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Headlines for the Holidays
🕑 Added 2019-12-24 20:37:48 +0000 UTCHello everyone, we here at The Hard Times/Hard Drive hope you are having a wonderful time pretending to enjoy the company of your family. For all you $10 Patrons here is the updated list of headlines to pose. If you see something you like you can claim it by emailing bill@thehardtimes.net for a Hard Times headline or jeremy@thehardtimes.net for a Hard Drive headline. This is first come first served. Dig in.
Hard Times Headlines email bill@thehardtimes.net to claim
Coworker Unaware He’s Trapped In Bitter, Hate-filled Rivalry With You
In Stunning Power Play, Man Acquires Woman's Parents During Breakup Negotiations
Overly Honest Man Announces Marriage to Fourth- or Fifth-Best Friend in the World
Bassist on Life Support Not Even Plugged In
Punk Relentlessly Ridiculed for Enjoying Basic Amenity
Stabbed, Uninsured Drummer Votes to Play Show in Canada ASAP
Punk Going On Vacation Asking if You Can Throw Out His Mail for Him
Woman Married to Job About to Lose Everything in Divorce
Sources Confirm It Would Be Totally Weird If We Kissed At Midnight
Punk on Pawn Stars Offered $300 to Leave Store Without Causing a Scene
Divorce Papers Straight Up Quote Mountain Goats Lyrics on Page Three
Study Confirms Riff Should Have Just Been In 4/4
Folk Punk Band Asks Neighbor Banging Broom on Ceiling to Join Group
Frontman tries so hard
To write lyrics in haiku
But fucks it up - louie
Man Tuning Guitar Also Scoring True Crime Podcast
Dead Friend Invited To Show on Facebook Just in Case
Drunk Scientists discover link between Not Doing Your Shot and Being A Total Pussy
Monogamous man proudly respects one woman at a time
T-shirt worn under hoodie considered clean for foreseeable future
“I Didn’t Realize This Was A Gay Bar” Man Says For Sixth Night In A Row
Climate Scientist's Grim Report Says We Only Have Seven More Fast and Furious Movies
Depressed Straight Edge Woman Tells Bartender To "Leave the Bottle" of Grenadine
Man Has Fun, Hypothetical Debate with Woman Reliving the Most Traumatic Experience of Her Life
Movie with subtitles deemed too difficult to follow while staring at Instagram
Fatso Leaves Shirt on While Drumming
Wasted Friend Offers Play by Play of Ass Kicking He Would Have Given Dude Who Cut You in Line if He Tried Pulling That Shit on Him
Favorite Band Playing Favorite Song Still Loses Woman's Applause to Holding a Warm PBR
Plan to Tell Boss to Fuck Off Tweaked to Thank You For the Opportunity
Mom Shares Adorable Anecdote about Single Most Damaging Experience from Daughter's Childhood
REPORT: Half of All iPhone Storage Dedicated to Screenshots Sent to Friends to Talk Shit
Polyamorous Lifestyle Keeping Woman Open To Variety Of Disappointing Sexual Experiences
Local Skater Manages to Fit Four Puns in Roller Derby Name
Serial Killer Stoked to Find 20 Teeth Left in Jeans Pocket
Aging Frontman Keeping Shirt On Later and Later Into Set
Local Folk Punk Band Accidentally Books Paid Gig
Big-Time Idiot Has Whole Plan to Turn Life Around, Chase Dreams
Selfless Woman Instagrams Donation of Hulu Password to Less Fortunate Friend
Friend Will Be Live on College Radio Station From 1am to 4am If You Want to Tune In
Man Asks Record Store Employee If They Validate Opinions
Horrible Roommate Excited to Be One with Grievance for Once
Man In Audience Upset To Learn Mighty Mighty Bosstones Have Written New Songs Since 1997
Friend Back with Band You Spent Months Shit-Talking After Breakup
Punk Hoping Dad's Trump Support is Just a Phase
Hard Drive headlines email jeremy@thehardtimes.net to claim:
Olympic Committee to Include 200m Naruto Run at 2020 Games
Elite Gaming Keyboard Used to Book Funeral Arrangements
Real Life Also Harder on Veteran Mode
Twitch Sub Cancelled After Mention of Boyfriend
Street Sign Trampled by DDR Fan
Welcome to New York City! If You’re Looking for Work, I Heard Paul at Lucy’s Tavern Is Looking to Hire Someone for an Errand. Rumors? Something Fishy Has Been Happening Outside the Statue of Liberty Lately. Strange Noises. You Won't Catch Me Anywhere Near It. And Stay Out of the Sewers. That’s Where the Thieves Live
Elderly Man Kindly Rewinds YouTube Video to the Start So Next Viewer Doesn't Have To
Worried College Student Calls University Health Services After Roommate Returns With Multiple JRPGs
Spy Can’t Stop Playing With Cyanide Pill Tooth
The 5 Best Gaming Headsets For Just Listening to a Nice Audio Book Once In a While
Sagging Interest in ‘Law and Order: SVU’ Renewed for Local Gamer After Ice-T Mentions Fortnite Offhand
Gamer Spices Up Resume With 'Spends Hours Daily Solving Puzzles, Cooperating With Teammates, and Clearing Objectives'
Stoner Immediately Forgets Spoiler
Proud Raspberry Pi Owner Has Played 5 Minutes of Every Video Game
Vacationing Gamer Impressed With How True Florence is to Assassin’s Creed II
Friends Tearfully Loot Gamer’s Corpse at Funeral to Pay Respects
Choosing My Own Adventure: I Only Used Gmail Smart Replies for a Week and Lost My Job
35-Year-Old Man Still Sees Pediatrician With N64 in Waiting Room
Disappointment After Dad Officially Announces Mom 2
Parents Blame Poorly-Made Video Games For Son’s Boring, Glitchy Outbursts
Top 100 Reasons Why You Calling Me a Snowflake Actually Doesn't Bother Me At All
Man Yearning For ‘Good Old Days’ Mostly Yearning for Bionicle
Gamer’s Health Care Plan Mainly Jumping Head First Into Red Heart Logo Outside CVS
Psychic Beats the Shit Out of Man Counting Tarot Cards
Firefly Fan Also Canceled
Game Critic Describes New Stapler as ‘Positively Oozing With Charm’
Xbox Player Making Whole Performance Out of Adjusting to PS4 Controller
XCOM Player Doesn’t Trust 90% OkCupid Match
Shitty Ass Video Doesn’t Have Goddamn Captions
34-Year-Old Little Brother Still Somehow Thinks Unplugged Controller is Player 2
Everyone Wishes Man Would Stop Using Tongue To Twirl Control Stick in Mario Party
Completionist Student Finishes 100% Run of College After 30 Years
Gamer Beats VR Game In Less Time Than It Took To Set Up Headset
