.”
Jonathan blinked, then looked at the girl across from him again.
Huh, really a child…
No, having an inner child inside – even for an adult – was… okay, Jonathan guessed. Inside every adult there would always be a vestige from their childhood – a child, still looking at the world with eyes full of admiration and joy. But people have to grow up in the end. As worries, commitments, and doubts mount, the child recedes into the background. One becomes an adult when one realizes that one can no longer be a child.
“I don't know." Jonathan ended up shaking his head before turning his gaze to the girl, "What makes you think that?”
Isn't a mage just a big child?
Jonathan blinked.
Isn't a mage the closest thing to a real child? Isn't that what they teach all mages? That everything is possible? Even what is impossible – you just have to find the right approach to the possible and the impossible…
That is…
Jonathan froze, not noticing how Scarlett, who was preparing to answer him, became silent without speaking, noticing how Jonathan was suddenly immersed in his own thoughts once again. Instead, she chose to watch as Jonathan once again began delving into his own thoughts.
Tell me I'm wrong, Jonathan. Say it.
It's…
Jonathan slowly, with a squeak, was forced to stagger.
It is true, isn’t it? Mages are indeed taught that everything is possible…
Taught?
Jonathan blinked.
Yes, they are taught.
I was under the impression that an Awakening was not something you taught!
An Awakening is a completely different process…
Is it? I was of the opinion that Awakening was the start of real magic. Awareness of one's omnipotence…
That's…
Jonathan had to take another half step back, his body almost staggering as his mind seems to be fighting itself.
That's true, but…
But what? But we're not talking about magic here – isn't magic all around? Aren't all the laws of reality, all the facts and conventions – isn't it all magic?
It's…
Jonathan squeezed his cane a little harder in his hand, causing Scarlett across from him to frown.
Yes, but…
But what, Jonathan? ‘But, but, but, but’ can’t you pick an actual counterargument? You're looking, right now, desperately looking to counter me – because you… That you don't want to agree with what's been said. But you know why? Do you know why, Jonathan?
Jonathan silently continued to stare into his cup of tea, and the reflection wavering in the light waves continued to stare at him reproachfully.
Because it's not what you're used to. It's not the usual musing that you race through every day, every month, polishing your theory to a shine over and over again. No, Jonathan, this is something new. It's a reflection that pushes you to make choices – and you don't like making choices, Jonathan. You don't want to change anything in your rigid, already formed picture of the world – you don't want to act abruptly, rashly. You want to plan it all out, a hundred steps ahead – don't you, Jonathan?
“It was nice talking to you,” Jonathan abruptly rose from the table, tossing Scarlett a dozen lien – he had no desire to find out exactly what he owed for the tea, so he overpaid by an order of magnitude. “I hope I’ll be able to talk to you again soon.”
***
Scarlett caught the money and glanced at the guy's back before sighing.
On the one hand, of course, of course she wanted to act more like an adult! To become someone that acts much more responsibly and seriously – as her husband or old man Ozpin had told her, but…
But it never worked out for her!
Even now, once again arguing with herself once again about how she needed to grow up – the first thing she did was rush to defend the most childish of all possible positions!
Anything was possible if you only believed… really! As if they lived in some children's fairy tale!
The creak of a hinge attracted her attention, and a moment later the girl could see a man in a gray shirt and black trousers, wrapped in a matching gray cloak, appear on the doorstep of the establishment. The rag wrapped around his face hid most of his three-day stubble, but most was clearly still visible – as was the concealed weapon on his belt. But even with all that – not much really – she didn’t need it to help identify who the man was.
What would happen shortly after, would make his identity obvious to anyone remotely familiar with the man.
Taking a few steps toward Scarlett – the man smirked a cheeky smile, invisible behind the taut fabric, leaning against Scarlett’s table "Miss me, Sum?”
Summer Rose wanted to say something, but before she could, the table – which not seconds ago was perfectly fine – creaked pitifully before splitting in the middle, causing the mugs and kettle to fall off. Not finished, the cup and kettle broke, spilling the thankfully, already cold tea, all around. And somehow, by some great coincidence, the splatter did not hit the man, the splash only hitting Summer instead.
Summer shrieked as she covered herself with her cloak, "Brothers! Qrow! What the!?”
Qrow only smirked slightly at Summer’s outburst. “Come on, Sum. Just a little misfortune, that's all.”
Qrow couldn’t continue what he would like to say next however, getting hit in the head with the hilt of Summer’s scabbard, falling back on his ass with a laugh.
Sadly, the previous occupier of Qrow’s seat, locking himself in his room, Jonathan Goodman, couldn't find the solace in such an innocent laughter, busy looking out the window of his hotel room.
And all he could see was the dark night slowly devouring Vacuo.
