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🕑 Added 2024-01-05 15:00:14 +0000 UTC
TULSA, Okla. — Local folk singer John “Ramblin’ Gamblin’” Shandling, age 41, took a firm stance against chronic foot pain by scrawling “This Machine Kills Plantar Fasciitis” on each of his orthopedic shoes, several Steinbeckian sources report.
“Plantar Fasciitis is the biggest threat to all us folks who are fortunate enough to be able to walk on our own two feet. And as long as I’m livin’ and singin’, I aim to fight the good fight against it on all fronts,” Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Shandling explained, adding the good people at Dr. Sholes deserve credit for being at the helm of the battle of comfort and proper arch support. “Us folk singers have a duty to spread the word about threats like these. Plus I think Woody Guthrie himself would appreciate and be blown away with the shoe technology we have today. I’m sure he could have used it.”
Member of the Anti-Plantar Fasciitis (or ANTIPFA) movement Rachel Owenowski talks about the working class, grassroots movement to rid the world of the insidious infliction of foot-related pain.
“The ANTIPFA movement has no leaders, no officers, no hidden agendas, and no specific organizational structure. This movement was created, and is run by, people who see the pain caused by P.F. and its rise among aging individuals as a fundamental threat to our quality of life,” Owenowski said passionately, adding P.F. has no place in modern society and must be destroyed. “We see victims of it even at our own rallies! That shows you how important it is for everyone above 35 to be educated, and be equipped with the proper footwear and need to learn proper stretches to alleviate the pain.”
Orthopedic specialist Dr. Michelle Ruiz explains that musicians have always fought on the right side of the battle against foot-related injuries.
“If you think about it, it makes complete and total sense that musicians would stand up to the grim world of foot pain. I’d wager around half of all musicians have to be on their feet night after night performing in front of crowds while standing, and that brings potential hazards with it,” Dr. Ruiz explained. “So that foot pain, and songs like ‘Talking My Foot Hurts Like a Bastard Blues’ really help the common people relate to big shot celebrities like Bob Dylan. Otherwise, the average Joe Schmoe might think he was a sellout or something.”
At press time, Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Shandling was working on a ballad that warned people of the perils of heartburn.
Article by Chris Bowen
Comments
Mistercenzo
This means there’s gonna be a ska band called the In-Souls. Fuck…
Matt
Fun story, all of 2022 I had Plantar Fasciitis so bad I could barely walk some days, couldn't skateboard, couldn't do much without terrible foot pain. Finally found a stretch on Youtube that worked for me and it's been a life saver.
